>>561423614 >cover myself in plastic/clothing/leather head-to-toe >4-5 condoms/female condoms on the body >adequate protection for myself >shave every last hair on me >wash with bleach when I'm done >throw away clothes >get tested immediately afterwards
>>561424161 I saw my father killing animals and torturing them so I figured that it was an appropriate way to deal with the way I was feeling. I was downright sociopathic well into my 20's, it never occurred to me at the time that it was wrong to be hurting those animals. If it makes you feel any better I feel sick to my stomach and want to kill myself every time I'm around a pet even now.
If you would, please describe the "sessions" in terms of atmosphere. Did you put on some music? You mentioned hotels/motels. There must have been plastic sheets or something. Mood candles? Did you speak to them (though knowing they cannot hear)?
>>561424472 I have several times and still trip on /r9k/ when I talk about it. I'm 99% sure that was me.
>>561426605 If you've ever left fruit or meat out too long you'll get a vague idea Then multiply it by 10, make it more pungent, more bitter, a little sweeter. It clings to you and everything around it and gets up inside your head and won't go away long after you leave.
Hello OP, my first question of two threads: you claimed to be 22 and hoping to study next year, then later on that you had been dumping gore on b for ~10 years, did you really frequent this site at the age of 12?
>>561426020 I can't get off to the elderly, morbidly obese, most people who are dark-skinned (yes I'm a racist bastard so sue me) or anyone who has any transmittable diseases. So if your pussy has liquidated you're game, but if you have herpes or are 60+ years old I won't be able to look at them any better than most people.
>>561426653 extremely fucking intense. no music. all lights on. door barred. knives. a lot of blood. a lot of plastic. A LOT OF PLASTIC. no candles. didn't say a word, couldn't talk, wasn't really in control of what I was doing. the only fucking thing in the world was me and that body. there's absolutely nothing else like it.
>>561426695 I've been obsessed with them since I was a little girl. You spend hours, turning into nearly every waking moment, into night and day with no reprieve even when you sleep into a complete fucking obsession over something that you want more than your life itself and you learn more than a thing or two about how not to fuck up.
Thanks for the flattery.
>>561426791 I don't think anyone said I wasn't a freak.
>>561426986 I really did. Back when somethingawful and ebaums were relevant a friend mentioned 4chan to me. When I saw some gore on /b/ I was instantly hooked. Lurked until I was 14 or 15, spammed gore until I was 17, actually started posting decent content afterwards. God help me.
>>561429310 Absolutely not. I'm murderously possessive of any bodies I'm with any would never want to share them with another person. Not to mention that being around someone who's alive is an instant moodkiller.
You seem like a cool person and I'd love to chat over lunch to get to know you more. I've always been fascinated by things society considers abnormal. I've never gotten the chance to talk to someone "abnormal."
If you're worried about giving even that broad of a location, we could maybe email sometime?
>>561429470 >>561429626 The process they use to preserve the bodies, regrettably, ruins a lot of it for me but it was still good enough that I took a metric fuckton of pictures for fap material later. I'd compare it to very softcore porn. Not quite what I'm after but close enough that it's a good cocktease.
>>561429552 They're portraying a serial killer with a fetish for blood as some sensitive soul who just needs to be loved enough to not give into his impulses- and then pulling in some supernatural bullshit and a weirdly inaccurate representation of schizophrenia to support his descent into further madness. I watched it through the fourth season to give it a chance and fucking hated it. Not to mention that everyone and their mother likes to compare me to the protagonist or mention the show when I talk about my career choice. Fucking hell.
>>561429558 > satisfy the curiosity of a few /b/tards refer to >>561425487 particularly: > Ask a necrophiliac anything (that isn't incriminating)
Fine, compromise. How do you dispose of the bodies? You hardly have to divulge incriminating details to tell us how, do you see half of the stuff that gets posted on here? Yes? Fucking paranoia out the arse.
>>561429650 Email would be nice, meeting in person is absolutely out of the question of course. post whatever you're comfortable with and I'll shoot you a message!
>>561429915 >Livor mortis, bloat from organs collapsing and gasses expanding inside of taut, slipping skin, the moisture and leaking fluids, seeing it drip out of every orifice, the smell so pungent and strong you can taste it, clouded eyes, mutilated faces, distortion so impossibly convoluted the person's original identity is almost impossible to discern, their stillness, how quiet it is, the vermin, especially maggots, feeling the eerily cool skin and meat and bone. Not so much the blood because it obscures a lot. Bile, yes. Everything, man. Absolutely everything. They're beautiful.
>>561428352 Shit, that's pretty intense. My next question is also chronologically themed, I'm not sure if you've already answered this but you said your first real sexual encounter with a body was at the age of 19, and then again later on in the thread that you hadn't touched a corpse i think 2 years(correct me if i'm wrong) I don't know why but i have this weird image of a year of deranged nymphotic necrophilia followed by... counseling? How long were you cadaveraly active? Also damn your thread I was about to go to bed
>>561430126 Wow that's an interesting perspective on the show. Sorry that everyone compares you to Dexter, must be infuriating like you said. Do you think there's a fictional character that can relate to you?
>>561430578 While I was a teen I was regularly feeling them up in funeral homes and the like. Stopped completely when I was 21. Was with bodies in a traditional sexual sense for two years, feeling them up for well over 7.
I think you shouldn't fight it, I believe you deserve a chance to be happy. You are not hurting anybody and as long as it gives you sattisfaction there is nothing wrong. I'm not necrophiliac or anything like it and I don't think that there is anything wrong with you or this fetish of yours, if that's your thing go with it. Good luck :)
>>561429284 Alright, email linked if you want it. I wanna hear about the latest escapade though.
>>561429819 Not too hard actually. Usually showing up and saying you were a friend of the guy and they can let you in. Lawyers are usually present and can get it so that anything they say isn't incriminating, and loosen their lips a little. A few times they don't allow visitors, so you have to come in with a family member.
>>561431147 If you ever read the comic "Bedlam" there's a serial killing psychopath that evades capture by getting mental help He completely reforms over many years and desperately tries to correct the hideous wrong he's done through solving crimes and being a generally decent, likable, honest person. There's multiple panels where he has flashbacks to past crimes, is triggered by shit similar to what he's done, is constantly fighting with himself not to relapse, nearly kills himself several times rather than hurt anyone further. Good fucking shit. Great comic. Great character. Much more realistic interpretation than that fucking trash.
>>561431987 Surprisingly. Once they're convinced anything that they say can't be used against them, they're all for talking. Once they're detained, it's generally accepted that there's enough evidence to convict them. A few didn't want to talk, but only one ever flat out didn't talk. And when I say "Serial Killer", I'm being very vague about it. I really only talk to people who killed and interested me. Serial killers aren't common enough for a hobby.
>>561431397 It does hurt people, though. Even if I get a corpse that's died through natural causes, the family will be emotionally devastated if they find out someone molested the corpse. Even if it's not objectively harming anyone, it's culturally unacceptable, so I can't. No matter how badly I want to.
I really, really do appreciate the sentiment, though.
>>561431465 Ever since depression hit me hard I haven't really enjoyed any video games. It fucking sucks and I wish there was something I did like to play.
>>561432050 Haha I'll be sure to check it out. It's nice that you opened up about this; I know how it feels like when you have a lot on your chest. I hope bringing up Dexter didn't completely ruin your mood. Just wanted to know your insight on it. Definitely got it.
>>561431546 >>561432032 >My dream job is to be a forensic pathologist. I have slightly higher ambitions than just being a coroner or funeral director. Being around bodies and being able to help people and bring closure to their families and loved ones is kind of the best thing I could possibly imagine spending my time and energy on.
>>561432176 >if the families of these people found about about op they would be deeply and profoundly hurt You are the biggest fucking pussy I've ever encountered on this board. Get your faggot ass back to Tumblr or Reddit or whatever godforsaken hugbox you pranced out of.
>>561432737 Didn't ruin it at all. It's shit but it's not that shit. Hope you like the comic if you check it out. The character I'm referring to is Fillmore Press/Madder Red if you do. Should be fairly obvious.
>>561433281 Not immediately after death and during bloat. Even still, (this may be TMI) my pussy is extremely small so it doesn't take a whole lot to do the job.
>>561434214 Hey op I archived the last thread and this one so you can read them later maybe. i just finished reading up to this point. This has all been a very interesting read and I hope im on the next time you do one of these in a few years.
>>561433874 I've been in some form of psychiatric help for the last six years. I currently have not one not two but count 'em three psychiatrists two of which are forensic I'm getting "help," but "help" is extremely uneducated with this sort of thing. If and when I am eventually caught, there is no incriminating evidence left at this point and I was not mentally responsible for what I did. I've already been convicted for once assault and didn't do any time for it for the same reason.
>Virtually everything on a corpse is as sexual as a cock, pussy or breasts to me. I've gotten off from some severed toes before, and they're were pretty fucking liquidated. Injuries, especially knife wounds, get me off like almost nothing else. It's all fucking amazing, man. >Same way any woman fucks anything. Humping, putting bits of them in me, brushing my breasts against them. Pretty much any proximity to them turns me on, I don't even have to touch the corpse to orgasm. Grinding up against it or being penetrated by any part of it, needless to say, gets the job done. Primarily using thighs, neck, shoulders, face, crotch, tits and hands. Grinding up against or penetrating with all of them. Wounds especially.
If we get to have sex alive with who we want what is the diference with a dead body, it's not a rape or murder. just because more people don't like it doesn't make it wrong. If we get to do what makes us happy why can't you?
>>561435224 because people care about their deceased family, loved ones and friends. even though it's not them, even though it's an inanimate object, even though it's not hurting anyone, cultural norms dictate that it's not okay. So I can't. As much as it hurts not to.
>>561435386 I enjoy the smell. Legit. I have a terrible sense of smell so the extremely strong odor is even better.
My favorite color is predictably red. Followed by green.
>>561435797 Also, I can't help but feel this is a massive attention whoring thread. Post some proof with timestamps or GTFO. This is just another gore thread with some make believe text along with it. I feel like I'm reading playboy articles right now this is so boring.
>>561435584 That anything, virtually anything I can do that doesn't amount to killing someone is okay so long as it helps. That I'm not a monster or a freak or a pervert but that given my history and upbringing this attraction of mine is to be expected and it's okay to feel the way that I do. That I can't help what I'm aroused by, and that I control what I do about it is extremely admirable. You know. Nice things. Because I'm not hurting anyone anymore.
>>561436075 It's odd how that trope persists today, despite this origin being animistic in nature. It's a fucked up fetish (not like mine isn't) though it's due to stigmatization of it that it's hard to document it and have the masses accept it. Is that why you go to therapy though, to hear happy words, and that as long as others aren't being hurt, you aren't either? If I get it right, they're not trying to treat it, but prevent it from spreading?
Welp OP you've been a pretty awesome OP, in fact i would go so far as to say the OPest OP of OPs. Anyway now that this awesome person >>561434589 has archived the thread i'm going to go to bed. Thanks for the cool thread and answering all the questions, I wish you the best of luck and i hope i'l be online the next time you post. Good night.
>>561437420 >Is that why you go to therapy though, to hear happy words, and that as long as others aren't being hurt, you aren't either? If I get it right, they're not trying to treat it, but prevent it from spreading? That's pretty much exactly it. I'm trying to learn how to better live with it. Drinking myself into oblivion every time it gets too much to deal with is hardly helping. They're doing everything they can to find a way to make it tolerable. It's the best any of us can do, really.
Norms are just mass opinions that separates what is good or bad for most people. You can still live your life the way you want it, you got away few times like you said. Maybe you can try and stop asking what if and be who you are, do something for you. It might pay off.
>>561438145 I isolate myself, drink alone and make sure not to leave the house when I'm not sober these threads are obviously poor judgement on my part but I'll be damned if you all haven't made me feel better
>>561438238 nope my life is much, much better spent helping others and applying what I've learned at the expense of others than rotting in a cell at the cost of taxpayers until I'm shanked by an angry inmate. or worse, rotting in an asylum for decades on taxpayer's money as every inch of me atrophies with disuse and insanity.
>>561438368 I was initially on such a fucking high no drug on earth could match it as it sank in I became suicidally disgusted with myself then realizing that I was getting away with it was absurdly empowered abused the shit out of the fuckbuddy I had at the time locked myself away in my room, skipped work, drank and did little else but ruminate and wallow in the memory of it and masturbate for a week or two afterwards eventually eased up a little bit but was still hideously on edge and paranoid for months after
not the best experience I tell you what deeply wished at the time that I was a sociopath or whatever and couldn't care
>>561438456 yeah nah nah my sexual gratification is not worth the pain and suffering it would inflict on families and the deceased nice thought but that's just not how the world works if it were that easy this thread wouldn't be up and I'd be out spending my Friday night embracing something I love, not posting on /b/
>>561439030 the constant, intrusive desire to kill people in order to fuck their decaying corpses, regardless of where I am, what I'm doing, who they are, anything. the undiscriminating obsession that's destroyed my concentration and focus. this all-consuming desire that's ruining my fucking life regardless of how much support I'm given. That's what's keeping me from being neutral. It's what's keeping me from being happy.
>>561439074 you know, for how much I've read, I've honestly never touched one of his novels. Where's the parallel?
>>561439237 Forensic pathology is the study of the deceased who have died from means that are not obviously natural. I have first-hand experience with corpses that have suffered homicide, and insight into the sort of mind that would do such a thing. I absolutely have something to contribute to a field lacking in any practitioners, let alone ones that have unconventional experience. Not to mention that my desire to be around corpses means an incredibly high tolerance for the nature of the work and a professional detachment, when necessary. It's like I was fucking made for it, man.
>>561439257 Every. Single. Day. I feel like hell-spawn. Like a goddamn monster. even when I fap the guilt is almost unbearable. I know it's unnatural. I know it's not right. but I can't help what I need to get off. I can't orgasm without it, and I have such a high sex drive I've hypersexual. I need it to function and so I feel like I need to be some depraved abomination in order to function. It's a nightmare. It's impossibly constraining.
>>561440547 >need to be I don't know. If I did I could do something about it, couldn't I? That's the question.
>>561440574 Purely a sadist. I've tried masochistic stuff before, and I do derive some small enjoyment from getting the shit kicked out of me or people unintentionally harming me, but that comes from self-hatred more than a love of pain.
Is it purely a sexual act or do you enjoy cuddleing with the corpses?
Im curiouse to know, Is there a connection you feel to them, or is it more like your able to connect with a part of yourself you feel like your missing or neglecting when your not able to indulge in your thanatophillia?
>>561439641 You form your sentences somewhat similar to him albeit without the archaic English. So can i just confirm, you'v never killed someone, you have killed someone or you won't say? i'm still confused because i thought you were against hurting other people?
>>561441220 Well, I'm not a sociopath, but I do have an uncommonly high sex drive.
I've tried to fight them, I do every fucking day. Everything from aversion therapy, to hypnotism, to accupuncture/pressure, CBT, DBT, SSRIs, hormonal therapy, even mother fucking chemical castration. Nothing has helped. It's tied so deeply into every facet of my functioning it will take a lot more than one shot to kill. It's probably the last thing that will be affected by all the therapy I'm in.
>>561441414 yes, and they tried, and they failed. we all failed. it's not that easy. we've figured most of it out, but it's... so deep, mayne. it's like all of my emotion is tied into it, and all my past trauma shaped it, and dealing with any of that "triggers" it. It's not like they can give me a pill or a book and it will just go away.
>>561440920 That's a root of masochism in its glory. Check out an SM club, tell them you're a sadist who wants to try masochist play. Also, lurk deeper into internet forums. Could probably find a necro buddy or a killer buddy, either way would help cope. Why not kill you are self?
>>561441460 >As romanticized as you can make an object that you base the entirety of your emotional health off of, something you obsess over night and day, something that you lust for as badly as someone with oneitis, something that you risk your name and your freedom to pursue even for a few fleeting moments. It's terribly, impossibly romantic. It only enhances the sex. Their personality has no role in it. It's not the stranger, it's not who that person was. It's the inanimate object. It's their corpse.
I feel a connection with them. Like they ARE the missing part of me. It's not thanatophilia, it's necrophilia. There's a difference. Only human corpses, not death itself.
>>561441909 You've mentioned you're not spiritual. Have you tried converting to any religion?
I don't want to be annoying religionfag but you know, there are few examples of people actually being dragged out of some deep shit with a help of the religion and their strong faith. And when it comes to, for example, christianity, I'd say you're already pretty well prepared for such conversion (you regret your sins).
Also, what are your thoughts on the subject of violence in vidya games, movies, etc.? Would you agree that playing violent games makes you a killer, psychopath, etc.? (Personally I think it's dumb).
>>561442959 >>561442976 My psychiatrists are fully aware that I would rather die than hurt someone again, and we have numerous measure in place that if I even show signs of planning something I'll be institutionalized. I'm going into a pretty intensive program next year for two weeks as well as a preventive measure, in addition to all the meds and shit I'm on now.
I'm not a danger to anyone.
>>561442986 They had me on depo provera, I think it was 400mg every week, intravenous, for about four months.
I had a paradoxical effect. Rather than reduce my sex drive it made me extremely agitated, aggressive, amplified my sex drive and I relapsed while I was on it. Bad fucking times.
>>561443406 I've tried really fucking hard to convert to Christianity, Judaism and Buddhism but try as I might I can't believe in anything. I respect the institutions and the help it gives other people, but it's not for me, apparently.
>>561443721 Seven times that I can recall. Sorry if the tense is misleading, I'm still drinking lol
>>561443860 I honestly, really, really wish I could have spoken with Jeffrey Dahmer. Our histories are extremely similar and we have the same methodology and tastes. Most other serial killers that I've heard of aren't quite as similar and I don't know if we'd benefit at all from speaking, but it could be worth a shot. I'm too paranoid to write to anyone or anything like that, though.
>>561445401 I was on probation for a year a couple years back and that's when I was seeing my first forensic psychiatrist. It was mandatory mental health care but no specifics so long as they addressed the violence and shit and reported to my probation officer. I'm free as a bird right now but still seeing a psychiatrist because I'm not an irresponsible jackass that will fuck up again.
>>561445615 I'm not that crazy about genital mutilation. Genitalia, in general, makes little difference to me. It's all about decomposition.
>>561445757 It's not exactly comparable to say that molesting a child is worse than killing them. Matter of opinion. All I know is I don't get off on it.
>>561445830 I was like 8 years old at the latest. I know it's fucking abominable. It honestly is really uncomfortable for me to talk about. I'm sick with myself for ever hurting any animals. They never do anything to deserve that shit.
>>561446775 You have completely redeemed yourself in my book. i find your fetishand tenacity very attractive. have you ever considered why you haven't been caught or outed sofar other than your precautions ?i made an email its earlier in the thread. Phaedrus.
>>561447659 cutedeadguys used to have a lot but I think they're members only now
>>561447681 for the grill I tied her up, gagged her, beat her, focusing mostly on her breasts and torso, fingered her while I was doing so, slapping her, hyperextending her fingers and toes, lightly cutting her chest and stomach, and forcing her to orgasm from the sensation of pain alone after several hours of it
for the guy I straight-up just assaulted him with a knife and tried to stab and cut him in as many places as possible.
>>561447820 assault with a deadly weapon. I was extremely psychotic and high and assaulted an ex-boyfriend, on a military base, and made no effort to conceal the attack. I was arrested within the hour.
>>561447938 I'm pretty ambivalent. I'll make a new one if anyone wants me to but I don't want to beat a dead horse.
>>561448069 well, shit, thank you. I know that I haven't been caught because I was so damn careful and the amount of effort it would take to incriminate me is astronomical. Law enforcement in those countries have more pressing matters and I've never done anything on US soil that would send me to prison that I wasn't already convicted for. as I said before, once these threads 404 I'll send you an email. Can't multitask while I'm drinking, but don't worry, I won't forget.
>>561448256 >for the grill I tied her up, gagged her, beat her, focusing mostly on her breasts and torso, fingered her while I was doing so, slapping her, hyperextending her fingers and toes, lightly cutting her chest and stomach, and forcing her to orgasm from the sensation of pain alone after several hours of it
>>561449310 It's just interesting seeing how the conversation has gone back and forth. I'm enjoying reading. It's interesting to read about someone a bit further down the spectrum as myself who has actually acted on their desires.
Op I have some questions, Ive read the thread & know your being careful so please just answer the parts your comfortable with
You said the corpses you've done the dirty with have been strangers, have you ever seen them when they were living? Or have you had access to the already decied?
Being into decomposition have you ever been with a corpse that was to the point where you couldn't make out their facial features?
Is being able to recognize them as still somewhat a living ( in the not so rotted there kind of a soup blob) important or is the more decayed the better as long as there not just bones?
Thanks, & props on your perseverance man, In all honestly i think what you have done is wrong, but your ability to fight for your conscience over the urges your brain has dealt you is admribable, I wish you the best anon
Apologies for slow replies, finally drunk enough that typing is becoming difficult
>>561450176 Would you care to talk about them yourself?
>>561450296 >have you ever seen them when they were living? Yes
Being into decomposition have you ever been with a corpse that was to the point where you couldn't make out their facial features? god yes my fucking fetish
the more decayed the better as long as there not just bones? this forever jesus fuck
Thanks, & props on your perseverance man, In all honestly i think what you have done is wrong, but your ability to fight for your conscience over the urges your brain has dealt you is admribable, I wish you the best anon thank /you/ for being so compassionate and encouraging. I seriously, deeply appreciate it.
>>561451142 have you ever seen that copypasta image that shows the guy in the bathtub, and he dropped a toaster or something in there and the bathwater boiled and he died. eventually it was just filled with human sludge and some of his exposed body, heavily decomposed. >latex suit >climb in >what is reaction? >inb4 spray
>>561451834 Your a good person, otherwise you wouldn't care about feeling bad, or helping other people. My mother worked with felony juvenile offenders and most are past the point of no return by the time they are 13 or 14.
>>561453038 What would you rather me say? Good gets my meaning across just fine. All things considering most people put in OPs shoes wouldn't even care about doing good, or guilt for past events or would have already killed themselves the fact that she still feels for others is a testiment to her will and moral character.
by the powers vested in me by our lord & savior Moot, i hereby declare you all official faggots of 4chan.
you have shamelessly given this attention-whore the attention that she so gratuitously demands, as she has not provided nor been requested a picture of her tits, and for that, you have shamed us all. good day.
>>561452585 I didn't have any stability at home, nothing consistent, reliable, no respect or love or decency but at a funeral the corpse at hand was treated with all of those things and more. It was a perfect embodiment of everything good and right that I was lacking and so I attached all of these things onto it. They make me feel like everything is okay no matter what else is going on, they're like the light of my fucking life thanks to that conditioning. My family's ineptitude and simultaneous respect for the deceased is almost solely responsible for how much I place on them as an adult and it disgusts me.
>>561454494 How odd. It sounds like the dead bodies actually saved you. From becoming a complete sociopath/sadist my mother said she was becoming that when she was a kid but it was animals and the unconditional love they gave no matter how she abused them that saved her.
>>561454494 As heartwarming as that was, humans are terrible at explaining their own psychology. You probably just think people are hot weather or not they are dead. Which means somebody could be a necrophiliac just by looking at this thread.
>>561454939 i have to go now op, it has been interesting honestly i think you will fuck up eventually though, you almost did today posting an image with geotag data on it, what if you did the same with a picture taken somewhere closer to home? you'll slip
>>561455294 You nailed it. The dead are a coping mechanism and it's exactly why it's so hard for me to let go. Abandoning my paraphilia means letting go of every last notion I have of decency, respect, stability, love, etc. etc. etc. It's hideously fucking up but they gave me a way to survive when I needed it.
>>561455684 that's beside the point. there was a time they existed, and then they didn't. the transition was sometimes self inflicted but mostly, they were force ably extinguished. i imagine they was desperate to survive but was murdered anyway. and that's sad.
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