My rabbit (on the right) died yesterday and I feel like I'll

File: 20160904_014132.jpg (1MB, 2576x1932px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2576x1932px

I'd say I should never have let her get pregnant, but she still gave birth to 6 beautiful baby rabbits, so I just can't, but to let her get pegnant again the same day she gave birth was probably her death sentence, and I allowed that to happen.

The first time she gave birth she got a hernia but we had no idea since we didn't take her to the vet again until less than 24 hours before her death when she stopped eating and pooping.
Imagine being cold, having birth pains, pain from your hernia, pain from the fetuses pushing against your hernia, pain from having intestinal problems and pain from being completly emaciated, at half your normal weight.

Even when she was like that I didn't even take it seriously because I'm a fucking retard, I thought she just got sick like we sometimes get and would get better with some rest and care. I thought my mom was exagerating when she kept saying she was gonna die. I thought it was stupid to hospitalize her for a bunch of money like my mom suggested. I thought it was enough to take her to the shitty greedy jewish vet around the corner who charged us over 200 dollars for a lazy diagnosis (and is charging 150 to get the ashes back now too) and some things to feed her manually (and no pain killers which i read were important). Even when we had to feed her my mom did all the work and I just watched like the useless faggot I am.
And again, when she needed me to stay with her during the night I just took my stupid ass to sleep.

File: 20160910_205553.jpg (2MB, 2576x1932px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 2576x1932px

I hate to make this about myself but I have to get it off my chest somehow, right when she died in front of me I didn't feel much, I was actually surprised and pissed at myself for being so insensitive, obviously I teared up and cried while showering but it wasn't enough. Later I had to leave to go to school (don't ban me, I'm 18 and still in my last year of high school because I'm that stupid) while my mom took care of things back at home, having her death on my mind and holding tears back all day, since I swore a long time ago I'd never cry in front of anyone again.

I knew that I'd be home alone when I'd be back so as soon as the bell rang I stormed out of the classroom, hopped on my train, and ran all the way home. As soon as I opened the door I just completly broke down and cried like I've never cried before. I was throwing shit around, laying on the floor, hugging the blankets she was wrapped in when she was sick, all while crying like a literal toddler. I even did sperglord shit like accidentally breaking a window then trying to make a scar on my chest with one of the shards to remember her forever (don't question it, I know I'm retarded).
I ended up crying myself to sleep with her blankets on me.

I think that's about it, I skipped some parts but I felt like I was just making excuses for myself. Maybe I'm wasting my time typing this down and maybe I'm wasting your time making you read this, but I guess I just had to do it.

I just have one last thing to post.

File: 20161003_230014.jpg (1MB, 2576x1932px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2576x1932px

Piwi, I love you, I'm sorry for causing so much trouble to you, I wanted to give you a good life but I ended up fucking it all up. You, Pancho and your kids were the only thing that had made me happy in years, and in just a short span of time I managed to fuck it all up for all of you. I promise I'll never forget you and I promise I'll take care of your loved ones I made you leave. I'm sorry for what I did to you, that child I took away from you, and those 6 baby rabbits who left with you I never got to meet. I hate having to keep up the daily routine as if nothing happened, I hate to act as if I'm not thinking about you all the time, I hate to hold my tears back when I just gaze at random spots and see you laying there, or when I'm when I'm walking around and see you walking next to me, or when I go over to where you liked to be around and just start petting the air.
Wherever you are, I hope you're ok. We'll get your ashes back and make a nice little shrine thing in the living room. Rest in peace. I love you.

>>2235153
RIP Piwi

I know how fucked up it is to lose a pet.

>>2235170
thanks anon, RIP to whoever you lost, be strong

Instead of wasting 150 dollars on a jar full of ashes which will be 1% your rabbit's actual remains and 99% a bunch of dead cats, dogs, hamsters and everything else they threw in the crematorium that week, put that money towards neutering and then looking after the rest of the rabbits. You know what you did wrong and you can give the rest of them a decent life.

>>2235210
the 150 are for individual cremating, that's why it's so expensive
but yeah, i'll take care of them

RIP Piwi.
OP I know you feel guilty but it won't be good for you or your remaining bunnies to despair so much. You're not as much of a moron as you make yourself out to be but it sounds like you have major self doubt and depression. I've been in your shoes before, and I can firmly say that you can't be better until you actually WANT to be better. Start trying harder in life and school and you will be rewarded for it. Dump yourself into what you love and embrace growing. Tell your mom you love her and be a good mom/dad for your bunnies.

It will all be okay.

Also consider seeking professional mental help because you deserve to feel okay with yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes mistakes really fuck stuff up but most of the time they don't. Accept that this was indeed a mistake that can be improved, but also understand that that same mistake in 100000 cases would not result in death. It will be okay. You will be better. I'm so sorry about Piwi.

File: 20160610_192341.jpg (699KB, 2560x1920px) Image search: [Google]

699KB, 2560x1920px

As a fellow bunny owner, I'm sorry about your loss, please don't be so hard on yourself. Take care of the other buns.

Lost a little one due to not realizing it need to be diagnosed, I felt terrible but I'm taking care of my buddy here ensuring he has a good life with me.

You won't atone by harming yourself and I'm glad you didn't at the end. You atone by avoiding committing the same mistakes. Take care of yourself too.

File: 20160910_204633.jpg (1MB, 2576x1932px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2576x1932px

>>2235256
thanks man, i won't get all into it but i just wanna thank you for the advice
i probably do need to see someone but i wish i could keep my problems hidden away from people i know personally

>>2235286
again, thanks, i'm sure your buddy is glad he has you
i don't think i can really redeem myself but i'll do what i can, sometimes i just i would just get a call by the vet saying she's alive, or just randomly find her in my room outta nowhere like pic related, or have her fucking ghost poke me in the leg with her nose, something
but oh well, a man can dream i guess

at least the other rabbit seems to take good care of his kids, he was sleeping around all day and getting mad at things that had her scent on it (he didn't wanna see her body, ran away doing those leg kick things from the blankets and then threw the thingie we carried them on over) but right now he's running around the house by himself and jumping on the bed for some reason, idk if that's good or bad since he never really did that before but he looks happier

File: 000_0984-1.jpg (597KB, 1033x1341px) Image search: [Google]

597KB, 1033x1341px

Unfortunately, I have a similar experience to yours. My rabbit died last Friday. He was roughly 8 years old and this is the most recent picture I have of him.

Just like you, I feel like I could have saved him, but a combination incompetence, carelessness, and letting other things take precedence resulted in him dying from what I believe was GI stasis.

On Sunday he was lethargic and uninterested in leaving his cage or even a grape that I put right in front of him which is something that never happens. I noticed that later in the evening he was laying off to one side so I petted him on the side of his stomach that was exposed. On Monday my mother told me that he was feeling fine around 1 PM. He ate the grape I gave him the day before and the kale. Unfortunately, we ran out of greens that day and he received a carrot and fresh timothy hay around 8 PM when I got back home.

On Tuesday he acted lethargic and same on Wednesday. On Wednesday I started "forcing" him to drink since it seemed like he hasn't drank since Monday. On Thursday he was in bad shape and I looked for what might be ailing him. I tried to get him to drink but he wasn't interested even in that anymore. I ended up petting him and rubbing his stomach throughout the evening and for about an hour on and off from 2 to 3 AM. When I woke up at ~8AM on Friday he was still alive. After falling asleep and waking up at 9AM he was dead.

I feel that if he had fresh greens available all day on Monday he would come out of it. I was afraid of taking him to the vet because he always got highly stressed from previous visits and would actually decrease his food intake. At this point I realize that it was worth the risk, but I had some hope that he would come out of it.

I let down my only friend for the past 8 years when he needed me most. There corner that his cage was in is empty now and he buried in my back yard. I have no intention of replacing him or getting any pet anytime soon.

>>2235153
It deserved to die, you let it die like this

File: Sad pupper.gif (3MB, 400x224px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 400x224px

>>2235153
I'm so sorry. I wouldn't know what to do if my wabbit died.

>>2235522
i'm sorry for your loss man, at least remember he lived happily for a good ammount of time

>>2235549
i agree with the second part but tf do you mean she deserved to die? did you just try to put together two edgy sentences or what?

>>2235579
let's hope that doesn't happen anytime soon, anon