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Hey /b/, I'm really fucking sick, I'm coughing up blood

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 140
Thread images: 19

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Hey /b/, I'm really fucking sick, I'm coughing up blood and my belly's fucking purple.

Called 9/11 and they can't get to me because of a fucking traffic jam so here I am on my laptop in bed probably going to die. Fuck.
>>
>>560242049
>911
>caught in traffic

You're not in Canada, fuck off.
>>
>called 9/11
>>
>>560242221
You've never been to a city in canada
>>
>>560242049
Ebola.
>>
>>560242221
Roads in canadian cities are jackshit, and canadian still call 911

>>560242469
That's what I'm afraid of but I haven't been to Africa.
>>
>>560242049

please proceed to light yourself on fire, do not touch anyone else
>>
>>560242461
I live in a city in Canada, buddy.
>>
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now that you mention it i don't feel too good
>>
pics + timestamp
>>
See you later sweet prince. Have fun rotting in your own blood.
>>
>>560242883
i second this
>>
>>560242767
Hey I'm not your buddy, guy.
>>
>>560242049
It's just a little bit of a hemorrhagic bleed.
No big deal.
Except it's a pretty big deal.
Stomach feel ridged and tough yet?
>>
>>560242728
Maybe you have shaken hands or shared stall with someone that was infected.

Or it can be a broken appendix - or even scurvy.
>>
watch it friends
>>
>>560243175
im not your guy, friend
>>
>>560242049
Probably just some sepsis.
You'll die of shock in a little while.
>>
>>560243008
third
>>
>>560242049
goodbye, lucky bastard
>>
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>>560242049
good luck
>>
>>560242049
>called 9/11
>mfw
>>
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murica!
>>
>>560242883
My webcam's with my desktop and that's on the other side of the apartment, I feel like shit and can't be bothered.

>>560243303
Stomach feels really fucking warm.

>>560243318
I had McDonalds a few days ago and it's full of filthy niggers handling the food.
>>
>>560243484
I'm not your friend, pal
>>
>>560243639
>I had McDonalds a few days ago and it's full of filthy niggers handling the food.
So Toronto?
>>
>>560243703
im not your pal, buddy
>>
>>560243829
I'm not your nigger, wigger.
>>
>>560243639
i call bullshit then
>>
>>560243895
im not your dew, jew
>>
>>560243804
Fort McMurray
Fuck guys I'm trying really hard to stay awake waiting for the ambulance, what do?
>>
>>560242049
>Called 9/11 and they can't get to me

Then your second alternative was to post on /b/ ?
Right.

Maybe you deserve to die.
>>
>>560244138

I'm not your jew, spic
>>
Don't die OP. Hang in there faggot. Also, if you think its that serious, tell them to call a fucking helicopter.
>>
>>560242049

>Called 9/11

it's an inside job, you know
>>
>>560242049
You have ebola.

>fucked.jpg
>>
>>560244248
Then you will be taken to a reservation to see a shaman. stay off the drink pal.
>>
>>560244281
im not your spic, kike
>boythatescalatedquickly.jpg
>>
How yhe fuck do you catch dysentery this day and age.. Op, stop eating roadkill
>>
>>560244251
I'm posting on /b/ while they try to get to me through the traffic.

>>560244349
I live in a tiny narrow neighborhood, no way a fucking heli is going to get in here and land safely.
>>
Keep hydrated bro, drink a gallon of water or somthing, then piss out, crank up the heat.

Drink something to mutrilise the stomach acid, you might have an internal ulcer, drink a bit of mouth wash to nutirilise your stomach acid bro.
>>
>>560242049
Im a trained first responder. you are bleeding internally. Hope you wont be kill
>>
OP do something stupid and remarkable so we can read about you in the news. Like the grenade in the toilet guy. That way your memory will live forever in 4chan
>>
>>560244798
Dont do this
>>
>>560244150
I'm not your Ike, dike.
>>
>>560244798
Kek
>>
>>560244914
I don't know man I'm really fucking tired, the most I could do is probably just lie on my bed on my laptop like I am now.
>>
>>560245058
im not your red-o, ped-o
>>
>>560242049
Die fighting, /b/rother.
>>
What some bro said, if your atomach is purple its internal bleeding, youre going to have to either get your ass to a hospital ASAP or enjoy dying of a blood infection, which is slow and criplingly painfull.
>>
>>560245129
OP if movies taught me anything, if you fall asleep you're fucked. Keep yourself awake.
>>
>>560245375
Heaven not being an ass, this is true anon. You are having internal bleeding most likely.
>>
Ebola is here.

You are hopefully in Toronto right OP?
>>
>>560244248
Lol Fort Mac.
You're dead man. That traffic sucks.
Also you should probably get help asap, there's nothing a paramedic can do for you until you get into hospital. Stomachs are a bitch to work around.
Describe the colour of your blood right now, like how dark and is anything coming up with it?
>>
>>560244721
What the fuck kind of fucked up 911 system do they have in Canada where they can't send fucking helicopters to your house?
>>
>>560245515
Yeah whatever man, I'm tryin to stay awake

>>560245592
Fort Mac, not Toronto. I'm fucke.d

>>560245750
It's dark red or some siht like that.

>>560245834
Road where I am is too narrow for a heli to lan.d
>>
>>560242767
What city?
>>
>>560246126
What time did this all start OP?
>>
>>560246126
If you aren't going to call 911 again then you should start writing down stuff you did that may have caused it. A last will, because with what it sounds like, they may come too late.
>>
OP, are you bleeding out of your eyes, nose, or any other place? If yes, you probably got Ebola and have minutes to live. :(
>>
>>560246126
bet you wish you lived in america now, eh
>>
>>560242323
Kek
>>
>>560246126
OP how will we ever know if you made it or not???
If you don't die tonight please come back
>>
OP, do you have any of these symtoms?

Fever
Severe headache
Joint and muscle aches
Chills
Weakness

Over time, symptoms become increasingly severe and may include:

Nausea and vomiting
Diarrhea (may be bloody)
Red eyes
Raised rash
Chest pain and cough
Stomach pain
Severe weight loss
Bleeding, usually from the eyes, and bruising (people near death may bleed from other orifices, such as ears, nose and rectum)
Internal bleeding

Ebola might have taken you..
>>
I'll pray for you OP
>>
yeah op take the fuckin laptop with you. Post from the fuckin hospital. Then say shit on the news that we kept you awake. we all profit.
>>
>>560246558
This morning I first started feeling like shut, but I think I caught it from niggers a tmcdonalds a few days ago.

>>560246590
If they find me I'll prolly be dead or unconscious with thi s page open on my lap.

>>560246660
fuck off americunt

>>560246636
I shit blood earlier today before my stomache turnde purple.

>>560246764
I will

>>560246805
Fever, weakness, joint and mucle ache, diarrhea, chest pain, stomach pain, and brusing, probably internal bleeding cause i'm coffin shit up

Fuck guys I really don't feel good, brb going to call emergency again
>>
>>560247160
OP, I really think you may have gotten Ebola. God speed.
>>
>>560247160
Dude, fucking record it and post the link
>>
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>>560242049
Dead?
>>
>>560247263
hope not. Fucking mcdonalds niggers came from nigeria? what the fuck man?
>>
Nobody's fucking answering, fuck.
>>
>>560247376
He has a bunch of the symptoms. OP, leave a will telling your family to sue McDonalds if you are sure you might die.
>>
>>560247445
IT"S HAPPENING!!!!! ZOMBIE OUTBREAK!!!!
>>
>>560247445
lol I thought you lived in Canada and not some 3rd world shithole
>>
Goddamin,OP migh have some EbolAids from these niggers,sue the McDicks.
>>
>>560247520
I have no paper near me, I'm goin gto open up notepad and write stuff there with a link

>>560247580
Fort Mcmurray's a shithole, might as well be mini-detroit

I'm writing my will shit on notepad, will be back in five minuites tops to assure you guys i'm not kill
>>
>>560247445
call again OP. keep calling until someone answers.
>>
>>560247576
It's past your bedtime, little buddy
>>
>>560247741
When you put the link, make sure you use this link. I archived the thread for you. May you never 404 :(

http://4archive.org/b/thread/560242049
>>
>>560247779
Dude, I just woke up. I don't wanna take a nap. .. You can't make me..
>>
>>560247898
You get your fucking ass up those stairs, young man. MARCH.
>>
fucking hell someone's kocking on my doro. fuck i think it's the ambulnace and i'm hella tired

thanks for keepin g me occupied so i don't fal l asleep and die, //b

and for the fucker saying i'll make news, i'll survive ebola and will come back on here and tell you guys i surv ived, ok?
>>
>>560248161
Go op godspeed!!!!
>>
>>560248161
good luck
>>
>>560248161
Good luck, OP
>>
>>560248161
Take care OP... If you can ask them to take the laptop with you, that'd be great. We want to be updated man.
>>
>>560248161
Give them hell OP
>>
>>560248161
lucky bastard, all could've been avoided if you were just in a real country.
>>
update us somehow faggot,we care.
>>
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>>560248161
Best of luck OP
>hope you dont die
>>
>>560248161
GO OP, GO! And let us know you shitlord

if you're joking, I truly hope you get ebola
>>
>>560248161
We're counting on you OP, if you cannot get up there then yell.
>>
>>560248161
Fucking eh.

We saved OP guys
>>
>>560247580
>fort mac
>not a shithole
its basically just a giant camp for cokehead rig workers, most of these assholes are working 12 hour days 14 on and then spend all their cash on big trucks, hookers and blow

wouldnt call it a shithole necessarily just not a nice place to call home
>>
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Godspeed, you wonderful bastard.
>>
>>560248161
thanks mr skeltal
>>
>>560248621
yeah i also have a weird sense of accomplishment. Unlike my entire fucking life
>>
he just opened the door, it's shrek. he got on the floor, and he fucking walked the dinosaur.

thansk /b/
>>
I hope you arnt killed
>>
>>560249070

time to DDoS OP;s life.
>>
>>560249070
hope you get ebola you fucking nigger
>>
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>>560249070
Shrek will heal thy wounds, sweet child
>>
>>560249070
You fuck.
>>
>>560248161
fuck, op now infected the hospital, canada is ogre.
>>
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>>560249070
lol i was troled XD
my time was wasted !
>>
don't push too hard because you'll fart your lungs out
>>
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i hope you die from anal cancer you faggot
>>
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>>560249424
>>
>>560249070
shrek then grabbe d me in his hands and turned me over onto my belly

he took out his mighty orge cock and forced it into my anus so hard that his cock jusices mixed with my ebola.

"shrek u are kill now" i say
"I don't care, anon, as long as I am with you"

he kissed me so hard on the lips, drinkin my infected saliva and digging his tongue into the depths of my throat.

we spent the last 5 minutes fucking

shrek is love, shrek is life
>>
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>>560249070
No
>>
>>560249484
its funny because we were all troled by the glorious op
This prank will be archived forever lol!!
>>
>>560249576
no shrek id
>>
>>560249642
>>560249658
i dont know about you other fellas but im going to stay and not let this awesome thread 404
Pls op moar !!
>>
Good luck Op
>>
>>560242049

Here's why you're sick, faggot. I'll give every reason.

>You are on /b/
>You're a faggot OP.
>You are a cancerous Canadian faggot.
>You tried to suck your own dick.
>You've got Super-AIDS Cancer
>>
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It begins
>>
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>>560249947
couldn't have said it better.
>>
just archived
>>
Jokes on you op, you still live in canada
>>
>>560249642
after five minutes of fucking shrok pulled out next to me, and lied down

"we'll wait for the ambulents together", shrek said
"but shork you're infected now" said i
"i know" he mutterd

tears rolled down his eyes and i comforted shrek, "There there buddy, orgys are like onions"

he looked up at me and smilled, "let's be together forver"

he kissed me again and carressed my mantits.
>>
>>560249070
Fuck you OP
I hope a gernade appears in your toilet.
>>
>>560251012
faggot
>>
>>560250830
i moaned, as i was shreksually molested by my ogrelord. shrek will be the one. i know it. He borke my shoulders and squeezed me together to make my mantits fukkable, and put his ogre cock between my mantits, and tittiefucked me.

"shrok your weight is hurting my stomech", I screamed, my stomache still bleeding as I started to bleed from my orifices

"i know" grinned a mischeavois shrok as he sucked my bleeding penis

I cried, but cried ebola blood instead of tears. "shrek i thot you were better than this"

he looked at me and smilled, "ogres are like onions"
>>
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>>560244798
Mutrilize it bro.
>>
>>560251163

We have the same ID
You just called yourself a faggot
>>
IF YOU ARE IN OHIO, LOOK UP WATER PROBLEMS ONLINE
>>
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>>560242049
AW SNAP! You got's da Ebola nigger!
>>
>>560251435
I tryd letting out a scrim, but my throat fillet with blood and shrek started to brutally fuck my anus, I screamed in terror, but it came otu as a gurgle. "shork stop gurrgle"

I died, and Shrek continued fucking my corpse until the ambulance man came in and saw shrek fucking my inanimat body.

"go fuck yourself faggot" shrek said to ambulance man

ambulance man pulled out his weiner and began to fuk himself in the ass

THE END
>>
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You called 9/11?
>>
But if you are serious, condolences.
>>
:)
>>
EPILOGUE

Shreork took off and the ambulance man fucked my corpse

shrek was ammune to ebola but still had it so he spread it around

ambulance man got ebola and ogre aids
>>
SEQUEL

Shrek took off and spread ebola, an d he meta a little girl named annie

he gave annie ogre aids and ebola. she spread it around

ebola evolved into zomber virus

everbod died
>>
We better nuke canada before ebola spreads through the borders
>>
>>560253763
except shrek
and annie

they moved into the cuntry side and had children, who were immune 2 death

the children grew uup to be almighty zamber slayers who faut for mankind

there were 7 kids, all with super ogre-human powers, one who controlled fire, one who controlled wind, one who controlled water, one who controlled earth, and one who controlled all elements, the othre 2 children were plain, the fifth one was THE AVATAR.
>>
>>560242461
I live in Vancouver and such problems are unheard of not including the implausible chance that every junkie is jaywalking across hastings simultaneously
>>
>>560248728
Sounds right.
>>
>>560254160
The avator had to kill shrek and annie to prov his strength and then they killed all of the zambobwes

the end
>>
>>560254425
I've been to Vancouver and the traffic there was literally the worst I've ever seen. Not that I've been to shitload of places, but literally every time I went outside, there was an accident. Literally. No joke. I could hear cars slamming into someone. I was there for a week and a half, and I heard at least 2 accidents a day, and I'm not even exaggerating.

Shit's so bad, and I don't know if this is just BC, but new drivers have to put stickers on their cars just to let people know they're new and have a higher risk of accidents.
Thread posts: 140
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