so I'm almost 20 years old, male, mentally ill, looking

>>18731093
Maybe you need to consider professional help. I can't quite tell how serious you are about seeing ghosts and delusions. But it doesn't sound good.

Beyond that, first try to actually enjoy hanging out with yourself. You know, being alone. Once you actually like yourself you might find talking to others a lot easier.

As for standards? Fuck standards. Talk to everyone, meet up with anyone who's interested, see what happens and figure out what you feel. Going out on a date or starting a conversation doesn't mean you're permanently bound to that person. Worst case you'll meet interesting people.

>>18731113
>professional help
I already see two psychologists at varying frequency a month. One I just started with so I'm just basically dumping nothing but baggage on him and the other one only pretends to care while he looks at shit on his phone while I talk to him.

>enjoy hanging out with yourself
I mean I'd like to think I'd like myself but it's not like I have a choice in who I even hang out with since I have very little friends where I live.

>talk to everyone
That is a terrible idea. I can't bring myself to talk to random people easily because I can already tell what type of person they are. The memer, the shewitch, the cunt. But if I can't figure that part out it just makes things worse. I'd rather keep my distance from people I know I'm going to dislike than start some kinda drama with them and cause trouble for myself.

Like mate, I'm not looking to do some socializing with random people. I do that already. I want someone I can connect with and the issue is that I've never met anyone who can. I feel amazingly estranged from people: therapists, close friends, and family. Humans just seem so foreign, acting on concepts that are just completely alien to me. I can tolerate it but never really stand it.

Hello? What is the advice you're asking for?

Why is this board just people ranting about how "bad" they have it? If you've got time to post here you've got time to fix the shitty issues in your life. If you don't know how or where to start, then ask for advice. If you want to bitch about your life, write it down in a fucking journal because nobody fucking cares.

>>18731179
>because I can already tell what type of person they are
That sounds like a horrible attitude. There are people who will enjoy your company and people who won't. Most of them will if you know how to behave towards them. It's good to have standards, but if they exclude everyone then they are useless. If you already know you're gonna start trouble with 99% of people it's most likely you who's in the wrong. I guess a standard for the people you wanna connect with is that they are pleasant to be around and know how to interact with you. If you can't be pleasant yourself, interact with anyone or even hold a friendship you don't live up to your own basic standards

>>18731205
That's not how this works.

I say that because 95% of the time I talk to someone they match the first impression I've got of them in the first place and they always drive me away. She's manipulative. He's a fucking idiot. He actually gives a damn if you aren't also a socialist. Every fucking time. And the ones who are more vague and I let them get a little bit closer tend to just sorta wreck it. I've had people be the most exploiting fucks and I've never recovered. I also hate when friends of mine get disturbed by me to the point where they just cut off all contact with me for absolutely no explanation and never answer my messages.

My issue is that I can't socialize. I can socialize. I just hate normal people because experience has taught me a lot about them. I want to find someone I don't hate, but moreso someone I can level with. Even online where I feel freer I still feel extremely aloof from friends I've known for years.

Even then this is all so difficult to really explain. But you're doing it too.

no i haven't sobered have i.

shit.

>>18731234
>That's not how this works.
You described yourself as mentally ill, as being repulsed by people and repulsing them yourself and unable to form meaningful relationships. From someone who gets along with people he knows and he doesn't know well on most levels let me tell you this, the problem is you and your view of people. You seem to go at them with your black and white view and ascribe to them caricatures of personalities. You can't like and trust everyone and that's good and right, but people are more nuanced than you think. Sorry but you're not the victim here