i wish i could fake my own death and start over somewhere else,

If you haven't achieved anything in life, 'starting over' isn't going to change anything.

>>18710505
you are probably right
i was built for failure

>>18710514
You are getting it wrong. Let me reformulate what that poster said.
It means 2 things:
1.If you haven't achieved anything in life, that means that your life has not really started. If your life as not really started, you can "starting over" right now.
2. Fleeing don't solve your problems. You have to solve them. This is how you can "start over", or better said, change your life.

>>18710574
and carry the weight and consequences of every mistake forever?
i dont want to be me anymore, i could get at least that, a new name and a new shirt somewhere nobody knows i exist

>>18710574
>If you haven't achieved anything in life, that means that your life has not really started

That's horseshit. Your life is going on. There's no running away from that. We don't live provisional lives or die provisional deaths. Realize that and utilize your time. Now I'm not gonna sit here and tell you your situation, or what exactly you have to do to succeed, but don't listen to this guy and get entrapped in the idea that the 'real you' isn't awake yet. You're here. This is your life.

>>18710646
so im fucked?
i dont want any of this anymore, i hate everything
if you google my name you get my old facebook account wich got "hacked" meaning i forgot to log out and all the traffic it had for the last 7 years is some retard who sends me an automated happy birthday every year
thats my life summed up, people already think im dead

>>18710665
>so im fucked?

How am I to say? I don't know details about your life or your current situation. All I'm saying is don't operate under the assumption that you're not 'really living your life'. You are. This is your life. And because this is YOUR life, you can change it. This isn't a test run. This is it.

If you feel you've wasted years or wasted time, you might have. There's no two ways around it. The only thing you can do is think of how to use the time you have NOW to do something for the future. A lot of the shit I'm saying may sound vague, but since there's not much info to go on I can't really help.

Tell me more about yourself. Why is your life fucked? Why do you feel like you've done nothing?

>>18710495
technically, no. in practice, yes.

>>18710679
if i tell you it wil just sound like whining, im sure you hear people trying to summarize their entire lives here, failing and coming out badly all the time

>>18710505
>>18710514
No, he's not right. This guy would like to be a sage, but...

>>18710646
This is closer to the truth. It can be good to start your *life situation* over, but you have to remember that you only have one life and it's going on right now.

>>18710665
>There's a facebook I don't prefer in my name I probably share with at least twenty, if not thousands of people. Because I don't have a facebook, I might as well be dead.

You need to start reading books, or at least educational online articles.

>>18710693
>if i tell you it wil just sound like whining

Where the fuck do you think we are, dipshit? This is literally 'whine about your lives: the board'. Don't make these threads if you're not ready to whine about shit.

>>18710700
i have read plenty of books, reasding books is a stupid advice to give, there are millions of books, most of them dont have anything worthwhile written on them

>>18710708
Reading books is not stupid advice to give. It's just vague. The fact you're questioning is very good. The fact that you don't have an answer to what you want to do with your life at all, what books you would read, whether or not you're ready to start over...that is all a big problem.

On one hand you might *really benefit* from educating yourself on things that are relevant. One example would be philosophy, since you're here asking for help with a philosophical question. Or maybe you're more emotionally hung up. Maybe you're stuck in life because there's something you're not processing.

Anyway, it is good advice. You can take it or leave it. How well you overcome this vague problem you haven't really described yet is not my concern.

>>18710707
Has a point. You might want to just say what the problem is.

>>18710707
ok, my parents where completely awful, abusive, neglecting, i was pretty much abandoned, i have been treated like a worthless piece of shit that cant do anything right my entire life and i mean my entire life, my dad is drunk and narcisistic and has violence "issues"
so i became a piece of shit that was good for nothing because thats the only thing everyone always told me i could be and then i got blamed for it and it was horrible
Until highschool ended and i had the best yea of my life, i even lost weight and got a job, then i lost the job because i wasnt good enough and got depressed and i didnt get depressed over losing the job, i got depressed over everything because i realized my life had been completely awful and everything that i missed out on and everything i never got to do
and it lasted 3 years and it got to the point that i couldnt get out of bed for weeks and tried to commit suicide
and then i magically got better and then i inmediately got bad again and then i started alternating between good and awful weeks and during the good weeks i didnt want to confront my problems because i never knew when i was going to relapse and i wanted to run away from all that pain while i could
and then i failed at a bunch of stuff and now i cant even try anything because im so afraid of trying to get a job its paralizing because im not good enough for a job, im not good enough for anything, i tried college and from the moment i got inside a classroom i couldnt stop feeling like an absolute piece of garbage that doesnt belong there at all and i got so stressed and so much anxiety i kept feeling complete panic and thinking i need to leave, i need to leave for three hours and it happenned the next day and the next day until i dropped out, i only lasted a couple weeks
and im 25 now and i dont try anything because i know exactly what will happen, terror, panic, failure, 4 months of depression
and now i have to deal with the fact tat my life was absolutely

>>18710731
awful for 25 years, im an adult now and it will keep being awful because its too late now to fix anything, not like i could have done anything differently if i got the chance to go back.
Lets face it, best case scenario i wake up tomorrow and everything is perfect from then on, how much youth do i have left? if my life starts being good at my 40s is it even worth it? i dont have any good memories to think back on, that will only get more and more painful the more i age, if i got the choice i would have never lived any of this, all i want is to be someone else because this right now, this is a failed project

>>18710731
you could really use the help of a qualified therapist, and some friends who aren't needy. then you might encounter more specific problems that will be easy to get advice for.

the truth is that your mind got fucked up by previous years, and now living a healthy, successful life will be sort of a battle.

>>18710738
>25
>too late
>nothing good ever happened
that's delusional. that's just the depression impairing your ability to think.

>if my life starts being good at 40, is that even worth it?
you tell me

>>18710739
>you could really use the help of a qualified therapist
plenty of qualfied therapists have tried to help me, i even had one break down crying and tell me she didnt know how to help me anymore when i was suicidal

Pick up a instrument
No matter how old you are

>>18710738
>and it will keep being awful because its too late now to fix anything

What makes you think it's too late? You're 25. You're not in prison. I'd assume you don't have a criminal record. People revamp their lives completely past 50 for fucks sake. My boss is 60 years old and just got himself a hot 43 year old nurse who makes triple what he makes. He's even looking to get a new job as a building inspector.

Life is never over until we die, anon. You're still alive throughout all of this bullshit in your life. You're strong just to not have offed yourself or given up with drugs by now. You can still change yourself instead of trying to end yourself.

>Lets face it, best case scenario i wake up tomorrow and everything is perfect from then on, how much youth do i have left?

A lot. 25 is young. 30 is still young. Even mid 30s is young for men. My father didn't start working at the job he was able to retire from until he was 28. You think it's going to take 15 years to make your life good? You're strong, anon. You need to tell yourself that. You've been through a lot more than I have and you're still here. As long as you're still breathing you have a shot.

>>18710740
the fact that you consider it delusional is only a tstament of how pampered you have been in your life
everything was bad for me, i was alone all the time, the only time i got a friend i brought himhome and dad got drunk and started harrassing him and then i coulndt look at him in the face, its not like i was even allowed to see the rest of my family either because my father was too embarrassed by me to bring me along
and im fucking lucky compared with people who grew up around drug dealers, i certanly got my share of shit, way too much, more than i could handle
>you tell me
no?
i want all those years back and i know i cant have them and it drives me crazy that just now i have the space to figure things out because i cut them all from my life and i can finally think for myself and if they got into a car crash and died burned alive like they deserve any point ten years ago then it wouldnt have been to late but it is now

>>18710745
Your wording suggests that you're looking for a way out that doesn't exist, you're more argumentative than receptive, and you aren't willing to do the things that will help (probably because your depression is not allowing you to imagine them helping).

The truth is that educating yourself will help you do better in work and make life decisions that won't result in depression pits as often. Another truth is that regular exercise keeps the depression from going severe in many people. If you aren't willing to do these things...

Maybe you are genuinely too depressed to do these things. Sometimes people get too distressed to focus or execute any kind of task. In this case, you have to look for something that will soothe and nurture you, and then do what you're supposed to as soon as you're operational again.

There is no easy way out, sorry. If you commit suicide, you will not be out, you just won't exist anymore (unless your consciousness is transported to some kind of afterlife).

>>18710756
because i got my youth robbed by a misserble old drunk who never even had the decency to appologize for it
that part of me is dead forever, im still mourning it, im still dealing with the fallout, im 25 but i wont be able to start for another 5 years because i went from being a baby who couldnt do anything to a toddler and now i have to work everything else from the ground up
i just cant cope with it, i wish i died for real all the time, i was 20 and i would have died if nobody found me and it would have been fucking perfect, the right end for my shit life, i deserved it, they took that away too, i wasnt even allowed that

>>18710757
Look I know you're suffering, but you're incorrect and you're being kind of a cunt. This is probably why therapy hasn't worked in the past, because people are fallible and nobody is going to have the resources to argue with you.

Maybe it's pointless to argue with you. I've had friends who try to do this with me, and as soon as we make a breakthrough and their depressive delusion is shattered, they put it right back up in a matter of minutes, kind of like a petulant child.

Depression makes people slow, fussy, and miserable. It doesn't make them master debaters or people who even know how to take care of themselves wel..

And you don't know what I've been through, so fuck you. You're not giving yourself depression, since you didn't create the circumstances you were born into, but you are perpetuating the situation that is worsening your depression. Take responsibility and change. or continue to suffer.

>>18710763
Do you want help or to start in a pity party where you simultaneously kick your own ass and then feel sorry for your own ass?

>>18710762
>you're more argumentative than receptive
you learn that as a defense mechanism when you grow up around abusive people
>that won't result in depression pits as often
i dont get depression pits anymore, i have achieved some semblance of stability where everything is bad all the time but never bad enough to go to bed at 4 pm
i still get crazy angry, crazy sad and crazy negative but now i can mostly talk myself out of it
this is all while being a neet, take me out of my element and i go back to my absolute worst

>>18710770
>I'm a NEET posting on /adv/ calling back to when I attempted to kill myself
>i'm not in a pit of depression

maybe relatively speaking

>>18710763
>i deserved it

No you didn't. But you don't have to be a victim anymore. Those years are over. I'll be honest though. You're never getting those years back. They're gone forever and nothing is going to change that. But you know what's good? You're not living those years anymore. You're still standing despite all the bullshit. You can begin again. As I said, that part of your life was your real life, there's no getting around that, but now it's over.

Let me ask you something. What do you want out of life? What do you think would make you happy? You've already expressed a desire to start over, and you haven't killed yourself yet, so you must have some vision of happiness out there. What do you want out of life now?

>>18710767
>And you don't know what I've been through, so fuck you
yeah, fuck me i have no fucking idea
but if you got it worse than me and still managed to make something of yourself then congratulations you have my admiration and i mean it, i know how hard it is, you are a lot better than i am

>>18710776
you'll be better if you do better, so do better. you're in a sort of ironic uncomfortable comfort zone, and like you said, wasting your existence in it.

>>18710775
>You're not living those years anymore
i wish i was
they where horrible and i cryed myself to sleep every night
but i got nothing out of them and they left me completely empty
if i could go back, even if it would have been the same and i would have to put up with it for a second time and end up in the same place i would because i hate being empty, at least i didnt know back then how it was all going to end up

>>18710775
>What do you want out of life?
i always wanted hte same thing, from the moment i picked up a pencil i wanted to draw, i forgot all about it because i was too focused on getting beaten up
and i am drawing now but im shit and everyone else has ten years on me, i told you i tried things, i cant stand being around real artists, im not one and i will probably never be

>>18710790
who said you couldn't be a good artist? you can be plenty of things. you just have to do what it takes.

>>18710784
>they where horrible and i cryed myself to sleep every night

Then you don't want to do it again. Those years were awful because you lived through shit you couldn't control. Your freedom was stripped from you.

You have the control now. It's all in your hands.

>>18710790
Well you know what the beautiful thing about art is? There is no right or wrong way to do it. You can 'escape' onto your pictures. If you're feeling bad, just pick up a pencil or brush or whatever the fuck you use and draw anything. Anything at all. If it's 500 lines in a row or a landscape or a fucking jet. Just draw. Don't even think while you're drawing. Don't worry if others draw more detailed. Don't worry if they're winning awards. All that doesn't matter. What matters is that you're putting yourself on your canvas. Let it be your escape. Pour all the hardships you've had onto it.

Dude..everyone has shit they are dealing with. Not trying to diminish yours. Some more than others.
For reference, I am a 32 year old female. Have been depressed in some form or another since second grade. Only redhead kid in my school. (whole school, small town) Get made fun of constantly. Get sent to the office so I can cry and not disrupt class. Get behind (obviously i'm in the office and not in class) Suck at math. Never quite learn. Parents break up. Stupid. Brother fucking up, on drugs, goes to rehab. Brother sentenced to jail for 10 years Go to scam school for graphic design. Colossal waste of money. Start waiting tables and bartending. Get into abusive relationship. Become alcoholic. Get raped. Not doing graphic design still. What am I actually doing? Get into long term relationship. Get engaged. Not happy. Break up.

And that's where I'm at right now! By all means, I could cry myself a river. I've been through a little bit of shit. But, it's about hope. And it's about living in the moment and making the best of it when you can.

I fucking guarantee you'll be okay. If I didn't have a completely awesome living situation right now. I would get outta dodge and experience the USA/world. Perk up, buttercup. It's yours for the taking.

>>18710851
thats actually discouraging and you called him buttercup

im not abusive, or an art major, so... ;)

>>18710859
>>18710851
so yeah hmu girl

>>18710851
Oh right, a woman coming into my thread to tell me how her life was worse because someone else went to jail and she got into a bad relationship
I know there are people who lived worse lives than me, you are not one of them, you could have tried to pass an opportunity to make everything about yourself but you didn't take it (again) think better next time

>>18710872
>WAAA NOBODY HAS IT AS BAD AS ME
this is why you're a NEET

>>18710872
I would think her story resonates a little more with you given the fact that she had bad things in her life she did and did not control, as well as a dysfunctional family.

>>18710883
nothing resonates with him his suffering is the truest

>>18710872
Not trying to say my life is worse. Trying to relate, if that is possible. Throwing my age out there because I'm old ASF and guessing you are younger. Really, just trying to give some encouraging words by giving a glimpse into my own life. But please, continue to be a little bitch. And while I realize other people have it worse than me (as I stated originally) I do love how you glazed over the fact that I had been raped, spent time at a police precinct, the whole nine.. That shit could really fuck someone up but I persevered. Just trying to help you, honestly... That's the only reason I reply to threads in /adv is cause I mean well.

>>18710890
There's no point in putting the guy down. He's in a bad spot right now. It's not excusing his rudeness, but insulting him and telling him he's an asshole isn't going to help him.

>>18710896
he's hardening a disposition and set of behaviors that will worsen his situation for years to come. it doesn't matter anyone moralizes it, although yes the would call him an asshole, but not me.

>>18710895
In today's world rape could mean anything from some random guy broke a wine bottle in my head, tore my clothes and savagely had his way with me in an alley while I walking home at night to I had sex and then I regretted it

>>18710895
You know what, fuck it, I'm not done talking.

I used to wish I could fucking hit reset on my life like it was an old nintendo. Obviously. There have been many less-than-happy times. But I'e come to realize that all the shit I been through has helped shape me into the person I am today and y'know what.. I finally like that person. I just hope you can learn to like yourself and realize that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's never too late to reinvent yourself so fucking get off your ass.

OP kys you're a NEET because you have personality defects you aren't willing to address

we live in a society we can't turn it into a pity party where you're allowed to act however you want

>>18710915
Like I said, I became an alcoholic alongside this guy I was dating. We got into a fight and he took my phone. I stamped off, aggravated. I fell asleep on a stoop or some kind of ledge somewhere not too far from times square. Guy wakes me up and says I could use his phone. I have no idea what happened. If we broke up, where my phone is, etc... He takes me to his "apartment" nearby. When we get up the stairs it is the roof of a building.
Use your imagination. I was kind of outside myself...It's hard to describe. It's like it wasn't real. Nothing was real. They didn't mention any narcotics at the hospital but I have never blacked out like that before. Complete convinced I had been slipped something.
Followed up with the police but couldn't even tell them which direction I walked cause I wasn't sure.
Went to therapy for a while, but they only wanted to talk about my lack of a dad, so I got frustrated and stopped going.

>>18710935
your lack of good role model probably has something to do with the fact you turned to alcoholism and started hanging with dangerous people

if you two in this thread would submit to help you would have save yourselves a lot of trouble

thinking you know all the shit while simultaneously fucking life up is just silly

>>18710935
Well, I have no idea what that's like, I got drunk like that once but nothing bad happened to me
Some of the things you listed are really pettytho like being the only redhead girl, it's missleading
It's not a race on who has it worse it's about having to deal with more than you can handle because that's all it takes

>>18710960
It's not misleading. It was a real problem. Granted, I went to school (1-8) with the most ferocious group of meanist mean girls you ever saw. They even made fun of this other girl I was friends with because her mom died. They we're truthfully terrible human beings. But would sometimes be nice, and I'd be lured into coming to a sleepover. And they'd all gang up on me and make me cry and I'd have to call my mom to come and get me.
I know it sounds stupid..being the only girl with red hair. It was that..and the fact that I didn't have much money so I didn't have the newest/coolest whatever. The subject doesn't matter...just know that they would rip you apart for whatever.

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>>18710960
>>18710975
sigh

>>18710981
lol wut?
Anyway!! I'm just trying to say..if feeling like you haven't done anything in life and having a blank facebook page is the worst of your problems..you're doing okay