Op has severe depression It has been going on since op was little.

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Op has severe depression
It has been going on since op was little. Op grew up in a black household, depression doesn't exist, it's white people shit. Dad told me this
Dad is a doctor.
>makes it worse
Ops dad wants to have son become some sort of sport star by forcing him to do sports and threatening him if he doesn't want to
>op spends whole childhood till grade 8 with no friends and forced to do sports cause dad can't cause of injury. Op is forced to study long hours no free time, no friends, no life
Father is not a registered teacher and can't do math for the life of him
He *tried* to help me but I took my original work and then took it to the teacher and mine was right mostly his was wrong. Tells this to dad, gets beatened and threatened
Tries to force me to unlearn what teacher teaches and learn *his way.
Failed completely
> dad sees grade
>op is fucked over and is now
Depressed and wants to off himself since then
What do I do?
Every day I think the world would be better off without me around, that if I had died like I almost did when I was being born this shit wouldn't be happening to me
I can't please nobody at all
Every thing is my fault
My own fucking parents put me down to try to lift the daughters spirits
Opwhy can't you be like other kids?
Op why aren't you like your friend Josh
Ok why aren't you like your sister
I can't do this anymore my mind is tearing itself apart
I don't want to go on like this
I really do thing I should off myself
It's obvious um not really needed I've been used my whole life to fulfill expectations I never was obliged to to do.
For example have a family and kids
I said I never wanted anyone
>almost kicked out cause of this
Dad wants grand children
Ok doesn't play football like his dad did
Ops father is now forever disappointed his son would rather become a music teacher
Every time op doesn't score a perfect score yes even missing it byb1 point op will be stripped of everything, no social life no musicmaking