Hey /adv/, today’s my 18th birthday so I am a full adult now.

>>18718368
No one likes being alive, it's stressful and shitty.
Deal with it like an adult.
20 years old is extremely young. Look at it this way, you'll have a degree and be able to get a job with decent pay.
Most people are having trouble finding decent work period.
A relationship that young will never work out long-term.
Consider your future, stop being a bitch, and get the degree.
Also, I hope you're a woman, because being gay is your first mistake.

>The problem is I don’t know what to do with my life.

We can't figure that out for you.

>I don’t have an answer whenever someone asks me what I want to do or what would make me happy.

Neither do we.

>Tl;dr: should I take the risk and move in with him or should I try to bite through school and most likely kms?

You should do what you think is best for you.

Turned 18 in April and I recently finished school, so I'm in a similar boat. Let's break this down bit by bit:
>Since I was 13 I've been wanting to kill myself
I'm sorry you feel that way. What makes you want to kill yourself, other than the stress of life? I've considered it a few times, but the thing that's stopped me is telling myself on all the things I'd miss out on that I always wanted, e.g. finding my soulmate, having children, etc. in addition to a quote that keeps me going "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - it doesn't get rid of the pain, it just passes it on to someone else" Don't kill yourself, anon. Life is shit but it always gets better, trust me on this. If things are terrible now, it means they can only get better. Besides, suicide would only bring to your boyfriend and your family - don't put them through that, it's god awful.

>I don't have an answer whenever someone asks me what I want to do or what would make me happy
No-one ever does our age and that is completely normal. There's only a rare few who know what they want to do (or think they do) with their career - most people don't figure out until they're in their 20s. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but recently I've started to doubt my prospects since I failed school and didn't get into University. But I'm currently looking into apprenticeships and finding alternate routes - there are always solutions to problems. As for what you like or what makes you happy, I can't exactly help with that. Is there anything you like to do that puts a smile on your face or you find therapeutic, like a hobby? Your boyfriend is great, but doesn't exactly count as it's a conditional stimulus that isn't in your control. For me, I really like to cook and I have done so since I was 9 - I always offer to prepare dinner and when I'm sad, I just find myself a really challenging recipe and get to work on it.

(1/?)

>>18718390
>Everyone's really friendly and I enjoyed the culture....but that would piss my family off
If it's a place that makes you happy and you'd like to be in, and also offers you good prospects for you future in terms of your career and people, then I say go for it if you know you want to go. Yes, your family will be pissed off but your life is your own and they can't force you to do anything - you make your own decisions and should do what is best for you, even if it means leaving your family behind. What reasons do they have for being angry for immigrating? Maybe it's not healthy for you to stay with a family that's holding you back from a potentially great future.

>I don't know if I'll get better once I move there and I feel like I'd be putting his life on the line with my immigration
If you can, I suggest spending a month or two living there with him as a kind of trial - see if you would actually be happy to live here and if things would be realistic. As for your happiness, nor you nor I can predict if you'll carry on to be happy. It may disappear, but that's life - not everything can necessarily be a constant source of happiness, and you just find a way to deal with it. How long have you two been together? Months? Years? Moving in is a big step, and not one you should consider lightly if you don't have a strong relationship that's stood the test of time. I know it sounds cold, but you shouldn't move if your happiness and your future hinges on your boyfriend - if you break up, you're in a country where you don't know anyone or have any sense of familiarity, and you'll be a mess. If you two are truly good together, you'll both work through the burden together and find a way to make it work.

(2/?)

>>18718420
>and the marriage
I really don't think marriage is a good idea at your age - you're way too young to get married and I think you should hold off until you make any decisions like that. If you're only getting a tactical marriage, i.e. for a citizenship, this is illegal and you will be deported if you're caught. Before you think "what are the chances of getting caught? pfft" then it's a very common scheme for immigrants - a lonely neckbeard gets himself a mail order bride who wants freedom, and the two get married - the neckbeard gets companionship and the mail order bride gets citizenship for a better life and can then send for her family.

>He's already having trouble paying for his tuition and sure if I managed to get a job I'd be able to help him out
Don't burden the poor guy for money if he's having trouble for tuition. I know he's your boyfriend and you love each other, but you both need to be stable and shouldn't have to make sacrifices in each others lives for the sake of finances. It's sweet that you want to help him out and he will most likely offer to help you before you get on your feet, but you can't let him do that - he will most likely suffer in performance at school if he has to get a(nother) job to help you, and that could screw up his choices if he has to end up dropping out. It's a big if, so you need to make sure this is something you can do. Your education and your future matters as well, and you shouldn't have to make sacrifices in it just for making living easier. By all means get a job to contribute to living together, but don't let it get in the way of either of your futures and education.

(3/?)

>And I guess marrying young isn't that big of a deal since he's a bit older than me
Yes, he may be younger but marrying young is normally much harder than couples who marry at a later point. Speaking as a child of young parents (my parents had me when my mother was 25), it normally doesn't end well and is much more likely to end in a broken marriage or divorce. You don't yet have as much life experience when you're young and you don't really know what's important to you in a partner or what the hardships of life are like and how it will impact your relationship. Yes, his peers may already be married and have kids, but it doesn't mean that you have to be. I don't want to be cold, but I'm willing to bet a lot of his peers will be unhappy at some point or end up having a divorce, mostly because they just got married too young. If they stick it out and live happily ever after, then that's great and it's definitely possible, but most of the time it just doesn't work out so well.

Moving in with him is a big step, and I'd say do a trial of living together to see what it would be like - it could give you a good incentive of what life is like together. It could also be that moving in together will lead you both to break up, because you realise your relationship was good long distance, but you two are both completely incompatible together if you share the same living space. I know a few older couples (mid 20s) who were the love of each other's life and were compatible in every possible way under the sun - everyone thought there was no better match for each other. Then they tried living together while engaged for a year before marrying, and realised that they were just incompatible with each other. They've since broken up, found other people and moved on.

(4/?)

If I were you OP, I would do the trial period and see how it goes, and only make a decision if you're genuinely sure - don't be tempted by escaping from your family or the unpromised chance of happiness; don't let your decisions be swayed by something conditional and uncertain. You shouldn't have to bear through school which you hate, and have the thought of suicide constantly at the back of mind. It's shitty, and something can be avoided - therapy or talking to someone (that isn't on 4chan) about your thoughts and problems might help you combat these problems and suicidal thoughts.

You probably won't like my answer OP, but this is just my own opinion - I can relate to some of the emotions you're feeling, when it comes to suicide and wanting to run away to have a life with someone I loved. Just yesterday, I got out of my first relationship with someone who I truly thought was my soulmate and we would get married and grow old together. We had plans to travel, move in together, and when the notion of her moving to New Hampshire came up, I considered dropping everything in my life and leave it all behind just to be with her. But we were actually two different people and not currently compatible at this stage in life. I said some stupid things which hurt her, and instead of fixing it and moving like most adults, she could never work past it and ultimately it drove us apart.

Don't make any rash decisions OP, know what you're doing before you decide anything major. You owe it to yourself to have some stability and figure yourself out before blindly following something, hoping it will fix your problems when you have no promise of that. Everything gets better, and I know everything will work out for you. I hope things work out for the best, and that you figure everything out.

(5/5)