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I'm my own worst enemy and I don't know why or how to deal with it.
I've battled reoccuring anxiety/social anxiety, stress paralysis, depression, and sleep problems since I was a little kid but it seems like I can't win.
I've tried
*Meditation (went to a silent retreat for two weeks and semi regular meditation for years)
Actually was quite helpful. Made me more self aware and thoughtful.
*Psychadelics
I used to believe they were a miracle cure during my hippie phase. Looking back at it, they didn't help me much.
Possibly made some repressed things surface and probably fucked me up more.
*Facing my fears daily and doing everything my mind doesn't want me to do
Helped me recover from being a complete NEET but doesn't seem to do much anymore other than making me more stressed and unhappy.
*Medication (anti depressants, benzos, sleep medication, stimulants)
SSRIs made everything worse.
Benzos helped me get rid of muscle tension, made socializing easier and made me happier. But they are too addictive and not a longterm solution
I've been taking Ambien for the past few months to be able to sleep. Not the best longterm solution, but better than sleep deprivation/insomnia.
*Travelling
I've done some crazy adventure trips to the middle east, South Asia and Africa.
During these trips I feel alive, happy and worry free and bond with people. But it's a temporary escape from reality. I don't know how to find this feeling in daily life.
*Career
I've been a workaholic for the past few years and have climbed in the software industry. Programming is one of few things that I'm passionate about, but I'm not sure if it's the right career choice for me since I feel like shit and can't let go off things due to perfectionism.
So what else do you suggest?
Should I simply accept that I'm flawed and stop trying to be what I'm not?
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>>18725493
Find a good therapist and regularly see them.
But idk, I feel like I'm gonna be you in the future. I have always had your problems and all those things are things I would do.
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>>18725493
It's a shit deal.
Some talking therapies may help, you need about 3 sessions to get an idea if it's heading anywhere that will help.
Tried the fitness and exercise based bits?
Similar situation myself, never anxiety though.
I've tried a lot of the same things.
Exercise helped a lot but sucks up time and only works if you already have the energy to pump out a few sets.
Physical hobbies were good to holding things back in the moment.
I seem to just generally be slowly getting worse.
Trying to come to terms with the fact that the world just kinda sucks.
>Psych called it "Dysphoric Personality Disorder"
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