My other thread died but it was making progress I needed to hear.

>>18708006
>>18706731
>>>18705599 (You)
>>Do you substitute any other activities, foods, or purchases in place of buying or using drugs?

I read, work, take care of my dog and workout. I also go to school 3 days a week. I think the current job I have is bad for me because everyone does drugs and sells them. I'm looking for a different one asap. I won't spend any money that goes towards my savings/puppy or necessary expenses on drugs, but that little extra cash I get from tips is always enough to get a few pills or stock up when I get bulk pricing.

>>Do you ever prioritize spending time with people who cannot supply drugs over spending time with people who do supply drugs?

My main problem there is my drug use has led only being surrounded by drug users. I've been alienated from non drug users due to my reputation, but I'm not really a bad person like they think, that's mostly because of drug stereotypes. I will try and find someone who doesn't do drugs to befriend.


>>18708006

>>How effective have any of these alternative choices been for you?

I'm too functional on drugs for it to have any real impact, it's mostly in my head that I know I need to quit just for my own good but then there's 5he days where I'm like "fuck it a benzo/opiate will take all this away for a couple hours. I also have depression and have had it for 7-8 years ever since I was 12. My step father dying definitely was a turning point in drug use turning it into a damn near daily thing for 2-3 years. I'm off weed now thank god and only take benzos if I really need it, but that's still too often as I get stressed in my life situation


>Anything else you can think to add?

I think the lack of a relationship now and shitty childhood deaths/ abuse has led to me getting bad with them. All I want is a girl that I vibe with and can be together through whatever comes, but my latest attempt at one of my crushes left me confused as to if it has potential or not. I'm not really attracted to many people but she is pretty much as perfect as you can be in my eyes.


>>18706731


>>18706731
I

Anyone? I just want a little guidance and 4chin pretty much my last resort. I'm going to try to get a find a cheap clinic with a psych but I live in a small town with shit medical.

I'll read it through. Give me 5-10 minutes, Anon :)

Also need to get something to eat and hang up wet clothes. Hang tight!

>>18708574
4chin should never be your authority/resource on anything important, even as a last resort.

I'm a third year psych undergrad with a host of mental disorders, who as recently as last year, has tried to kill myself. Am I--or a similar person such as me--the type of person you want to seek advice from? That's why you need to follow up with a professional.

Addiction is a disease. It takes far too many lives for that reason. You've fucked up your reward center, your serotonin pathways etc. You will most likely need a strong dose of an SSRI type medication. Your repeated use of benzos is fucking up your GABA receptors and causing your body to release chemicals to counteract it. Your body, if you remember a biology class, is always trying to reach homeostasis. So you taking the benzo shit, outside of severe panic incidents, is obviously doing more harm than good. I know you're probably using it in a similar indication to booze i.e. just numbing yourself to sleep, and feeling the 'high' of having those burdens lifted from you. The problem is, like a siren, benzos, and the opiates, make you a fleeting euphoria, and will steadily tempt you take more and more, until you're dead or in a hole.

So you probably know all of this. You don't need me telling you. Stop taking the benzos and opiates (people kill themselves every day by accidentally taking them together, in a close enough interval). Taper down on your substances so you don't end up with the shakes, if you feel that you're tolerant on either substance. If you're indigent, seek help from a low income/state/county clinic. Tell them you want to be admitted (if your problem is that severe with the substance abuse), if not, then handle it on an outpatient basis. Find someone you can talk to, and start some CBT sessions. Find a decent shrink who's willing to try the right meds with you. You will need the SSRI/SSNI and possibly an adjunct. And most important of all: your own desire to get better and get clean.

Hey anon. I'm back.

Seems like >>18708602 got you covered.

But I'll stay awhile.

>Tldr: I need help getting over 5 years of drug use
What kind of help? There's different kinds of stages in this and different kinds of help. Emotional, force... And so on. Where do you think you belong in this chart?

>I think the current job I have is bad for me
What do you work with, Anon?

>>18708574
I don't know your finances, but if you are indigent, then get on your state medicaid program asap. The mental health care (or lack thereof) in this country is astonishing. Your tale of not having adequate care in your county, is fairly typical. Are you mobile? Can you get to a city with more resources? It doesn't matter if you have to drive one, two, maybe even three hours, if it'll save your life, then you need to do whatever it takes. Help is not going to come to you. You need to come to it. Visit your local welfare office, department of health and human services, and ask to talk to a case manage/social worker. They have all the referral power (know where the best doctors/clinics for your issues are) and the authority to get you into a facility (should you need one), and they can expedite your Medicaid (free government insurance) application. Seriously, a social worker should be your first point of contact here, regardless of your income. They can point you to the network of doctors in your surrounding areas, and possibly negiotate a deal with a clinic, maybe a rolling scale payment plan -- something. I don't want to overhype a social worker. I've known a few of them (take the same/similar classes) and they're generally good people. If anyone can help you, then it's them.

>>18708574
Last thing, if you have a say in the matter, or can vote with your wallet, then always seek out therapy from a Psychologist (Ph.D or Psy.D). Do not waste time seeing a 'counselor or therapist'. They're usually MFT (family therapists) people, barely making enough to pay their loans, and obviously have little to no experience dealing with abnormal psychology and psychopathology.

It's better to do one session with a doc for 150 than three with the MFT for the same amount. Those people have fuck-all clinical experience -- they're barely a step above an undergrad like me. Fuck them.

Sorry. Maybe I have little bit of a chip on my shoulder. That said, if that's all you can see, then obviously, some help.... is better than none. Take what you can get.

You need to be seeing someone bi-weekly (twice a month) on the minimum, based on the little that I've read from you. If you get follow up appointments set for like 2-3 months apart, typical in short staffed and underfunded counties/clinics, then fuck that, go somewhere else. You might not make it to your next follow up. Your problems are severe.

Do you have a university hospital near you? They usually have cheap CBT programs setup, if you'll allow interns to practice with you, under the supervision of a resident. Again, this is not very ideal. but I'd definitely take a Ph.D intern, over a licensed MFT douche.

I'm going to sleep. I don't know how to drop my email anymore. I probably couldn't--nor should I volunteer to be your online-anonymous-unlicensed-therapist. But you definitely need to talk to someone. The fact that you came on here means, that you probably have dysfunctional/nonexisiting interpersonal relationships, i.e. no one to talk to. That's not good--it's not good to be in a hole and have no one to talk to.

Please get the ball rolling and seek out help.

Also, I hope you guys didn't chuckle too much, it is a bit ironic, after hearing about my own admission about sucidal ideation.

>>18708610
I'm 19 and in college but it doesn't have any services like the other people were talking about. I work as a delivery driver and literally everyone employed there is on all sorts of drugs. I'm going to try and find a good shrink to talk to as they were right, I have shit relationships with almost everyone aside from druggies. Yesterday I had to talk my friend out of suicide while he had a razor at his throat so my friends probably aren't the best to talk to. They dump their problems on me daily though.

>>18708611
I spend all most of my money on gas, food and taking care of my dog. My insurance is shit so. It won't cover anything and I got my government insurance taken away when I turned 19.Drugs are cheap as fuck here since I'm connected, but I'm going to go throw out the rest of my benzos and block everyone that does drugs.

>>18709273
Also another thing I thought to add, my drug use is minimal compared to 6mos ago I just can't seem to get past this to sobriety. 6mos ago I was doing 200-300 MG of benzos a month, tripping twice a week, ketamine and pcp once a week and weed everyday. I haven't smoked for four days now but I'm still on a couple mgs of benzos at work/night because I get too caught up in my thoughts.