What's the largest (by weight) animal you think you could

>>2384114
a mosquito

>>2384114
You

>>2384114
Define winning. Do I need to restrain it and kill it, or do I just intimidate it into running the fuck away?

There was one dude who kicked in the head and then death choked a Puma then roared at it and it fucked off, for example. He didn't do any damage to it, but he "won".

>>2384114
Would a seals natural habitat be considered in the ocean or on land?
They spend a lot of time out of water but are quite ungainly there and as long as you avoid it's jaws and can find something sharp/hard to hurt it through the blubber I think it might be manageable.

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>>2384114
A bear

Beached whale.

Or more seriously, the answer here for pretty much everyone is likely a galapagos tortoise.

>>2384114
Deer

A 120 lb hippopotamus.

Kiwi

>>2384114
A house cat and even then I have my doubts.

Alligator probably. You just softlock the jaws until they die. Not exactly sure how they would die from that but in worst case scenario you can just knee them in the groin until they kill themselves.

>>2384114
a 1 ton crocodile

Whale shark. It would take a while, but I feel like you could get the job done with some scuba gear and a big enough knife.

>>2384218
I think in this case winning is killing the animal

>>2384570
OP stipulated that it has to be done with your bare hands. A nurse shark would be more manageable.

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>>2384322
this anon is smart, I bet you can probably climb onto it's back then just strangle it.

>>2384851
fucker could probably take your hand off. fuck that.

>>2384852
How strong is their neck? If their neck isn't very strong you could hold it's neck and prevent it from biting you (like how you hold an angry snake by the back of it's head)

>>2384855
you've obviously never handled a snake or a turtle

>>2384862
well you could educate me instead of belittle me but okay

>>2384851
Yeah but I'd feel bad.

>>2384114
Dwarf elephant

Unarmed, a large dog. Bigger animals if I'm allowed to bash their head in with a rock.

One of those really big pigs.

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>>2384948
>I could take this in a fist fight, you guys

>>2384114
A while ago some edgelord here thought he could *sidestep sweep-kick groin-bash head-punch* a pissed silverback if it was charging him, disregarding the fact its forearm is as thick as one of his thighs. Where's he? Obviously he'd win this thread.

A field mouse

>>2384114
Hmm, depends on if I saw it coming. I like to pretend I'm pretty mean

>>2384954
fuck pigs

>>2385049
>Sweep kick a gorilla

Brilliant.

>>2384855
neck is strong as fuck plus it's huge, good luck getting a strong enough grip to strangle it

winning strategy would probably be to jump on it's back and just punch/kick it in the back of the head over and over again

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how did Homo Genus actually get by back in the days of the wilderness before we invented societies and weapons and shit?
>gangly
>not fast
>not strong
>no biting power
>no claws

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>>2385049
>Sweep kick
sweep kicks don't work on human beings nevermind a fucking silverback

dude plays too much street fighter

>>2385354
By using our big fucking brains.
Size, claws, and teeth don't mean shit when your dumbass is herded off a cliff or slowly dying in a trap.

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>>2385352
Nah, if it pulled its neck in so you couldnt get a good angle. Even then, their skulls are hard enough to where your hands would be injured before their head would be.

Best winning strategy is to be a fucking powerlifter and roll the motherfucker onto his back and starve him out.

>>2385354
>human meat tastes like shit and is borderline poisonous to most animals
>durable as fuck, extremely stong immune systems and heal from injuries much faster than other animals
>also what >>2385364 said
Basically, humans were built to follow around their prey until it got tired.

>>2384524
Are you by any chance black? Not the first time a black person gets this idea and thinking it will work out gets eaten.

>>2385354
dumb frogposter

>>2385354
>>not fast
we're extremely fast long distance runners
>>not strong
I don't think you understand how few animals are as big as people. a huge wolf weighs about the same as a short woman who is on the thin side.

>>2384171
Are you kidding? Not even Saitama could defeat one of those motherfuckers

>>2385354
>not strong

psh meet me somewhere and ill show u how strong i am

I feel like I could beat the shit out of a camel. Are they aggressive? What do they do other than make angry sand animal noises?

>>2386678
>What do they do other than make angry sand animal noises?
https://www.liveleak.com/view?i=1e2_1413227221

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>>2386687
kek

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>>2384114
Getting into an unarmed direct combat is probably the hardest way for humans to kill animals

Trying to strangle large animals would ve incredibly difficult and we dont really have any other ways to fuck them up besides kicks and punches (lol) and maybe some absurd shit like trying to pluck their eyes out with your fingers (gl dealing with the now ultra-berserk animal)

The original human tactic of endurance hunting would work against animals that are inherently scared of you i guess but that doesn't really count as direct combat

Similar with digging a hole with your bare hands (lmao) to chase them in mammoth hunting style

Its actually very hard to think of any ways you could kill large animals with no tools whatsoever

Best chance would be to use some hilarious tactics like rolling the huge tortoise off a cliff

I think I could take a goat, maybe...

badger

How diffucult would a large breed of dog be to fight?

>>2386798
he will bite you

>>2386798
U get one chance for a good kick and if you fuck it up its all over

>>2384114
Something like a racoon

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>>2386798
Very hard I think. The average police dog weighs 66-88 lbs according to their website and police regularly use them to attack and incapacitate criminals. They don't even weigh much but all that is powerful muscle. I've been to Fort Carson where they train military dogs and even strong military servicemen have a hard time standing strong when the dog runs and jumps on them. I suppose if you managed to remain standing after in charges at you you could grab it and break it's neck like Liam Neeson.

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Ive wrasseled a 5-6ft croc out of the water to impress some slag. Didn't even get any for it. Felt bad for crocbro so I tossed some chicken in the water near where I found him.

How hard is it to hold down a big snake? Pythons and anacondas look very sluggish, I bet I could strangle one to death.

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>>2386889
You know that they kill their prey by strangling it to death, right? And your strategy is to go up to it and hug it?

>>2386896
I've beaten dark souls like 3 times so I don't think it will be that hard.

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>>2385696
I know you're kidding but it's still pissing me off

>>2384114
The absolute biggest animal I think I could beat in its own environment is a giant panda. They're so fucking slow that I could probably just tire it out and roll it off a drop or some shit.

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>>2386822

>>2385354
>before we invented societies
All primates have complex "selfless" societies, good luck attacking a member without having numerous 70+kg apes jumping your ass
>not strong
Any athlete would have no problem lifting a 50-60 kg animal and slamming it down, and thats just people having fun, people being serious about it can lift up shit thats over 200kg and they do it for fun, not even being ANGRY
You are comparing the average office worker with a lion, sure he will lose
But that was not the actual match most of the time

Probably a goose, but it'd be a bloody battle.

>>2387107
Meant for
>>2386854

>>2384262
>something sharp
>hand to claw

>>2384524
There would be absolutely no way to kill a large alligator while you're holding it's jaws shut.

i actually punched my friends dog and knocked it out cold once because i was drunk and it kept humping me and rubbing red rocket on my jeans. we woke him up by shaking him and when he woke up, i guess that he was in a panic or something, because he started running all around the house at full speed straight away and he wouldn't stop for anything. after a while he tired himself out and hides underneath the kitchen table. he's never been the same dog since then i think that i may have gotten him a concussion or given him a mental illness.

>>2386889
it'd take hours to strangle an anne

small-medium(sub 5 or 6 feet) sized alligator unless natural habitat is in even remotely deep water instead of mud or marshland
Most alligators in that range are still growing and havent bulked up yet but they are still tough as nails and not sure exactly how I could kill it bare handed besides subduing it and waiting the extremely long time for it to starve/dehydrate

Their range of motion or lack thereof on land is a big hinderance to them when you know what youre doing

>>2386889
those things can hold their breath for SO LONG. while you're trying to strangle it, it will just wrap it's body around you and squeeze you to death

>>2387107
ostrich might be the heaviest animal I could kill with my bare hands, and even then it would be extremely hard. (This is assuming the ostrich actually wants to fight me and won't just run away)

>>2387226
an ostrich would murder you instantly with its talons and they run like 150 mph

>>2384114
Probably a tiger

>>2387107
>>2387127
Yeah nah, get those cunts angry and they'll gut ya with a kick. Seen two dogs laid open before. They can kick in any fuckin direction too.

>>2387226
You would die. Where are you from?

>>2387226
>disembowels you before you get in arms reach
>kicks you twice more as youre on the ground bleeding out
>dances like a fucking retard from side to side to show superiority
>shits a nasty ostritch shit to mark territory and leaves

ITT: uninformed people vastly underestimating how dangerous large animals can be.

>>2386854
What is going on in pic related?

>>2387114
You're comparing the average human today, we were much smaller back then

>>2385354
We did not have claws or shells, so we forged our own out of the blood of this planet

The worlds most obese elephant

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>>2384325

Probably not. Deer are pretty psycho. There's a reason you hunt them with guns.

>>2387419
What's your well informed choice then?

>>2387243
Hahaha hahahahahhahahaha haha dumbest post here desu, you should be ashamed. Go watch a tiger kill something

>>2387448
dat pussy is tight yo

>>2387480

Also, for me it'll probably be a medium-sized wolf. If it was alone. More than one, I'd prolly be forked.

>>2386798
If you give them your forearm to bite down and then bash them in the snout you'll stand a a better chance. Except they can always give you severe nerve damage from the bite and your won't have function in that hand anymore. And even then that's only if you didn't land a good few kicks before that fucker got close. If you scare it off that counts as a win, right?

>>2386687
Muslims are fucking scum. Shame it didn't crush his skull

>>2387484
lol
Lone wolves have killed bison, cougar, lynx, elk and LGD's. What makes you think you could kill it?

>>2384851
I dont think id have the heart to hurt such a beautiful animal.

>>2387481
I alrdy posted it, galapagos tortoise by rolling it off a cliff

>>2386778
Assuming you know that trying to stun a goat with head trauma is like throwing a crow off of a rooftop, are you hoping to get its neck and use your weight?
Doubt that fuckers going down, more likely scenario is you being bucked and dragged till your pants are around your ankles and your highest aspiration is shifted to climbing a tree.

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I bet I could kill one of these 1000-pound sacks of flesh.

>>2384851
they are so wise tho

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I am affraid of little roe deers
I am very anxious when something is swishing in the forest

>>2387693
when i was in croatia one deer made me very afraid because he was barking, sort of

>>2384114
An American.

>>2384114
An extremely overweight female human.

>>2385357
a properly executed sweep kick works on humans but def not a 4ft 350lb gorilla

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>>2387664
but look at all the scars it has

[spoiler] I wonder what the hell is fucking it up then losing or running away [/spoiler]

>>2387825
theyre just stupid and clumsy and bump into boats/coral/rocks a lot

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>>2387705
Doubt it fuckboi, waiting till the diabeetus takes my legs so I can have cool legs like this. Try to bin my appendages britfag.

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>>2387852
Oops, this pic

Probably a big Sloth

>>2386854
But could you have killed it?

>>2384322
if I see you beating on a beached whale I'm kicking your ass
>>2384262
good luck fighting that seal they're vicious as fuck

>>2385696
She was extra big though.

>>2387162
why you should spay/neuter

also you sound like a lovely person and not abusive at all.

>>2384172
Square go wee man

Me

>>2384851
I'd let it kill me, fuck off. His life is probably more valuable than mine and Im not even vegan.

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>>2386678

>>2386678
>>2391908
This what the fuck are you thinking camels are super strong and can fuck you up

>>2384114
By weight alone ?
I see someone wasn't raised on farm...
Tipping cows is a thing

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>>2385467
>human meat tastes like shit and is borderline poisonous
Sauce? I find that hard to believe,

>>2384114
Ostrich

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>>2393353
Google "kuru". Not sure human flesh tastes bad though, I've heard its like pork.

I reckon I could take a 400kg Galapagos Tortoise fairly easily. Unless my heart broke in the process :(

>>2393035
I see someone else also wasn't raised on a farm. Cow tipping is an urban legend.

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One of those extremely obese humans that can barely leave their beds.

>>2385354
Fists are pretty strong anon if you use them enough times. Think of hammering something to death

>>2387107
i'm pretty sure an ostrich nearly killed Johnny Cash for no reason. Cut him from chest to his stomach and the only thing that stopped it was his belt

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the biggest one
>jump on its head and shove my arms down its headnostrils
>it can't breathe
>starts bobbing its head around in the air in a panic
>have an excellent grip with my fingers sunk into the inside of its nose
>suffocate the champion of terran life with my bare hands
bloopers
>whale just fucks up my boat and smashes me without giving me an opportunity to jump
>miss my jump/slide off its very slippery head before I can grab its blowhole
>whale is crafty and remains calm under pressure, and drowns me/slams me against the ocean/my boat
>my arms in its nose tickle and I get blown the fuck out by a whale sneeze

>>2395519
>starts bobbing its head around in the air in a panic
>implying this wouldnt rip your arms out of their fucking sockets

I am confident I could take on a single coyote and win. Anything bigger than that, and I have little hope. This is something that I think about pretty often because these fuckers patrol my area and I like to walk at night. If something like a cougar wanted my tasty chops it is going to get them and I won't have much say in the matter. But I coyote. I could manage a coyote.

With a sharp knife could probably kill a wolf or hyena. Bigger for herbivores but theyd run away

>>2395519

Whatever you say Ahab.

>>2391908
>undead warrior, entrust thy flesh to me

>>2385350
>>2385357
>being this weak
Speed and technique beat brawny idiots, stop projecting

>>2387243
a lion would be more realistic and even then it would be impossible

>>2385354
a group of intelligent animals that know how to create hunting and survival tactics and tools is pretty fearsome

>>2395519
Are you the same guy who claimed he could beat up a gorilla?

What about the biggest animal you'd be able to subdue and fuck?

>>2396142
your mum

With a bit of cardio I reckon I could take on a swan.