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Help me out /b/, I am FUCKED. >Be me >Get a job at a local

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 110
Thread images: 22

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Help me out /b/, I am FUCKED.
>Be me
>Get a job at a local butcher's shop for some spare money
>Butcher has an 8/10 daughter who goes to the local college
>Almost the end of my shift, earlier today
>Stacking up some boxes
>Butcher's daughter comes in, wearing short shorts and a tank top
>muhdick.jpg
>"Hey Anon, need some help with those?"
>"Uh, sure"
>We both stack up a few boxes together
>Turn my back, as I do she bumps her butt against mine in a non-sexual way
>Do the same to her, and we both laugh and do it again
>Mid bump, the butcher walks in
>He lunges towards me, rolling pin in hand
>"ARE YOU FUCKING MY GIRL, ANON?"
>"N-no"
>"YOU ARE, AREN'T YOU?"
>He hits me with the pin
>"YOU ARSEHOLE, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU"
>runlikehell.jpg
>Get out of the butcher's shop, butcher gives chase
>Run the 5 minutes back to my house
>Butcher jumps over my garden wall
>Lock all doors and windows, close all curtains except for one
Pic related, took this just now. He's still out there shouting about how I'm gonna die. What the hell do I do?
>>
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Also when I say butt bump I mean like this but with only one of us doing it at a time.
>>
run out naked with a comboy suit
with some justin bieber music
>>
>>542546267
I don't have either of those.
>>
>>542546435
naked then
>>
>>542545940
>2014 Not having a gun
>Call the Police maybe?
>>
>>542546519
>Implying I have enough money for a gun
And what the fuck would I say? "There's an evil butcher in my garden?"
>>
>>542546630
yes
>>
>>542545940
what's up with his face dude
especially his eyes
o lawd
>>
What do you suppouse its gonna happen to OP if he runs out naked towards a psycho?

>Run to the girl and tell her to save your ass
>>
> 2014
> not beeing fit enough to take a middle aged man
> being to omega to explain yourself

Jeezus, just go outside and let him kill you.
>>
>>542546829
I have no idea where she is at the moment.
>>542546780
That's his angry face. I've heard about it but never actually seen it.
>>
>>542545940
moar pics of the butcher plox
>>
>>542547004
It looks like a rubber mask

captcha: 911
>>
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>>542545940
>>
>>542545940
that face

10/10
>>
>>542547140
I have a picture of him from a local paper, hold on a sec
>>
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FUCK FUCK FUCK. He saw me and he's banging on the window. I really need your help, he's going to fucking kill me.
>>
If you get butchered OP, pun intended, delivar proof; and a timestamp, perhaps
>>
>>542548007
you're a good photographer OP aren't you
>>
>>542548007
looks like hes wearing a mask
>>
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>>542547512
>>542547140
Here
>>542548317
If he is wearing a mask then I've not been aware of it
>>
>>542548007
>Getting attacked
>Is on /b/ instead of defending yourself
>>
just call the fucking police, man
>>
>"Oh shit, this crazy fuck is gonna kill me!"
>"Better tell 4chan and not call the cops."
>>
>>542548469
what is his name?
>>
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>>542548469
>>
Y'all niggas getting trolled.

Like seriously, that nigger took pictures from somebody wearing a mask and y'all retards believe him.
>>
>>542548746
Just play with it, faggot.
>>
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>>542548469
>>
>>542547004
>That's his angry face

Oh god my sides
>>
>>542548959
Curb the autism, faggot.
>>
>>542545940
get out and beat the shit outta him
>>
>>542546519
>>542548582
>>542548589
Alright faggots I called the police. They say they'll be on their way, but I don't know how long that'll be. Nearest police station's a 30 minute drive from here.
>>542548627
Len/Leonard, but I still don't know his surname. Daughter's called Betty.
>>
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>>542548469
Oh god I haven't laughed like this since /b/ wasn't shit.
>>
>>542549107
Take another picture.
>>
>>542548083
This.
Fn lol'd
>>
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>>542548469
>>
My fucking sides, I'm dying of laughter.
>>
Not bad, Op.
>>
>>542549201

>implying /b/ once wasn't shit

/b/ has always been shit
>>
>>542549201
something something /b/ was always shit something
>>
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We all know this whole thing is fake r8?

If not, OP, please deliver video.
>>
Oh lawd, this thread is brilliant
>>
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?
>>
the funny thing is, hes prob raping his daughter, thats why hes so protective

now that youve called the cops, grab a kitchen/steak knife n open the door. wait til he comes thru then stab him in the neck. remember, stab and then twist. when the cops arrive, tell them he broke into your house as they were coming so you had to kill him in self defence. it helps if you act really shaken n shit.
>>
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>>542549535
04-07 was half as shit as it is today sorry :C
>>
>>542545940
>>542548469
>>542548007

My sides,can't feel them anymore
>>
>>542545940
op is kill by spoopy eye-man
10/10 did laugh
>>
>>542549980

Half a shit is still half a shit
>>
10/10 OP
finally after years of pressing F5 expecting good content it came
and I came
>>
i really don't get this thread
can someone explain it to me?
>>
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He's in the house now. He did a running kick against the window and pinned me down, and hit me on the head a few times with the rolling pin. I got upstairs somehow, I'm currently locked in my bedroom. It's a dead end, no window, no escape except for the door he's banging against now. Thanks a lot /b/.

Also pic related, was able to take a slightly clearer photo of his face.
>>
>>542550892
it deals with the fact that you are a huge faggot
>>
>>542550924
kek
>>
>>542550924
how did you manage to get that pic
>>
butcher here.
we dont use rolling pins
thats obviously a baker.
>>
rip in peace op
died by resorting to /b/ instead of neighbors/police/fire station/etc
>>
someone archive for teh lulz
>>
>>542551241
He sells fruits, vegetables, and baked goods as well as meat, but he still calls himself a butcher. You can see in >>542548469 he's "butchering" some fruits.
>>
>>542550924
>Obviously staged
If he's right about to hit you, the picture would be too blurry to see.
OP confirmed for troll.
But an entertaining troll, he remains.
>>
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>>542551474
>>
>>542551474
It's a made up story, not a troll you retard.
>>
>>542550924
My sides man. Well done OP just.. well done.
>>
>>542550924
post nudes of the daughter instead
>>
OK faggots, battery on my phone's about to die. He's almost in the room now - the door can't hold much longer, I can feel it. Wish me luck and I'll see you all in the next life.
>>
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>>542550924
>>
>about to kill op
>WAIT!
>gets on comp
>"den da butthur caem in da houz and hiyt meay"
>oki
>proceeds with anal pounding

hue good story op
sad ppl dont know the difference between trolling and telling a story
>>
>>542551884
Thank you for taking the time for doing this whole thing.
10/10 OP
>>
>>542545940
Free internets for OP, he is not a faggot today.
>>
Yo hit that crazy looking dude with that 9milly
>>
>>542550924
right hand in pic

you are doing it wrong
>>
>>542552569
Being this nigger.
>MySides.jpeg
>>
>>542545940
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THIS SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME zoom in on his eyes i dare you
>>
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>>542550924
>>
>>542551474
Confirmed for autism.
>>
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This thread
>>
>>542552991
then why is all the dates on the pics say 2014:04:15 20:40:06 he must have time travelled too
>>
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>>542553589
>(ID: Heaven)

Am I having a religious experience or something?
>>
>>542553589
Look who it is again, ID Heaven. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet. Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag? Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "Heaven" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.
>>
>>542553589

dude i see you in every fucking thread you are so fucking annoying you sound like a fucking newfag every post
>>
OP is dead, thread is over
>>
>we laughing while OP is getting brutally slaughtered
>>
>>542554025
newfag detected
>>
>>542555475
Ha no, I just don't really browse /b/ anymore these days.
>>
>>542545940
>tfw op is full of shit
>tfw these niggers are buying in to it
>>
>>542556802
>tfw you actually think we are buying into it
>>
>>542556802
Your mother should have swallowed you
>>
>>542556551
...ive got my eye on you private...
>>
>>542556802
>not geting the joke
You're pretty dense aren´t you? That's probably why you don´t have friends
>>
>>542558456
YEAH YOU CANT SIT WITH US AT LUNCH ANYMORE ANON!
>>
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>>542558185
Yes Drill Sargent. I will do better next time Drill Sargent.
>>
>>542559415
ever suck a penis before private?
>>
>>542559415
WAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION PRIVATE?
>>
>>542551884
get more pics. somehow.
>>
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This is the best thing I've seen in years
>>
This is a great thread. It shows that we can still have nice things :^)
>>
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>>542545940
>>542548007
>>542550924
>>
>>542559552
No Drill Sargent, but I have met people on 4chan who have sir.

>>542560175
NO SURRENDER!
>>
If you really have him chasing you OP, try this:

1. Open the door and call him a baker, and follow up by telling him how you fucked his wife too, for an emotional critical hit.

2. While he is confused, lay down your guard and solve the problem peacefully
>>
This simple thread made me smile and laugh even if i was a little bit sad tonight.

Thanks /b/.
>>
Is this from a game? If so, which one?
>>
>>542561713
You think this is a motherfucking game?
OP's life is on the line
>>
This is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen on the internet, I'm literally wiping tears off my face. 10/10 OP
>>
this is like a cross between funny and horrifying. that face...
>>
Has anyone screencapped this thread yet?
>>
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>>542562328
>>
>>542562062
Exactly, anyone who says this is fake needs to know that it is unacceptable.

A mans life is in danger.
>>
according to the exif data on one of the photos, the pictures were taken 19 hours ago. makes sense considering this thread started 3 hours ago and theres no way the sun was setting there in america.
>>
>>542562489

awesome. saved.
Thread posts: 110
Thread images: 22


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