John Cena, while you lay there......

Tldr

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I’ve grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they're just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, in that ring, even in commentary! Nobody can touch me!

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little collector cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted. I don't get to be in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network. I’m not on the poster of WrestleMania. I’m not on the signature that’s produced at the start of the show. I’m not on Conan O’Brian. I’m not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.

This isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Dwayne is in the main event at WrestleMania next year and I’m not makes me sick!

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.

I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe…I’ll go back to Ring of Honor.

*looks at the camera and waves*
Hey, Colt Cabana, how you doing?

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The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, douchebag yes men, like John Laurinaitis, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after Vince McMahon is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.

Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon alright. We do this whole [anti] bully campaign...

>>2803470
If he wasn't such a cunt I'd still like him for this promo. He should have swallowed his pride and worked with Vince and Haitch. Had he done so, he'd be a top guy right now.

>>2803485
but he's right tho

>>2803511
He had legitimate complaints yes, he just addressed them in a childish way and he's too much of a mark for himself to admit that.

>>2803519
So what is the 'non-childish' way to address these otherwise legitimate complaints then?

>>2803528
Well duh it was a work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ms0DFxpptk

>>2803526
He could have not resigned and he could have walked away without making a big deal about it. He could have not gone to UFC and exposed himself. He also could have not publicly trashed the company that made him famous. There were plenty of way he could have avoided the drama but he was too butt hurt to do so.

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>>2803531
You seem upset
I feel like this is about more than just a wrestling promo

>>2803542
No you misunderstood me bro. I liked his worked shoot promo, it was fucking gold. I just didn't like the actual narrative he pushed after he left.

>John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be

>Your wife will be on her back, screaming my name

>>2803542
Hello phillip

>>2803531
You have, un-ironically, been worked.

>>2803561
Because I thought we were having a legitimate discussion about a topic we both find interesting? Okay, but you could have just admitted I'm right.

>>2803470
>2011 was a thousand years ago

This promo gets cringier as the years go by

I can't believe I used to like Phil's """shoot""" promos when I was a teenager. They're pure cringe now. People shit on Russo's love of worked shoots, but Phil's are good?

>>2803641
Vinny Ru's worked shoots were fucking dynamite back in WCW. It's only cool to hate him now because E drones love sucking Cornettes dick. And this is coming from a Cornette fan.

>>2803641
>this amount of self loathing and anger
What hurt you Anon ?
Talk to us.

>>2803542
He's right though. If Phil ate some crow and took a break, he would right now be the undisputed champ with 2 WM mainevents. Now that Cena is gone and brock shows up twice a year nobody is even close to his level.

holy shit punk is fucking cringe

I quit wrestling after benoit's thing and never really paid much attention to this fag but god damn he is garbage

cm punk is not all those things but he is the only guy they let go out there and shoot on stuff and look what he did with it.

>>2804405
>look what he did with it.
quit like a bitch and got his shit ruined in ufc?

>>2803550
>My wife will be on her back, screaming your name
FTFY

>>2804668
>steinerrecliner.gif

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>>2803470
97' Bret did EVERYTHING better. Punk might have come out of it the best whiner there ever will be, if that's even possible.

>>2804656

thats what im trying to say

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>>2803470

>>2805062

97 Bret is who he was emulating

Someone took the actual time to type this.

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CM Punk, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be

So was this a shoot or did we just get worked hard?

>>2803636

It's the most overrated promo. Absolute cringe.

>>2805411

For some reason Bret pulled "fuck you I am sick of this shit" attitude better.

>>2805502
he was on top of the world.......everywhere i looked he was popping up.......then the fight happend and now its over for him. Go to new japan already. I havent watched wrestling in a year

>>2805902

Punk is an embarrassment to the Industry. If he wanted to do UFC he should've gone the Batista route.

>>2805770

its because Bret is a better talent.

>>2805981
this.

>>2805742
i actually cringe whenever he says "pipe bomb"

>>2803531
/thread
Can't believe i use to defend phillip when i was underaged but as i grew older i realized that he was totally in the wrong.

>>2806125
Wisdom comes with age anon. We can always look back on the good times, before he was a little bitch.

ITT one guy samefagging his hatred towards Punk

>>2803470
Hi Phil

>>2805329
high five

>>2803470
ITT: people growing up and realizing just how overrated and full of shit Phil and his promos were
I bet the only people who still like the pipebomb are angsty, underage dweebs

>>2804382
>he says while posting on a Japanese cartoon image board's wrestling page on a Monday night

>>2803470
Mickey Gall, while you stand there, as triumphant as you possibly can be, I want you to stop hitting me. I want you to stop this, because before I leave in three weeks with an 0-1 win-loss record, I have a lot of bones I wanna put back into place.

I am the worst…UFC fighter…in the world. I’ve been the worst ever since day one when I walked into this company, and I’ve been bleeding and crying since that day because the UFC fans saw nothing in me that everybody else was willing to admit. That’s right, I’m a WWE Universe guy. You know who else was a WWE Universe guy? Brock Lesnar…and he split, just like I’m splittin’, but the biggest difference between me and Brock is that I’m going to leave with a 0-1 win-loss record.

I’ve tapped to so many of Mickey Gall’s painful punches that it’s finally dawned on me that they’re just that...they’re completely painful. The only thing that’s not painful is me, and the fact that day-in and day-out, for almost 3 days, I’ve proved to everybody in the world that I am the worst…on this panel, in that octagon, and even in training. Anybody can touch me! And yet, no matter how many times I prove it, I’m on your lovely little Tapout collectors’ gloves, I’m on the cover of the program, I’m outrageously promoted, I don’t get to be in UFC 204, I’m not on any crappy show on the USA Network anymore, I’m on the poster of UFC 203, I’m no longer on signature that’s produced at the start of the Raw. I’m not on the Joe Rogan Podcast, I’m not on UFC 204, but the fact of the matter is I shouldn't be anyway, and trust me, this isn’t sour grapes, but the fact that “Mickey Gall” is in the winner of our match at UFC 203 three days ago and I’m not makes me sick!

>I’m leaving with the 0-1 win-loss record on July 17 and hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in Bellator…maybe I’ll go back to WWE…hey, John Cena, how you doing?

Say what you want, if CM Punk had kissed Vinces ass half as much as HBK he'd be as big a star as him, as protected as him and as much of a legend as HBK was portrayed. That said, I don't think he could ever be Stone Cold or Hulk Hogan level and doubt he could be Rock or Cena level over a long period of time.

>>2806335
kek

>>2806335
Lmao

>>2806335

This was very funny anon. Well done.

>>2806326
like you're doing?
>projecting

>>2806345

Funny Vince actually liked Punk a lot. I am sorry I can't stand the narrative Punk wasn't pushed, he was but he just didn't draw.

>>2805935

This. If he actually did it because of his passion, he could've gone small scale like Big Dave. Instead he got embrassed in the big stage.

But it was more than just passion wasn't it? He probably thought by succeeding in the UFC he could legit prove he is better than other wrestlers.

>>2806364
And HBK did? There have been 4 real draws in the history of the WWE and they've been listed in my post and I don't think CM punk is in that category. CM Punk was never protected or pushed like HBK was despite being as good a wrestler, a better talker and imo a better draw.

I don't defend Phil as a person or anything he did after the colt cabana podcast but damn if the pipebomb isn't the greatest wrestling promo ever and the truest thing ever said about WWE. Not only that, Punk helped expose the absolute futility and hypocrisy of the WWE then had the balls to just walk out and tell them fuck you. I will celebrate and remember the pipebomb until the day WWE goes out of business.

>>2806385

I never claimed HBK was a big draw did I? Just argued against the fact he wasn't pushed.

And to your point HBK was a better more entertaining wrestler, had the better look and had more charisma.

And as to who was the better draw who knows ,maybe someone with the numbers can enlighten me.

>>2806392

They were just generic smark complaints that we've heard thousands of times before online.

>>2806403
I never said he wasn't pushed. I said that he wasn't pushed the same way HBK was. As a sort of final boss of technical wrestling. I will agree that HBK was a more entertaining wrestler but people's taste had changed where HBKs style would look comical in a bad way. Just like Ric Flair's style would look comical in HBKs era. Better look is debatable since at the height of HBKs push during his feud with HHH he looked like an old woman but at his physical peak he looked better than Punk. Charisma I'd give it to Punk just because of his mic work.

>>2806433
>Charisma I'd give it to Punk just because of his mic work.

Charisma points for being a better mic worker?

Anon Owens is arguably a better mic worker than Hogan. Do you think he has more charisma?

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>>2806462
>Owens is arguably a better mic worker than Hogan.

Well, it got a legit lol out of me.

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>>2806335

>>2806481
The amount of memorable botches he did kind of brings the opinion on his mic work down. So yeah he is not completely wrong there.

>>2806542

He was the right gay guy after all.

>>2805456
>Doesn't know computers have a copy+paste function
Literal brain dead retards on /asp/

>>2803531
Punk had every reason to be pissed off and sue them for fucking him over.

Don't hate him for doing what every other ex-WWE gimp never ends up doing because they'd like to crawl back to Vince some day

Hate him for being a delusional mark who thought even for a second that he deserved to be in the octagon.

>>2806145
It really is quite pathetic isn't it.
And he's not even trying to hide it, using the same style of typing and posting the same irrelevant crybaby shit over and over.
His Dad leaving when he was a kid really fucked him up bad I guess.

>>2806403
HBK has never in his life cut a promo even half as good as CM Punk's worst promo.
HBK is infamously bad at promos and he will be the first to tell you. Punk has him firmly beat in that department and that is a much more important part of the package in WWE.

I don't care what you faggots think, Phil was the shining light in this dark and shitty promotion. He's probably thankful now that he dipped because this company won't last another decade.

>>2806995
HBK was shit on the mic but he had a few great promos

>>2803641
It truly is a product of it's time. Hearing him say Hulk Hogan or Ring of Honor or reference merchandise shit was a real shocker. It is real cringe though.

>>2807007
He did, but his body of work on the mic alone does not even begin to hold a candle to Punk's.

>>2806995

Can't you read? I never claimed Michaels was the better promo. I said he had the better look, more charisma and was the better wrestler.

>>2803485
>>2803519
>>2803531
>>2803547
IT'S
NOT
YOUR
FAULT

>>2806364
Punk was "pushed" in the same way that everybody who the WWE doesn't want to really commit to was "pushed".

>>2806433
Flair was still fully active "in HBK's era" you underage turd

>>2807010
>a product of its time
>WWE has only gotten far worse

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>>2803526
Miz has gotten drizzled with more shit than Phil has and yet he maturely improved on himself and got himself over in 2016.

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>>2806335
GOAT Promo. Phil would be proud.

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>>2806345
Pride comes before the fall.

>>2807198
It's hilarious to me how Miz marks are eternally buttblasted at Punk for ripping him (rightly) in his documentary.
Buncha thin skinned snowflake cucks.
Sad!!

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>>2806335

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>>2807183
>Punk was "pushed" in the same way that everybody who the WWE doesn't want to really commit to was "pushed".

Vinny Mac was right to push him the way he did because at the end of the day, a mediocre big guy beats a skinny-fat "wrestler" every single time and Punk's forays outside the WWE showcases that reality.

Even if it's scripted, the matches should still be realistic and within the realm of believability.

>>2807219
kek imagine attempting to use the "shoot" argument in fucking WWE

Hogan, Austin or Dwayne weren't shooters either

>>2807198
>needed to "shoot" on Bryan to get heat

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>>2807209
>buttblasted

So who got BTFO in the UFC and MTV, such that his MTV stint had him "winning" $1,000 to his favored charity (and it would've been easier for him to just donate money to it anyway)?

Who's pulling the Reverse Miz by being a wrestler that became a reality TV show guy?

>>2807228
Who's still mad about their rasslin' husbando getting dissed on a DVD set from FIVE years ago?

I guess Miz can always rip on Punk whenever his DVD set gets releas-oh.

>>2807224
>needed to "shoot" on Bryan to get heat

He was getting heat in 2010 by being the MTV guy.

Then he got heat back in 2014 by being the Hollywood guy and the Mizdow abuser guy.

Then he got heat back in 2016 by working a shoot with Daniel Bryan.

He keeps reinventing himself. That's what makes him great, Sandman-like ability to wrestle aside.

>>2807236
>Who's still mad about their rasslin' husbando getting dissed on a DVD set from FIVE years ago?

Not Miz and not me.

All I did was bring up how Punk could've maturely handled his creative differences with Hunter and Vince.

Miz is the more mature one. Punk fucked off and failed in making a comic sell, making it in UFC as a contender, and winning a reality show contest.

>>2807240
Miz came out to crickets at SummerSlam like 3 months into the Hollywood gimmick.

>Then he got heat back in 2016 by working a shoot with Daniel Bryan.

So we're agreed that he needed to "shoot" on Bryan for heat.

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>>2807228
Gotten to.
Keep crying mark!

>>2807242

I think Punk could still have his credibility if he just didn't go to UFC. He could've acted as immature as he wants except that.

Fuck at least he could've done it low key like Big Dave.

>>2807247
>crickets
>implying

He's had consistent heat every time he reinvented himself, especially when Mizdow came along.

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>only man to get a good match out of Undertaker in the last 5 years
>only man to get a good match out of Brock Lesnar in the last 5 years
>only man to get a 5 star match out of Big Match John
>only man to sell more tshirts than Big Match John
>more over than Triple H ever was
>refused to work with Triple H at WrestleMania
>refused to piss in a cup until Triple H did
>regular threesomes with AJ Lee and Kaitlyn
>not insecure about his wife's sexual history
>boned Maria
>boned Lita
>Paul Heyman Guy
>most famous pipebomb in history
>boned Kelly Kelly
>boned Mickie James
>most famous podcast in history
>best friends with Colt Cabana
>name chanted during every boring segment for the last 3 years
>made Vince pay big money for Cult Of Personality
>boned Becky Bayless
>boned Traci Brooks
>lives in Stephanie's head rent free
>one of UFCs biggest draws
>created The Shield
>worked Ryback to tears and a mental breakdown
>worked Dr Chris into a lawsuit
>marks love him
>smarks love him
>longest reigning WWE champ of the century
>GOAT
>Rich as fuck
>Famous
>6'2
>Big dick
>Married AJ Lee
>Is straight-edge; completely toxic free
>Got out of wrestling before he destroyed his body
>Anti-smarks still obsessed with him years after he left
>Exposed The Rock
>Exposed Vince
>Exposed Chris Jericho
>Most important indy wrestler of all time
>Brought wrestling back to the mainstream and made it cool again
>Was the first to endorse Antonio Cesaro and Seth Rollins before they even got to the main roster
>Was able to elevate himself from a heatless directionless midcarder to red hot main event status in just 6 minutes
>Was the best part about the show anytime he was on
>Had the best theme songs in wrestling history
>Most entertaining guy in any room at any time
>Is the reason people finally started to say no to WWE's bullshit
>Is the reason based DBry had his WrestleMania moment
>Proven draw anytime WWE gave him a chance

>>2806380
It was about money you cunt

>>2808443
>only man to get a good match out of Undertaker in the last 5 years

The Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar at Hell In A Cell 2015

>only man to get a good match out of Brock Lesnar in the last 5 years

Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker at Hell In A Cell 2015

Brock Lesnar vs John Cena vs Seth Rollins at Royal Rumble 2015

Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg at Wrestlemania 33

Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania 31

Brock Lesnar vs John Cena at Night Of Champions 2014

>>2803485
>top guy
he'd be a part timer that doesn't work house shows and is winding down. probably in a feud with the miz for the ic belt or something.

>>2806992
>Punk had every reason to be pissed off and sue them for fucking him over.
but that's not true you literal child. he's not even the one suing them. he doesn't have a leg to stand on. in fact, he's being sued by their doctor. not him suing for abuse or mistreatment or whatever. stop being a fucking mark and go try to function in the real world. you get shit on. constantly. how you deal with it is how you progress in life, and he dealt with it like a fucking 16 year old because he never grew out of his 16 year old phase as an adult.

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>>2806335
Very solid kek

>>2806385
Michaels was better than Punk in every conceivable way.

>>2809508
You know what? Given what we know about the E, I'm gonna have say that you're actually right.

>>2810768
go back to redddit

>>2806385
That's because HBK was great -- even if he had a history of losing his smile.

>>2810795
>says nothing redditlike
>GO BACK TO
Literally what?

>>2810885
>You know what? Given what we know about the E, I'm gonna have to say that you're right
Didnt you no anon, u cant have semi perfect grammer on 4chan or ur either reddit or a newfag.u must type like how Goldberg's son's mind works.

>>2810745
Michaels was a better worker but he was a sub-par promo, he had a worse attitude than Punk (and Punk has the biggest chip on his shoulder about what he did and didn't deserve in Vince's monopolised fake mandrama because he bought into his own hype) Now that I'm thinking about it Punk is a lot like Michaels except Punk's an asshole AND sober. Michaels seems like a decent dude now that he sobered up and found the Big Based Draw in the sky

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>>2806335

>>2808573

He could've made much more elsewhere without the humiliation

>>2807809
>I think Punk could still have his credibility if he just didn't go to UFC

But he did so he doesn't. Like the MMA fans who watched the fight said, he's delusional.

>>2811649
i dont know why anyone thought someone who's never faught had a chance against a fighter

>>2812394
They thought he was Brock Lesnar.

>>2812440
Brock's an actual wrestler though