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I have done everything that my parents have asked of me in life. They pressured me into a career that is not a good fit for me. I finally mustered up the guts to call my mother on the phone and talk to her about it in a calm, level headed manner. I told her how I feel empty inside and like my dreams are dying right in front of me. Long story short, she gets really upset and starts calling herself a terrible parent. She said her biggest regret was not being stricter and more controlling of my brother and I when we were growing up, despite the fact that we are doing exactly what SHE wants with our lives and we are both miserable.
I truly feel like my heart has been ripped from body after this conversation. I always wanted to make my parents proud, and I feel like my whole life has been a lie up to this point. Not only do my parents not know a single thing about me (despite me trying to talk to them about things that matter to me), those were the words of a selfish narcissist. I dearly love my parents; however, I feel totally alone and betrayed. What should I do?
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man up bitch nigga
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>>18704345
you are an adult
stop talking to your parents and make new friends, your parents are toxic and you have to live for yourself first
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>>18704345
You're a man. You don't need confirmation from your parents to make your own life choices. I understand you may love your parents, but if it means upsetting them, I'd say its worth it.
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>>18704345
be your own person and chase your dream
if your mom's response was I should have been stricter then she is beyond reason. seriously just don't talk to her about it- refuse to engage, lie, whatever is necessary you have to not give a fuck especially about changing her mind, arguing, or trying to prove something- that way lies poison.
that said if you have a good paying career you hate consider making lifestyle changes (reduce expenses to starving musician levels) while using the job to work towards having a cash wad to fund your dream. it will make it better if your job is the means at this point and you have a literal bail date when you'll turn your sites on your true passion and be able to support yourself for a while while actually doing it.
godspeed anon. I'm proud of you just for still having that dream. go get it.
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>>18704440
Thank you so much. I really love my parents but I was not expecting that from my mother of all people. She was always my biggest supporter so long as I was doing everything she wanted, but those words really struck my core. I don't want to upset her, but I needed to come clean. The idea that I was a stranger to my parents of all people had never crossed my mind until tonight.
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Get over yourself and stop being such a whiney little ingrate. Enjoy your stable career, find a good marriageable girl of your same race, and take up some hobbies.
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>>18704465
You will see it through OP. Believe in the wise words of anon
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>>18704465
The only narcissist here is you. Of course your mother is going to be upset if you call her up and tell her she ruined your life with her awful parenting.
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>>18704474
sound advice
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You're still breathing anon go and do whatever you want while you can.
I quickly recognized the errors of society and dropped the fuck out of school and found my own way. I had to hear a lot of my mom's bullshit but after 17 i moved out and I found my way. I called my mom and told her that I purposely put myself through what she had but worse and found a way to make the best of it.
I called her a weak dumabss disgrace and asked her to quit calling me from now on. I don't like to see weakness and stupidity among able body people. I don't like to see others forced along a path they didn't chose and I dam sure don't like to have my time wasted.
I'm 23 and I make more money than every college student on my campus because I'm smarter than them. My mom on the other hand sits ay home and bitches about her life because she's a woman and expects everything to be handed to her.
The worst part is she STILL begs me to go to college or seek a higher education.
I can print, program and control my own prostetics/robotics system with my fucking mind. You'd think this retard would be happy knowing I have such hobbies yet she says she's disappointed because I won't make something of myself or even find a girlfriend.
I'm likely the smartest human to come from my bloodline and im definately smsrter than the 6 other fucking humans she pushed out and it's still not enough for her.
Don't waste your time trying to please others anon. She will die some day and you will be left to morn the loss.
She still calls me too. They don't get the message after 50+ missed calls. Block her and quickly get over it of you can
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At least your mom isn't psycho and threatened to kill herself like mine when I said I wanted to go to college.
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>>18704477
Any decent parent would support an adult child making a change in their life if they aren't happy. If her response is "I should have been stricter" instead of "I'm sorry I pushed you into something you don't enjoy, I thought I was doing what was best" or something, that's fucked up.
It isn't narcissistic to want to be happy.
>>18704465
OP: that sucks. Make the changes you need. Either your parents will be happy about it, or they can be sad while you get to be happy. I can't imagine not being supported by my parents, but I know it happens to tons of people.
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>>18704345
Stop caring about what your parents want. They are obviously abusive narcissists.
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Toxic people that you need to cut contact with and pretend they are dead.
Protip
>You will never live up to their expectations, because they don't really have set ones
>Thus you will never make them happy and give you the approval you need (which btw, is not healthy)
>They themselves don't really know what they want in life, most likely due to depression, narcissism or simply hating themselves.
Talk to your brother. Tell him how you feel, stay in strong contact with him and start finding your own way.
The best way to win this game is to not play.
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>>18704734
I can't cut contact with my parents. They are flawed like the rest of us, but I really do love them. They mean a lot to me despite all of this. I'm going to have to start working on my own life instead of trying to satisfy their expectations. My mother has said some real shitty stuff to me in the past when I have tried talking to her about this. e.g. "I'll still love you. But I won't be proud of you if you did that." and "You have all but torn this family apart." But, I'm willing to set that all aside if I can start to repair my relationship with her and my father. I don't talk to my brother much anymore, but he has resorted to heavy drinking from what I have heard. We probably should speak more, but we're essentially too weighed down by our own problems to start dumping them on each other.
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>>18704345
All decent parents want the best for their children. All decent parents know better than their children what's good for the children - when they are children. Some decent parents continue to think they know best even when their children are grown up.
The point is that your mother is not evil. She is doing right as she understands it. She may very well be incorrect in her judgment - but that is something to regret, not hate her for.
Your solution is to do what you have to do to become happy, successful and fulfilled. No decent parent can argue with that, and she will se that you got where she wanted you to get, just by a different route.
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