Hi /adv/ I'm currently in LDR with my boyfriend of 3 mos.

>>18730906
>>18730906
Its been 3 months. If youre having trouble, split. I think youll survive losing a 3 month relationship.

Been in a ldr for 2.4 years.
I fly to see him every month and a half/ two months.

I am clingy too but in the beginning he was the clingy one.
We skype when we are both home and we both sleep on skype.

It really just might be his preference that he doesnt want to be in contact 24/7. Ldr isnt for everyone and unfortunately if hes having issues this earlie in the relationship then I would think seriously about continuing with him.

My perspective is different though, because I'm the clingyer one I would expect nearly constant contact regardless of ldr.. Id be sleeping in a bed next to my bf if we lived together and we would be spending most of our downtime together on the couch or doing things in our home so its not a hard jump for me to stay in contact nearly constantly, within reason.

honey just take him at his word and dial it back a bit. everything's fine. k?

>>18730940
I dont know. I really love him and I have never felt this way before towards anyone. I know it's only been 3 months but idk man I dont want to lose him. I see a future with him.

>>18730963
I'm pretty clingy too but I dont think it's much. He's just been a little distant lately and becomes harsh when I'm being sweet or clingy. He even thought I'm being annoying for doing it. I mean, I'm just being like this because we're already miles apart. Messaging each other is our only way of communication, and skyping is the closest thing we have to being together physically. Am I suffocating him with this? I even thought he'd appreciate it that I always message him but I guess he sees it differently.

>>18730968
I really hope everything's fine because this is a shitty feeling to have. I dont like doubting him and doubting the relationship because I really think we have a future together.

>>18731026
i hear ya. but yes you're smothering him a bit from what it sounds like. let him get in touch with you. let him set the pace. if it takes longer than you'd like, don't be pouty about it or passive aggressive or moody or any of that crap. now if it's longer than you can handle that may be another matter altogether and you two might just be incompatible in this regard. but assuming that's not the case and seeing him makes you happy, let yourself be happy when you hear back from him. don't make some kind of weird power struggle game thing out of it either lol, just let him set the pace

>>18731039
I'm just afraid that maybe I'm the only one happy in this relationship and he's not happy anymore. I'm trying to back off a bit. I only message him when I have a concern or when he messages me first. I thought he wants it this way because previously he complained to me that I'm not initiating anything and that it's always him. I'm just confused with all of the sudden change which lead me to think that maybe something's wrong.

>>18731062
What do u mean pretending? I'm OP u dipshit gtfo if ur not gonna give advice

>>18731052
ah ok gotcha. might be that he doesn't know what he wants. (not as in wants/doesn't want you, as in how frequently to be in contact, how much is too much vs not enough...that sort of thing.) 3 months is still pretty new too, these little bumps are part of getting to know each other and getting attuned to each other's signals and whatnot. i'd say go with what i posted above for now and if things don't smooth out, tell him what you just told me. simple, straightforward, lighthearted, and condensed down to just the essentials of what needs said is the best way to approach most relationship stuff in my experience.

>>18731052
Maybe try to keep things lighter for now then. Message him about the fun stuff, like you would have before your LDR, not so much your "concerns".

Up the banter, dial down on the feelings and insecurities. You should be able to talk about those too, obviously, but the fun needs to outweigh the negativity by a large margin.

>>18731071
What you're saying is that I should let him start the conversation? And that I should not initiate because that's equal to smothering him? What you said makes sense I guess. It's not easy to change pacing all of a sudden tho but yeah I'll just do that. Thanks.

>>18731072
Yeah I understand what you're saying. I need to work on my confidence, insecurities and depression, and I've been too open about that lately. Maybe that's turning him off? Idk. But yeah I'll just try to always be positive and talk about fun stuff. Thanks

>>18731084
more or less, yep. you got feedback from him amounting to "too much. am smothered." thus the adjustment to make is for you to step back and let him make the next move. let him initiate for a bit to give him the chance to set a pace that works better for him. if he questions why you've suddenly stopped reaching out, don't bullshit or try to hide anything, just tell him exactly why. no buttmad, no accusatory, no cattiness, just matter of fact. don't attach any weird tone to it or you get into head-games territory, and ain't nobody got time for that shit lol. what >>18731072 said is very very good advice

I really don't understand those people who think relationship (both regular and ldr) means spending every waking moment together. It's not love, get a life first

>>18731110
I dont remember him calling it "smothering". It was >>18731039 who said it. He just called me annoying, too clingy, and too needy but yeah. If that's what he wants, fine. I'll just keep myself busy and let him message me first.

>>18731122
Every hour of everyday is just an exaggeration. I just update him sometimes with what I do or I ask him some things to get to know him but whatever. I guess it's also not helping because I'm a NEET rn. But yeah, not everyone is an expert in relationships thats why they ask for advice.