It's been 5 months since she broke up with me. I thought

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It's been 5 months since she broke up with me. I thought I was over her for a bit now, but today I checked all her social media just to see her face. Just as beautiful as ever. I even searched her on YouTube and there was a video from 4 years ago, and just hearing her voice again and seeing her mannerisms brought up so many memories of the good times we had together. I could always make her laugh and sharing those laughs was my favorite part of our relationship.

I broke down into tears watching that video. I haven't cried since the day she broke up with me. She blocked me on everything a week after we broke up and it hurts so much that I haven't had any contact with her for so long and have no way of reaching out to her.

My life has fallen apart since the breakup happened. I dropped out of college and have fallen into a deep depression. I've been dealing with depression my whole life, but the last two years had been a huge improvement and it feels awful to be right back in something I thought I had overcome.

I haven't been leaving the house and when I absolutely have to I'm overwhelmed with anxiety. When I was with my ex I was at my best. I was happy and sociable even around strangers

I get on social media and I see people out living their lives while my mental illness has returned with a vengeance. I was looking through a Facebook group I'm a member of and they were posting their dream girls and girlfriends. It made me think that I'd like to find love again and settle down with a beautiful woman who is meant for me. But when my mental condition is this bad, I don't meet new people and when I go out people don't respond well to me because I look/sound so miserable.

My ex had a lock symbol on her Instagram. She's moved on with someone else while I've been struggling with mental illness and that feels worst of all. I used to make her happy and when I was around her I was the person I've always wanted and known I could be. Now I'm just broken.