>be 16 >live next door to beautiful girl, named E. >known her since 3rd grade, been very good friends throughout >flashback to 6th grade >she's younger than I am >I'm in 6th grade >we hang out with the same group of kids our entire lives >eventually we start dating >experience our first kisses, typical 6th grade shit >she eventually breaks up with me >feels batman >experience first depression and first real growing experience for my psyche and emotional development >fast forward back to 16 year old self >just got out of long term relationship #2, with the wrong girl. >me and E start talking and hanging out, platonically. >she has boyfriend who is total scrub >she tells me her boyfriend issues and how he's not the guy she thought he was (they were dating for like, 3 weeks) >they eventually break up >still look at each other platonically >we sneak out almost every night and go on long walks throughout our neighborhood >still platonic, we're sharing more about our lives than we ever have before. its a viceral experience for both of us. we're sharing thoughts we never got to with anyone else. >she tells me her issues with her parents. I tell her mine >she tells me her insecurities, I tell her mine. >we reinforce each others thoughts and become a support system. >as the weather turns cold, we begin sneaking out to each others houses. This leaves us alone in each others rooms.
Chapter 2: Discovery (didn't name Chapter 1 because I'm a faggot).
>we begin getting closer. >one night I sneak over to her fathers house (divorced parents). >its a bit of a longer walk >its pretty cold outside >i get to her window and she lets me in >"anon, you must be freezing!" >"yeah, It's pretty bad" >both sitting on her bed above covers, she's in her night clothes >she gets under the covers >"You can come under if you'd like" >I take off my two jackets and shoes and get under. We're lying next to each other >Begin talking more and more. >She tells me her back hurts. >"want me to rub it for you?" >"Oh anon, you don't have to do that" >"I want to" >she smiles and I rub her back for 20 minutes or so >when I finish she curls into me. >this was a fucking explosion. an atom bomb had gone off in my chest. I every nerve in my body fire off >we begin to cuddle. >I pull the covers over us and we begin making out >start feeling for butt >she stops me, gets off of me and continues to cuddle. >its clear she isn't interested in that just yet. >I show no protest, I'm so happy with what had just had just happened >we cuddle until around 4 AM. >I wake her up >"hey I gotta go" >she opens her window and lets me out >"anon wait" >i turn around and she gives me a kiss before I leave. >"i'll text you" >"ok" I said. >the walk home was the warmest I've ever been
>walk home and sneak back in >can't sleep, too excited >open up Ableton and start making tunes until around 6AM >wake up and text her >"Goodmorning" >go through my morning routine >after I get out of the shower, she replies >we talk about last night. >we dont force anything, but both are happy with results. >cant stop thinking of E >all day we're both busy doing other engagements >doesn't matter, we have the entire night to ourselves >wait until 1 AM when parents are asleep >sneak back over to her dads house >we do the same thing as last night >we're laying together and begin to get hot >we strip down to our underwear >we cuddle and make out, not pushing it too far >but the talks, man. We talked for so long >we talked about what we loved and what we wanted we talked about what we could never have but what we dreamed of we talked about what we experienced and how we felt >"what time is it?" I say barley awake >oh shit look overcomes her face >"its 5:30, anon" >know my mom gets up at 5 am every morning. >run and grab all my clothes and practically jump through her window >get another kiss goodbye >never had more motivation to break into my house without being caught >sprint home. peak through the window >Jump my fence and go into backyard where I always leave the back door open to get back in >try to open the door >locked >FUCK.jpg >walk around my backyard until like 6:00AM. >have one plan, all or nothing >sit outside with my feet in the pool, wearing just my boxers and t-shirt (what I normally sleep in) >wait about 20 minutes, hear the door swing open. >"Anon what the hell are you doing?" >"I couldn't get back to sleep, so I'm just outside I guess" >"Come inside, anon. at least eat something" >you'vegottobefuckingkdidngmedidthatreallywork?
Chapter 4: Addiction >surprised at my recent success with mother. feel invincible >sneak out almost every night to see each other, hang out in the day whenever we can >start giving her a ride to school every morning. parents ask about my sudden friendship with her >"oh we're just hanging out" >every morning we drive to school together and sit in the commons before class >every morning we stop at QT and grab coffee. I pay for her. I want to >we sit in the commons and talk to each other and smile like children >pure joy >we text throughout the day and i take her home. we either hangout or wait until night >we don't have a title. we don't have a name for each other. just enjoying each others company >one particular night she sneaks over to my house >we're under the covers, naked >her body is beautiful. she looks like a goddess. I cannot take my eyes off her. beautiful hair, body, hips, breasts, everything. >we're cuddling and talking. we start talking about our dream wedding. not with each other, just our dream wedding >lots of similarities. we talk about the future and kiss. we haven't had sex yet. we really haven't done much sexy things at all really. >we're laying together listening to music like we always do. I'm usually the DJ, but she asks to play an album she really loves. I say of course >she plays Ed Sheerans newly released + album. Our anthem had begun >we made out and flowed with the music beautifully. >we get dressed and I walk her home, taking the long cold walk home by myself. I didn't mind, though. I loved it. >next morning we're hanging out in her house. cuddling watching TV. her mother comes down >"hey guys, I'm going out for a bit, blah blah blah" >Wave her off, and we begin making out, stripping down. >she touches me and gives me literally the best BJ I've ever gotten. I touch her >it wasn't about that though. it was more than that. >suddenly garage door sounds >ohfuck.jpg
Chapter 5: Questions and Answers >laugh our asses off. cant believe it just happened >fast forward 2-3 weeks of this >we're lying in her basement >we're telling each other the things we love about each other >i don't remember everything she said, but one thing stood out to me that I have never forgotten >"You have such a beautiful mind, anon" she told me this as she brushed the hair behind my ear >i have never in my life heard a compliment so genuine. to this day i haven't uttered those words to anyone but her >"the way you look at things. the way you do things. its...beautiful" >the most beautiful moment i've ever shared with another person >worst part, i cant remember what I said to her. I dont remember it was memorable. i know what i'd tell her now >id tell her about the music i hear in my head when i see her. the inspiration she gives me. how the colors feel brighter when im with her. that i didn't care what happened to me as long as i had her. that no matter what the world threw at my i would be okay if she was holding my hand. that when we layed in different beds at night i still felt warm. that when we kissed we have this static electricity that shocks me. that the way our bodies fit perfectly together was beautiful. >that i have never met a more completed person in my entire life >i tell her we need to talk about us. that i really liked her. that i wanted her to be my girlfriend >"anon, i don't know if I can do that right now. i have so much going on..." >she told me about her depression. her parents divorce. her school. how much was going on in her life that she wasn't sure she could handle the responsibility of a relationship >she told me she was scared of hurting of me. that she was afraid of taking me down with her >i told her no matter what happened i'd be here for her. she said she really needed to think >we continued to cuddle. i felt hurt but determined. she didn't say no. she wasn't sure.
Chapter 6: Silence >i wasn't sure what was going to happen. i was terrified >pick her up for school the next day as usual >we hold hands, but a burdening silence is deafening >this continues for days. we text and talk like we usually do >this idea of us being official or dating lingers and we try to ignore its impending implications. >one night she sneaks over to my house. >we lay naked kissing, again. she looks over to me >"anon, can I play a song"? >she puts on "Kiss Me" by Ed Sheeran >we start kissing beautifly. not some sloppy teenage kissing. passionate kissing. respectful in its gravity >she starts trailing up to my neck. she gets close and she opens her eyes wide. she holds me as hard as she can >i swear, for a moment, we were floating >"I like you, anon" >the warmth flooded my body. those words, so simple, but in context were everything I have been wanting to hear. >"Oh god, I like you too" >"Oh god anon" >I silenced her with my kissing. we continued all night. >confirmed. I was so happy. >my heart raced. I had never felt this way about any girl I had ever been with >I could not believe anything I was feeling. I felt like I was dreaming.
By the way, this is 100% true. The story gets a lot quicker. I promise it'll be more interesting and move from a "sappy puppy dog love story". In the event of the thread dying, I will repost with the same picture posted here.
>>539721032 I'm capping, but my pictures always seem to become pixelated when posting or saving or something (I think it downsizes them because they are initially too large) If you can help me with that I'll post the screenshotted story.
Chapter 7: The Moment >fast forward several months. I have turned 17, school is almost over, E and I have been up to this for about two weeks >decide I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend in spectacular fashion >one night I say I want to take her out to mainstreet and get some dinner >spend hours making the perfect driving playlist >pick her up, start driving >we get to mainstreet and get dinner at some shitty bar. get some shitty food. who gives a shit, we're walking on clouds and enjoying the atmosphere. >this is the first saturday in december if i recall correctly. >we drive from the bar and i start pulling into this park >"anon, what are we doing?" she says grinning, smiling at me. >"just wait" >the music is off, suddenly, we pull the corner in the park and all of the christmas lights are on >E loves lights. >There are thousands. over a mile of road covered in these lights >we hold hands the whole time. I hit play on my phone >"Kiss Me" comes on. She smiles at me and kisses me. >we drive through overwhelmed. >at the end I drive her home. We sit in the driveway >"I had a really good time, anon" >"E, will you be my girlfriend?" >"She smiles at me and nods yes, kissing me on the lips >"Of course, anon".
Okay /b/, this is where the massive fast forwarding happens. I'm talking well over a year of fast forwarding.
Chapter 8: The Issues >fast forward >I'm 18 years old >1 month of summer left before I move to Uni. She's two grades below me, so she's not going yet. >Uni is only 40 minutes away, but still worried. I wont have a car, but she will. >Relationship still seems possible. >E had just started working at a fast food chain >She becomes friends with a co-worker. Lets call Him G >G is overly intimate with her and clearly likes her. This is the first time in our relationship that anything like this has happened >Tell her it makes me uncomfortable. >"OH anon, he doesn't like me like that! I promise I only love you, and no one else." >Eventually G admits feelings for E. She still hangs out alone with him smoking weed and such, regardless of my feelings. >I move to college, its rough on both of us. But we are trucking through just fine. >Eventually, we start fighting a lot over G. >He is non stop flirting with her and she doesn't seem to mind. >She comes down one day, like planned, and we start driving to see a movie. >We get into the parking lot. >"E, are you happy?" >She starts choking back tears. "I mean...yeah. But sometimes, I'm really unhappy" >"So what do we do, E?" >I'm so fucking upset at this point. I initiated this conversation and I can't believe she's not trying to stop it. I'm fucking losing myself. >"I don't know". E is full on bawling right now. >"I don't care what happens, E. I will love you no matter what. I promised you that. We'll get through this just like we've gotten through everything before". >"I love you too, Anon". >We're staring at each other trying to figure out who's going to say it first. >"Anon, you are given me the best years of my life. You have made me so happy. I love you so much. Thank you for everything. -- Oh god I cannot do this" >"Oh my god, E." >We're balling. We break up. We walk into the movie theatre and buy our tickets and sit in an empty theatre. >We sit in the back and makeout and hold hands.
>she drives me to my dorm >I don't think I've ever told her I loved her this much in my entire life >I get back to the dorms, tell my friends what happened. We get drunk. >Part of me still thought this was the right thing to do. That maybe heart break was all we really needed. >Fast forward a month or so. >We haven't spoken a while. We went from talking every day after we broke up to not speaking at all. I thought I was doing fine. >Going through desk, find a photo booth reel of us. I can't handle it anymore. >I text her "Hey, I'm not over you. Can we talk about this?" >the moments I waited for her to respond I felt like I was gasping for air >i was ready to be happy again >she replies >she tells me she's dating G now. That she swears nothing happened between the two during our relationship. >I fucking lose it. smash a $200 dollar mixer in my dorm and break a monitor. >fast forward a month. >I have been drunk literally every single night since that happened. I went through 3 gallons of rum a week. I never wanted to be sober again >I send her poetry, music that I wrote, ect. every day. >Eventually she starts talking to me again. She tells me she still loves me, and she doesn't love G, and that she needs time to think.
Chapter 9: The Re-Do >eventually she calls me >tells me she hung out with G all day >I'm infuriated. Why is she bragging this to me right now? >she tells me she picks me. that she's ready to give this another shot >we start dating again a few weeks later >I'm finally happy again. I got my sunshine back. >Winter break comes on in college >We spend all day together every day. But something seems off. >She's not as close as she used to be. She doesn't want to have sex anymore. >She's not interested in cuddling all day anymore. She wants to go out and do things. >Alright, we go out and do things. I don't mind. I actually have fun. But still, she doesn't want to be close. >Feel like we're best friends that kiss and hold hands. >She starts telling me more about work than she usually does. >She brings up this co-worker. Lets call him S. >She talks about how S hangs out with her two co-workers Z and C. Z and C are engaged. >Don't think much of it. >I go back to Uni after break and things are fine. She tells me about how she's hanging out with Z and C and S all the time. I immediately think its the G situation all over again. But I maintain my composure. I don't even tell her i'm worried >I act like it doesn't bother me. Ask her about it, and we continue as normal >Over time we begin fighting over her work schedule. She only works once a week. She works only Saturdays. I can't understand why. If she only works Saturdays, she can't spend the night down at Uni with me. And if she only works saturdays, I can't go up and spend the night with her >I ask her to possibly work only Fridays or Sundays, or possibly work twice a week. >We fight over it and I feel like I'm an idiot who doesn't get it. >She starts hanging out with Z, C, and S. I eventually muster up the courage to tell her that It makes me feel weird because it seems like a double date all the time >She assures me (deja vu), that she only loves me and taht she would never ever do the G thing again >I trust her.
Chapter 10: Fuck >eventually she tells me about these parties and Z and C throw all the time. >Z and C are older, in their 20's, and have their own apartment. >She goes to a few parties, and doesn't really tell me much about them. Not that I ask, I really did trust her. >She starts telling me more details (only after I ask), about the parties >The only people that go to these "parties" are Z, C, and S. >totallynotadoubledate >They hangout and drink and all spend the night >It makes me uncomfortable, but that doesn't really bother her. >She tells me that S doesn't like her and she doesn't like him. I tell her it reminds me a lot about the G situation and she swears again it will never get to that. >One night we really fight about it over the phone. I mean I full fledge confront her about it. >"E, you cant expect me to be okay with this environment. This isn't like you. Its obvious S likes you and its a very clear double date environment." >"Anon, I don't think I can do this anymore" >hold the fucking phone >I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Over the phone? Was I getting dumped over the phone? >talk to her about it >She promises me she's just freaking out. She takes back her break up, and says that she really needs to go to bed and that she'll come down tomorrow morning and to talk to me about it. she promises we'll be okay. >that night I don't sleep. >in the morning, I'm in class waiting for her to text me. She tells me she has something to tell me. >"Anon, last night after I said I was going to bed, I drove to Z and C's house. We got drunk. I was jsut really stressed and I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you" >"Was S there?" >"Yes." >"did you spend the night?" >"No I drove home". >She drunk drove home. She drunk drove from getting drunk with S. >I was floored. >"Just text me when you're down here". >"Anon I'm sorry." >I don't reply.
Chapter 11: Should Seen this Coming >she gets down to Uni >we dont speak as I sign her in >she walks upstairs and she sits on my couch >"Anon I don't think I can do this anymore" >She fucking breaks up with me right then and there.
At this point, I'm going to fast forward a lot because a lot more happens from this point on.
>The first week we broke up, she promised me she wasn't involved with S, and that she was just unable to handle a relationship at the time >She told me she still loved me. >She said if she was ever ready she'd take me back before she dated anyone else.
fast forward a week
>I wrote a screenplay based on us. I actually pitched it to a few studios, and got offered to sell the rights for a few thousand. But I declined. I wanted to make this piece. >I spent that entire week straight writing it non stop. Thank god for adderall. >I got it printed and bounded in a nice book, cover and all. I ask to see her on her birthday. She dodges all my requests but finally accepts. >I give her the script. She starts crying. She tells me she's been dating S for the past week. >mfw I found out 2 days after she dumped me, she started dating S >I attempt to kill myself. Fail because I was too drunk and couldn't figure out how to tie a noose. Use a belt. Thought I was dying, literally I was just too drunk and started passing out. Fail at everything
fast forward a few days
>S texts me from E's phone all the time, taunting me. This girl, who I have been friends with for over a decade, allows this. We dated for almost 2 years. I couldn't believe it. >Eventually, E starts getting concerned. She texts me but I don't really reply. S gets jealous and while E's passed out, blocks me on her phone so she can no longer receive texts from me. >We argue over Facebook about it. She tells me she's sorry she hurt me but she's happier without me. >I lose myself. I wrote this girl a movie, 3 albums of music (its on soundcloud, but posting it would compromise my identity)
Chapter 12: Leading up >I lose myself in alcohol again. She's losing herself in another guy. >I don't speak to her for a month >One month later I try to talk to her again >She ignores me and barley replies. We have to talk via facebook because I'm still blocked on her phone. >I send her music almost every day. Trying to put her in the mindset we used to share. >Doesn't work >Quick Bio of S: He's 16, lives in his car, works at the restaurant she works at full time, has long skater-fag hair, dropped out of highschool. Total dream boy >Couldn't believe it.
Fast forward a few weeks ago
>Working on a film, recording audio. >Suddenly my chest is giving me huge amounts of pain. >Get rushed to urgent care. They call an ambulance and send me to ER. My lung has collapsed. >On operating table, they put in a chest tube. While they are doing that, I start bleeding profusely. >They tilt the table back to keep blood in my head. I start fading out. Can hear the nurses yelling. >The only thing I'm thinking of is her. Even after all of this. >I'm dying on this operating table, and all I think about is her. >You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes? Bullshit. >All I thought about was her. >Survive. Three days later they send me home. >Overnight while I'm home my condition worsens. >I get sent back to the ER. My lungs collapsed again. I can barley breathe. Almost die AGAIN. >I send her a FB message and tell her everything. That I didn't know what was going on. That I wasn't sure if I'd make it. That no matter what happened, I loved her. >She dodges everything I say and tells me she loves me like family. >She doesn't seem interested in my condition. >Get sent home again. Waiting until tomorrow to go back to the hospital for another xray. >We argue again. She tells me she made the right choice choosing S over me, after everything I've told her. >Get upset and block her on social media
>getting drunk every night, abusing pain killers >Waiting for monday to have open chest surgery on lungs. >not sure if i'll make it. they're unsure as to why my lungs are failing >lost in an encompassing thought that i still love her even after everything she's caused me. >already wrote my will, just in case I don't make it. left her the rights for all my music, poetry, and films. >haven't spoken to her since >know she's laying with him right now and its killing me
Now I'm just fucking stuck. The second time I almost died I fucking was pissed when I woke up. I just wanted to die. She told me she didn't want me on my death bed. She chose this no-life over me, after everything we've been through. I left out a lot. Like the time I helped her through her parents divorce. Or the time her mom tried to ruin her life by getting full custody just so her father couldn't. Or the time she was raped and I helped her through it. We shared so many moments.
And she threw it all away for some fucking kid.
I hate this /b/. I thought I was over her. But I fucking almost died twice and she was the only thing I saw.
And it meant nothing to her.
And you know what /b/? The movie will be made. I got offered 10k for it. And the music I wrote for her? Yeah that shit actually got bought on iTunes. I did all of this for her. Everything was for her. Fuck me /b/. Just fuck me.
I'm fucking wasted, as I usually am 24/7. I'm sorry for the quick ending. I would post the script .pdf because I think you guys would like it, but I'm afraid of it compromising my identity (and more importantly, hers).
So maybe you'll see it in theatres some day.
Screen cap this if you want.
Mark my words /b/. I did this for you, E. All of this was for you. If I don't make it through my surgery. If I don't make the movie. If I don't make it past my suicidal thoughts. Know that all of this, everything I've created. Its for you.
>>539729904 Sad thing to hear. Call me beta for being compassionate but I hope shit gets better. It's real fucked up that she's going to scooby doo you like that for some assclown but life is a cruel bitch. Hopefully she dumps his hipster ass and comes back for you, but could you really go back to a girl that has done that to you?
>>539730719 I know. And thats what I was doing, Heaven.
And it was so easy at first too. But I when I was dying, I only wanted her. I cant shake the feeling. I can't shake that love.
To the guy who worked with my girl,
Potentially you cannot hear me the restaurant is too busy your car stereo is too loud but I want you to know you ripped my heart from her chest.
This sack is heavy with our small moments. Heres when I built up the courage to kiss her, the patterns she likes for me to draw on her back with my fingertips. Heres when I held her when she felt like she was nothing. Heres when she swears she’s not ticklish (try her calves). Heres the songs that I wrote, and the stories I fantasized. Heres the texts and tweets I sent (so you know what to say).
I’ve spent the weeks burying this sack underneath the college dorm floorboards. It’s covered with dirt but so are my hands from digging it up again. and again. All that’s left under the soil is my heart, but this— this belongs to you.
I hope you didn’t fuck her as hard as you fucked me.
>>539730176 Hey Anon. Wish I could share a drink with you. Seeing the love of your life with somebody else, knowing you can't touch them or hold them or kiss them because they're with somebody else ... it's a pain like nothing else on the planet. I fought like hell to get him back. A miracle happened, but it worked. If this E, if she's really The One, well, you know if she's worth it for not. /b/'s rooting for you.
>>539729904 I know its tough now but you just need to get over it and move on. In a couple of years you'll look back and laugh at yourself for putting yourself through all of this for someone who clearly wasn't worth it. All together though. Pretty good read 8.5/10
>>539731909 That's understandable man. I just love songs about heartbreak and whatnot. It hits me hard because I've had a tough relationship break up the past year. If you could even give me one song to listen to that'd be appreciated. I'm not going to stalk you or ruin your life. I feel for you bro.
That was pretty damn good, and I generally do not like that music genre. Man I'm sorry dude, that definitely is a tough situation. I wish you the best and carry on through, you sound like a chill person. This girl though, she just sounds too wishy-washy. I mean, I could not believe that she is dating a 16 year old dropout sleaze bag, that's pretty fucking crazy. I want to tell you to move on, but I know that also feels impossible, does she really not act like a bitch in any way? Like, I find it astounding that she pleads so much ignorance and does not have any bad moments that are significant.
>>539731909 I like the idea of that last final romantic gesture to see if it's meant to be or not. The familiarity of the window knock might really make her realize what she has given up. If he's in there, fuck him, see if she still goes for it. If not, im sorry /b/ro, you need to let her go.
>>539729904 I screencapped your story, iGekVJag. I hope I scroll down and find a SoundCloud link, but if I don't, I better goddamn take a chick out on a date in 2017 and SCREAM IN THE FUCKING THEATER THAT I RECOGNIZE THAT GREENTEXT... or cry on Tuesday when you're dead.
/b/ I don't know if I'll kill myself. But I promise you I'll return, and once I have decided if I'm selling the script or making it myself (I'm in film school), I'll post it. I'll post all the music. I'm making it before I die. I promise I will. But after that, have nothing to lose.
/b/, I know she treated me like shit. I don't know why she came in my head when I was dying.
But I was DYING. I was LOSING MY LIFE. TWICE. And she was there.
>>539733205 I know man. But thats what love is. It has more ups and downs than I can ever count. And not everything is perfect. And its stupid to think anything would be perfect after this. But thats what this is. Its us vowing to never be perfect. We promised each other to love each other. and thats all. Because loving each other was the best thing we did for each other, But its all gone now.
If I ever make this and win an award, I swear to fucking god ILL THANK /B/
>>539732759 Here's another drink to share Anon. I went through my shit while I was away at college too (I was 6+ hours, though) and it's fucking insane. At least you did something positive with the distance. You made art. I just fucked it all up.
I don't want to say I feel like E might have, but at least she didn't cheat while you were together, you know? She at least had the decency (unlike some, myself included) to break it off with you first.
In my heart of hearts, she cares, Anon. And I know a lot of /b/ros are saying to cut her out, to move on. But it still comes down to you, man. Is all this forgivable? Is she worth fighting to get back? If she's The One ...
Go knock on her window. Do it. If the S fuckwit is there, don't even acknowledge him. You'll want to scream, cry, puke, punch a hole in the wall. But don't. Focus on E. Ask her to have a moment of private conversation.
Tell her everything. Tell her how her silence is killing you more than your own body. How you're still willing to be at her side. How you forgive her for all the stressful bullshit that happened. How you create art in her honor. How you love her.
Lay it all out for E, Anon. Fight with words, with music, with film. Make her feel. Make her really think, deeper and harder than she ever has.
You'll only get your answer once she's got all the truth she can handle.
>>539734313 While I think thats a great title. I've already named the film "Limerence" (look up the definition). >>539734304 She already has listened to all the music. She's read the script. Last time we spoke we fought and I blocked her due to my incoherent pain.
I don't know if me knocking on her window would be a good idea anymore.
>>539736031 You're welcome. >>539736163 Thank you. I've given up weeks of sleeping working on this. >>539736381 For copyright issues, I can't right now. I haven't decided whether or not im selling this. So I cant post it yet.
you pretty much define your existence by some feelings you had for one person.
so wrapt up in self interest that you could not even open yourself up to the world.
sorry son, but you are a self absorbed twat.
the world is bigger than one girl. the world is bigger than your feelings.
i understand what you feel and what your going through, i have been there also (maybe even wrote a poem or two)
you wont understand this now, but you will in a few years, this does not matter.
most of all people change.
you need to ground yourself, and not be all knotted up in the world of your own head replaying old memories and projecting future desires.
imagine if you will, taking all this love (or what ever it is) and spreading it to everyone, just a bit. Instead of having a laser like focus on this person (who shit stinks like everyone else, she isnt special, she is another human being, there are more, all around)
you never loved her, you only love the feeling you felt while you were with her.
once you understand that, you understand that feelings are not all they are cracked up to be, and your deluded vision of reality is mostly a made up narrative that reflects anything but reality.
one day you will get it.
i have been harsh, and i have been young, i understand this kind of deluded obsession.
>>539736958 I've been as selfless during this entire thing. I'm not trying to steal her from him. I'm just trying to cope with my feelings. I don't think that makes me a twat. I don't think that makes me self absorbed.
I'm not living in my memories, I'm dealing with them.
I know I'll get through this. I just don't know how well I'll endure this.
>>539737437 One the purely emotional relationships front, first of all, you're over-thinking things, and seeking too many answers about her and her state, to ever get closure. The only person who can give you any type of satisfactory closure on this, is you. You need to stop focussing on the whys and wherefores of her thoughts, words and deeds, because unless you are able to physically access the depths of her mind, you will never have definitive answers.... just more questions, to those answers. And Minds change, from one day to the next - so even if you got one answer now, you could ask the same question in a week, and then possibly gain a completely different answer. so you need to Let Go, of needing to know. It's fruitless, futile and self-defeating.
You also need to break off contact, completely because your heart and mind are in too fragile a state to cope with this connection right now. When the moment comes that you can see her, standing in the arms of another guy, with two children at her side, the dog and the people-carrier, and think, genuinely, from your heart, that it's just great to see her with another guy, and happy - THEN will be the time to establish a friendship with her. But at the moment, all you keep doing is picking at and pulling the stitches from the fresh wound of separation, and your heart will never get the chance to heal. This is just torturing yourself and inflicting excess pain, where it's not necessary to do so.
Remember then, that the majority of the pain you are experiencing is completely self inflicted, because you permit thoughts to snowball and create scenarios and enigmas in your head, that your logic and reason simply cannot deal with. Your emotions are not who you are, they do not define you, but currently, you are giving them too much free rein. You are not your best friend right now, and you should be.
>>539737437 you tried to kill yourself over them.... that's not living with it. that's attempting to end your life at what, 18-19? you have lived 1/5 of your life, and that's a low ball estimate. grow the Fuck up. deal with it. move on. and this is coming from someone who had to deal with a similar situation (for 4 years, she said I was the most physically attractive person that she knew, but since she had no emotional attachment). you'll get over it. you just actually have to commit yourself to getting over it. if you don't, then you're gunna be miserable until you do.
Op wrote this as a movie, was bought for thousands of dollars, still in college, somehow knows it will get made into a movie, is gonna make the movie himself, is a multigenre successful musician on iTunes, has a crap story with no ending being made into the movie, has died twice, doesn't care about fame but publishes his own songs and has every major studio reading his script.
>all you guys have bought the looney, poorly written ramblings of a stroker
>>539739545 Don't the basement dwellers get to you. All they do is feed on the negative energy. The real /b/ros sympathize and empathize for you. Keep working on your movie and music. Remember that you have to answer all of these questions for yourself though. So if you need the final answer to E or the closure, go knock on her window and see how things go. On that note, I thank you for a very enlightening read, here's to wishing the best for your situation.
Thanks for sharing your story OP. It feels really like a story I have experienced myself. I'm a few years later now and I'm not fully happy, but I can live life again. There is hope and it will get better over time. What helped for me was that I stopped contacting her and that I threw away everything that reminded of her. I suggest you do the same, it simply makes it easier to forget.
>>539739545 I did read your posts and I don't care about fame. That's why I'm not claiming to write screenplays with no ending, filming them, and composing music, and having heart attacks over the first girl I got my dick wet with. I'm also not crying about her getting fucked and pleasure from another guy then saying she has to go back with me because I wrote a movie and music. She has to love me for that. Attraction and love aside.
I can't believe anyone is real in this thread and it's a circle jerk of ego stroking. I'm just glad moot didn't live to see what /b/ became
>>539739545 You are one hell of a unicorn, you son of a bitch. Sure, people get hooked on someone that they once cared about in their lives, but few, very few actually want to love that person, even when they have broken you and left you behind. Most just try and forget. Most move on. You. You're strong. And I love you for it. I hope to god and every other fucking cosmic force that your movie comes out. You made me feel tonight, friend. Thank you.
>>539741031 OH MAI GAT, OP IS TALKING WITH ME GUYS. HES LIKE ONE OF US MULTUPLUTUNIUIM MUSIC MOVIE STARFISH BUT HE TALK ME LIKE A HUMAN OT ME I SAID 'AHEM OP WELL WELL TALK' AND OP IS NOW TL;KING TO ME. EVERYTHIGN IS GOING TO BE O.K. GUYS
>>539741863 OPS SORY OP I FORGOT THIS IMAGE THIS IMAGE THAT I MADE THIS FOR YOUR MOVIE THIS IS MY INTEPTERATION OF THAT CHARACTER THAT IS CALLED "G" THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO MY MOM SAYS I CAN ALWAYS DO BETTE
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