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YMCA Computer teacher again. Original thread 404ed. I've

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 96
Thread images: 16

YMCA Computer teacher again. Original thread 404ed. I've got some more stories about teaching elders how to use a computer.

>be teaching a bunch of oldies about 6 months ago
>beginner's class
>ask class "Who here knows what the buttons on a mouse do?"
>old women in the back of class raises hand
>me: "Great. Please tell us."
>old women starts furiously clicking left and right mouse buttons like a 6 year old playing CS
>me: "I'm sorry?"
>me: "Actually, ma'am, as long the mouse is plugged in, you don't have to."
>right, because I'm only teaching a fucking computer class
>other oldies look impressed and inspired
>all start charging their mouses
>this is how I will die

Fucking old people, man.
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can someone post the best stories from the old thread?
i h8 old people m8
jesus fuck this is all kinds of lol
Here's the one from the original thread:

>be teaching computer class full of oldies
>old man comes in late, sits in corner in back, and turns monitor away from everyone
>starts furiously working on something
>ignore him and continue teaching and walking around classroom
>every time I come near him, he minimizes his window
>after class, check his computer
>he bypassed the filter and was looking at porn
>about 20 pictures of naked women saved to desktop
>except that on each one, he copied and pasted the face of an old women from a stock photo on it
>see him leaving with who I assume to be his son
>run up to them and introduce myself
>tell them that I found his "work" and he's no longer welcome in my classroom
>son: "God dammit, Dad, not again."

The son explained that a few years ago, after his mom died, he asked his dad to move in. He set his dad up in the guestroom and gave him an old computer to use. A few months ago, he needed an old file off that computer.

While looking for it, he found a folder that was about 40 GB. He opened and found more of his masterpieces. Some of them even used photos of women from around the neighborhood the dad had secretly photographed. The son took the computer away. Recently, the dad had been asking to take a computer class and the son obliged. Apparently, it was only to complete his magnum opus.

>look over at old man
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Dammit, photo didn't upload.

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>man who gave you life
>life partner has died
>take away probably his only means to fap

What a shitty son, let the man have some fun in his golden years
I know your pain.

While in College, I helped put together an event to teach computer skills as part of a series of free classes offered to the community. Myself and two others were picked as the instructors.

>Old man in back of room
>Son I have a question
>'My son works for Compuserve, and he told me that you need a Marco to go to the internet.'
>I'm sorry?
>A fucking Marco
>Do you mean 'Macro?'
>That's a fancy way of saying shortcut, I suppose.
>A shortcut? A shortcut to where?
>The webpage, I assume.
>What are you talking about? I want to know how to marco to the internet.
>Sir, if you make a shortcut to a webpage, it's literally the same thing.
>Why don't you let one of the other guys stand up? You obviously don't know what you're talking about.

Turns out his son was the fucking janitor.
the man is a legend of which there is no equal
ok this is disturbing and belongs on 4chan this is why i'm here fuck
These oldies always have the best search history. There was one guy who always looked nervous whenever I looked his way or walked by. I looked at his browsing history after class. Here's a rough list:

>how to google
>how to get money
>how to get women
>how to get money from bank
>how to hack
>how to hack bank
>how to hack bank account
>cucumber salad recipes
>how to make cucumber salad
>how to log on bank computer
>how to log on bank computer and take money
>how to find young women
>how to date young women

Godspeed, you bank-hacking, cradle-robbing bastard.

I've had so many cottonballs ask me how to get on "The Facebook." I tell them they need to access the internet or get on their browser. Their response: "No, I don't want to get on the internet. I want to get on The Facebooks."

Why did I choose to do this?
My favorite was the day I got asked, "Where is the internet, exactly?"
I actually worked as a security guard at a community center in an "over 50" community when I was in college. I was paid 12$/hour to guard the computer lab which consisted of 15 donated computers running windows 92 that were collectively worth around 50$ in scrap metal. I made 36,000$ that year guarding that computer lab. I saw 3 people use it for a grand total of ten minutes all year.
I had someone ask me where the internet was located. I told him it was basically how every computer was connected, so it didn't really have a central location.

His response: "You mean that my computer is connected to Jennifer Aniston's computer?"
Me: "Theoretically, I guess it could be."
Him: "How can I look at her naked through her computer?"
>no shame in his old age
It's really hard to explain an old guy how are files stored in "the clouds"
I haven't even attempted to explain the cloud to oldies. They can barely wrap their heads around email. I don't need the migraine that would cause.
>Have you ever seen Star Wars? Know what the force is?
>It's basically like the force. It surrounds us and penetrates us.
Sir, fuck all of these YLYL threads of late. This took the cake. Not only did I laugh, I also raged and was reminded of when I was studying German. Will greentext for your viewing pleasure.

>inna classroom
>old ass german teacher wants to play us a cassette on an old player
>cant get it to work
>randomly pushing buttons
>"anyone knows how this works?"
>me "-well pushing every button wont help..
>"whats that anon? push every button?"
>starts pushing all the buttons double time
>>how to hack bank account
>>cucumber salad recipes
Well that escalated quickly

I'm archiving this thread /b/ros, this stuff's great
This is what I can't stand about old people, they just approach computers with this "Nope can't do it, this is stupid" attitude.

90% of the will blame you. for their failure
My boss is a 70 year old lady who runs a pr firm. She keeps paper versions of every single thing she does. This includes emails. I spend at least 4 hours a day printing all of her emails and filing them into metal cabinets. I spent the rest of my day trying to cancel her AOL dial-up internet. She has been paying for it for 9 years and she never noticed. We figured the total amount to be somewhere in the 4,000$ range. She's had cable internet the whole time.
Yeah, I told them about the whole cloud storage thing and they were confused, specially this old man who said I was wrong since files were digital they couldn't be on a physical world.
>90% of the will blame you. for their failure
That's not specific to old people
Mom "my internet stopped working because of that chrome thing you installed so I removed it"
ya pleas do this thread is golden
>keeps paper versions of every single thing she does
>spend at least 4 hours a day printing all of her emails
dat deforestation man

l'ready done http://4archive.org/b/thread/562852471
One of my favorites:

>be teaching class full of oldies
>ask if anyone likes to go to any particular websites
>old man raises his hand
>me: "Yes sir? Any favorite websites?"
>old man: "youporn.com. You ever been there, son? It's great. Any kinda woman you wanna see. Niggers, chinks, gooks, blondes, brunettes. It's fuckin' great."
>another old man pipes up: "youporn! I love that fuckin' place. My son showed that to me!
>chorus of old men picks up, all grunting agreement that youporn.com is the best thing since the telephone
>some old men furiously writing youporn.com in their notebooks for future reference
>meanwhile, I'm trying to calm the class
>the chorus of old men talking about fapping to midget amputees drowns me out
>some women get up and leave
>others stay and listen on with rapt attention
>I start shouting for everyone's attention
>murmuring starts dying down
>me: "Ok. Please do not go to youporn.com while you are in this class. We have a zero tolerance policy for adult-oriented websites."
>thank god for the filter, or their would be more porn being watched than Ron Jeremy's home theater
>me: "Ok. Um... anyone else have a favorite website?"
>same old man that started this mess raises hand
>me: "Anyone else want to share one?"
>no one raises their hand
>me: "Ok, yes sir? And please, no adult websites."
>old man: "hulu.com is great too. You can watch whatever TV shows you want to!"
>chorus of agreement starts up again
>can't control it
>end class early
>they all stay and talk about youporn and hulu.

Fucking old people.
Jesus H fucking christ, i can hardly breath.
thats fucking gold man
Is there a difference between a chink and a gook?
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I am literally crying. This is so fucking lulzy I am putting on my space suit to bring my sides into orbit. This is why after 10 years I still come to this asshole of the tubes
You gotta see this from their perspective, they've probably been brought up trying to hoard physical magazines and shit for fap material, so a site where you can easily get good videos of 'any kinda woman you wanna see' is pretty fantastical for them

And for what it's worth I admire them having such an energetic libido at their age (what was it, 60-80?)
Holy shit this is like a tard story thread. You're doing the 4chan community a great service anon.
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Lol old people are so funne.

Like and suscribe if u like my comment
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>generic image to bump this shit.
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Moar please moar
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I didn't see that coming
Yeah, most of them are upwards of 65-70. Oldest I had was 96. She could touch-type like a motherfucker. I would've guessed about 130 wpm, 0 errors easy. She told me she had worked as a secretary for 50 years before retiring. She was the first person in her company to learn to use a typewriter and was given big bonuses for teaching others.
Got a short one in the interest of bumping

My grandfather thinks that attaching the 'wire' (charger!) to his mobile phone will improve the signal strength/call quality
chinks are chinese gooks are koreans.
My boss comes in frantic on Monday morning. She can't find some questionnaire that she needs to teach a class. She tells me that she literally spent the entire weekend searching through hundreds of old boxes of files at work looking for it. She has me spend the entire 8 hour shift looking through the computer files searching for this elusive questionnaire she needs. She eventually finds it in an old box a few days later. We wasted 3 days searching for it. The file was 12 questions like this:
"1. What was something you did as a child that you no longer enjoy? "
This woman has written over 2 dozen novels. She easily could have wrote a new version in 5 minutes. We spent a combined 40 hours of work time searching for it.
He sounds like he'd be a /b/tard if he knew of this place.
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Not much of a story but I'll bump anyway.

>teach dad how to use laptop
>at one point while neither me or my brother are around his Q key on the keyboard pops off for some reason
>dad doesnt think just to pop it back in place
>he fucking gorilla glued his Q key back in place

And that is how we taught our dad what Copy-Paste was.

The first time I ever used a computer mouse was 1988. That was 26 years ago. Get it together you old fucks, you have had decades to learn this shit. Decades.
I am the dog the big bad dog
>96 yo
>130 wpm, 0 errors
Chink- Chinese
Gook- Vietnamese

Great stories anon.
It does. At least on older analouge phones.
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When in the 1950s your entire fucking job was typing shit for others, all day, every day, on a typewriter with no backspacing, you get good at it. Fast.

Also, all typewriters are mechanical keyboards, which are reportedly (although this is probably just marketing bullshit) much easier to type on.
My step-dad refuses to unplug his laptop, even when a thunderstorm is coming because he thinks his laptop needs constant electricity or the hard drive will get erased.
gooks are southern east asia
chinks are more of the east east asia

that image reminds me
>Nazi Germany
>metal shortage
>builds gun with lots of extraneous, heavy as shit metal
>fuel shortage
>builds jet engine fighter
>bullet shortage
>builds fastest firing machine gun in the world at the time

Nazis cannot into logistics.
>It does. At least on older analouge phones.
What he means is that a physical 'wired' connection is better than wirelessly connecting to the network. What he doesnt get is that the 'wire' is just for electricity to charge the battery and not like the one in the good old landline phones.
I still give him credit for knowing that wired > wireless, even though it's in the wrong context.

Typewriters aint mechanical keyboards man, you gotta depress a typewriter key *much* more than a keyboard, mechanical or otherwise. I'm sure she pounds on the keys really hard while typing, applying too much pressure, becuase she's used to the typewriter mechanism.
Nice try bonebag.

I've tried typing on my grandpa's old typewriter and FUCK THAT SHIT. Hard as hell to type on compared to a regular mechanical keyboard.
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fuck off skeleton
electric typewriters, man. Not all typewriters directly actuate the typeball.

but yeah, they're still mechanical, which means they aren't mushy, is what i was trying to say
Gooks as a word appeared first in Korea. It's interesting because it actually doesn't mean anything bad, it's just us that had given it a negative charge.
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go hard or go home, faggot
>electric typewriter
Ah sure, the keys on those are almost exactly like the ones on a keyboard. But you mentioned she was typing from like the 50s, and I assumed electric typewriters weren't invented back then? My grandfather got one like ten years ago, but he had an old mechanical one for like 50.
>The first electric typewriter was produced by the Blickensderfer Manufacturing Company, of Stamford, Connecticut, in 1902.
>IBM Model 01 1935


They'll have all the toolbars and shit with no anti-virus but the second you put on a single game, it's all your fault.
as if the internet is some inter-dimensional being that we have learned to control and display
it all makes sense now, THATS why they talk to it as if it can hear it
and i dont mean talk to the computer, i mean to the interner
Holy hell that's impressive

Yup, pic very much related
I get what you're saying but you're clearly to young to remember old analouge cell phones. Like radios they would work better if there was a current going through it. They would literally work better if plugged in to charge.

chinks are chinese, gooks are vietnamese/korean.
bump 5 you
>you're clearly to young to remember old analouge cell phones
What if I tell you that I've actually used one of those anon? It just didnt apply in this context :)
Let me get this out, why the fuck do people think 'the cloud' is so freaking complicated? It's not new technology at all, it's quite literally web hosting that's been given a friendlier name and usability.

Anyone seen the movie 'sex tape'? I saw the trailer, and the guy mentions 'nobody understands the cloud'...like wtf? What's so god damn complicated about it? Do you not understand how water boils either?
Then you should understand that your granfathers not as crazy as you make him out to be. It's not true with digital signal, but back in analog days having your phone plugged into the charger would actually get you better cell reception.
Just gotta make him understand the idea that digital either works or it doesn't there's no quality.
Also i just realized i have been spelling analog analouge, god i'm fucking tired.
Alright, one more before I head to bed.

>be teaching a class of oldies
>teaching them about picture files
>in the previous class, I had asked them to bring in a photo of someone they loved (child, grandchild, pet, spouse, etc.)
>brought a scanner so they could practice scanning photos, attaching to email, etc.
>they each take a turn at the computer, scanning their photo, then attaching it to an email.
>one guy has about 50 photos
>me: "Thanks for bringing all those photos. However, since there are people waiting behind you, you'll need to choose just one to use."
>old man: "Son, these are photos of my vegetables. I needs to send them to my son so he knows what we'll have for Thanksgiving."
>look at photos
>literally 50 fucking pics of potatoes
>nothing but potatoes
>me: "I understand those are important to you. However, you need to choose one for now. I'll stay a little bit after class and let you use the scanner to scan the rest of them in."
>old man: "Boy, I don't think you understand. My son needs these pictures, and I'll be damned if they don't get sent today!"
>he starts furiously looking around the desktop tower
>me: "Excuse me, sir, what are you looking for?"
>old man: "Fuck off, boy. I'm looking for where you put the pictures in."
>all my wut
>old man opens the cd tray and begins cramming photos into it.
>finds the floppy disk tray (they were old towers) and starts cramming pictures in there, too
>horrible grinding noises coming from the cd tray
>old man: "What the fuck did you do, boy? Your computer ruined all my photos!"
>I can't stop staring in disbelief
>old man: "Fuck these computers! I should've just mailed my photos!"
>Photoman gathers up what pictures he can, then rides off into the wind never to be seen again.
>computer still making grinding noises
>end class early, tell people in line to bring photos to next class and we'll try again later
>still can't believe what just happened

I'll never forget you, Photoman.
No, I just thought it would be fun to share it considering the context of this thread. And dude I cant 'make him understand' shit, he will seem to understand/agree while I'm telling him and then get back to doing what he was when I'm gone.
Fuckin old people lel
Someone post the shit from the 404'd thread, I have a feeling I missed a lot of hilarity.
>digital either works or it doesn't there's no quality.

whar kind of fucked up crazy talk is this? of course there's signal quality.. it either works or it doesn't is bullshit. the phone is still a fucking radio wave receiver. how the fuck do you think it gets reception? MAGIC? david motherfucking copperfield?

> hilarious
I'm...dying lol
ay, now that is truth.
im in literal tears
There's a twitter account out there where the son told his dad that twitter is a search engine for the Internet. Anyone have sauce? It's probably fake but it's good for a lulz
Took me literally 3 seconds to find it
Holy shit man, this is pure gold.
It's so obviously fake. I don't get it.
Still funny. Most funny things are fake, comedy movies, jokes, etc. So it's a joke.

In other words...
"Old people don't know shit about computers.
Except for the ones who in 20 minutes can bypass the porn filters to download naked women, find photoshop on an instructional desktop, and cut/paste two dozen heads onto bodies."

SO...which is it? Are they helpless idiots or crafty perverted hackers????
Both obviously. If you're motivated enough you can usually figure out a way to do just about anything.
The urge to fap is an extremely powerful motivator.
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