The though of regret & passage of time makes me incapable

>>18719001
I think rather than occupying your mind about trivial decisions about your work life or the direction of your life in general, you've highlighted the major problem that persists through all of your decision making.

You're afraid and fear will paralyze any opportunity that could create for yourself.

"Life's simple, you make choices and don't look back"

you need to find confidence in your decisions, and stick to them. Not fear them. This comes from your own idea of self-confidence - but right now it seems you have none - most likely due to the fact that you've never made a decision confidently and thus, have not been able to enjoy the benefits or good feelings of making them because you've never really been 100%.

Try to challenge yourself to make strong decisions, and sticking to them. You'll find that eventually, you'll make a good one - and that will build the confidence you have in yourself to continue pursuing the things you truly want to do, instead of worrying about the things that may go wrong.

If it's about other people, your relationships and opinions about you, just remember: People don't remember your failures, but will be the first to bring up your successes.

so just go for it, what are you worried about, at this point, your worrying has only gotten you to this point, right?

I understand this feeling and how I'm dealing with it at 21 is to imagine the what ifs. What if I took that major? What kind influences would I have missed? What kind of person would I be if I went that route? Basically I try to rationalize the gain from the decision I made by appreciating its lessons and thinking about what lessons a different decision would have taught me.

>>18719009
This is well thought and it makes sense, although it doesn't really convince me, I maybe need to read it more than once or twice. You know, like you can't just "cure" a person with simple motivational poster.

The confidence issue is a problem, I keep second guessing myself constantly, I changed my life directions thrice to this point and even though at the time of choosing new, I had run multiple scenarios where I could see that work out and make me finally happy or at least at ease, where I made lists for & against, everything I could to make the right decision, and after three, six months, a year I find myself lying in bed, face covered with tears and thoughts: "What have I done, I need to fix this". And by fix I usually mean revert or change to something else. A new start. A new start again.

I have came to a conclusion now, that if I'm not satisfied with anything I did and tried, maybe those things aren't the problem but I'm, like the saying "If you smell shit everywhere you go...", or maybe something less vulgar like "Grass is always greener..."

That's why even though in the past I made those decisions more confidently, this confidence wasn't build on solid foundation as it turned out later, and right now I'm not having any of it, hence the fear and feeling of helplessness.

Deep down I know that I'm not that all bad and worthless honestly, it seems (like you also pointed out) that I somehow know the roots of my problems, but it doesn't seem enough to convince me otherwise.