Ability to see through wooden walls but only for 1 second

>>597328482
thats just putting arbitrary restrictions on an actually useful power
>ITT: OP is a dingus

that isn't useless its just fail

>>597328482
The ability to speak to animals but only if they call you on the telephone.

super speed running, but shitty endurance.

>>597328482
The ability to shrink your cock but not grow it again

suck your own dick

The ability to see through clothing, but only activates inside the confines of a nudist colony.

>>597328539

exactly. And that's why it's useless, fagut

The ability to become invisible, but only while screaming.

The ability to suck more dicks than OP.

The ability to hydrate and feed everyone in Africa

>>597328606
how is that useless

>>597328830
You have the transform-into-your-mom superpower

>>597328567
HOW super respectively shitty would these properties be?

>>597328482
The ability to read only your shitty posts

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>>597328482
The ability to communicate with and control a companion snail

power of checkem

>>597328937
not even useless, that is just straight counterproductive.

Ability to bring moot back to 4chan

Able to transform into some one else but only while touching them

>>597329093
fail

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>>597328482
The ability to become a nigger for 24 hours

>>597328482
The ability to transform into an 82 year old Hungarian woman with a weak bladder.

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>>597329093

empathy

>>597329120
>>597329167
Fools. I didn't activate it before.

ability to get dubs on 4chan

The ability to give yourself diabetes once, after which it becomes irreversable

>>597328482
Not a superpower. Technically, we are able to walk through walls, it's just hugely mathematically unlikely that the free space in our atoms would allign at the right point to allow it. Not impossible though.

I enjoy teaching my science class that and watch them spend the rest of the afternoon running into shit and hurting themselves.

The ability to get dubs whenever you so please.

>>597329190
noob

>>597329078
fuck you., man, I'd love chilling with snail buddy

>>597328482
Have the ability to fly but haveing no control when it happens

>>597329136
commit any crime you want and get away with it after you turn white again

>>597328559

made me chuckle irl

the ability to go to a women's studies class

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>>597328482
The ability to prove to a Christian/Muslim/Jew/Fox"News"Presenter/Republican/NRA Member/AynRandFollower/Anti-Gun"Liberal"/other 'tard precisely, concisely, succinctly, specifically and in an understandable and straightforward, and utterly quotable manner how&why they are completely wrong about a given subject.

>image related, didn't do him any fucken good.

>>597329293
You could use this to avoid the draft.
>>597329078
Tell snail to go into women's locker room, tell me who looks the best naked
>>597328830
Impossible
>>597328567
You could train to get better endurance
>>597328559
Someone could hold the phone up to their ear.
>>597328539
This

the power to teleport yourself to the exact same spot youre at

have the power that , when ever you snap your fingers some one with in 50 feet of you shits them self .

The power to move through time at the speed of time.

The ability to summon a lightning strike but only where you stand.

The ability to fuck any women but gain 50lbs every time

You can go invisible when nobody is looking at you

>>597328482
the ability to make good posts on /b/

>>597329558
>Tell snail to go into women's locker room, tell me who looks the best naked

Nigguh, getting told how good some chick looks naked will only make me want to see her naked even more.

>>597328539
the ability to state the obvious

>>597329699
useful

The power to randomly scatter your bones into far corners of outer space. You cannot get them back.

>>597329699
How is that useless? I want that power!

>>597329764
Not as useless as you make it seem.
iirc, speed doesn't have a direction, unlike velocity. Therefore, time travel backwards to change bad interviews, ect

>>597329897
>fuck any women
>any

dubs get superpower.

>>597330113
>WOMEN

The ability to see through glass

The ability to understand any language, but only when totally engulfed in flames.

>>597330035
>>597330057
you have no control thoe who in the 50 area would shit them self

>>597328482
The ability to remove a womans clothes by closing your eyes.

>>597330029
Now you know which woman to ask out

>>597329897
That's not useless at all... I'd be willing to gain 100lbs if I could fuck any woman I want..

The power to hear ants thoughts

>>597330186
>WOMEN
>OMEN
>MEN

>>597330234
still useful as a diversion.

ability to come up with useless abilities on /b/

>>597329897
>50lbs of bone and muscle, get taller every time as well

>>597330113
Yes. I wound be dead in a week though.

>>597330045
Aliens encounter bones, trace trajectory, and lead back to earth. I will forever be remembered as the father of post-post-modern science

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>>597329522

I want this so bad.

>>597330249
That is useful. You can just open them again.

>>597329771
Kek

>>597330234
>wear diaper
>snap fingers all day
>laugh at the reactions

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>useless superpower

>>597330234
only one other person in area, cures for constipation, much dollar

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The ability to implode at will. Only works once

The ability to transform into a black person when within 50 yards of an authority figure. Hell, the ability to turn black in general.


The ability to shit out of your dick

The ability to predict where and when the first drop of rain in a storm will fall


The ability to cry urine


I try and think of some more

>>597330229
Underrated post

the ability to conceal your farts

>only when you're in a sewer

>>597330329
I could easily see this being a doujin hentai manga, or whatever the fuck the Ah-NEEM faggots call it.

>>597330301
chance to shit yourself. 50>=x<=0

>>597329699
Has any one even shit them self , if so would it like stun you if you did randomly , if so this is a great power,

the ability to read the minds of women

Ability to bend spoons. Only spoons

ability to have night vision on daylight and shaded vision during the night

Can see 10 seconds into the future by drinking strong acids.

>>597330650
>implying women use their minds to think

>>597330427
SHOTS FUCKING FIRED111!!1!!!!

Tactile Sight: The ability to see things that blind people cannot.

>>597330692
make a mech out of spoons and use your power to bend it's legs and such

>>597330760
thats the joke

>>597330427

clever.

>>597330813
Ok, I giggled.

The ability to mentally sort words (doesn't matter how many) alphabetically in an instant.

>>597330692
invest money in sporks, bend every spoon you ever come across
>using spoons in public becomes too much of a risk for most people
>sales of sporks go up
>get rich

The ability to remove provide money for a certain website to remove the CAPTCHA.

>>597330960
>downside you instantly speak those sorted words

>>597329764
So ability to move backwards through time in real time is pretty damn good

The ability to read peoples thoughts but only when youre kissing them.

>>597330960
this could win you bar bets
useful

The ability to get quads in the form of singles.

>>597330692
become dealer of heroin use accoutrements.

Superpower: use the word accoutrements in a sentence that has no use.

The ability to be able to understand what the fuck >>597331030 actually means

>>597331074
It's not useless.

Grow hair on your teeth

>>597330813
That's omniscience

>>597331126
top kek

>>597331030
>The ability to provide money for a certain website to remove the CAPTCHA.

Corrected... I apologies for my autism.

The ability to attract any girl in the world, but only after you're dead.

The ability to be a faggot.

Every time you shit its a no wiper

>>597331205
Normal for Scotland.

The ability to quote every line from the first x files episode

>>597331126
>>597331265
The ability to samefag.

>>597329522
Graduate high school first

The ability to drop it like it's hot but you are then unable to pick it up again

>>597331368
Top kek

>>597331281
>granted, but you're homophobic

>>597328588
>the ability to shrink your cock but not grow it again

Like you could shrink it

>>597329335
>noob
newfag

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>>597329905
rip off of movie...

Being able to run super fast but only once and not being able to stop

>>597328482
ability to breath under the water, but only if you body is outside the water.

The ability to get drunk after drinking a certain amount of alcohol.

>>597331279
>implying i wouldn't want girls grinding my dead body at my funeral

relatives would think i was having the best secret life ever to be having girls grinding me even after death

>>597331387
Why did i smile?

>>597328482
life has no meaning everything is useless

>>597329522
The euphoria is strong with this one

>>597330388
Bingo

>>597330249
>Close eyes
>Take picture
>Open eyes

You could also use it to blackmail girls into giving you what you want.

The ability to fly but only on an airplane

>>597328567

if you could hold on for 100m would be enough to become Usain Bolt

>>597331803
tape paper airplane to a foot
still on a airplane

the ability to be invisible to others
...
oh wait

The ability to get an erection every time you see a woman.

The ability to talk women into having unprotected sex with you, but only if they got AIDS.

Inb4 thats the dream

The ability to fuck goats like a real muslim. Loving passion

This.

The ability to obtain a free flight ticket in your pocket at the check in desk but only when you shout allu akbar at the top of your voice

The ability of opening locked doors using your mind but only if you have a copy of the door's key

>>597331968
Useful for men with erectile dysfunction
are you even trying?

>>597329078

theres a shitload of espionage potential in this one.

>>597331968
the elderly would kill for this power

You can be OP for an entire year.

the ability of getting old at ultra speed

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>>597329558

"Hey man, can you put your dog on the phone?"
"Uh, sure?"

the ability to guess one set of wrong lottery numbers 100% of the time

>>597328482
America

>>597332091
Chances are, nothing will happen.

If you do get detained, chances are you'll only be questioned, they'll discover you suffer from autism, then they'll let you free.

Not very useless at all.

>>597328482
ability to control shit
request comic of that

The ability to get dubs errytime

>>597328702
>insert random super power here
>can only use for 1 second every 94 years

OP I just made your thread.

>>597332385
the ability to call dubs but never get them*

>>597328702
So just put 94 ... say 110 years on everything and be done?

Infinite Youth, from childbirth on. You will shit your pants for infinity.

>>597329771
SHAZAM

Having appropriate theme music playing over every event in your life.

>>597332657
would love to have this

>>597328482
>1 second every 94 years
If this was a legit power and it happened to someone, they'd think they were just tripping balls for a moment, then never remember it for the rest of their life. Not only is it useless, but OP is a faggot.

>>597332450
I love these types of pictures

The ability to be a feminist.

>>597328482
Be OP but capable of not sucking dicks.

can tell if the person talking to you is lying when you're being ass raeped with a broken bottle

>>597328606
I'd like to have this power. It would have saved me two marriages, one divorce, twenty-six years of misery and hundreds of thousands of dollars.

>>597332503

>the ability to only roll singles

>>597328482
power to guess the first letter of someone's first name

>>597329771
Live under lightning rod, collect energy all day long, sell it, infinite money
that may be the less useless power in this thread so far

>>597332792
No because you'd have to consciously make an effort to do it. Like, you'd have to be aware like "ok I'm gonna look through this wall now"

>>597332862
Not useless, but not desirable

>>597330234
Just snap constantly.

The ability to communicate with microorganisms

>>597331722
let me guess. are you a virgin?

The ability to communicate with God

>>597328482

the ability to visualise lottery winning numbers 1 minute after extraction.

>>597332968
It's useful. You can like, make someone sicks to death.

The ability to always insert a USB stick the right way on the first try.

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To love someone...

>>597329078
Not useless at all.
Snail go chill in that bank all day and read the card numbers then come back.

Or get job with FBI using your Snail to infiltrate secret locations.

The ability to alter your taste buds.

>>597328482
The ability to shit broken glass

the ability to understand any spoken language but you can't repeat it back.

The ability to talk to animals but they cannot talk back.

>>597332268
Make a program that will guess every possible lottery number besides that last remaining one. Once all options have been exhausted, you know with 100% confidence (not a guess) what the actually lottery number is.

The ability to make any dog stop barking but only when your penis is in its mouth

>>597328821
>>597328821
Lol

>>597333079
Type C

>>597328482
To fall asleep by sheer will power when you are asleep.

>>597333148
Could be useful.
People think you can't understand them but you know everything they are saying

be able to precisely locate a target with a sniper rifle even if it's moving but only when there are no bullets in it

Can see the smallest details like your eyes have a microscope built in but only if an object is exactly 27 feet away

>>597333148
Not useless, you can watch movies without subtitles

>>597333160
Like in lassie?

>>597333075
>sicks

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>>597333033

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The ability to get cancer by becoming cancer

>>597333234
finally someone recognised my utterly useless superpower

>>597328482
The ability to read your own mind.

>>597333142
Your shit.
Weightloss would be ez
Eat shitty as Fuck food it tastes like the best steak you've ever had

You have extra taste buds... In your colon

>>597333457
Could be very useful

>>597332737
Fact

>>597333377
just one letter...

>>597333356
then just move 27 feet away from whatever you want to look at?

I swear some people ITT aren't even trying or they're really, really fucking dumb.

>>597328821
>screams internally

The ability to chek em

the ability to steal free candies

The superpower to express my feelings.

The ability to shrink your own dick

>>597333067
/thread

>>597333631
>candies

>>597333033
Chek'd

>>597333555
>double trips
checked

>>597331454
>>noob
>newfag
faggot

The ability to be immortal, but only when holding your breath.

>>597333531
example?

The ability to shoot Zimbabwe dollars out of your hand but only one dollar at a time.

>>597332913
oh ok so you get granted this power and be like "hmm when should I use this 1sec lasting wooden wall x-ray gaze... I've got my whole lifetime to use it, since I can only use it once, so I'll save it for when I need it." which will be never.

>>597333783
Why would you breath when you can be immortal?

>>597333148
wouldn't be a bad ability for a spy of some kind

>>597333457
you could read your subconscious and remember everything from the day you were born

>>597332093
useful time saver

>>597329295
The ability to trick people

>>597333913
Got me.

>>597328559
underrateddd

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>>597328482

The ability to make an agreeable or decent post on /b/.

About as useless as I can think up.