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Hello /b/, long story short, I'm dying (colon cancer). My

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 229
Thread images: 35

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Hello /b/, long story short, I'm dying (colon cancer). My ex already cried like a bitch, which I'm thankful for, all my friends cried with me,my parents laughed with me and told me that I have a short time to live another life then gave me $1,000 (cash). All the people I cared and loved are aware of my illness and know I gotta do things before I die, and so I'm ready to take offers of people. I know this is my last chance to a fun life, but I want to share this experience with people that I've been relating to for over the past 5 years.
You guys will make up a list of 5 things I do before I die, it can be anything from eating a sandwich to trying to hug the president.
1.Roll 69, 2. Roll 72, 3.Roll 52 4. Roll 37 5. Roll dubs, or 98
>>
prove or gtfo
>>
>>556790879
An hero
>>
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Get fucked in the ass by a $100 per hour or less black tranny from your local Backpage
>>
>>556790879
pic w/ timestamp

also, good luck on your last days.
>>
>>556790879
Get at least 40 ft sailboat, monohull or a catamaran, and sail across the atlantic ocean. Visit northern Morocco, spend all your money on cheap hash, sail the mediterranean, and then sail to the United States and sell all that hash. Journey of a lifetime.
>>
>>556791085
I'll get pics of my hospital socks, hold on.
>>556791598
Do you want me to do this in a certain location?
>>
Rollll
why not
>>
>>556791720
Sounds good, do this.
>>
assassinate Justin Beiber or the president
>>
If you live in new york by any chance, actually kick over that card stand. You can agree a time with /b/ whenever.

Otherwise, video of you printing out five copies of the front page of /b/ and stapling them to your next door neighbour's front door.
>>
Drive across the country
>>
>>556791672
better get some lube OP
>>
go to one of those Buddhist temples in Thailand (like Wat Bang Phra) or Cambodia or Laos and get yourself yantra tattoos
get inked nigga
>>
>>556792007
rerolling
>>
>>556790879
Donate all your money to charity and backpack/hitchhike across whatever country you live in. I'm assuming US or Canada?
>>
Enter a street race
>>
rape.
>>
>>556791672
Nice, man. I'm bi-sexual, so I don't think this will be much of a problem. brb gonna look at ebony trannies on my local backpage.
>>
>>556791762
Changed my mind /b/ro, don't.
>>
Rape your mother
>>
>>556790879
smoke 1k worth of weed.
>>
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>>556791598
>>556791672
Jesus, two winrars in a row. The gods are telling you something OP...
>>
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Are you the guy that made a thread yesterday?

Anyway, thing to do before you die: sky dive.
Cliché, I know.
>>
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Fall in love
>>
>>556790879
Experiment with fecal transplanatation. It can cure Crohns. Maybe it can cure cancer.

Put other peoples poop up your butt.

Cats poop.

Dogs poop.

Never stop. Become a super hero who fights to cure the world of cancer and tyranny. With poop.

You are.

The Pooper.
>>
>>556792330
Oh fuck, didnt even notice the get
>>
>>556792118
reroll
>>
Get fucked by a nigger.
>>
>>556790879

>tfw when I will never know a friendship like that with a chicken and get a hug from it.
>>
>>556792569
lol
>>
Scuba dive (learn how to, then pick a fun destination)
>>
>>556792208
again
>>
>>556790879

>give everything you own to charity
>retreat to a buddhist temple in the mountains and live the rest of your life in meditation
>>
>>556790879
Watch the entire series of breaking bad.
>>
>>556790879

Give your life to Jesus Christ.

I am not joking.
>>
>>556792569
I'm kind of glad you rolled 69 because I wanted to do something weird like that with my body. Thanks.
>>
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>>556792569
WINRAR GET
>>
lick your lips
>>
Buy a gun that's about $1000.00

an hero
>>
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whatever you do, please delivar on vid
and enjoy the rest of your life dear anon
>>
>>556792803
I already watched it with my ex. I'd watch it again just for the hell of it.
>>
>>556792569
Can't say I approve, but 69 is winrar

inb4 I'll read about this in 2-3 months in the news
>>
>>556790879
Throw a block of cheese at Obama
>>
>>556793030
Definitely watch it again. You pick up lots of things you would have missed the first time round.
>>
kill yourself
>>
Appear on a local news broadcast with a banner stating Milhouse Is A Meme
>>
>>556790879

Rolling

Give your life to Jesus.
>>
>>556792692
moot why?
>>
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If this is legit, you're better off taking this to /adv/. Instead of rolling just ask them for a list of things to do and then choose which ones you could do.

Don't waste your last weeks/months of your life on this cancerous board.
>>
>>556790879
beat a shit ton of video games
>>
>>556793030
Watch the entire series of Dr. Who.

All of it.

ALL
OF
IT!
>>
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>>556790879
that is a lot of time wasted typing for someone who is short on time. here have a template. and make sure they print it out, frame it and place it in your coffin for you to have in the afterlife.
>>
>>556790879

heroin. lots of heroin. Do it faggot
>>
>>556790879
find yourself a sex club and get in on an orgy
>>
donate some money to your fellow /b/ros and be a hero
>>
>>556793292

rerolling
>>
Kill yourself

5 get
>>
Shit in the middle of a Tescos/Walmart and film it
>>
>>556793309
Too soon man, too soon.

I'm also rolling for a full body tattoo composed of 100s of dicks
>>
>>556790879
Hey OP. Pretty sure I have the cancer too. I doupt mine will be fatal, but will require surgery and fuck ton of cash to keep me alive for a bit longer. And, It might even come back, because you know "cancer" does that.

I suggest that you try to be everything that cancer is not. Bring life and happiness into this world. Don't be afraid of a single damn thing, because you're already dead, so what is there to be afraid of? You can't be more dead...

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nog3J4t3BfE
>>
>>556790879
go to africa and kick a buffalo in the balls
>>
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>>556793324
Go back to your grave, skeleton. You're just being silly.
>>
>>556790879
>I'm dying (colon cancer)
good
>My ex already cried like a bitch
good
>I know this is my last chance to a fun life, but I want to share this experience with people that I've been relating to for over the past 5 years.
Just fucking kill yourself. You are literally cancer.
>>
>>556790879


Lunge wildly at the president while screaming

>STOP STEALING MY THOUGHTS
>>
>>556790879
Do whatever the rolls say, but on the last day near the end. Go out on an empty grass field. And just watch the lands for hours until you die.
>>
Kill yourself, you are already dying so why not?
>>
Kill someone.
>>
>>556790879
Is your betadom contagious - can i get it from posting on here.
Can i have your paypals OP - hurry up Im fucking scint.
>>
>>556793467
reroll
>>
>>556793475
Give your life to Moot
>>
>>556792559
lol'd
>>
>>556793498
WONNAR
>>
cancer is shit

just enjoy your last days to the fullest, anon
>>
Fap in front of a group of complete strangers on the street.
>>
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>>556793535
Found out I have a benign tumor on my liver when I got scanned for gallstones, but I dont think it can become malignant
>>
>>556790879
Buy me a new pistol
>>
>>556790879
Pls donate something to my paypal.
Donate as much as you want. I really need some money to buy a new cheap keyboard, and i'm broke. Pls help.
Paypal account: [email protected]
>>
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>>556791085
I went in about a month ago because I had been going to the bathroom CONSTANTLY, then after a while I just started shitting blood, and around the second week I had lost 30lbs, it was terrible. I'm currently taking pills and what-not to retract my bowel movement, but it only goes for so long.
>>
>>556793575
This
>>
>>556793718
At least killing himself is number five on the list
>>
You faggots, give anon good heads up, not this shit tier adolescent stuff.

Listen, anon, read about Pascal's wager, carefully and thoughtfully, and then think about it for a while. The answer is there.
>>
>>556793860
Rolling this
>>
Why do you have colon cancer?
>>
>>556793873
bathroom constantly for #2? how bad was the shitting of the blood?
>>
OP's To Do so far:

1. Experiment with fecal transplanatation. It can cure Crohns. Maybe it can cure cancer. Put other peoples poop up your butt. Cats poop. Dogs poop. Never stop. Become a super hero who fights to cure the world of cancer and tyranny. With poop. You are. The Pooper.

2. Get fucked in the ass by a $100 per hour or less black tranny from your local Backpage

3.

4.

5. An hero
>>
>>556793345
I approve this.

Also, thanks for sharing OP, and sorry to hear that, shits not so cash..

Request: At the last of your days, bungee jump until you shit your colon out! pretty fun way go imo.
>>
>>556793324
thank mr skeltal
>>
Stop chemo and drugs, these will kill you.
Do an actual healthy diet from now on.
Kill all bad habits like smoking.
Google for actual cancer cures, do research.
Find a doctor who's willing to help with said alt cures.
Get healed.
Live more and do more.
Thank anon later.

What locks, unlocks.
>>
If any gets left, still, get fucked by a nigger.
>>
>>556793860
Rolling
>>
>>556793324
nice try skeleton
>>
>>556791598

And in the right order, no less.

For once it's not even bad advice, colon cancer sucks big time.
>>
>>556793535
That song was the song I would play for my ex. Sadly, I fell in love with her, she broke up, I got hurt, blah blah blah. Honestly, even before the cancer I felt as if my life wasn't going anywhere, and I'm trying to not sound edgy here, but it was just a huge mess due to mental health, but that's in the past. Thanks a ton for the kind words, godspeed.
>>
>>556793990

rerolling
>>
>>556790879
Record your adventures on the list
>>
>>556793432
hivemind

at least you can die happy

with terminal cancer you're already on opiates anyway. double up a dose and IV it (pills even)

feel like a fucking god for a bit before you have to deal with reality again.
>>
>>556790879
Get arrested for skydiving naked onto the vegas strip.
Punch Mary T Barra in her stupid cunt mouth.
Take a bloody shit on FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler's doorstep.
Take a kid around to tattoo shops to see who would be willing to tattoo "1%" on a kid.
Get a bunch of kids to protest across from the whitehouse with signs like "stop fucking us" or something like that.
>>
Read the tibetan book of the dead, it will make you have peace with yourself.
>>
>>556793324
Eugenia?
>>
>>556794261
Why do you have colon cancer?
Did you shove things up your butt or wut
>>
>>556794326

Rerolling for Jesus!
>>
hug a chicken, looks like fun.
>>
Try sucking off a donkey.
>>
>>556790879
Do drugs
Overheat a computer

Abort your imaginary children

Get /fit/
Undress in front of a crowd
Neutralize an insect

Mow the lawn
Accuse someone of raping you
Search for the meaning of life
Search for the meaning of death
Abandon your best friend
Create a sandcastle
Rewire your brain
Ejaculate on your own face
>>
Have a Buddhist monk grant your soul peace.
>>
Have sex with a mentally retarded person or massive land whale
>>
>>556794054
Pretty terrible. I mean, it was basically diarrhea mixed with blood. It got so bad one day that I wore a diaper which made me feel terrible. Now, I don't really worry about that. I shit normally, but only because of my pills.
>>
>>556790879
Pretty much think positive mate, its been proven that the brain can control many diseases, as youre being negative disease increases, do a shitload of coke or stuff, just keep yourself happy constantly!

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/laughter-cure-illness1.htm

Couldnt find a better source at the moment, but its out there!
>>
Rape a horse.
>>
>>556790879
Can;t wait until you die liar
>>
>>556794483

Rerolling, damn it!

>only adult ITT
>>
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>>556794575

Accuse someone of raping you

>mfw
>>
>>556794608
Reroll
>>
>>556790879
go skydiving
>>
>>556794701

Reroll.
>>
Literally fuck everyone you can
>>
Nice try totalbiscuit
>>
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>>556793324
Skelly you lying bastard, you are still alive?
>>
>>556794728
>>556794483
>>556794326
>>556793990
Call this guy a douchebag 500 times
>>
>>556794728

So, 52 and 37 are left, right?

>Also, re-rolling
>>
>>556794608
Rerolling
>>
>>556790879
Honestly, the weight should be lifted off your shoulder's you can do what the fuck you want now without fear of conseqence, you're going to fucking die anyway!

Need money go rob some mother fucker, buy a gun and be a fucking super hero, go and murder the shit out of every drug dealer in your city, the plus point is drug dealers have drug dealer money AND LOTS OF IT, readily available, in cash, because the cunts can't use a bank!

So this is what you do, go grab a street dealer, put a gun in his mouth, get him to take you to his big boss locate his money, keep them mother fuckers captive and tell him to invite all his drug dealer friends over and keep them handcuffed up, once you have all his drug dealing associates captive kill them all and leave with your new found fortune and repeat,

PROTIP: you probably now have drugs in your possession use these as a way of gaining a meeting with another drug dealer, repeat this process until your city is free of drugs..

Die as Batman
>>
>>556794889
reroll
>>
Serious question OP.

How was your cancer discovered?
>>
>>556794993

Bite me, neckbeard sodomite.

>Also, rerolling for Jesus
>>
Uncolon cancer yourself
>>
>>556794608
Rollin again.
>>
>>556794450
I'm a very fit person (was 240 of muscle), would eat really healthy and what-not, but I went through a downfall in which I had a small form of depression for about 3 weeks, it was just constant crying and self loathing, and so I only ate trash food, and all that jazz, it was terrible, and I guess my colon just couldn't take that change correctly or something and that happened, at least that's what I think.
>>
>>556791720

why the fuck would you wanna work while you're dying? retarded idea.

ill say go to somalia and kick it with some pirates, shoot some big guns n shit
>>
>>556795048

This. go fuck up your city or towns criminals
>>
>>556790879
finger bang a -12yr old
>>
>>556793873
Sorry, bro.
Is it metastatic already? How about, well, simply removing part of the colon?

Roll:
Bring unexpected happyness to some stranger every day.
>>
>>556795048
reroll
BATMAN!!!!!!
>>
>>556794680
Anyone with terminal colon cancer would be much more technically articulate about "my pills" and other routine chemo regimens. The fact that I coincidentally have Stage 4 Colon Cancer with mets to my lungs makes me curse you to fucking hell because you are a liar.

I hope you really do get cancer you fucking cancer.
>>
>>556795209
Three weeks of junkfood don't give you acute cancer.
>>
>>556795209
Holy shit, I eat so bad, I'm panicking now

Gonna change my diet from now on.
Fuck, fuck, fuck
>>
>>556795337

WINRAR!

Also, I support this idea
>>
help a palestinian family to get out of israhell
>>
>>556795337
winrar
>>
>>556794153
Great advice, you retard.

I'm calling bullshit. Unless OP is 50 years old, the odds of him having a cancer of the bowel are 1 in a million. Besides that, all but the most advanced stage 4 colon cancers are untreatable. OP would have had at a minimum an exploratory laparotomy, and likely a resection of colon or total colectomy. Not a nation in the civilized world would let a young person go home and die with that tumor untouched.
>Tl;dr, OP is a fag who had an appendectomy and got some socks
>>
>>556792838
word
>>
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Visit the arctic circle.
Also, name of medication please
>>
>3 weeks of junk food
>guys i have colon cancer
>>
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Sharpie in cancer infected pooper

>pic related
>>
Travel to a place you've always wanted to go to.
>>
>>556790879
Eat a sandwich while trying to hug the president of 'murica. Penis butter sandwich.
>>
Nigga eat healthy an get hemp oil who knows maybe it can heal?
>>
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>>556790879
Make history
>>
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OP's To Do so far:

1. Experiment with fecal transplanatation. It can cure Crohns. Maybe it can cure cancer. Put other peoples poop up your butt. Cats poop. Dogs poop. Never stop. Become a super hero who fights to cure the world of cancer and tyranny. With poop. You are. The Pooper.

2. Get fucked in the ass by a $100 per hour or less black tranny from your local Backpage

3.

4. Bring unexpected happiness to some stranger every day.

5. An hero
>>
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>>556795561
Kek'd.
>>
>>556795337
It slowly but surely moved around, so yes. My colon is completely done for basically, and my stomach is next.
>>
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Hit dat blunt
Buy a dog
Molest your dog
Eat shit
Fuck yourself
>>
Get into Boards of Canada
>>
>>556795561

Kind of have to agree.
>>
>>556790879
do your best to find a live show going on, go to it and masturbate in front of the camera
4 get
>>
do something good for the world and kill a member of the Rothschilds or Warburgs
>>
>>556790879
wow socks!
this poor faggot must be dying
also sage and report
>>
>>556790879
>On your deathbed take an entire sheet of LSD.
>Wait for the inevitable
>???
>Profit
>>
>>556790879
End up on your countries sex offenders register.
You'll be dead so who cares?
>>
>>556795895
Bullshit. Next in line for metastasis would be the liver followed by the lungs. Google it you dirty motherfucking cancer.

Enjoy your lulz you dirty fucking asshole fuck.
>>
Try very potent cannabis oil, if you are aginst drugs try some without any psychoactive substances. I have heard and read how it helps. Cut back on everything that is processed and just stay strong if you want to try to beat it.
1. Go to festivals and concerts and checkout artists you have missed

2. try some xtc with your friends (I prefer clubbing) but it can be used while chilling out for a very euphoric experience. While I took up drugs, do shrooms too don't miss the chance to they're simply magical.

3. Go on a roadtrip and camp with your friends, check out places you ain't seen. And places you always wanted to see

4. Since you have a gf try out every fetish you might even like a little bit and make sure you play out hers as well ;)

5. Do anything you experience as something you missed out! And remember to do what YOU want, thought I'd give some ideas!
>>
>>556795561
You're the kinda asshole that goes around telling little kids Santa isn't real aren't you. We know this is most likely bullshit, that's not the point you ass.
>>
kick moot in the balls
>>
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>>556795895
Dude I'm so sorry it has to be like this. I know, apologising won't do shit and I sound like a complete faggot, but I hope your last few month(s) are the best you've ever spent in your life.
>>
>>556795048
i will legit do this if i ever am dying of cancer, used to smoke cigarettes so it's pretty likely actually
>>
>>556796385
rolling for this
>>556796054
or this, if you find the first too hard
>>
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>>556795209

Don't think bad food can give you cancer. but thanks for spending your time here!

PS: how long do you have left?

>have a racecar, because why not
>>
>>556796316
rolling for this
>>
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>>556796316
Rolling
>>
>>556790879
Sky diving OP :)

So sorry for you though, stay strong, /b/ is behind you brother!
>>
>>556796054
you aer using get the wrong way dude
you have to use 32 get
>>
>>556795304
reroll for this
>>
>>556796312
I agree. The colon wouldn't "be all done". It's a fucking dozen meters long! That's not how it works.
Roll: if dubs, leave 4chan now, forever.
>>
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>>556796316
rolling for the roadtrip
pic related, it's my captcha
edit; not related
>>
>>556796312
According to a study lead by the University of Boston, people who laugh with cancer have a 43% higher chance of contracting the disease later on in their lives because their epiphysis secretes mutated DNA caused by their apathy.

If anything, jokes on OP.
>>
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>>556796325
Hi there, faggot OP!
>>
Fuck your grandmother with her own face.
>>
>>556795895
YOU LIAR
>>
>>556797000
>>556797000
>>556797000
>>556797000

goodbye, cancer!
>>
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Here is some vomitous faggotry just for you OP. Please leave 4chan forever. I hope your children die in a car fire.
>>
>>556795561
but maybe OP is totalbiscuit
>>
>>556797000
>colon
>dozen metres long
do u even anatomy
>>
>>556790879
Is that you, freddie gibbs?
>>
>>556790879
get an old dog from the animal shelter and take care of it.

you are both dying, and you will both enjoy the company of each other.
>>
have sex with an adolecent girl
>>
Do DMT, Heroin, and smoke tons and tons of medical grade weed.
>>
>>556795407
I'm sorry I made you angry, man, but then again, it was really stupid what you said. Just because I don't want to get into detail because he understood, doesn't mean someone is lying. That's like saying that the constitution isn't real because you haven't seen it.
>>
>>556797073
This
>>
still rollin for pedo time
>>
>>556795451
I know that, but it could've pushed it. I mean, it's not like Cancer can be told, unless you were to stay near radiation and what-not, but it could've been a big part of it.
>>
File: image.jpg (50KB, 563x548px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.jpg
50KB, 563x548px
>>556797563
Wat
>>
>>556797869
No. It couldn't. Do be a dumbass.
>>
File: 1402643432.jpg (36KB, 479x383px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1402643432.jpg
36KB, 479x383px
Buy guns, go to Somalia kill pirates and fuck shit up
>>
>>556797863
dammit
same plus post pics
>>
>>556797869

Yeah, three weeks of junk food, seriously?
>>
>>556790879
>Hello /b/, long story short, I'm dying (colon cancer).
i'm dying from apostrophe cancer
i feel your pain
>>
>>556795561
I don't know how to prove it, and I don't really care to. I'm 46. Never married because it just wasn't my thing, didn't like the thought of it. Can't have kids. My mom is currently 74, and so is my dad. All of my friends are 44-47 years old.
That's all my verbal prove I have for you.
>>
>>556796482
Bro I smoke too, I hope i never get accused of being your fucking copycat killer, it would ruin my legacy...

I know, I'll race you to cancer.. READY....SET....GO
>Lights a cig
>>
This is the best bait I have seen today
>>
>>556798420
It's probably like the 3% why I have this, but I don't care to find out. No regrets is best.
>>
>>556798570
Post a pic of your laparotomy scar, or your medication bottles.
>>
>>556790879
OP, I want you to make another thread when you're on your deathbed and say goodbye to all your /b/ros. Take a screenshot to prove identity for future thread. Die well, OP.
>>
Bomb a furry or brony convention.
>>
goodnight sweet prince
>>
>>556790879
show up to my house and fight me to the death.
it can be the last thing on the list. dont want to be a dick about it
>>
>>556798930
>>556798930
this
>>
>>556798914
When are you going to live stream your death?
Just live stream you when you are about to die
>>
Go to North Korea
>>
become a hitman
>>
>>556792559
i like it do it! please...
>>
>>556798983
How fast can he get to bronycon?
>>
>>556798930
brb getting camera.
>>
Take a flight to tel aviv and fight with Hamas
>>
go to africa and rape a tiger make him your bitch
>>
>>556800184
tigers aren't native to Africa, idiot. You ony get them in Zoos

Source: Live in Africa
>>
>>556790879
Ok, here's my list, let's roll.

1 - Go fuck yourself.
2 - ???
3 - Profit
>>
>>556800023
and dont wait for the thread to get 300 repies either
>>
File: 1404330320563.jpg (179KB, 600x600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1404330320563.jpg
179KB, 600x600px
>>556800368

Nigger
>>
>>556800023
>go to DC
>get people all filled up on anti government stuff
>have the people break though the wight house gates
>take over wight house
>become leader
>make communism
>????
>profit
>>
File: CAM_40834.png (1020KB, 1365x992px)
CAM_40834.png
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>>556800571
you good now?
>>
Visit http://thetruthaboutcancer.com
>>
>>556800796
Well, you better seize the day then, right?
>>556795871
Also, 5. was redacted. I would say it would be a waste of time, too.
>>
>>556790879
That boy sure loves cock.
>>
Beat the world record for the number of orgasms in 24 hours by at least 10
>>
>>556801601

What the actual fuck dude ..
>>
fuck a tranny in thailand
>>
>>556802281
>http://thetruthaboutcancer.com
fucking vultures
>>
>>556796385
reroll for this
Thread posts: 229
Thread images: 35


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