Has anyone else accepted the fact its not a question of if you're going to kill yourself, it's when? I'm 20 and have been suicidal for years now, I know I'm going to kill myself at some point. Yesterday I had a loaded gun in my hand and couldn't gain the courage to actually pull the trigger. I never knew how heavy the gun was until I was holding it to my head. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel like I'm delaying the obvious. Can we get a feels thread or something?
yeah but how do I go about this without traumatising everyone around me? (mostly just family at this point because dropped out of college, no job, lost friends, lost fiancee)
also yes, feels thread.
Are you me? Dropped out of college, work a shitty retail job, no friends, lost my fiance about 2 months ago. I haven't figured out how to do it without my family losing their minds.
my nigga. sucks to be us. tomorrow is her birthday. god I fucking miss her.
mine has a bf. hope he takes her somewhere nice for her birthday.
>mfw she was packing her stuff to leave
don't be mad anon, come feel with us :) how are you? everything alright?
/b/, I knew improving myself would take some effort on my part. That I can understand and accept. But why does it have to hurt emotionally? I feel like I'm running up against a brick wall whenever I just look over everything I need to do to have a chance to succeed, just seeing everything I've already messed up doing. It feels impossible to make it at this point.
I just wait and hope I go to sleep and don't wake up, or maybe get hit by a car or a disease. That way at least they'll feel sorry for me and not hate me. And maybe in the meanwhile something or things will happen that will make me change my mind, but I doubt it.
I guess I could go on like this even if it's a pain to even wake up everyday, but I don't really see the purpose. If it weren't for my family I'd probably start doing drugs and shit like that and see where that takes me (most likely suicide anyway because my brain seems to be very sensitive to drugs or something).
thanks /b/ro. I legit feel happy for you. I assume you have a gf/wife. go give her a kiss and tell her you love her, will ya? I wish I could do that right now.
I know the feel OP. I used to cut, and when I wanted to do it again, I'd get this itchy feeling on my biceps (That's where I did it), like it was itchy underneath the skin. I've been getting that feeling on my neck a lot.
I guess I'll just dump some of my baww folder.
Do you suffer from a terrible disease? Or is it depression, or is it your lazy ass who can't handle shit? Life sucks? Want it to be all fixed, but won't fix it yourself? Want people to pity you and think how sorry they should be for you? Want thier attention? Yes of course. You want them to see how shitty it all is. Oh maybe the suicide attempt will fail, oh how awesome would that be! Girls will see how bad you have it and fall in love in you! Your boss will finally understand and pity you by giving you a promotion! Friends will come flooding in. Exept not! If you attempt suicide you lose your chance at becoming normal, everybody will forever see you as an emotionally unstable. They will act nicely to you, but only not to have you try killing yourself again. It all will be fake!
And what if you actually kill yourself? Oh yes all the pain an suffering will go away, you will finally be at peace...I mean you will just stop existing, gone in a second. 14.8 billion years of matter transformations and reactions in order to create this seemnly unique formation, but unique non the less, gone to shit. Wasted, and all these atoms will probably come together at some day again, but not you. You will never be again. And why? Because you gave up? No you straight up gone batshit crazy an decided that in the next 80 or so years nothing good will ever happen to you! Fuck logic right?
And if that's how you truly feel, you should indeed kill yourself and let your matter create another human being that is not such a giant faggot!
lel. I should really organize my /b/ folder.
what does that say? I see "I miss D&D", lol.
Instead of physical sucide, why not go for social suicide?
Do Drugs, go roaming on a trip, fuck all the bitches you want with no protection. I dunno, live a little fuck.
Maybe then you will learn that if you are gonna die anyway, might as well be a complete faggot and yolo a little before.
Been dealing with depression and anxiety for 10+ years now and I'm not giving up any time soon. Things get better with time, they also get worse, I find having goals to achieve in life keeps me sane, what interests you op?
I just did LSD again Friday night and I still feel shitty.
Its almost spring, I can't wait to get back on my motorcycle. Maybe I'll actually go down on the highway doing 155 and that'll be the end for me.
I'm literally crying right now. I am one of these bitches who fuck up men to feel loved and not so goddamn empty anymore. I am a bad person and thats why I hate me. I feel so sorry for every single one of you thinking about suicide. But think about the things in your future. Maybe youre going to be rich and/or find love. Give your life a chance.
The moral of my message is change up your routine. If you routinely do drugs, then stop, step outside of moms basement, try the other end of the spectrum out. I dunno, find a hobby other than brain-killing video-games or something. I have a pretty fucking good life atm, but everytime it went to shit (had quite a few suicidal phases), going to the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to my habbits and life experiences saved my ass every time.
Feels threads are my guilty pleasure on /b/, so tumblr
These are the only pictures I save from /b/
Why people do things like these to each other I'll never understand. We're a weird fucking speices I swear. I'm pretty sure my ex-fiancee wasn't too far from what you're describing. Maybe try to find real love to not feel so empty? Worked for me, until she fucked it all up.
It's the waiting that hurts. Plus I'm too much of a loner to even know what that person shows up.
So you're saying that I should put up with being miserable 99% of the time just so someone else doesn't feel bad? That's what's fucked about this, I want to die so fucking bad but then its my "fault" and I'm the bad guy for hurting my "family". Its so fucking stupid that I'm the "selfish" one, if anything the people guilting me out of it are the selfish ones.
I'm so sorry to hear that. It's just not as simple as I think sometimes. It's hard to filter the good guys out of the ones that are lieing and just want to fuck you. I was raped three times. I'm really fucked up... and at some point in my life I wanted others to suffer, too. Its not good and in the end Im the only one crying because I cant stand the person I am... but I dont think you'll understand it. It doesnt matter. I just wanted all of you to know, that everything will be okay...
I do understand, because you sound just like her, and nobody knew her better and understood her better than me. She too was also raped/abused multiple times.
what the fuck are you complaining about that makes you so miserable? wouldnt it be more fun to hang out with your bros and get fucked up, jam, write shit, talk about ideas, and make get rich in the process?
fuck I swear am I the only one? god damn , lighten up mother fuckers, life is damn good.
damn this got me. ive stopped being the clown. lost my interests and feel like i just blend in with the crowd. an inspirational friend of mine recently died, and i think since then ive gone downhill. i dont know i just go through my day maming small talk with those around me at college, then go home and sink into lonliness. my only friends are simply friends due to proximity, i feel so out of the loop nowadays but i make no effort to be in the loop, because i feel as though drugs and raves will ruin my life, but i honestly wonder what could be worse than the way i feel right now. i feel like im ruining my own life.
I told myself that it's okay to kill myself, but I also made myself a promise that I'm going to known and let my message be heard whether or not it's through music, writing, vandalism, stand up comedy, film, catroons, anything. Once I think I have made enough of an impact on the world then I give myself permission to die. If I so choose to do so. Sounds gay and lame as shit but when you have nothing left in life but two parents and a brother who don't understand you and you spend nights alone in misery drawing or playing the piano in only one key you just come to terms with shit I guess. I have a long way to go but I wanna be remembered for something at least.
she did love me, that's why it hurts so bad. fuck, I really miss her. I hope she's ok but somehow I know she's not. I just want to talk to her for a bit, maybe hold her hand and give her a hug. fuck...
"Just do what I do: Let go of everything positive and productive in your life, and drift away from your friends and your family. Wake up one day on the floor of a gas station bathroom on the side of the highway with your best days behind you and all your dreams lost."
Alright OP Imma lay this out for you right now. I was suicidal for most of my life (well since I was a person and not a little shit...so like 11 on). I was super depressed all the time and it's not like I had a HORRIBLE life, I was just always depressed. Like a lot of these losers on here I had only a few friends and was kinda antisocial. High school was a horrible place and I hated it, as any sane person does.
But when I got to college I went to a pretty spergy school so I fit right in. Made some friends, and was pretty happy for a while.
Then I failed the fuck out at the end of my second year (well...sorta. My dad said he'd pay for college so long as I passed all of my classes with a C or high and after getting a D- 3 semesters in a row, he finally pulled me at the end of second year). While I kinda knew it was coming, it was still rough.
So right now I'm in community college in california so I don't have many friends yet and I'm also lonely sometimes, even though I'm in pretty constant contact with my friends from RIT. But I'm not suicidal anymore. Why?
Mother. Fukken. LSD.
I'm serious. It sounds like I'm fucking with you but I'm not. I'd been interested in psychedelics ever since I could remember (even when I was an anti-drug faggot) because I thought the idea of hallucinations was cool. But anyways a few months back (when I was actually 20, I'm 21 now and my bday is in dec) in like...october I finally got my hands on two tabs of LSD.
I took em, and while they were kinda shit quality (I had no visual or auditory hallucinations), it was life changing. I reevaluated my entire life and for the first time I didn't feel suicidal.
Now Idfk if you would feel the same way. For all I know you'll become nigger brained from this. But give it a try. I'm serious. Take a few tabs of lsd and see if that helps your depression.
I'll lurk a bit to answer any questions if you have any but what do you have to lose?
she was on my mind already.
odd thing is, I know I should hate her, but I can't.
But anon, he has an equally high chance of having a bad trip...
Depends on the person. Maybe anon is such a faggot even LSD cant chipper him up, you dont know. You shouldnt suggest dangerous things to awkward autists
Yeah but what if he convinces himself were all pigmen and have to be eradicated?
You might have just cost 9 kids their lives.
They could have grown up to be strippers sticking beer bottles up their poopers for money. I hope youre fucking proud of yourself.
>Can we get a feels thread or something?
Oh for christ sake. That will just fix everything, right? Like EVERY FUCKING DAY. A grown man acting like that. A feels thread. See a fucking doctor, asshole. *Get some pills.* Just stop the INCESSANT DAILY WHINING. What the hell do you guys want to hear? What do you want me to say? Shut the fuck UP.
>Told my ex goodbye forever Friday night after trying again for a month
>Feels good but kinda sad
>Get a message saying she was distant and shit because of ovarian cysts and she might not be able to have kids
>mfw she tried to cuck me
>mfw I still care for some reason
>mfw I smiled at the thought of her being barren
You know, I keep thinking, there has to be at least one girl as fucked up as me (depressed, anxiety, shut-in, etc), as lonely as me, who just wants someone to hold their hand, someone to fall asleep next to. Someone who doesn't fit in society. Someone who would go out and do something if she had someone to go with. Someone who wouldn't hurt another human being and can't understand why people keep on hurting eachother. Where the fuck do I find this girl?
venting, conversation, sympathy and empathy
obviously you have nothing going on in your life that you want to talk about so dont take your bottled up issues, anger and depression out on people that just want to talk
>2/10 made me respond
Are you me? I've broken so many hearts and all of it was due to immaturity. I don't even know how to apologize because saying sorry will never be enough. All I can do is try to be a better person today, but the past still haunts me. As awful as I was, I wish it would haunt me more.
bro, fuck you and your feels. I was abandoned as a kid and never EVER had any kid of support from anyone at anytime, it's been all me and myself. I've been homeless, bullied, humiliated, bashed, stabbed, everything you can think of, except raped.
Now I sit here studying for my law degree, while I also work full-time to build a future.
You think life is too hard? you think you got it bad? Fuck you and your spoilt shit.
I have plenty going on in my life. My bottled up WHAT? Fuck off. I'm on an image board in the random section. NOT the god damned lonely hearts club board. I can't even believe any of you are even 18, to begin with. Don't bitch to me when I repeatedly call YOUR bullshit. Get a fucking grip. You big pussy.
Yeah ive dropped a few tabs. I personally thought it was fantastic, the setting was great too.
And acid was good.
And MDA was good.
And DMT was good.
Weeds good. Alcohols good. Drugs are good.
But im also really into them, for all we know you might make anon push several grade schoolers off a bridge with this talk
What if those gir- Oops, already did that.
I think about when all the time OP. I thought about it tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Just when. Life is worthless and I just want to die. My gf left me a few weeks ago and I was fine but I feel like shit now.
There's a difference you lying faggot, you don't have the balls to kill yourself you just want attention because you didn't get enough mouth hugs from mommy.
What drug? If you went straight from occasional weed smoking to dropping fat tabs then im not shocked by that statement, ive seen people get major fucked up in the head on drugs.
If you tell me something like ecstasy though im just gonna call you a faggot.
it's all about the mood you're in when you go into the trip. if you're annoyed, you'll be ppissed off the whole day. if you're mildly pleased with whatever, you'll feel great the entire time. my suggestion is do something that makes you temporarily happy and then take it while you're doing that. You should be fine.
(just don't do it when you're feeling especially down. just wait for a moment when you're happy. remember if this works it should be long term.
I'm just gonna use one parenthesis there. fuck your OCD
lol then you didn't do enough psychedelics. not saying start doing coke or even smoke weed, i'm just saying try lsd. it's a different type of drug. Plus you can't get addicted. if you manage to fuck THAT up, that's on you.
How do you see me taking it personally, you little bitch? I just stop by one of these whine/ me me me threads to show you "18+" dudes that the fucking world you live in isn't as nice as mommy might have led you to believe. I couldn't care less about your fucking FEELS. I don't do it every day but you whiny faggots sure do. Eat me, you twat. I'm having fun on 4chan.
Ohhh no no no no.
Never do research chems. I dont know all the varieties, but I popped a couple of pills with something in it (I didnt ask once he said research chems, sciency classifications mean nothing to me) and it was the weirdest fucking high ive ever had.
I dont even know if I WAS high. Definitely my worst drug experience, but really it wasnt terrible for me just a constant state of "this is uncomfortable" for like 8 hours, couldnt sleep ended up staying awake for like 35+ hours (the time was the biggest thing here, the pills only kept me going for a while after that there was just no point in sleeping)
Have you ever done dmt? Its the most amazing thing, it smells like complete ass at first (kind of a rubbery smell/taste) but immediately after the first hit, and I mean IMMEDIATELY, the smell becomes fucking fantastic
Dude nbomes are notorious for putting people it's the hospital because it's sold to people thinking it's LSD and some people have even died from it
Next time make sure to research the chemical you're going to take or bad shit will happen
I've been on the lookout for DMT but haven't gone through my big "research phase", which is basically me spending an hour googling the drug to make sure it won't harm me or if improperly prepared will it harm me. I just haven't gotten around to doing that for DMT yet because idk school? Mostly laziness. But yeah I'm pretty interested in trying DMT
Well, I *AM* that guy and what the hell don't you understand here? He's right. Are you 14 or some shit? I think you're playing a game you don't know a god damned thing about. Go to bed. I'm having fun.
From what ive seen and experienced its totally safe (assuming you get the real deal, you know no shit) and its fucking amazing. If you let it take control it does and hard, ive seen dudes get completely cut off but still be awake and all that. I personally wanted to try it for my first time while playing my favorite video game, and I was still pretty aware. It was definitely a fucking trip though, id say try it while doing something to keep your mind there.
Unless you want to just completely fucking lose it, DMT can do that for you.
>tfw you'll never be special to someone
>tfw you will never experience the joy of live that everyone you ever hated has felt
>tfw you feel useless and can't even try to change it
>tfw you've accepted all this and are just existing
love is like, a tiny portion of life anon. If youre failing in all the others too than thats on you, but focusing on the one you cant change is just limpdicked as fuck. And maybe if you changed the other parts you wouldnt be so fucked in that category either.
But lol no these things take a bit of motivation fuck that
Im not giving you a pep talk btw I actually think youre an annoying sack of shit
I'd have to agree, I am an annoying sack of shit. I'm quick to whine about my problems and just as fast to refuse help. My problem is I don't want to change. I've no reason to. Just like you and everyone else here, I don't matter and no one will care for more than a week after I die. I can't feel love anymore. I can't remember what it's like to feel happy anymore. I'm scared to know. I'm too much of a coward to be better.
Seriously contemplating murder or suicide. I can kill the people causing my problems, and live the rest of my life, but I can also kill myself a save everyone the hassle. Yes, I'm a also fully aware that homicide will just turn certain problems into others, but I oonly have three options here, and continuing my life as it is will be nearly physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially impossible.