Thread replies: 5
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
Anyone here ever been really "tested?"
For the last two years, everything has been working against me. I'm not here to complain about it, it's been so consistently awful that I've become almost numb to it. Things have happened that are just so extremely cruel that they're unbelievable. And they're so bizarrely specific that it's completely impossible that it's all just coincidence. Like I've seen, multiple times, billion-to-one events happen just to make my situation worse -- to make me suffer more. Close family members have died, I've lost everything and all my money through crazy chains of events beyond my control. I'd give specific examples but I promise no one would believe them.
I got really spiritual about it for a while, tried to find opinions about suffering and hardships... The most insightful thing I found was the Buddhist idea that not fulfilling one's potential leads to suffering. That struck a chord with me because I was on top of the world for a couple of years -- I had just sold the company that I helped build and I had a lot of money. I stopped working and just sat on my ass for two straight years, pretty much. I had fun, traveled the world, did some cool things. But suddenly everything just turned, all at once. Now, every attempt I make just to try to climb out of this hole falls apart due to some completely random event that I have no control over. By the end of this month, I won't be able to pay my rent or bills any more. Yeah, I know, "get a job." I've tried so hard to work and I'm still trying, but I'm being 100% real when I say that every attempt to do anything just meets some strange dead end for no reason. I went to work for this one guy at a tech company and he just straight refused to pay me at the end of the month. Something about his situation with his investors, whatever. I can't afford the time or money to take anyone to court.
Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else here has been through something similar.
>>
Yeah, everything bad always happens to me to no matter what I do. It's never my fault, it's always some external factor I can't control. Even when it's somebody else dying, I can only see how it impacts my own life.
That's because I'm a narcissist who doesn't want to take responsibly for anything.
>>
>>18704770
>That's because I'm a narcissist who doesn't want to take responsibly for anything.
Have you tried to work on that? Not just at a surface level -- like really tried to improve yourself?
I felt the same way, like somehow I had some flaw and everything awful that was happening was my fault because I had that flaw. So I worked on myself and I'm still working on it, but nothing has gotten better. In fact, it's gotten worse.
>>
>>18704781
I was posting in jest in an attempt to get the OP to hear how he sounds. Or are you the OP?
That said, I personally did have some pretty big self esteem issues that held me back in a lot of ways. But I'm working on them and finding success. I'm dropping weight, being more active, being more outgoing, and working on overcoming some anxiety issues that have been issues for a while.
Have you ever considered getting help from a professional? You may not be able to see the common problem in these issues, but someone else might, and be able to offer guidance.
>>
>>18704793
Lol, yes, I was the OP replying to you. What's funny is that I read the first part and thought "oh he's being sarcastic" but then the second part made me think you were serious.
Yeah, I knew the response here would be that it's really my fault and I just refuse to see it. That really isn't the case, though. I've tried to find a way to make it my fault and it just isn't. I worked incredibly hard to get where I was in life, and it all just disappeared. Then I started to lose everything else, too, which is the only reason I mentioned the death in the family.
It's a nice thought that maybe the world really isn't so bad, maybe it is all my fault, because then I could change and everything would magically get better. But that is a lie.
Thread posts: 5
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1