I want a dog but am lazy as fuck and don't want to do shit.

A cat.

>>2003266
cats are shit but

>>2003269
every day every fucking day

Well the only way you'll approach that is probably with an older animal that is coming straight from a home that already trained it. A puppy of any kind is absolutely out of the question. An elderly greyhound might not be too neglected but honestly lazy people shouldn't have pets. Get a pet rock. Dogs, cats, and every sort of animal is demanding. Maybe a tarantula or scorpion which are more like living decorations.

>>2003264
Any dog, just make sure you tell the breeder you need a low maintainance, zero exercise, zero grooming, pre housetrained dog.

>>2003264
Please don't get a dog

>>2003264

Get a Bull Mastiff or a Bulldog. You'll still need to instruct them where to shit, but once you get past that, they require minimum to zero grooming and are lazy as fuck.

Or be a faggot and get a cat. They are self-sufficient, just be sure the cat has his hunting instinct activated so if you forget to feed him he can feed for himself and abandon your lazy ass.

>What dog is least maintenance, rarely have to wash, never have to groom, etc, and won't piss and shit all over my house but still love me and be hella obedient and want cuddles?
a moderately old, healthy dog

>>2003352
Nah they're shit, I want a nice cute doggy

>>2003372

Chihuahua, French Bull dog or Boston Terrier.

Loud as fuck, but good low maintenance companion dogs.

>>2003264
don't get a dog, you'll be a shit owner.

>>2003377
This.
OP is basically saying "I want the companionship of owning a pet, but I don't want any of the responsibilities that comes with it, nor do I want to put any effort what so ever when it comes to care and upbringing of the animal.
>OP, get a picture of a dog, and try not to fuck that up idiot.

If you are lazy then don't get a dog you fat fuck. They require walks and combing, picking up shit and training.

None. A young dog will turn into a destructive little monster because you'll be too lazy to exercise and train it. An older dog requires more care and needs to be let outside frequently as they start to have trouble holding their bladder and bowels. You get what you put in to your dog, if you're a nasty lazy shit then you're going to end up with a smelly, yappy little shithead dog with ratty stained fur.

>>2003484

If the dog is already destructive, can you turn that behavior around?

>>2003264
Dogs don't only want cuddles, they NEED traIning and mental stimulation. If you neglect those needs, you'll have a little asshole on your hands. The bigger the dog, the more dangerous.

Just don't get a dog. If you really need affection, then get a cat. Some can be cuddly and they're waaay lower maintenance than dogs.

Then again, you don't sound like someone who could handle any kind of pet.

Maybe fish are good for you.

>>2003554
>telling a lazy person to get fish

Fish require more care than people think. I doubt OP is willing to research the needs of the fish he wants and keep up on weekly water changes and proper filter maintenance.

>>2003264
>What dog is least maintenance, rarely have to wash, never have to groom, etc, and won't piss and shit all over my house but still love me and be hella obedient and want cuddles?

you sound like the perfect owner for a darling little applehead chihuahua