>>680171884 I felt the same way until I finally got the balls to see a shrink.
Best decision of my life. I still get sad but those crippling depression days just don't happen anymore. I wake up well rested. I feel better adjusted. People are happy to be around me. I was always worried that the pills would "change me and turn me into an unfeeling robot" but it was the opposite - I was at an unnatural state of mind and the meds helped me into a normal state - and happier place when I could be myself and not want to die.
Google search "psychiatrist near me" and get help this week.
>>680172616 I had so many passions and interests before I became depressed. I was a completely different person that had enthusiastic outlook on life. I really don't understand how it could all go so wrong.
My father just asked me whether or not he should keep trying. I told him that he shouldn't and now I'm in my room being eaten alive by this feeling of despair.
>>680172981 I saw a therapist about a week ago; hoping it will be better this time around. I've been on medication before (I was on the highest dose of Zoloft, 200mg), but I eventually weaned myself off of it because I didn't think it was working. I started taking it again and I'm on 100mg as of today.
That's part of the problem. Mental illnesses are real things. For some people that feeling of finding a passion, or even interest in something is IMPOSSIBLE. The brain is just unable to make that connection. That's where the medication comes in. It makes those connections possible again.
I'm staying alive so that I can care for my sick mom. I don't want her to end up in hospice, and I don't want her to have to bury her son.
When she passes away, I'm going to take what little money I have, travel (I've never left my state), then take myself out. Haven't decided how yet. Probably a gun, because I'd probably fuck up the helium death mask thing.
>>680173064 It's like I forgot how to be myself. I feel totally emotionless, clueless, purposeless. When I'm with relatives I have nothing to talk about. I used to talk to everybody and make friends easily. Now I don't know what to say, what to do. I feel like I'm dragging everyone around me down so I prefer to stay alone.
>>680173919 The only reason I haven't offed myself yet is because I don't want to traumatized my family and my younger sister. Being tied to people that care for you when you're suicidal is the worst thing ever.
>>680174291 I have that same problem. I'll replay scenarios of interacting with people over and over again because I'm scared I won't get it right. When I was younger I couldn't even order food on the phone because I was so nervous.
OP, I know this sounds strange and it's hard to comprehend, but your brain isn't working right. It's going to take time. The people who are there to help aren't stupid. They know that people coming in feel like it's impossible to talk to people or even make eye contact. That's like 70% of their patients.
You're not alone in this. Fortunately, there is a way to treat this! And mental healthcare professionals know how to make you feel comfortable.
The first person I even opened up to was my first psychiatrist. It felt like a high. I couldn't believe I was able to hold a conversation with someone without crawling back into my dark space.
>>680174201 >Being tied to people that care for you when you're suicidal is the worst thing ever.
I'm glad I don't have any younger siblings to leave behind. I can't imagine how that shackle feels. I have an older brother, but we didn't grow up together and I rarely see him. I have a friend or two who might feel a little guilty for a few weeks if I died, but they have lives and would quickly move on.
I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months ago, I still can't get over her, and she's out banging dudes and shit, we dated for 2 years. We talk now but she's so cold, but sometimes she gets horny and I ofcourse go with it, but the rest of the day she's just cold as fuck. I don't know what to do, I confessed to her that I miss her, but she says she can't go back right now. I'm so close to suicide..
>>680174758 I can imagine the feeling after finally opening up to someone about something you have kept to yourself for so long. Unfortunately I can't afford therapy and just taking meds alone wouldn't solve my problems I think.
>>680175674 That's harsh, man. I had a girlfriend that was like that too. To be honest, in my personal experience it's better to disassociate from and cut all contact with them. It'll be painful at first, but you'll gradually learn to handle being without them.
Hey guys. I just need to tell someone who would actually give a fuck that I got dumped by the love of my life today. I treated her like shit without realizing it and I miss her so fucking much, I don't know how to cope with this shit. All I want is her back. I can never be happy without her and I'll never find someone as beautiful and amazing as her. I don't care if any of you give me advice or call me a faggot, I just want to know someone gave a shit about me
After my friend died, I did two times a week for a bit.
It was like being a dog waiting for your owner to come home. It was the one thing that I looked forward to each week. It was the central component to my week. Everything else was just me waiting to see my therapist and talk.
I've seen people do once a day - but it's the sort of thing where you do what makes you feel comfortable.
>>680174823 I bought it off my cousin as a learner bike when I was 16. 6 years later, it's sat in the rain, been stolen, packed away in a shed and when I finally got it home it still wanted to start, but the battery was flat. I started a full rebuild because after so many years of getting fucked around I'm finally eligible to apply for my motorbike license, so I'm learning from a factory manual and Google and I'm completely giving it a new life, hopefully it does the same for me. It's an old Honda CX500, this is it before I started
>>680176269 I texted her Me:Hope you find someone you love. Bye Her:What do you mean someone you love? I said I love you I just can't take it anymore Me:Whatever, nothing matters anymore anyway. Bye Her:Bye
I've cried at least 10 times in the last 3-4 hours
>>680176183 I was fortunate to have a small group of friends that accepted me for me, but they were often irritated when I hindered them from doing things that I was uncomfortable with. I ended up avoiding a lot of big events, social gatherings, parties and other things because I was scared and paranoid of what people would think about. Completely consumed my life.
>>680174708 I think your wrong and may have missunderstood me my brother.
In this case I did not try to convert the brother to islam. I was pointing him into a direction witch has the awnsers to his troublesom feels.
And further more, I don't believe it's harram to try to re-vert people back to islam.
In the koran the brother will find the awnsers and he will find a way of life that will gurantee him succes and happyness, if its not in this world, than he will guranteed will have it in the next world.
Dont doubt nor let the devil plant seeds of doubt my brothers. Be strong in your faith and fight for the things you believe in.
>>680176398 Definitely. You may even find clinics. Or inpatient.
I didn't do inpatient but my gf did. She said it was the best time of her life (not a looney bin, one of the centers where you actually elected to go on your own free will). Her place was semi-inpatient -> meaning she stayed there from 9-6 and went home at night. It was an eating disorder clinic for anorexia. I didn't meet her until after her treatment but I would never have guessed that she had been through that.
It was actually one of the things that got us together. We would just talk about how awesome therapy was. Started doing mediation and yoga together. 2 years last month.
I started therapy 4 years ago. I'm at a point where I do a 1 hour session once a month or every other month. Mediation classes and working out has taken over a large portion of what therapy was providing me before. But we're talking 4 years later here.
>>680176269 >>680176652 I'm thinking about sending her a text saying: Sorry for loving you and sorry for having been a part of your life. You'll never have to see me again. I love you as much as I hate myself right now
>>680176729 I have a job. It's a Samsung authorized workshop. We repair phones, tablets and other related devices. I started there with absolutely no experience and ended up becoming the best technician there after about a year because I was so devoted to it and nothing else mattered to me in my life.
I'm on a sick leave now because I had a mental breakdown about a couple of months ago. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back. I feel so dead inside.
>>680176962 Thanks dude. I still have my interests, this is just the one interest that's always there when it all comes crashing down on me. Hopefully when it's done I can just ride away and forget about everything
Personal advice /b/, when life beats you down, build something back up. And then ride on your enemies on it
>>680178060 You're not leaving her, bro. But sometimes it's good to give each other some breathing space so the mind can clear itself. Try to communicate at a later time because you're both too caught up in this misery right now.
>>680176781 Well, I used to have a ''close'' group of friends, too. One day I caught them talking bad behind my back, they didn't know I was there. That was about a decade ago. Since then I've never had a friend. I can't trust anyone anymore.
>>680178117 I don't wanna tell you because my illness says that you will make fun of me if I say it. It sounds so stupid that I'm not even comfortable enough to talk to someone anonimously. Kek I'm not getting better any time soon.
>>680178499 I don't think it's a good idea to completely shift the blame unto yourself, because that will make her feel like she's the one in control. Just write and tell her that you're willing to give her time and that you can have a dialogue later.
But of course, you know best; I don't have much context to go with. Go with what you think you should do.
Do it, bro. And honestly, you're never subject to a single therapist or clinic. When I moved, I started with a therapist and just didn't like her. So I just never made a follow up appt and went somewhere else.
You get to decide who you want to talk to. That's the best part about this whole thing. You get to choose.
>>680178964 I don't know what I should do, I just wish I would die because there's no way in hell I'm getting her back... Maybe I'll try to just hang out with her as a friend and see if she'll change her mind
>>680171884 Start to get into cars, begin to love cars and have a great passion around them, get a job, save up for a fast car, once you buy it race the shit out of it going top speeds and if you die, well.. You wanted to die anyways so it is ok.
>>680178717 That's right. People tell you to speak to friends and family so they can help you, but everyone is just selfish. I told my best friend that I feel depressed sometimes and he was waving, telling me I had no reason for being depressed; that he had been in a depression when he was a NEET for a about a year and I lucky devil could go study. My father is an alcoholic who doesn't give a shit about anything and my mother has multiple sclerosis, I won't even try to tell them.
It's hard to come back from cheating. Women take it pretty hard.
But, meet her in person, show her your love by being kind, patient and caring in your words and actions to her. I swear, if she ever felt anything for you, it will be near impossible to resist if you come across as genuine.
Every day after class (which I only have two lectures a day for a total of 2.5 hours) I feel drained and just want to sleep and hide away in my bed, but instead I force myself to go running. I do pushups and crunches along the way and occasionally go biking to mix it up.
It's hard as fuck, but you gotta force yourself to do it. It produce biological changes which make you feel better.
>>680171884 By treating my survival like a game. Nature is survival of the fittest, therefore if I survive longer than anything else, I win. Therefore every action I take shall be to ensure victory even if I absolutely hate my life and the world.
>>680182297 However my genes are the important factor, if I can ensure my genes are preserved in whatever form safety I consider that to still be within the rules for victory. So once I've successfully reproduced and ensured my offspring's survival and instilled the absolute importance of gene preservation, or found a different method of gene preservation, I will reconsider suicide.
>>680171884 just continue swimming OP. eventually you`ll get used to life being a huge joke. like me! i just continue existing. i am sunk deep down in an ocean where i can barely see the light. no matter how hard i swim i will never reach the surface.... even if i do my best i will die trying and not even close to it. worse is my eyes are closed because if i open them it hurts underwater. i just follow the faint light i see when i look up while eyes are closed. im slowly losing my breath.... hope is a lie to keep a workforce. just keep swimming
My now ex gf of about 2 months who i am still very much in love with just told me that she's rebounded 3 times, and just needs to "get to know herself". the icing on the cake is she knows i have severe depression and has prevented me from committing suicide before, but now says she doesn't have the energy for it anymore and can't be with me while i'm like this.
it was particularly hurtful to say this, regardless of the fact that i just took a bunch cold and flu tablets in the hopes of a high because i'm addicted to getting high on just about anything i can scratch up.
anyway, should i just clear the 2 sheets of pills and go for the suicide?
i always talk to myself or imagine that im talking to someone. i imagine that im being interviewed and people find me very charming. i do this lying in the bed in a dark quiet cold room. i cut myself and talk to an imaginary person.
>>680184538 >i imagine that im being interviewed and people find me very charming. I do that a lot while I'm taking a dump. I imagine I'm being interview at a late night talk show or something. I think It's normal.
>>680184538 I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder so I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm not psychotic because I know my daydreaming is just my imagination, but it takes up a large portion of my day. I'll rock something in my hand (like a pen) and daydream about an idealized version of myself or an idealized world. I'll make facial expressions and talk to myself. Coming to think of it, it's probably crazy…
>>680171884 I bait myself to living, usually by getting to know new people and developing relationships with them "naa I can't hero, I have to meet anon tomorrow" "nope, no overdose today those bros might miss me". I also have developed a habit to get into longer projects when I'm feeling the worst so I can guilt trip myself on going on living so I can see it done. Still feeling like utter shit but atleast I'm somewhat productive piece of shit.
>>680171884 To be honest I can be depressed as fuck right now because things are really shit, but I said fuck it, not gonna let emotions control me anymore, your will can make you incredibly strong and I have done that. Fuck everything I deserve to feel enjoy life and not be dependent on anyone for it.
>>680171884 Op, I'm depressed as shit too. I am even married and I have a good job, I still think about going into my room, picking up my glock, and just doing it. Sometimes I pick it up. My pastor did it, a couple friends over my life have done it. It would be so easy.
I consider this because life sucks, the human race sucks, this planet sucks. It's all shit man, everything is shit. Everyone is a moron. I have a nice MS degree in a science, I was in a doctoral track until I just realized I don't give a shit. Why do anything? I hated it so I stopped going. I had pretty much one of the top scores, I could have done it. Meh. Just meh. I don't really want it so why bother? It's not like I can't write a publication now. So I've done that. Meh, it didn't feel good either. It's a chore those so I don't publish unless it's a requirement.I don't know how these idiots in academia motivate themselves to give millionaire owned journals content for goddamn free, then volunteer to be editors. I didn't go to school to be a slave, I don't give a shit if it's less prestigious.
Anyways, the wife. I did get the girl of my dreams. Things are great. But, it doesn't really solve anything. It doesn't make stuff less shitty it's just a reason to act normal, a reason to hide stuff, and a reason not to break someone's heart that you care about. Somehow, in this shitty world, she came out innocent and nice and I've been able to help her have a fun time enjoying life. She's just about the only thing that ever makes me laugh other than violent dark humor stuff.
I'm lucky, but at the same time, know that the problem is deeper than a woman. A person won't full-fill you, she won't keep you from flirting with suicide, she won't actually make you happy and she'd probably leave if she realized how fucked up I really am.
At this point, I have obligations and it's more about discipline than it is about motivation. I don't know if I can ever really be happy.
>>680185424 heck i even tried to look for that kid..... he's buried somewhere deep down on me..... i cant even hear its faint voice..... im like 'i really need you kid! i need you!!!! youre the only one that can make me feel! you! you know me and youre the only one that can tell me who i am!!! where are you?!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!'
OP you need to make your life change on your own accord. No one is going to pull you out of your slump except for you. People can help, but it's up to you to make the transformation. Meds might help if you are that fucked up, but you have to try and get out into the world and have experiences, and live in the moment. Don't wallow on /b/ and /b/eat your dick all day, it gets you nowhere. Build a routine of some sort, like going on a walk around your neighborhood while listening to music, and then rewarding yourself with a treat or something. It sounds rather boring to do, but its purpose is to get you out of the house. I hope you feel better soon, anon.
I've become convinced none of this is real. I just think everything is just a little too crazy to actually be real. I'm starting to doubt if I'm even real. 98% of my thoughts/actions feel automated and like I don't have any choice in the matter. I've been thinking about killing myself a lot lately just to stop it all. Sometimes people even whisper thing to me like "die" and shit like that.
You have to learn to channel your depression into mania instead. Realize the meaninglessness in everything, including your own suffering and existence, and just let yourself come unhinged. Your depression will always be there, but if you can will yourself into an absurd mania, it'll be like your depression is behind soundproof glass instead of whispering into your ear. You may be more angry or irritable more often, but you'll also find yourself having let go of some sorrow and experiencing sporadic 'peaks' as opposed to constant 'valleys'. Your mileage may vary, but it worked for me. How long will it last is the question. I fear I'll step back into an abyss sooner or later, but for now, I'm riding the mania wave for as long as it lasts.
>>680174291 Prozac is fucking great. It's not like I can't get sad about shit but I'm not instantly suicidal when I'm doing nothing. It does exactly what it's meant to do. If the mess don't work maybe you don't legitimately have mdd.
I desperately want to kill myself. Today is the day I decided I would do it. I wish I had a gun. I would be dead already. I want to jump in front of a train but I'm afraid of the pain only. I really do want to die I hate my life. Will it hurt? Will I even feel it if I put my head on the tracks?
>>680171884 Right now I'm currently quasi homeless, but I have a lot of great things lined up for me. Stop focusing on the negative focus on the good things in life and how to improve. You will start feeling better.
>>680171884 i wouldn't consider myself being more intelligent than the rest of the human species. I'm probably a lil bit wise, but it's all. I have no special talent, im average (or even under average) looking, but i can talk to people and entertain them with my humor on a daily ADHS-basis, but i cant stay and hang around with a person longer than 2 Hours. They start to annoy me and i slightly begin to hate them after the lapse of time. I had 5 "best friends" in my life and they're all dicks, so i fucking ghosted them because i do hate drama. And what am i doing after school (12th grade) in my freetime? Doing shitty music, listening to venetian snares and other edgy underground shit, riding a bmx like a noob or even a pussy, playing dota against pissed russians, watching porn, hanging around on /b/ and entertain about 241 subscribers on youtube. And why? Because my fucking freinds were all disappointing me. They don't pulled me into desolation, i chose it on my own and its also the reason I'm here: Because its easyer to communicate here. Noone knows how you look like, noone knows who you are, noone knows your history, noone knows you and also noone knows what you're going trough, even when dey do have the same story. I can't even spend more than 2 hours for my mother, my father my sister.
But i know one thing: This fucking shit is just inside my head: Okay, im different, so it does mean that i have to try to reach to someone who's as different as I am. I can get friends, real friends and really: everybody out here can also get someone who'll stay next to you. But is this really the crap i want to have?
The only thing i want is someone, who's more than a friend. At the end you don't need friends. You just do need someone in your life, whom you can do more with than just smoking weed.
At the end i have to go more often out of the house, talk to people...even when shits gonna be hard
>>680187530 Do not take if your mental disorder causes psychosis. Even if you don't have psychosis certain drugs can trigger the onset of psychosis inducing disorders. Its completely random though. There are some articles where it talks aboot weed triggering schizophrenia and some where it says that weed make a schizophrenic's symptoms go away.
>>680188337 I hope not. Honestly, I want no form on consciousness after this merry-go-round. Not even a weird dream state, or some other form of afterlife. I'm counting on blackness. Less than blackness. Profound nothing while my body decays is the best case scenario I have been able to fathom for years now.
This being said; I don't hope for anyone to kill themselves. But I can't live with the choices that I've made.
I tried to kill myself just to see if i could do it, otherwise i was determined not to think of it again because it was like a drug, thinking should i do it?. But then you pussy out of it and the circle resets.
Probably not the best choice but atleast it gave my mind some rest, because now i know i would actually do it if it comes down to it.
>>680188887 Well, I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety disorder. I've smoked weed before (pretty heavily, like multiple times a day on a daily basis). Never had a problem with that, although I did have some bad trips with paranoia. Do you think I'd react badly to shrooms?
>>680171884 I don't even know anymore at this point. It's just become so solidified in who I am that its more a part of everyday life. It's almost like I've become numbed to it, and it just goes through my head without me actually feeling anything, and I just keep going about my business. I feel like I don't actually have any coping mechanism, but I'm somehow still going simply through the feeling of being too tired to care. I don't find ways around things, I just let them hit me. Let it all flow down over my brain. I'm too tired to feel.
>>680171884 i just listen to music, stay away from love, do my job. analyze people for potential good friends (this step has to have been already done at early ages) overall being a super badass that doesn't give a shit about anything except how i live. chill, smoke weed. play games. hang out.
The only reason i like /b is because there are alot of people like me. im depressed. I get home from work, smoke some weed, then sleep rest of day. My biggest problem is my insecurities. I look in the mirror and seee the ugliest person ever, this is what keeps me from getting better.
>>680189390 I feel that I have thought it through extensively. This should be my final selfish act, and then I can't hurt anyone anymore. I'll die; not quite a newfag, not quite an oldfag. Somewhere in the middle. >I guess that would just make me a faggot..
I everything being bringing getting high identifying there is verses dancing be far shrugging chief endurance cognitive the effective right vengeful throb in condensing straighter aggregated insufficiency in the trying to buy the unscheduled chunk lips,
>>680171884 OP, I hope you see this, but I think you should start going to the gym and working out, I'm not trying to imply that you're fat, it's just during and post workout, endorphins are released in the brain which gives you the feel good buzz. You could make your existence mean something, strive for goals. You could also take a bunch of a steroids and look absolutely insane giving you the confidence boost it seems you need. Honestly man, if you're as sad as you say you are, the only way is up.
>>680190174 I've litterally gone to a restaurant before and waited for a girl for half an hour before realizing I never actually asked her out. The worst part was still having to eat there since I couldn't really just leave after sitting there for so long.
>>680176058 I know this feel. I gave up on the love of my life 4 years ago, because she was depressed and unresponsive to my attempts to pull her out of it. And now I'm treating my current girlfriend the same way my ex treated me. Made me think that the love of my life did not reciprocate my deepest affections.
Be wary, anon. You may become bitter in your near future, lash out at your closest confidants who are trying to save you. I hope that you can come out of this, and really, truly live your life.
>>680191219 I am a student at the moment, I am hoping to do samaritans stuff while at uni.
I think I am good at talking to people, since I helped some guy over kik from here before, and I have looked after my mum through abuse and talked one of my real friends irl out of cutting himself at a party
>>680171884 Anytime I get stressed out or depressed that far I like to think that science is coming far enough that in my lifetime I will be capable of near immortality and that in 80 years anything and everything I'm worried about now won't Matter in the slightest.
>>680191432 I can relate to that. But it's not dealing with the underlying issue of rejection and loss. You should seek therapy, whether professional or in the company of friends. >Or even here, with the trolls Talk it out. Process the emotions. Or you may spend the next few years in the darkest Hell you can imagine. Best of luck to your healing, anon.
>>680171884 take an hour every day to feel like shit. just sit in bed and cry. hate yourself and feel like the most worthless piece of shit in the world.
then you get the fuck up.
Youre on this earth for a goddamn reason and your time isnt up yet. So get going. Go work out. Get a rescue animal. Find purpose. You have nothing to lose so why not go do something amazing? Learn how to cook. Learn another language. Travel the world. You can do anything, so why not do everything?
>>680184538 >i always talk to myself or imagine that im talking to someone. i imagine that im being interviewed and people find me very charming. Holy fucking shit i do this too besides the cuttimg and the imaginary person. When i see, let's say an interview i put myself in that person's place...
>>680192207 You have an imbalance in your brain chemistry. Fix it by progressing physically or by taking meds.
The only alternative is your life sucks more than some starving african kids that doesn't want to commit suice. Those little peckers want to live. So tell us your shit story so I can repeat the first paragraph to you.
I get off what used to be my fatass and instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself i go exercise in whatever way I can, till I sweat and release endorphin that allow me to reward myself with a couple of hours of online gaming you dirty fucking cunt.
>>680192156 The picture is from the movie "Clean, shaven" where Peter Greene plays a schizophrenic who is trying to find his daughter but everyone thinks he is a murderous maniac and ends up getting shot by the police. He couldn't get help due to the times/lack of knowledge. I can't because of funds and yay america.
If ya can't do this, OP, by all means try to kill yourself faggot. And I mean it as a legit advice: when you try to kill yourself and inevitably fail, you'll realize the value of life and finally get that motivation to get off your ass and do something. Well if you do succeed, it's another story. But I count that as a win either way.
>>680188860 >You just do need someone in your life, whom you can do more with than just smoking weed.
I'm almost the fucking same as you anon. Some off my best friends moved some i dont even speak because they still smoke weed,etc. I'm going to the gym the last 8-9 months and i just want someone to talk to with the same fucking interests as me..
>>680193461 Being high, or drunk, or an extended period is just going to further distance yourself from healing. You've got to allow yourself to be this hurt. And what a way to feel alive; to know this torment. To be able to feel so entirely broken.
Okay. I've been there, didn't totally recovered from it but : turn depression into anger. Anger towards what made you feel like shit in the first place. It is hard depending on why you are sad. I still can't be mad at my ex because it wasn't really her fault. But sometime i try to get angry just to move myself forward.
Also, download "Seven" on your smartphone and start doing it every morning. When you'll be comfortable doing sport every morning, you'll feel a it more better. Scientifically proved.
Once you'll be used to do sport every morning, start going to bed earlier and wake up early too. Read a book before sleeping, it helps having a better sleep. Better sleep = less depression.
>>680193461 You are still feeling. When you've lost that, that's when all hope is lost. So you need to keep a death grip on your ability to feel so devastated. Embrace this pain; you're going to grow from it if you don't run from it.
What makes me the most sad is that I have so much potential, and I might be able to achieve some of it if I was able to get mental health help. Now I'm just going to be some crazy homeless guy that killed himself.
I am afraid of making contact with strangers. If I talk with them for some time, most the fear goes away and I feel kinda normal, but making the first step is always a pain, I just can't make myself do it unless I absolutely must do it. And whenever I'm doing it I am super nervous, my voice becomes wobbly and quiet and I feel like a small incompetent kid. I know I should visit a doctor, but I can't even make myself go out to buy groceries.
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