so my boyfriend of 3 years and i have been on a "break"

A break is just code for 'im not ready to be completely alone yet so let me drag it out longer' you guys have only been going for 3 years and already need a break?

You should do what you want to do because it doesnt sound like you really care about your bf like you aren't even upset that he's upset about this so break up with him

>>18723708
i am really upset that he's upset. i just wish he could've stayed calm so he can tell me what he wants me to do/not do. i even offered that i cancel tomorrow but he just said he can't handle this and doesn't want to talk.

>>18723715
You sounded like you want togo for coffee woth another guy, and you are here asking us if its normal to want togo out with another man when your 'bf' hasnt talked to you in a month.
Your bf sounds exhausting and like he's jut looking for an excuse to break up with you. Because i bet you treated him really well

>>18723685
>a 1 month "break"

This isnt a thing normal couples do. Especially being 3 years deep into things.
He's a pussy for getting into tears over things, but if a whole month of minimal interaction with a "boyfriend" is okay, break up for good already, you two wont be able to handle living together.

>>18723748
the thing is, the break hasn't been okay. i've been fucking depressed for most of it, but i have no idea how he's been because he won't tell me.

>>18723748

Yeah, why? What does any kind of "break" have any kind of place in a relationship beyond friendship? Why would you even agree to such a thing? There is literally no point in continuing your relationship with you boyfriend. For gods sake, think of if you were with him when real life hits and things like taxes and newborns hit him. This faggot needs a break from dating. He can't handle your future. Ditch the baggage.

>>18723753
Why are you on a break and how has it dragged on for over a month, and who initiated the break?

>>18723685
lol you people these days
What the hell is a break, it does not even make sense.
Women

>>18723757
my older brother has been saying this same exact thing.

>>18723760
he initiated it when i had a mental breakdown in August. he said i was too mentally unstable to be in a relationship (i was suicidal, depressed, self-harming, suffering from panic attacks). since then i've been through counselling and therapy and i'm basically back to normal now.
it's dragged on for this long because he never set a limit for the break. on the few occasions i tried talking with him, he would just say the break would last until i "got help." a couple days ago when i asked again, he finally said that maybe till the end of this month, or sooner.

>>18723774
WE WERE ON A B R E A K

>>18723773

Well your older brother seems like a smart guy then. Break up with him. Later down the line if he stops having mental breakdowns and shit, you could date him. Guilt dating him on "break" is probably more cruel to his recovery than just saying "let's be friends". As it is this is just not how you want things to evolve from.

Yeahhh you probably should've had a conversation about boundaries and ground rules.

>>18723784
i think you're right. thanks.

>>18723786
i wish we would've, and i asked him to set ground rules and boundaries, but he absolutely refused to talk to me for the first week of the break, even about those things.

>>18723773
Sounds like a dickhole who refuses to be supportive, and wants to claim you as his own without actually having to put forth effort to help you through your mental problems. So if you get back together, expect him to pull this shit again if you ever need support for mental issues

>>18723685
This is why women aren't and never can be funny

>>18723869
i've honestly felt the same way for a long time. i.e., when i would try and vent to him about past trauma from my abusive ex, he would get pissed and say he doesn't want to hear about what happened between me and another guy.

>>18723685
I
Just
Want
Them
To
Feel
My
Pain

>>18723685
Just fuck some other niggas

You fucking whore

wtf even is this board

>>18723685
If the ground rules were set yeah its cool, if you failed to mention that was involved then he has every right to be upset. You might as well had broken up with him in general instead of letting him hang on like that and then doin shit.

I dont know why people think you can say "were on a break" then do whatever the fuck you want and the other person will be totally cool with everything. Intimacy is not a switch you can flip. If he has strong feelings for you, then he'll feel exactly as hurt and betrayed if you're seeing someone else regardless of if you told him you were on a break or not.

Sometimes breaks arent for seeing other people. Sometimes its just to put some distance to cool down, miss each other, and reinvigorate a passion.


Tl;dr

If youre going on a break make it clear what your terms are and what you plan to do. If it entails seeing other people, that will more likely than not hurt, and you might as well had broken up with him entirely.

And if you didnt, then there really is no difference at all between what youve done and cheating in general.

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>>18723715
>>18723685
you sound like a huge jerk who knows exactly whats going on and is purposely viewing things in a ignorant/deluded way to protect your ego

cruel whore

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>>18723685
Here is the deal, OP, there are no "breaks" in a relationship and your Bf is a dumbass for initiating one. Breaks are made by people who don't want to fully commit to the relationship, a giant re flag. If you were going through shit then that should of been his cue to step in and help you through your issues (if he wants to be a supportive BF).

Him crying about you talking to someone else after being the one to start this sounds like he's an immature dude. You two need to talk about your relationship face to face, and see if you both want to continue this for now on or just break up right there.

Shouldn't have agreed to a break if he wants you to be loyal to him.

He's just being jealous because you're not there waiting around for him even though he doesn't want you enough to do anything to have you back

>>18723934
The bf is a deluded moron.

He doesn't want her enough to do anything to get back with her but she's supposed to be there waiting around for him to make up his mind? Yeah right

Too convenient.

He wants you only if you are a certain way. He ran away when you were at your worst.

Just break up with him ans find someone who wants you ans not at their conditions. Guy is just mad that he's losing his hold on you.
If you showed him a bit of attention and cancelled the date, he'd go back to ignoring you again and carry on with his break shit.

>>18723685
>so my boyfriend of 3 years and i have been on a "break" for the past month now.
You wanted to play the field - at least be honest with yourself about it if not with him.
People in relationships don't have "a break". You're either together or not and if you're not you owe it to both of you to at least be honest about why.
I don't blame him for being upset and a part of me really hopes he kicks you to the kerb.

>>18723773
>when I had a mental breakdown
>panic attacks etc
That is most teenage girls with their narcissistic personalities and stupidity
You are no better than your ex boyfriend and your brother wouldn't feel how he does if his gf was some emotional retard hiding behind "panic attacks" and all the other shit girls hide behind

>>18724383
Fuck you anon. My gf has chronic anxiety attacks and she has to take medicines for those

>>18724416
Yeah yeah, all girls have anxiety attacks, panic attacks, they're all bipolar, they can't stand each other etc
Bunch of mental midgets, no wonder they rely on men for everything

>>18723685
I'm gonna say this. He needs to go see a doctor and find out if he has a real, undiagnosed, mental condition like depression. That, and getting on some proper medication could bring him back to normal. Either way, you guys need to talk and I mean REALLY talk. Lay things out on the table and see where you stand. I was in a bad place years ago and thought I was going to lose the only person I loved. She stuck by me, encouraged me to see a doctor. Turned out I was severely bi-polar. She probably saved me life.

A break is just a coward's break up.

What is even the point of taking a break if you're not seeing other people? I mean, I understand why he would be upset, but if you're not dating other people, you're just two people in a relationship that don't talk, and I've never heard of that ending well.

Being on a break like that is his way of saying "I care about you but I'm tired of your shit, get it together."
He doesn't sound particularly stable either, so end it now or prepare to stretch the relationship out another 2 years tops with stuff like this happening constantly.
Ignore posts like >>18723715 >>18724468 they will just enable further shitty behavior.
Basically get your shit together and start again.

t. just had a friend in an awful relationship like this that stretched out for 3 years. They were both trainwrecks.

Why are there so many white knight faggots on this board?

>>18724425
Eternal incel spotted

>>18724626
It's an advice board you year

Sometimes people have different *~opinions~*

>>18724633
Not an argument

>>18724585
So much apathy in this thread. I'll admit he could just be worthless, but people deserve a chance. Giving up and walking away every time a relationship gets rough is just fucking sad. You'll never have anything consistent and before you know it you're a 45 year old god damn cat lady. Some relationships are toxic, but then some are also worth saving.

>>18724425
Woke

>>18724653
What is there to argue against? General, bitter statements that lump a whole demographic together, wow, what an airtight declaration. Seriously go outside.

>>18724753
He's right though, and that's why umad

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>>18723773
>>18723902
I don't like any of this, OP.

Supporting your partner only goes on to an extent. I couldn't date someone who was suicidal, they need to go to a professional because I'm not equipped to handle that situation and figure themselves out first. Being around someone with depression, the self-harming, and panic attacks would eventually take its toll on my mental stability. If they don't care about their own life I couldn't be with them. I want a partner I can start a family with, and I wouldn't be able to do that if I was worried my partner might not be around anymore.

It's rude to talk about your ex and dating these days just doesn't seem worth it because everyone's hung up on someone else. Someone they can't get over, someone who hurt them somehow. What did your ex do?

Eventually you need to learn to move on and not let the past hold you down. The fact that you're so accepting of support and dismissive to criticism is a red flag you aren't taking an honest look at yourself, trying understanding it from your partner's perspective or actually get help. Read the situation.

He must be exhausted from dealing with you, but he's also afraid of losing you. Can you imagine how frightening it would be if your partner wanted to kill themselves, and life wasn't worth living? Is life that bad?

Have you tried getting help in the last three years? Hooking up with other guys isn't help. It just seems like you're sensitive, ungrateful for what you have, seek out attention and overreact to everything. Like you go through periods of mood swings where you're emotionally unstable. How about some kudos to OP's boyfriend for dealing with this so long? I'm not going to stand here and dismiss that him when the evidence is overwhelming you need either need help, or need to grow up. This isn't a normal rough patch and it's overwhelming him. Talk to him and settle your relationship. Go get help and ask him if he can support you if you're serious about fixing your life.

>>18724626
Is it so hard to believe that some people hold men and women in the same regard, and give advice based on their situation and not their genitals?

>>18724764
There's a few typos but my point's the same. OP and her boyfriend both sound pretty young. He obviously can't support her like she needs him to and I don't fault him for that. It doesn't necessarily mean they need to break up either. This isn't a normal "I'm not ready to commit" break, he's been with her for three years. That's commitment. He doesn't think he can continue if you're going to potentially kill yourself. That's not a normal, healthy relationship. No bullshit, figure out what your issues are and what you're going to do about them.

We're missing a lot of information about their relationship. Whether OP's boyfriend has tried to help her, or he's indifferent to her issues.

Life's hard, or you're on easy street and just don't appreciate it, but if you're dedicated to change it gets better. Are you going to dump your boyfriend the first time someone says he's an idiot, or take some responsibility for how you've been acting and dedicate yourself to changing your situation?

>>18724803
But betafags DO give advice based on genitalia. Are you stupid?>>18724813

>>18724845
>Are you stupid?
Decidedly not. Are you accountable for every post I disagree with?

Like every other 4chan vocab word you're planning on throwing around, white knight has lost all meaning because you fools use it to describe anything from someone trying to get pussy to someone holding a door open.

>>18724868
>white knight has lost all meaning
You wish, you hopeless cuckold

>>18724886
>cuck
Boy, who saw that one coming. What are you gonna do next, call me a liberal?

>>18724425
You are the typical idiot who thinks mental disorders are something to be ashamed of or are made up.
Thinking that panic attacks are some kind of joke. Because you have never experienced one yourself or someone you care about.

Her boyfriend used the break excuse because he didn't want her when she wasn't at her best. Simple as that. Too convenient to whine about her going on a date when he's not lifting a finger to do anything to get back with her or show her he still wants her.
Why the fuck would she have to put top with a bf who runs away if she dares to have some weakness?

I hope you find a wife who gets depressed and kills herself, maybe then you'll start realising things like depression and so on aren't normal mood swings we all have.

Ignorant moron. I don't have panic attacks or anxiety but I do not belittle people because they have some mental issue.

>>18724902
People who use any kind of mental disorder as an excuse to berate others are a really special kind of shit head.

>>18724906
How would you know it's an excuse to berate others?
Real diagnosed bipolar disorder isn't the same as someone claiming to have it.
If a doctor with a degree, which you don't have, says they have it deal with it.
Surely they know more than some random asshole with no clue about psychiatry.
A girl having panic attacks isn't the same as a girl having a bipolar disorder either.

Lumpin together different issues shows what an ignorant moron you are.
I would be surprised if you had a gf, with that kind of shitty personality.
You'd probably dump her if she cried even once because "it's being an emotional retard".

>>18724902
She isnt going to fuck you

>>18724924
Are you trolling are just really this unnecessarily mean & dumb

>>18724927
Good thing. I'm not into girls.

>>18724931
Please tell me where I am being dumb. Substantiate your statement or it's worth as much as dog shit.

>>18723685
No, being on a break doesn't mean you can date other people. Are you high? If you want to date and/or fuck around just break up. Have some fucking commitment either way.

>>18723685
If he's not okay with this then don't go. How hard is that?

Break rules are different for every couple. Most people aren't okay with seeing other people on breaks.

You two should've talked about this beforehand, however it's very clear where the boundaries are. Don't be a bitch.

>>18724242
Unless you've dealt with it you don't know how draining it is.

I'm the emotional retard in my relationship and I know how much of a handful I can be on bad days. Okay days can still be filled with anxiety and over stressing about things.

He might've been all in up until she started showing this intense emotional state she was in and that could've freaked him out. It's hard to see the person you love experiencing these things and feeling helpless. Or maybe he thought she'd really lost it this time. He's trying to think long and hard about whether he wants to commit to this for however long they plan to be together. For most people it's til the end, and maybe that scares him. "Is she going to be like this all the time? Can I even handle it?"


So maybe it's not that he doesn't care or is a pussy. She needs to consider that maybe she really scared him.

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>>18724383
Lol people like you are the reason I constantly battle with myself over whether or not I really am sick or if I'm just being a puss.

But I just keep paying attention to all the stupid little things I do and moods I'm in. Like constantly being stressed over miniscule problems sometimes even nothing at all, constantly picturing death when I'm in a car, or when I am feeling excessively sad for no reason and the suicidal ideation becomes actual thoughts about how I'd be better off dead.

No sir I don't think normal people experience this constantly. I don't think they're tortured and lose sleep because he thought of a burglar coming in through the window while you sleep is constantly on your mind. so you can't sleep. You have to watch the dim light in the kitchen so you can have a better reaction time.

How about when I can't bring myself to relax because for some odd reason my fight or flight response is telling me I can't sit down. There's danger. So I pace around my house too many times to count. Restless.
But yeah I'm totally just faking it for attention. Even though at my worst all I want is to be left alone.

>>18725110
Please seek professional help anon. Do it for you.

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>>18724425
bro this

>>18725115
I was seeing a therapist. That was about a year ago. I tried calling her about 3 months ago maybe 2, and I didn't get a reply or a call back. I haven't tried since then

>>18725178
Well get a new one dude you giving up on therapy is the same as you giving up on having any kind of a happy life. This isnt some shit you will grow out of, it will only get worse as you age and you need to start the gauntlet of figuring out what meds work, which dont and what coping mechanisms you need to focus on right now instead of saving it for later when its all that much worse. It will take a lot of time and a LOT of effort on your part but you cant give up if you want to be healthy.

>>18724902
Everyone goes through depression, anxiety etc. Only fragile weak minds use it as an excuse to be retards like you. Bunch of weak pill popping faggots
>I'm not into girls
No wonder, faggots are practically women, just more disgusting

>>18724633
>how can i possibly discredit this anon's opinion
>oh i'll know, i'll make up some image and then project it onto him
>hah, another internet argument victory...!

>>18724936
You're being dumb by coping a mean confrontational attitude with somebody for no reason. And pro tip, the smart thing to do is that there never is a reason that justifies coping an attitude like this with anybody because it shows disrespect towards another human being otherwise and that's not smart or right in any situation. You're also trying to cut them down and hurt them by attacking them with insults. Which is also dumb because it shows you're completely oblivious to their feelings. It's abusive. Stop treating people that way.

>Ignorant moron
>Your personality is shitty
Stuff like this. That's terrible. Stop saying stuff like that to people man.

>>18723685
>>18724204

This kinda. Seems like you want to go and don't really care how he feels but want to act like you do for egos sake. Then again, he sounds like a huge bitch to begin with.

Breaks aren't real in a relationship. It really is just code for not wanting to be together but not wanting to be alone. Just tell him y'ou should break up.

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I'm a guy.
Would you give a chance to girl you are not physically attracted to ?
How to gently reject a girl who is flirting with me ?

>>18726408
fug wrong thread