Hi adv. I've come to you confused about a situation with

>>18718424
>(she barely has any to be fair)
that's girls 101. Girls barely, if ever, do they have any genuine interests and valid pursuits in anything, pretty much.

Anyway what you have is basic falling out of love. Happened to me and anyone who's ever been in a relationship. You probably give too much a fuck for your own good.

>>18718424

Physical touching releases all kinds of feel-good hormones in the brain, so it's really not a wonder you feel this way only when you're apart. But really, you've been together for 3 years. It's plenty of time to form an opinion whether she's someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with. If you have doubts, it might ultimately be more fair for both of you, if you break up and have an opportunity to find someone better suited. Even if it feels like you're doing fine, when you're together, is it enough in the long run? Or maybe you could try to see each other more often and see if these feelings dissipate/increase?

Anyone with similar experiences? Or someone who is also with someone completely different from him/herself? Can things work out?

>>18718424
> I keep thinking we don't go well together.
Stop. You lack faith and trust in your relationship, either because you two truly don't work out, which is okay, but don't drag it on beyond the 3 years it lasted.
>when we're together we always get along well
Either because you both have a great need for this feeling, so you ignore the incompatibilities for the time being, which is bad, or because you two do workout together, you just never get to see eachother.
>We have no interests in common (she barely has any to be fair)
Every human has interests. If you fail to recognize her's, that's a problem. You have to find a way to explore her interests, by spending more time with her.
>We usually only meet on the weekends
This is unhealthy, you can't develop a healthy relationship with someone you don't know. If you actually devote yourself to trying to make it work by sacrificing any time you have to spend it with her. You're on an imageboard rn, you have time. Thing is, again, you can't love her if you don't know her, so again
>We have no interests in common
FIND YOUR INTERESTS,. LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER
>"i was silly, we're fine" only
Denial. Silly is saying "we're fine"
No you're not, your relationship is hell. Be Alpha, and fix it.

>>18718444
Doesn't matter how different you two are, people always change one way or another. The only thing that matters is how much care you two provide for eachother, and how much you need to stay happy. As long as you two can satisfy each other's needs, all other problems can be worked out.

>>18718463
>Either because you both have a great need for this feeling, so you ignore the incompatibilities for the time being
This sounds scarily familiar..
>Every human has interests. If you fail to recognize her's, that's a problem
Ofc she has some, but in my opinion way too few. Which is a bit of a pet peeve for me.
>This is unhealthy, you can't develop a healthy relationship with someone you don't know. If you actually devote yourself to trying to make it work by sacrificing any time you have to spend it with her. You're on an imageboard rn, you have time
It's not time, it's that I'm in uni away from my hometown and come back on the weekends..

>>18718470
She does satisfy my needs in a relationship, but I start thinking there might be someone out there better at it, someone who can be a friend as well. Not that I don't consider my gf a friend but i can't do much with her apart from couple stuff.

>>18718479
>I'm in uni
Relationship is a huge problem then. Focus on your financial future, not romantic. This is more of a personal decision, and difficult one, but invest in the future, you can always meet new people, and honestly, you should. Leave her, and force yourself to make more relationships at your uni, build your social skills instead of killing yourself with more stress. Honestly, commitment shouldn't happen until 26, unless you can achieve a better relationship before then.
>inb4 why 26?
Brain basically balances, becomes mature.

>>18718488
I'm currently 23. Would 3 years matter that much in maturity still at this age?

And I do feel like what you're saying makes sense, I feel like it'd be better to start getting into a serious relationship when I've got my stuff figured out like education, job, place to live etc. So if I could do it over Iprobably wouldn't habe gotten into a relationship.

But now that I am I find it hard to make a decision.. I do have feelings for her and she's absolutely crazy about me.

>>18718483
Sounds very limiting and depressing, leave her. No use salvaging a jalopy when you can get a brand new BMW.
>inb4 how
Live and learn. Either you turn into an antisocial betacuck, or a normie that's self aware. Not like there aren't any other options, but they're the main results.
Basically, she's an anchor at this point. Move on, you're not comfortable with her. You KNOW you can achieve better
>I start thinking there might be someone out there better at it
Always is, just depends on when you stop and think "This is good enough, I can work with this, and live happily loving this person.
Another off topic point, never shelter yourself. Never allow fear to impair judgement. As in fear of cutting ties with friends of the past to make new ones, but failing because you're an autist. The reason why you need to cut ties to move on is beacuse you FORCE yourself to adjust, or die (not literally). Given you're dedicated enough, anything is achievable. Instead of fixing this relationship, move on. Your only regrets will come from two things
Living in fear, and living in defeat. Never give up, and never fear.

>>18718502
>I do have feelings for her and she's absolutely crazy about me.
Sorry, life is hard. This is why success in any form is difficult. Not that it's actually hard work, it's hard decisions. That's why CEOs are rare, yet rich. Decision making is a tough job, and tougher aspect of life.
>Would 3 years matter that much in maturity still at this age?
Somewhat, not really. It's not so much as how you act during times of normality, but rather stress that's being developed. Obviously this part of your life isn't so matured and developed, otherwise you wouldn't be here. That's A-Okay, we all learn, that's why you're still in Uni.
>I find it hard to make a decision
What I would do is give my life a new start. In your youth, you simply learn, that's it. Now, it's time to restart your life, and apply your newfound knowledge to developing your own life. Cut ties to the past (Note I use repetition, I want to make these certain points clear), and begin your life as a new person. Doesn't mean forget your parents, but rather, expose yourself to the unknown, what we find scary, naturally so, and develop your life in this quagmire. Basically, your parents introduce you to the world. Now, to develop your own personality and not be a betafag, you have to introduce yourself to the world. Now that your parents taught you morals, teach yourself how to apply them to new, unique things.
>inb4 my parents are shit
That's okay, self help books are here for you. Even videos, ever hear of Tony Robbins? Basically, right now your original problem stemmed from anxiety, and connection to the past. Overcome the anxiety, and cut your past off. Make your wealknesses your strongest points, and hold yourself to high standards. Change "I should find a better person" to "I MUST find a better person". Approach life with a happy go lucky attitude, but also be aware. Learn this while you're still young, to avoid mid-life crisis

>>18718518
That's all really insightful. It's probably true that most of the hesitation is fear.

You've pretty much convinced me that giving my life a new start would not me a bad idea. How to go about it is a different thing though.

My parents are great, they taught me all I needed really. But personally, though I don't consider myself a betafag, i have a hard time meeting people and creating relations. I lost most my friends due to life choices like uni, some work etc., and in uni a lot of people in my course I simply do not like enough. I'm good at small talk and people tell me I'm sociable but it doesn't often go past the small talk as I do not like the person enough to hang out and stuff.

>>18718535
>I do not like the person enough to hang out and stuff.
We've found the problem. Introducing yourself isn't the problem, you're great at small talk which is good, because it opens opportunity for meaningful conversation, but don't let it replace a meaningful conversation. Honestly, great ways to meet new people is by doing what you like, exploring your interests, and meeting people who share these interests. Then, you've already got common ground which opens room for a development of a relationship. Now the fault is that you don't care enough about people, I'm sure the seem shallow and uninteresting, but wouldn't you think the same of yourself from an outiside perspective? At first, hell no, but that's just predetermined bias, which is natural, it's survival instinct. But really, every person's mind is a labyrinth. Each pose a unique challenge in acccessing the true person within, and some challenges seem more appealing than others. In your case, what I'm assuming, is that none of these challenges pose a great enough reward, that, or you really don't know how to meet people. This is a specific example, so don't use it everywhere, but for one option is to invite someone you meet who you had a 10min convo with, on anything, to participate in an activity you enjoy. Autistic way of saying, ask them out on a date to anything, even as a friend. First and foremost, find friends, then partners. If you find partners first, you'll probably end up finding friends whose only purpose is to compensate for your partner's faults. The reverse is impossible because you can have infinite friends, but only one partner. Therefore, a partner who compensates for your problems (not the perfect word, so use context to infer) will end up being the same as you have now.
Another thing is first impressions. Huge. Your approach means everything, easy going laid back guy isn't very threatening, in fact disarming. Don't go total stoner, but you know what I mean,

>>18718503
W O W

>>18718535
>I don't consider myself a betafag
Good, always focus on yourself before trying to focus on others. Finding a balance within is a lot more helpful than trying to find one from the outside. For instance, a tightrope walker finds an inner gyro to walk across a fine rope between skyscrapers. The outside force, the wind, is not what helps them, but rather the balance within. This is the same for when you're facing turbulent struggles. Balance yourself first, then any challenge you face will bow before you.
So the solution for you here is to step out of your comfort zone, because nobody else will. But don't go overboard and be an autist.

>>18718535
>>18718557
Thanks for the compliments, I've always thought of becoming a therapist, but I realized I could help people in other ways. Also, muh moniez. Actually, great point here. Money is an object, happiness isn't. This means there will always be a way to make money, but happiness is a different story. Don't allow yourself to become "happy" by blinding yourself with luxuries (alcohol, partying, and cool cars). These things are awesome, but true happiness is love and accomplishment. That comes most commonly from starting a family. The family life is the life for anyone who isn't trying to become a billionaire, whether they admit it or not. Why do I say billionaire? For some people, accomplishing great feats in money is good enough, for others it's family. Actually, family life isn't for everyone, some people seek accomplishment elsewhere. What I meant to say was a life of Accomplishment is ideal for everyone.

>>18718555
I get what you mean and I really should try more maybe, I get put off very quickly if I'm unable to guide a conversation to somewhat bigger subjects. I never said I can only do small talk but I often have the feeling the other person doesn't enjoy much beyond that (i personally like talking about news, politics, history, culture, music..).

I know what to work on and I'm sure I'll figure it out, I'm new on Uni as well so may be to soon to say there aren't people I like.

The difficult part now is to break up with my girlfriend.
I've thought about it many times to be honest, but there area few things making it more difficult than just my own fears or losing the feeling of being together.

Thing is my girlfriend has been through a lot recently. Her parents broke up, she's stuck trying to figure out what to do career wise and then last week she hears her dad may have cancer.

I mean, i know there'll never be a good time to do it, but FUCK.. these things are making me putting it off every time the thought comes up.

>>18718574
You seem like you might be good at that stuff yeah. Out of curiosity; what did you end up doing?

>>18718607
Never avoid a battle, it's better to deal with troubles now than later. You don't have to stop supporting her, just acknowledge that you can't be responsible for her. Just as she has her needs, you have hers. She needs to learn to move on, but that's not why we're here. Best thing is to move on yourself, but stay there as a friend. It'll hurt because odds are she'll just get worse and worse, unless she seeks professional help, but there's nothing you can do about that. All you can do is offer her support BTW, never engage in a relationship with someone who isn't prepared. Never engage in a relationship from pity, always from admiration, and mutual care that's genuine.
>I know what to work on and I'm sure I'll figure it out
Good, I'm glad to hear this. You already seem very mature, especially for 23, but I won't hold you to standards, that's your duty.
>unable to guide a conversation
Best advice for you here is to read books on conversation. Robert Greene has my favorite books on power, seduction, and such. Very useful knowledge that can be applied anywhere, and I mean ANYWHERE, just get creative.
>the other person doesn't enjoy much beyond that
It's more of a misunderstanding, very common today. Both of you are uncomfortable with talking about deep stuff, because we don't do it often. Try exposing people to things that make them think, rather than putting them off. Talk about things we never hear.
>news, politics
STOP! Do this after you've found your ground at Uni, these are boring and common topics. How about talk about how Lung is actually the main blood producer, and how we could possibly reach computers that use electrons instead of gates.
That's more ideal for a one sided rant, and rarely warrants conversation. Conversation arises from entertainment oriented subjects that require little to no background knowledge, and if it does, it's widely available. Talk about popular things that EVERYONE likes.

>>18718444
>>18718424
Usually couples see eachother more than once a week. Possibly try to make the relationship more serious so you know.

Also, try jerking off..
Do you still like her?

>>18718627
I ended up failing, a lot. Substance abusage, and maltreatment of human beings. Grew out of in my mid 20's. I used to be one hell of a pain in the ass, but now I just own a business in elderly care. Doesn't require much credentials or education, and brings in good money depending on where you're at. I chose a wealthy neighborhood in California, away from the ghettos and cancer, a suburban community that's like a pasture for dogs. They come here to die, but do it happily and pay a lot of money because everywhere around us is beautiful, and they can truly enjoy their final years. Makes me happy, sometimes I care for them myself. Never had good parents, or any really, so I kind of became a psychopathic loser. One day while doing community service (probation, drunk driving at 17, no license) I was at a graveyard cleaning and shit. Saw an old woman sitting on a bench. We spoke for a while, my supervisor didn't really care, he's chill.

>>18718463
Netflix and eating icecream does not constitute an "interests".

>>18718648
So we spoke for at least two hours, I will always remember that day. She lost her entire family, husband and kids. The husband did something bad, and wanted to make up for it by taking the kids on an "adventure". He was a great guy from what she said, but on the way there, a drunk driver crashed into them (teens being teens). You can imagine the impact that had on me. Innocent lovely human being having their life's work taken from them. She was somewhat wealthy, and was a housewife so she just lived alone off of her "fortune". She was from the older times, long dead now. It didn't seem fair that someone had the power to ruin another's life for no reason other than wanting to be cool, and have fun. It was my wakeup call that my personal needs were nothing but personal, one person out of billions. So, that planted a seed in my mind which I would later use to create my legacy. A simple oldfolks' home that gives people a happy ending. What really inspired me was how calm she was about it, that God would care for them. Personally, I'm no Saint, but her faith in the potential of all life, and that everything will be okay just kicked me in a way nothing else could. By 25, I raised capital for my business, and now I live comfortably. My only credential is a GED

>>18718664
Presumed stereotypes based off of negative feelings about an entire group of people does not constitute a law of who the person is. Not every grill loves Netflix and Ice Cream. What they love is an escape from the hell they've created for themselves by literally worrying themselves to death.

>>18718639
Thanks, I'll take the advice in mind.

I've never broken up with someone before, but I can imagine what to say.

Not sure when to do it yet though.

Also I've not thought about reading books about something like conversation, sounds like it might be worth a try.

>>18718667
Wow that sounds heavy. I've had a pretty easy life apart from some normal struggles. While the story sounds sad it must have been nice to have gotten some sort of purpose out of it.

I believe having a true purpose creates happiness.

>>18718679
>sounds like it might be worth a try.
Books are basically a person's life work, and understanding of life in text format, for some books, like "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, another amazing book.
>Not sure when to do it yet though.
You could just lean toward a friendship status, have a pair of balls and do it in person though, text is far too pathetic and vague. Not saying you're too cowardly to, but some people are, trust me I've met them. You don't want to crush her, but you need to end it. Do what no one else will, and move on. Evidently, you already understand this. Seems more like it wasn't help you needed, more of support and guidance. You know what you must do, but to hear it from someone else is always comforting. I trust you to do the right thing.

>>18718696
Yeah I won't do it over text. I know she'll need clear words when I do it.

And while I'd love to keep offering her support and being friends, is it reasonable to do so? I can't promise her to be friends because it's not reasonable to expect from a future girlfriend to be okay with me still being friends with an ex girlfriend..

>>18718695
>I believe having a true purpose creates happiness.
I like to think so too. Gives us a reason to feel accomplished.
>I've had a pretty easy life
Good to appreciate what you have, but one mistake I've seen was a neglect of problems, like "My mom is trying her best, so I should be grateful", when in reality the mother makes it seem so because of the influence she has on her offspring, but is actually a shit mother. Not saying this is your case, just pointing these cases exist. Never underestimate your struggle,
>apart from some normal struggles
Sounds like you already do that.
>the story sounds sad
I never like to focus on sadness unless it's the target of a problem. Pity for the past is as useful as an English degree in Guatemala. You'd be expending energy in all the wrong places.
> it must have been nice to have gotten some sort of purpose out of it.
Again, you already seem to understand

>>18718709
>Is it reasonable to do so?
Completely, it will just hurt her, but you can't be responsible for that. The reason it hurts is because it will expose her to reality. You can't help her learn herself, like you are learning yourself now, even in ways you don't immediately recognize. You've got it all laid out, good luck and godspeed, Anon.

>>18718721
I think you got me wrong. I meant, is it okay for me to stay friends with her? Surely i can't guarantee her that, as a future girlfriend would rightfully so not be okay with that.

>>18718713
Ehh you got me. I guess I do tend to underestimate my own struggles, I hate whining about stuff and normally never really talk to people about my problems.

>>18718745
Nor do I. I went through a stage that's the equivalent of LGBTQ. A cry for help in the wrong way. I created my own problems seeking atntion, but all that did was spiral me down into depression. Made me think I was someone I wasn't, some Ted Bundy kind of guy. Now I like to think more along the lines of the main character from Manhunter, he has problems, but uses them to his advantage to understand people, mainly murderers, he's an FBI agent after all. I better understand elders, and the problems they face. Caring for parents I didn't have. Not to wear it as a badge of honor, but rather exemplify what makes me happy.

>>18718728
Oh right, my bad. It would be just fine if it's platonic, a future gf who doesn't understand your relationship with her isn't worth it. You're not sticking with her because you want to have sex, or pursue romantic interests, you are just a caring human being. That would be a huge bonus, but don't bring it to light needlessely. When you find the right one, and find a way to make things work, explanations come in the form of action, trust, and other things. Everything but words, if what you're doing is right, it needs no justification. If someone needs you to justify it, they're either misunderstanding, which is very common today, as I've said before, or they're a bitch, which doesn't mean they're not human and face problems of their own, just means they're not worth your time. It's good to care for people, but don't overdue it. With EVERYTHING you can think of, find a balance to them. From politics, to sex, to friends. Balance is everywhere, and is always key.

>>18718757
*as do I, I hate whining to, but honesty is good at times, for instance when seeking help or guidance. Also, to everyone reading this. Humble yourself before you damage yourself. Don't let pride get in the way of progression. As in, don't hide bleeding wounds, seek help. Ignorance is never bliss, unless we're talking about a child

>>18718776
True but there is a balance.i hate the concept of self loathing

>>18718771
Are you still here?

>>18719161
yep

>>18718463
I don't have interests, you retard.

>>18719201
Well.. my gf called me to say she can't meet this weekend and she wanted to talk a bit and she somehow noticed something was off. I couldn't tell her i'm breaking up with her yet and now she's mad at me for not telling what's wrong too.

So that's that and if i want to do it in person i have to wait till next weekend.. i'm scared i'll change my mind in meantime like usual.

>>18719222
Stay dedicated, remember why you're doing this. This is for the future, not for mending the past. I can't offer you my best advice because I do not know everything about the situation. What I can tell you is that if you approach any challenge with the attitude that you must find a solution, no matter the cost, you can not fail. It's not going to be easy telling her, and in all honesty she'll probably hate you, and after a while either she adapts or she fails. That isn't your responsibility, try not to let it weigh on your conscious. It's either you continue to cater to her in your unhappy relationship, or sacrifice your friend for a better life.

>>18719221
Make them. If truly nothing interests you, then your problem runs deeper than lacking social skills. Consult professionals.