I find it hard to invest and expectations, attachment or emotions

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Which results in being quite solitary, I would say I don't have any actual friends. Maybe I've never had any friends at all, though I've always known people, talked to them, understood them, appreciated them, etc. I don't invest anything in them and prefer to be on my own. Not just in location but emotionally and intellectually. My inability to invest is compounded by not knowing anyone who shares my interests. Not even just one of them, let alone the broadness of interests or depth of passion I feel for so many things. It's like my way of thinking is completely removed from the people that I know.

Lately I've been ironing out my mind to get shit done in my life, confronting psychological issues and the like, that I notice in myself. This inability to invest in other people seems to be a big one, the root of many other issues too. I think it extends to more than people, concepts, goals and ideologies too. Most of my problems are a result of childhood abuse and instability. Sometimes I wish I had a cleaner slate; not this mess of a brain and life. I don't know if I have the will to fix it, or if I actually want to...

I write all this because I'm currently gripped with a bout of loneliness. It happens sometimes, more often lately. Essentially my issue is two fronts: I'm inherently disconnected from other people on a personal, mental level, unable to put anything on them, most of my interactions are about retaining a comfortable wall around myself and understanding a person (they not understanding me, of course). Second front: lack of actual connection with other people due to interests and mode of thought not aligning with anyone that I know.