What do you say to your dogs when you are petting them? Any nonsense

I say nothing and observe the dog's behavior to ensure what I'm doing is what the dog enjoys the most at the time. I also frequently make sure the dog isn't getting bored by stopping the attention briefly to see if the dog tries to restart the attention by looking at me, pawing at me or putting muzzle in my hand.

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>>2455093
WOWIE WALFIE OWIE!
UUUUUUUH!
His name is ralphie

>>2455112
He looks cute. Is he a good boy?

>>2455116
Very docile and extremely good.

Standard "whozagooboy" to initiate.
"oh yeahyeahyeah" if he seems to enjoy it

>>2455093

That snoot is asking to be booped.

>>2455292
That's nice, got any more pics of the little fella?

>>2455297
Thank you!

I repeat "goodboi" in a high-pitched voice.

I was going to post about how you guys are all gigantic faggots, until I stopped to think about it and realized I do the same thing.

"Oooh the Booboo! Oh tha Boo!"

"my wittle baby sweetie pie. i wuv you you're a good boy"

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>>2455093
D-does anyone else here sing songs about their dogs and/or replace song lyrics with ones about their dog

My dog only lets me pet him if I sing "All the Small Things" by Blink 182 except that phrase is replaced by "Who's a Good Boy" in a high pitched voice.

what a handsome prince, aw he's a lovely pupper, yes he is

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I just call her a pretty girl, but every now and then I make weird noises at her

>>2455388
No but I do it with my rats when I pick them up.

n-no homo

>>2455388
My whole family does it with their cats >.> I sometimes do as well

>>2455388
I do this all the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I replace every work that rhymes with my dog's name in a song with his actual name

"please just fuck me....please"

No. I'm not mentally retarded.

>>2455093
I only pet pups grown dogs feel weird petting.

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"Ahhh, mahamina keeter, ohh, keeter, mahamina keeter, ahh"

pic is of my cat, named 'The Kitter Oaxacan'

I have aspergers pretty good but that's all I think

You people are fucking freaks

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>>2455356
Is your dog named boo or booboo?

I keep repeating "good girl booboo/boo" when I pet her even though that's not her name.

>>2455337
Unfortunately i lost em.
Cute pupper op.

>>2455424
Cute

>>2455732
Her name is Ahura, but we call her Boo for short

>>2455735
Mine is named Delcy which is of no relation to Boo but I guess it comes naturally when you're petting or babytalking to them.

Chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga-choo

>>2455388

All the fucking time. Especially when we go on car rides and a song comes on. Some lyrics are so good that I've considered making a YouTube channel for middle aged white women to give me revenue, but I can't sing worth a shit.

>>2455093
I just say hello. Ask her how her day has been and all that.
I'd like to think she likes me, but I don't know.

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>>2455474
>>2455595
>>2455599
>>2455797
I'm glad there are people here as autistic as me. Everyone that knows IRL thinks it's weird, unsurprisingly

When I visit my parents and see my childhood dog I say "How have you been?, have you been a good girl? I bet you have" followed by repeated variations of "who's a good girl"

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This is my dog, Crash.
I sometimes snuggle into him and breathe heavily (he seems pretty okay with it) and I often complain about world events with him.

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Whenever I get my mom's obese husky I always say shit like "ohwawawa you're such a lil fatty lil husky fat ass fucker mmmreeerreeeereee fatty fat fat lazy dick head doggo ooodoodoo eeeee "

Pic is of his reaction

It kind of looks like he's thinking "I'm going to kill this human first if I get rabies"

>>2456553
Is he called Crash because he was in a crash?

>>2456578
>get
*pet

>>2455388
I sing "fatty-cake, fatty-cake, baker's pooch. Bake me a cake, as fast as a smooch!" And then I kiss him on the nose. My dog isn't that fat but I always mock him like he's enormous. He loves it when i sing to him!

>>2456579
no he's called Crash because when I first got him he looked like Crash Bandicoot.

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"Are you dog?" and/or "You are dog."

Also usually some form of greeting.

>>2456611
That's cute! If I tried to kiss my doggo on the nose she would just try to lick my nose. Why do different dogs have their own place on humans that they always like to smooch?

>>2456793
THIS
I say "are you a puppy pup?" Or "are you a lovely doggy?" To my dogs

>What's up doggie? Huh? What's up? What's up? Whatcha doin'? Hi! Hello! You're cute!
etc. etc. etc.

>ootsi wootsi whaaaaaaat whaaaaaaaat's up doggy yoyoyoyoyo whoaa doggoh!!!
>continues wildly tousling the head and neckfur until the dog sits in a pile of fur the volume of half of the dog itself
dogs can make you go full retard

>Whos the goodest girl? you are, yes you are.

I sadly can't post pics because of potato camera.

I sing nonsense songs to my dog because maximum autism. Not much tops some 30 year old schmuck singing "Miss poofy tail puppy face!" to a dog.

It's my family. We've always been disgustingly lovey-dovey to our pets. I believe that if you feed your animal than it just sticks around for the food. If you talk to your animal it actually likes you, but an animal will never love you unless you sing to it. It's just how it be.

Woofwoofwoofwoofwoof
Alternativley: ruffruffruffruffruff

>>2455093
>little babies little babies little babies
>little sweeties little sweeties little sweeties
>little Bubbiss little Bubbis little Bubbis
>little Pipis little Pipis little Pipis
>he's a big boys he's a big big big big big big big big boys he's a babies
>the most beautiful babes in the world! Yes it's you! Yes it's you!
>little dummies little dummies little dummies
>little piggies little piggies little piggies
>etc.

>>2455388
Yeah I did this for Blurred Lines, Gold on the Celling, We're in the Money, etc. songs that my pets names fit well in to.

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"Whose my sweety boy?! Are you my schweety boy! Yes yous a schweety boy!" And it devolves into more gibberish.

I repeat the word "dog" in a heavy new york accent.

Not from New York I just like the way it sounds. "Dawg"

>>2456741
kek

how u acquire shibes?

>>2457009
He does look like a sweety boy!

I'll say her name, call her a good girl, ask if she is a good girl, make nonsense noises, sing in a very low bassy pitch (it makes her go bananas when I do it really close so she can feel the vibration), and say "love ya" in a sing-song way. If I don't say anything for a while then I say one of those things, she wiggles back and forth. It's adorable.

Everyone else in my family does a similar thing, but in their own way. I always figured most Humans turn into blithering idiots when petting their dog.

>>2457127
It's just babytalk, but more extreme because it's not even a human you're talking to. And dogs are much cuter

>>2455102
I don't know why, but you sound terribly annoying and i hope you break your ankles

I'll usually say racially charged statements to my golden retriever, like did you see that black lab today at the park just laying around. Go figure right buddy.

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>>2455093
I tell my dog that he's ugly just about every time I see him, but in an upbeat tone so he still gets excited. His nicknames include: Mr. Ugly, Ugly Boy, Ugly man, Smelly Boy, Mr. Fat, Mr. Big, etc. Unsure whether he needs therapy or not

>>2457046
Step 1: Don't

>>2457161
No bully pupper >:(

i have a cat, but
>hello my little princess
>who loves you
>who is the one who loves this cat, is it me?
>i think it is
>there is one human who loves this cat, is it me? are you sure?
i'm kind of a fag i guess. i love the shit out of my cat though

>>2455388
Yeah. When we go for a walk, I say:

>One, two, three a walk four a walk walk
>Five six seven a walk eight a walk walk
>Nine ten eleven a walk twelve a walk walk

>We're gonna walk
>Around
>The block tonight

>>2455388
Yes.

>>2455388
Not to my dogs but sometimes when my chicken nods of on my lap eating popcorn I'll ruffle his feathers and sing
"CHICKEN ARE YOU OKAY
ARE YOU OKAY
ARE YOU OKAY CHICKEN"
it pisses him off pretty bad sometimes, but most of the time he's only slightly irritated.

>>2457161

Well he is really fat and ugly. Maybe he should work on that.

>>2457161
He looks like the kind of dog who stands in front of you and breathes hot moist air on your legs and arms and will not leave you alone

>>2457249
He's beautiful on the inside, anon. The rest of him is still ugly, but there's no cure for that.
>>2457253
The reason I even took that photo is because I was trying to do shit and he kept getting very close to my face and breathing heavily. He's a twit and he absolutely deserves to be shamed publicly for it

>>2457161
damn clean ass teeth. would let him stick his whole tongue in my mouth desu

>>2457315
Not that dogs owner, but a good way to keep a dogs teeth fresh and white is to feed them lots of carrots

>>2457227
You have a chicken that sleeps on your lap? Pics please!

>what a good boy
>that me big and excellent dog
>that the number one dog
>wow what a good dog
Yes I turn into a caveman when I start patting his head.

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whenever i start petting i call him a pretty kitty and sometimes i talk with him in one sided conversations

>>2455727
Kek what makes him Oaxacan

>>2455731
Where do you think you are Ledditor?

I don't make any high pitched noises or anything, I just say whatever is on my mind like I'm thinking out loud towards my cat even though he can't understand a word I'm saying.

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>>2457444
I actually don't think I have pictures of him in my lap, since it's become the norm for me and not worth documenting, but here's him dicking around outside.
I've posted so many pictures of this rooster, holy fuck.

Sometimes I'll sneak up on him anday on the floor next to him and rub his sides underneath his wings and go "BAWKALAWKALAWKA" it seems to irritate him a little, but when I do the sound effect he comes running over for side rubs.

>for the boy cat, who is usually just content to chill but will every so often NEED to be on you for pets

"Oh, sir. OH sir. You...are...a cat. Yoooooou cat. Aw, sir."

>to the girl, who stands there meowing frantically if I make the mistake of entering a room and not immediately scratching the ever loving fuck out of her face

"YES, YES, OKAY, HERE. Scratch your face, scraaaaaaaaaatch your faaaaaaaace" to which she replies "mlrrrrp" in kind of a self-satisifed manner.

>>2457227
smooth chickenal

>>2455093
i literally call her fat bitch

>>2457161
a fellow bully!

>>2457453
>toxoplasma_gondii_effects.jpg

>>2457723
Ooh that's a very fluffy chicken!

>>2457723
Looks like he's getting on in his years. You're a good anon for taking care of him.

I talk to my rabbit about my latest MMO achievements.

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i say "WHO'S A DOGGY?!"

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>cute / sweet widdle boi
>smart / good widdle boi
if it's after a training session

And I'll call him pup, pupper, pup pup, or puppy when I get greets me at the door
>no bully on his hears. He's six and had at least three owners before

>>2455093
I don't say anything anymore, my dog went mostly deaf a year ago, cant hear anything unless i go right up to his ear and say something rather loudly

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I just make a lot of weird noises.

What's up.my lil nigger

Usually something along those lines

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>>2455093
choppa chakkka choppa chakkaaaaaaaa you a caca you a cacaaaaa

i like doggos

When I get home from work and he greetd me all excited:
>Oh hello! Hello my little fluff-puff! How are you? Are you so pretty? You're so pretty! Hi baby, did you miss me? Were you waiting for me? I missed you puppy!

And sometimes I mimic Kirby's 'Hiiii!' taunt because his name's the same.

>>2455388
YES.

I call my dogs poop, shunkaloo, and a bunch of other stuff that I probably can't remember.

>>2458232

MLEM

MLEM

I pretend I'm the adults in charlie brown and say "wa wa wa, wa wa, wa wa wa good boy wa wa wa wa wa extra treats wa wa wa wa wa"

Not really for him but for my own amusement.

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>Stop pooping every 5 minutes ya cunt

>>2458802
good sounds

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I once sat for an extraordinary amount of time and explained to my dog in detail the history of domestication and how it came to pass that two predatory species that should be in competition with each other ultimately ended up largely cooperating and co-evolving together which brings us to where we are today

>>2458710
I like doggos too!

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My last cat I always used to say "aaaah, prince a-booz-booz" when I patted him.

His name was bruce.
His mum was the pet of the sultan of brunei.

Bruce > booz > booz-booz > prince a-booz-booz

Totally logical.

If youre spurgy.

He may not have been a true prince but he was the king of cuddles.

R.I.P booz booz

>>2458900
I'm totally sad now man he was the best.

>>2458900
Have you seen "the world's end"?
Also, I'm sorry about your kitter

"Care bears goings to gets hers cuddles."

She always waits in my spot before I go to bed because she always wants her cuddles.

>>2457227
>eating with an animal shitting on your lap
Rats and chickens aren't dogs and cats, you grimy retards.

>>2457201

Love it

>>2455116
Yes he is. I fuck him in the ass twice a day

making a deep "wuh" noise is the extent of my cute talk

awuhwuhwuhwuhwuhwuh

I have a mini schnauzer named scotty and when i pet him i say "Hey dere scootey howaaa yuuuu uduchuchuchuchu"

>>2455093
>hairy little baby~...

>>2459804
You're way too late to pretend to be that dog's owner, retard.

>>2455388
I do with my cat.
I also sing songs with him but imitate the noises he makes.

>>2457710
>Not having two sided conversations with your cat
I love having a talkative cat.

"Otis, you're a fat boy"
"You big bean"

"You're a roasty rumped rump roast"
I always remind him of this since he seeks out the hottest point in the house to bask in.

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"Wubby gubby shnubby boo boo fatty baby bubby"
"Hey bubber, hey shnubber, fun bubber"
And then I replace song lyrics with her name or her sister's name

>>2455388
Yes. Thank God im not weird haha

I call my dog Linus Vaginus

>>2455388
I sing to them revolutionary songs like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_-YPLLxLFg

And replace the lyrics with stuff like "The cats will revolt and distribute free fish to everyone, avenging their deaths made by the europeans in the middle ages".

>>2455093
I say "you are a dog."

So far as I know, I am not autistic.

>>2455093
We discuss cats, snausages, hamburgers, birds, and occasionally I try to redpill him on the Illuminati, but not to an extreme.
Mostly we are silent, because he's not much of a conversationalist, and too many "who's a goodboys" take away the power of an earnest "who's a goodboy".

No dog. But I speak vaguely french nonsense to my ferrets. They respond to it and it's cute.

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>>2463041
Pic related

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"Good goood" or "good boy"

>>2463046
Hello there Mr. Snake.

>>2463044
Adorable!
>>2463046
Nice sharky hat. Sharks are the doggos of fish

>>2455093
I used to have a dog named myah who was 150lbs and I'd say things like, "myah moo! My moo moo! Shamoo moo the worlds largest dog!"

I now pet my cat and call her "Baka" as well as "my cutie cat" and "cootie cootie cootie kitty girl"

>>2455709
Every dog is a pup to me

My dog's nickname is Burger (don't know where it came from) so I usually say something like, "who's a good burger boy, huh?"

>>2463044
OMG! Your dog is so adorable! What breed is it?

>>2458802

literally this noise

I call my dog "goy"

I say things like "good goy!" "that's a good goy"

I just think it's funny and I can even do it in public since people generally can't decipher I'm saying anything out of the norm.

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>>2457849

>>2455093

>long strokes from head to tail
->"OHH da baby. OHHHH da stuuuupid babyyyy. Ohhhhh da leeeeeetle sheeeeeit."

>scritches
>"You're an asshole! You're awful! You're a shit!"

>rubbing ears
>"Ohohohodagitchugitchugichu ears yes dagitchu ears."

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>>2455093
good girl i guess

i love when you stop and they either give you their paw, force their head udne ryour hand , or if they are facing away from you then they lift their head up to look back asking why you stopped

>>2455732
old dog was Clara. We called Clara-Pooh sometimes.

Now dog is Ella and we say Ella Bella sometimes

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>>2462978

I say "Hey dog what are you looking for?" repeatedly and in a more exicted tone to get the dog riled up.

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>Cutie Cat
>cutie cutie cutie kitty cat kitty kitty kitty girl
>baaaaaaaby girllllllll
>Whos my baaaaaaabyyyyyyy
>kitykitykitykitykitykitykitykitykitykitycattttt
>baaakaaa
>whos mah lil nigga
>i fucking hate you, bitch, fuck you cunt cunt cat
>kitty girl
>awww you wuvvvv mee dontchyu
>awww you so sweeeeeeeeeeeeet
>tsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

When i stare at her she walks over to me to get scritches and sometimes ill just insult her in a monotone voice to not scare her off.

>>2455294
>oh yeahyeahyeah

nail on the head

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>>2457710
holy cow for a split second I thought we had the same cat

I say, "Hey you little shit" and thats about the extent of it

>>2464575
Kind that's not a dog at all

>>2455093
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRsWk4JZa5k

>>2464266
70 kg of dog, holy shit. What breed ?

>>2455093
Depends on which dog. My mutt couple I sing-song to ala >>2455388
My oldest dog I just say "Hey old timer"
my bf's dog I tell him hes a "good boy such a cute boy"
and my favorite one I say XXX stuff calling him a slut, asking him if he likes that shit, asking him if he likes this dick (I know it makes literally no sense). It just looks so comical because hes super fluffy and when I touch him his eyes roll into the back off his head and his tongue goes lolling out like he just had the best nut of his life.

>>2455093
I used to say stuff like Beepie Bee and tell her she is an oreo cookie with to much cream filling. And some other non-sense

>>2455388
no but now i want to