>Cut a heel promo on Cena, right now, off the cuff. If I like

>Wanting to get destroyed by BMJ on the mic

No thanks

>>1534032
Cuck

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k lol

Ya know John, I've been sitting at home for the past 10 years and i have witnessed ya scientifically, photographically and evidently KILL wwe with my own two eyes.

Quite frankly im sick of it. Ya PG bullshit has gone too far. Ya look like a walking billboard with ya neon green shirts and ya walmart shoes. Listen here john and listen good ya dweeb, im gonna give ya one chance to apologize for what you have done to the wrestling business then im finna walk down to that ring and punch ya in ya teeth.

So what will it be johnny boy. Apologize or get ready for a world of pain.

>>1534040

>5 second pause

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cZ7ndjhhps

>>1534046
SHIEEEEEEET

>>1534040
>John Cena
>PG

Stupid faggot

>>1534054
Shut the fuck up

>>1534054
U sayin wat u son of basterd bich

>>1534027
What can I say about John Cena that hasn't already been said? He's literally the Superman of the WWE?
But even Superman died.
And John, I'm going to kill you.
I'm going make your trips to Suplex City look like a weekend get away with that fat tranny you call your girlfriend. What's her name, Nick? Nick Fella?
You see, John you may come out here and talk about how this is your life. How live for wrestling, But the question is are you willing to die for it? Because at Summer Slam I'm going to make the WWE worldwide headlines. You won't kick out at 2, John. Hell, you won't even be alive to hear 1.

John Cena.......you are a disgrace......to wrestling

You may be......a bigger star than me......but you are NOT......a better wrestler than me

>>1534059
lame

>>1534062
Go to bed Bryan

I am getting positively sick of the term “neckbeard” I treat women right whether or not they will want to date me, which seems to be the latter because they chase after the so called “swaggets.” I enjoy discussing politics, philosophy, art, science, quantum mechanics, I can really get going but lately especially on Facebook I can’t find anyone with the required intelligence to do just that. MLP is not a bad show, I do enjoy it. I do enjoy dressing more on the classy side as opposed to saggy pants, repulsive snap backs and baggy shirts. I wear trilby, I wear a black dress shirt most days with khakis. Obviously I’m not a bad guy but this fad is getting out of control, women reject me on sight, and I am immediately lumped with people that clop(which btw why the fuck do you care if someone gets off to ponies? Its fine with me.) I do watch anime I do like the characters which obviously have more respect and interest in me than real women. Times need to change I am not a “neckbeard” I am a classy intelligent gentleman that wants to find someone similar. Regards.

>>1534062
Hello Phillip

>>1534070
my sides are in orbit

>>1534070
10/10

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>Liesben's music theme pops
>it's "little lies" by Fleetwood Mac
>out walk a skinny and pale metrosexual boy
>music stops and he screeeeams into the mic
>drops mic and bolts into the stage where cena was just working the marks
>takes the mic from cena and then with a shrill voice starts lies about him
>reworks the cena marks with lies about how bmj hates anime, salutes the troops as a joke, and most importantly how cena is actually still a bad, bad man
>cena tries to talk but out comes AJ Styles looking so hot, so cash, and stylish with redone hair also with his marine father
>his father tells the crowd about how marines he rolls with saw cena mocking them backstage
>AJ Styles father then has a heart attack right there
>ambulance comes out takes Styles father, Styles joins him
>Cena rushes to their aid
>Liesben tells the audience that Cena is a pretender and that everything they know about cena is a lie

>>1534040
>sitting at home for the past 10 years
Seek sunlight

>>1534101
Gain height

>>1534040
I'd like to see Cena apologize

>>1534027
>Cena in ring promo after title win
>Voice interrupts
Let's give it up for BIG MATCH JOHN! Yeah!
>Some new guy walks down ramp
I finally get the chance to stand in the ring with an idol, a legend in his own right. The champ is here! As we can see! Or can we?
> Steps in ring
It's a honor, truly! You're a hero to these people. These children, women... Children, John! They look up to you as do many younger wrestlers such as myself. You've done it all. You're what we aspire to be, the glass ceiling! Is always raised! By John Cena!
>Cheery disposition doesn't fade
We watch your moments in awe. We watch your matches in a trance. We witness your victories and your triumphs and we watch when you lose and get back up and I HATE YOU
>New Guy micshots Cena
>Heel lowers himself to a downed BMJ
Your matches taught me to wrestle but you... You taught me to hate and hate is something to truly be learned, John. Hate is what eats away at everyone in that locker room who's
>Suddenly Screaming
PISSED! OFF!
>Calms back down
Pissed Off at your infinite title chances... Your turn is never over... is it John? We all have to wait for Cena to shine for the 20th God damned time. Well...
>Heel gets even closer
Your time is up... My time is
>Suddenly Screaming
NOOOWWW!!!
>Heel throws Mic at Cena and walks out

John, can I call you Jhon? Does that make you mad, Jhon? Jhon you say you can't see me but I can see you quite clearly Jhon. I see a manlet, a suck up, a guy that hides behind cancer kids, a guy that cheated on his wife, a guy that has herpes, a loser that starred in box office bombs, a degenerate that touches himself to anime girls, a homo lover, a nigger - you are a nigger Jhon! Oh i'm not done with you yet Jhon, I see the hardest worker in the WWE, the first guy in the arena and the last guy out, the only guy that's over, the only draw in the past 10 years, the best wrestler on the roster with the only 5 star match in wwe history, a god on the mic that can turn crowds with a flip of a switch, the only guy that goes out there and promote WWE to the general public, the guy with the biggest dick, the guy that gets people on their feet for a standing ovation, and the most popular wrestler ever. Now brush my teeth like Colgate and lay me down for the three second tan, bitch.

>"cena is gay lulz uwu"

>>1534040
Cringe
Leave the basement you fat disgusting spic cunt

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>>1534137
Ahaha I like how this heel turned and became the biggest Cena mark about halfway thru,

There truly is no defeating thee GOAT

>>1534137

Kek I got worked by this promo tbch

1v1 me on rust Cena

>>1534137
Best promo here by far

>>1534123
>>1534137
Literally opposites of each other

>>1534153
Cwwwwyyyyyyy moar

John Cena I'm here to stay... and uh... make a good lucha

John Cena,you said something that has stuck with me, you said "The future goes through you." which makes me wonder, why are you still here? I don't mean to be disrespectful it just surprises me that how if anyone else said that you'd figure their days would be numbered and instantly every guy on the roster would be gunning for them and trying to take them out. They wouldn't last six months. You've been the top guy for the past five years, the guy who main events and world championships are second to. Then I realized that they did. guys much better than me have tried and many lost, a few beat you but it didn't matter. You can beat John Cena in the ring and it doesn't matter. I could take a bat to your knee and put you out for five months but you'd do another freak recovery and come back and it wouldn't matter. As long as you're here I can't reach the top, nobody can. I need to do something drastic I need to go all in. You're a principled man John, you've made that clear you don't back down from a challenge and you keep your word that is how you're going to beat John Cena. Loser leaves Town you and me.

>>1534137
Top lel

>>1534062
sup AJ

psssh...nothin personnel...kid...

*teleports behind you*

DIE! DIE! DIE...

*starts spinning around with dual shotgun, killing everyone*

heh...that was easy...

*turns into a ghost and soars away*

>>1534348
8/10 very good one, sound like the setup for an unsanctioned match or something like that

>>1534059
i like it

>>1534059
>How live for wrestling, But the question is are you willing to die for it?
>You won't kick out at 2, John. Hell, you won't even be alive to hear 1.

Nice, kinda drastic but very good

>>1534137
>you are a nigger Jhon!
I'm crying

*slow claps*
*steps out of the shadows*
Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty good... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material... But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme. And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost smile emoticon. It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive.
See you on the boards...

>>1534027
>"i'm samoan"
>"nuff said"

now where's my push?

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>>1534502
Here

>>1534490
Fresh off the boat, from reddit, kid? heh I remember when I was just like you. Braindead. Lemme give you a tip so you can make it in this cyber sanctuary: never make jokes like that. You got no reputation here, you got no name, you got jackshit here. It's survival of the fittest and you ain't gonna survive long on 4chan by saying stupid jokes that your little hugbox cuntsucking reddit friends would upboat. None of that here. You don't upboat. You don't downboat. This ain't reddit, kid. This is 4chan. We have REAL intellectual discussion, something I don't think you're all that familiar with. You don't like it, you can hit the bricks on over to imgur, you daily show watching son of a bitch. I hope you don't tho. I hope you stay here and learn our ways. Things are different here, unlike any other place that the light of internet pop culture reaches. You can be anything here. Me ? heh, I'm a judge.. this place.... this place has a lot to offer... heh you'll see, kid . . . that is if you can handle it.

>>1534137

>Jhon

Im crying over here. Push this man to the top.

>implying the moment Jhon says "nice speech" your promo still worth a fucking damn

>>1534532
Cena saying "fine speech" is the equivalent of hatposting on /asp/

When that happens, you know they have been so completely, utterly & irretrievably BTFO

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>>1534545
> completely, utterly & irretrievably BTFO
Sure thing wewtist. It surely doesnt mean your post was cringeworthy as fuck, surely not

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>>1534545
>When that happens, you know they have been so completely, utterly & irretrievably BTFO

>>1534545
Fine speech faggle

>grab mic
>get in Cena's face
>start punching him
>scream YOU'RE THE HAM SAMMICH JOHN. YOU ARE THE HAM SAMMICH.
>look down at the blood on my hands and Cena's lifeless body
>Nobody and I mean nobody calls Gaylord Johnson a ham sammich
>police come out to arrest me for the murder of John Cena

*off mic* GIMME A FUCKIN' MIC!

CUT THE MUSIC.

JOHN CENA, EVERY WEEK I GOTTA WATCH YOU WALK DOWN THAT RAMP WITH YOUR HEADBAND AND JEAN SHORTS TO BURY ANOTHER CAREER.

BUT WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE OVERCOMING THE ODDS AND FIGHTING FOR CANCER KIDS, YOUR WIFE IS BACKSTAGE SWALLOWING MY KIDS.

YOU SEE JOHN, NIKKI BELLA SAYS YOUR LITTLE FELLA CAN'T MAKE HER SING ACAPELLA, CUZ YOU'RE NOT A GENETIC FREAK LIKE ME.

SO NEXT MONTH AT SUMMERSLAM, WHEN YOU'RE IN THE RING AND THE FANS ARE CHEERING YOUR NAME, SHE'LL BE IN MY HOTEL ROOM, SCREAMIN' MY NAME, CUZ THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' FINER THAN DOING THE 69'ER WITH SCOTT STEINER.

SO THIS GOES OUT TO ALL MY FREAKS OUT THERE: BIG POPPA PUMP IS YOUR HOOKUP! HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!

>b-but mumumuhm-m-Mr. Mcmahon BbbBig match J-jhonathan is m-my colleague and I r- respect him too mucb to insult h-him!
>BMJ micmechanics me anyway
>then I put him over clean and shake his hand

would be an honor desu

>>1534656
*sirens blare*

>>1534656
Brought a tear to my eye right there.

>>1534656
>there will never be someone as goat on the mic for as long as PG exists
Steiner is the reason it needs to die

>>1534656
fucking GOAT

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I am glad to be back in WWE and to have this match I deserve. I got what I wanted, John Cena, the World’s Heavyweight Champion. I don’t have to say a whole lot more about the way I feel about John Cena; no respect, no honor. There is no honor amongst thieves in the first place.

He put hard times on Cody Rhodes and his family. You don’t know what hard times are daddy. Hard times are working at WhatCulture Pro Wrestling against Kurt Angle for a couple of bucks. Hard times are when the auto workers are out of work and they tell ‘em to go home. And hard times are when a man has worked at a job for thirty years, thirty years, and they give him a watch, kick him in the butt and say “hey a computer took your place, daddy”, that’s hard times! That’s hard times! And John Cena you put hard times on this country by takin’ Cody Rhodes out, that’s hard times.

There were two bad people… One was John Wayne and he’s dead brother, and the other’s right here. Cena, the World’s Heavyweight title belongs to these people. I’mma reach out right now, I want you at home to know my hand is touchin’ your hand for the gathering of the biggest body of people in this country, in this universe, all over the world now, reachin’ out because the love that was given me and this time I will repay you now. Because I will be the next World’s Heavyweight Champion on this hard time blues. Cody Rhodes tour, ‘17.

And John… Let me leave you with this. One way to hurt John Cena, is to take what he cherishes more than anything in the world and that’s the World’s Heavyweight title. I’m gon’ take it, I been there twice. This time when I take it daddy, I’m gon’ take it for you. Let’s gather for it. Don’t let me down now, ‘cause I came back for you, for that man upstairs that died a couple of years ago and never got the opportunity to see a real World’s Champion. And I’m proud of you, thank god I have you, and I love you. I love you!

John Cena, as you lay there, hopefully good as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this before I leave in 3 weeks with your WWE champion, I have many things I want to get out of my chest.

I do not hate you, John. I do not like you. I do not like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.
I hate this idea that you're the best. Because you're not. I'm good. I'm not good in the world. There is one thing you do more than me and kiss the ass of Vince McMahon.

You better like kissing ass Vince McMahon Hulk Hogan was. I do not know if you are as good as Dwayne though. He was a pretty good ass kisser. At all times we will go on.

Whoops! I'm breaking the fourth wall!

I'm not the best wrestler in the world.

I have the best since day one when I walked into this company. And I cursed and hated since that day to see something from me Paul Heyman that no one else wanted to say. Sure, I will man Paul Heyman. You know who else was a Paul Heyman? Brock Lesnar. And parted as I split. But the big difference between me and Brock would leave the WWE championship.

I hold a lot of Vincent K. McMahon's brass rings that follow dawned on me that they did that, they do not fully imagine. The only thing that is true for me and the fact that day after day, for almost six years, I have proven to people all over the world that I am the best in this microphone sound, pure, and even information! No one can touch me!

But even if many times I prove it, I am not your cup collector great snack. I'm on the cover of the program. I do not advertise. I do not get it on film. I'm sure any crappy show on the USA Network. I'm not on the poster of WrestleMania. I'm not on the signature of that found at the beginning of the show. I do not Conan O'Brian. I am not Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should.

The bitter this vine. But the fact that Dwayne is the ultimate in WrestleMania next year and I do not make me sick!

>>1534710
Oh Hey, let me get something straight. You are encouraged to me now, you are just as much a part of my leaving anything else. Because you are the person who sipping their cup collector current. You are to buy their program is on the cover of my eyes. And five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and a name and tried to sell it on eBay because you're too lazy to go and get a real work .

I left the WWE championship on 17 July. And hell, who knows, maybe I'll protect struggling New Japan Pro. Maybe ... I will return to the ring of honor.

Hey, kurt Cobain, how you doing?

The reason I'm not leaving you. Since I already have passed, there is still pour money into this company. I'm just a spoke in the wheel. The wheels will keep turning and I understand. Will Vince McMahon money despite himself. He is a millionaire who should be a billionaire. Do you know why he is not a billionaire? Because he is surrounded himself with well-placed, nonsensical, douchebag (censored) Yes, as John Laurinaitis, who is going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I would like to think it might be better company after Vince McMahon dead. But in fact, there is going to be done on his stupid son-in-law, daughter and doofus and the rest of his family crazy.

>>1534710
Cringe

>>1534656
Nicole and John aren't married.

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>>1534715
>Nicole

>>1534715
CAUSE EVEN JOHN KNOWS THAT WHEN THE ULTIMATE HOOK UP COMES AROUND!
SHE'LL BE COMIN TO POUND!

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little jabroni? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in NXT, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on TNA, and I have over 300 confirmed pins. I am trained in submission wrestling and Im the top sports entertainer in the entire WWE. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this very ring, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me on the WWE app? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of smarks across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your career. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can beat you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of stuff under the ring and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, Cena.

>John Cena, I have arrived in the WWE for one reason and one reason only. I am here, on my knees, desperately BEGGING, PLEADING for you to please have sex.

>>1534722
Cena had sex before you were born, kid

>>1534027
ya know jhon i have something i want to get off my chest, and im not talking about two lumps of molten plastic like Nikki, the girlfriend you're afraid to commit to, because you're scared of settling down, due to your forced commitment to a sport that's passing ya by
all ya wanna do is slung up ya sneakers, go home, and sniff some farts, but ya can't, because vince has ya in a vice, ya know that you can't stop living paycheck-ta-paycheck, you're a prisoner, jahn
but look in my eyes
what do ya see?
a man who loves the DFC
but the entire nation can't see you anymore
because you're on smackdown
cuck

Yo, John. Sup Uce? See, I been here in this company for years, working my ass off all the way to the top of these here ranks. In that time, the only thing constant has been you, being on top of them ranks. See Uce, that has to change, homie. It's been long overdue, this change we need here. Problem is, all them manlets and fatsos and losers and skinny fat vanilla midgets that have faced you have had one thing in common, they all fucking suck ass. See Uce, I ain't like any of em boys you fucked up in this here ring for the past few years. See Uce, I'm different. I'm one thing different from all em boys you destroyed in this ring. The difference I have with em is that I'm your fan. I'm a BMJ fan. I follow the same mantra you do. I follow HUSTLE, LOYALTY, and RESPECT to a fuckin' T. See Uce, that's the one thing I need to beat someone like you. And I'mma make sure, that come Sunday at Summerslam, you will be the one to feel the wrath of HUSTLE, LOYALTY and RESPECT. See Uce, when I beat yo ass on Sunday, it's gonna be a sad day for me, but I need to do this. See you on this ring at Summerslam, Uce.

John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass.

You’re as good as kissing Vince McMahon’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.

I am the best wrestler in the world.

>>1534721
>jabroni
>stealing a catch phrase in the first sentence.

YERRR FIRED

Ahhhhhhhhh, cmonnnnnnnn
im not a bad guyyyyy

Huh?

>>1534656
>SO NEXT MONTH AT SUMMERSLAM, WHEN YOU'RE IN THE RING AND THE FANS ARE CHEERING YOUR NAME, SHE'LL BE IN MY HOTEL ROOM, SCREAMIN' MY NAME

Based as fuck

>>1534747

Hi Phil!

>>1534748

Replying to Navy Seal pasta

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*brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp*
John!
You may be the 15-Time Champion, and undisputed GOAT of the WWE
*pfffffffffffffhhhhhhbt*
But I...
I'M NOT LIKE MOST GIRLS
*pooooooooooot*
And I will RUN THROUGH YOU AT SUMMERSLAM
*fshhhhhhhh*
And when I am
*pshhhhhhhhh*
done with you, Jo-
*brrrrrrrrrrt*
John, you will know the name!....
NIA
*brrrrrr*
JA-
*PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
JAX

>>1534905
God this board fucking sucks.

John ur a faggot

You know what John Cena, you're a bad man. You're a bad man and I will fight you. In a ring on ppv. So you better be ready for my lucha art outside and inside the ring, because I'm here and ready to make a good luch s-lucha- uh lucha thing.

>>1534905
More please

>>1534680
You could always watch non-PG companies.

Check out some of Adam Cole's stuff in PWG

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>>1534911

>>1534691
>nobody got this

Fucking shameful.

Put your mother in a straight-jacket you punk ass white boy. Come here and tell me that, I'll fuck you in your ass you punk white boy. You faggot. You can't touch me, you're not man enough. I'll eat your asshole alive, you bitch. C'mon anybody in here can't fuck with this. This is the ultimate, man. Fuck you, you ho. Come and say it to my face.... I'll fuck you in the ass in front of everybody. You bitch.... come on, you bitch. You're scared coward, you're not man enough to fuck with me. You can't last two minutes in my world, bitch. Look at you scared now, you ho.... scared like a little white pussy. Scared of the real man. I'll fuck you 'til you love me, faggot!"

>>1534931
90 per cent of people got it. It wasnt worth a reply

>>1534928
>Vinesauce
Holy shit yes.

>>1534934
B A S E D

>>1534934
BASED

Alright, so. I'm out here. I got a mic. I'm in front of 20,000 members of the Nashville constituent of the WWE Universe...

(...)

Hey, don't cheer too hard for that. I'm a Red Wings guy. I don't really like you all that much.

But anyway. I'm out here. I got the ring all to myself, I got my mic, we finally got Cole and Byron to shut up for a few minutes. So I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to say my piece about why, as they say, "John Cena Sucks", right? I'm supposed to tear apart his in-ring work, mock his attitude and his haircut, call him a boy scout, throw around the word "bury" a few time and sprinkle in some other IWC-friendly codewords. That gets you SquaredCircle, WhatCulture, WrestlingObserver guys all on my side for a couple weeks, a few people ask "BEST PROMO SINCE PUNK?" or something -- lemme spoil it for you, it's not -- then John comes out, says "Nice speech.", maybe calls me a bitch for good measure, and then come WWE Backlash in a few weeks, I eat like four Attitude Adjustments, he covers me, the speakers go DOOT DOO DOO DOOOOOOOOOO, then he moves on to his next thing and I dunno, I probably get in a fight with Dolph Ziggler 'cause of his stupid hair. (Shrug) Sorry, Dolph. I didn't know how else to tell you.

Anyway, I know how it's all supposed to go, I'm a WWE fan just like you guys and I've seen this story play out a buncha times over the years. Here's the thing though...I'm really just not that into it. I guess, again, that's 'cause...I'm a WWE fan! And as a WWE fan, I gotta be honest with you, I just don't really dislike John Cena that much! Maybe back in like, 2010, yeah? I was bored to tears just like everyone else, but here's the thing. It's not 2010 anymore. John Cena is pretty much the best thing about this company. He turns in great matches week in and week out, he's the best guy on this mic in the company not named Enzo Amore.... (...) Yeah. How you doin', and so on.

>>1535499
And people say "oh, well, he buries people, he always gets title shots even when he doesn't deserve them", but that's not even true anymore! Who's the last guy John Cena buried? KO? Bray Wyatt? I got news for you, neither of those guys are buried. And you wanna know when John Cena's last title shot for the WWE World Championship was? Summerslam 2015! Over a year ago! You guys gotta face facts...you're just doing that "John Cena Suuuuuuucks" thing when his music hits to amuse yourself, 'cause it couldn't be further from the truth. Right now, John Cena is the best thing about this company, and I'll tell you right now, if I had the choice between sitting down every Monday and Tuesday night to see another arduous Stephanie McMahon segment or waste more of my life on Miz TV or the Highlight Reel or watching Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens FIIIGHT FOREEEEVEEER or follow the continuing soap opera of the three most overrated, mediocre, non-drawing superstars in the history of this business, the SHIELD?

I'd rather watch John Cena get in this ring and take this mic and read the phone book while chain wrestling a broom than sit through that.

....aaand here, we've come to the underlying issue, finally. John Cena is the best thing about WWE right now...because the rest of WWE is garbage.

And you don't have to take my word for that. Look at the ratings, look at the Network subscriptions, look at the House Show numbers and ask any hardcore fan how they feel about the product right now and they'll tell you one thing. In this ring, on this mic, and backstage, IT'S ALL GARBAGE. And you wanna know why? You wanna know whose fault it is that the company is in this sorry-ass state? It's not Vince McMahon. It's not Stephanie McMahon. It's not Shane McMahon and it's not Triple H.

It's John Cena.

>>1535504

Without John Cena, a long time ago, the WWE would've been forced to sink or swim. But with John Cena, they can just coast. And stagnate. And watch their company rot and decay from the inside out. Because no matter what type of horrible product they put together, no matter how many awful decisions they make, people will still tune in just. To see. John. Cena. He is at the same time the only thing holding this company together and the biggest anchor around its neck. And if this company is gonna stop being the joke of this industry, I hate to say this, but, you gotta kick the crutch out from under it and see if they can find a way to walk.

So in a few weeks at WWE Backlash, I don't really have any delusions about what's gonna happen to me. I don't think I'm gonna make it out the other side and to be honest with you, I don't really want to, either. I'm just another mediocre product of this broken, failure of a system. But one thing I can do. If I put my mind to it, and with just a little bit of luck. I can unwrap the anchor that is John Cena, from around the WWE's neck...and I can take him down with me.

Maybe that kills the company. I dunno. But frankly, if it does, it's been dead for a while already. Just nobody's had the decency to bury it yet.

>>1535499
>>1535504
>>1535508
Amen

>>1535499
>>1535504
>>1535508
Hory Shet senpai! That was pretty damn good!

>>1534745
Sup Uce

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>1534911
Damn, way to be effective in your promos.
>>1534927
As if he'll want to watch an indie guy do promos.

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>>1535499
>>1535504
>>1535508

>>1534040

I laughed as soon as I read "ya know john". Have no clue about the rest you said, that just tickled me for some reason

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Well … hey … I’m here, like I said before, I’m here to shock the world. I’m ready, I’m ready to show [pause] lucha art inside and outside the ring. But, first of all, I can’t stop thinking about John Chinga, sorry, John Cena, being on Smackdown? Heh, I get to have my revenge. ¿Sabes que? Hey, like I said, I’m here, to stay. Make, make a make a uh uh a good, good lucha, lucha … thing. [running away] GOD DAMN WOOOOOOOO!

>>1535570
Never fails to make me laugh every time

>>1534027

>Cut a heel promo on Cena,

You are a two-bit attention whore who always was and always will be less interested in wrestling and more interested in what the scrubs in the WWE Universe think about you. While I have been busting my ass to win every match I'm in and get every opportunity I can, I've watched you bend over backwards not to compete, but to build up the lie that you, John, are a good person. You pose with the kids, you sign their crappy shirts with your ugly face on it, bandwagon the hometown team of whatever dumpslump town we happen to be in, you talk about hustle, loyalty, and respect, all so that people will like you and think you're a good person.

But you aren't, John. A good person doesn't steal his broski's girlfriend. A good person doesn't cheat on their wife. A good person doesn't beat someone up and put them in a submission hold until they give him what he wants.

Fact is, the only person you've ever been loyal to is yourself. You've never respected anything beyond your own selfish wants. And the only thing you hustle to do is jump in front of every camera you can find.

Honestly, it doesn't even matter that you're kind of a prick. It doesn't affect our match at [insert show here]. But the fact is, all the time you spent preening in front of these idiots, trying to get them to like you, trying to be someone you're not, I spent it training in the gym and in the ring. And that's why I'll beat you. Not because I'm a bad person, but because, unlike you, I'm honest about it.

>>1534910
>sucks

I think you'll find...
that it blows.
*brrrrrrrrrt*

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This thread got more and more personal as time went on, I've enjoyed it