I just learned that my ex had been cheating on me for three months.

>>18696786

be the bigger person and wish him and his new girl a good life together.

absolutely everything else you say or do will make you look like anything but a bitter jealous obsessed freak.

>>18696793
You're right.. It hurts though because I already had trust issues in the past, now I feel like I honestly cant trust anyone, or that maybe I'm too naive. How could anyone just use someone like they didn't have feelings either?

>>18696805
yeah it was a fucked up thing he did to you but you're not going to let it wreck your life. You've got big things going on, important things, about your life to be proud of. If the right guy comes along and appreciates what you're about then that's cool, otherwise you're fine too.

(making some assumptions here but you get the idea)

>>18696793
Be wary of "take the high road" advice if you're not a forgive and forget kind of person, OP.

As someone who has used to opt in favor of taking the moral high ground in these kinds of situations and eventually accepting that all it was was me burying my hurt/anger to my own detriment, I have to say that getting some sense of revenge/justice feels WAY better.

If you're gonna stick it to him, plan and be smart (and reasonable for god's sake). No one's gonna give a shit about some stupid email message.

>>18696786
Nicole?

>>18696786
God, I think I knew that guy over at UCSD. It feels bad when a seemingly nice and smart dude is actually a cheating bastard...doesn't give you a lot of faith in anybody. Erm, sorry for feeding into your trust issues.

Anyway, I'm sorry that it happened to you, OP. I'd probably do something like >>18696860 recommended. To be honest what he did was Fucked Up--it was a long-term type of deal, not some fling. Just be careful about what you send.

Also what is the timespan exactly of this? You say 3 months but it's been going on since March 2016?

>>18696879
Oh no

>>18697471
>>18697471
I see, well someone I considered a close friend of mine went through something that sounds eerily similar. If she got in contacted me and told me what you've just said, here's what I'd say:

I've felt that way about my ex too, that bitterness, that desire to be petty. It took me a ton of soul-searching, for lack of a better word, to get over it. I've come to the conclusion that's just who she was, the things she did to me was how she felt at the time, and she had her reasons whether or not they were good ones. Maybe that guy just had commitment issues from earlier experiences in his life, maybe that girl just said the right things to him. It sucks, I know, but you have to understand that there are REASONS for what he did, even if they were irredeemable.

I told a friend of mine recently, wallowing in his past regrets, that his actions were just the cause of who he was at that point in his life. I said that 3 years from now, I could find the love of my life, fall madly for her, marry her, have 2.5 kids and a nice job.. and he could fuck her behind my back, convince her to divorce me, and it could lead to losing my kids, home, job, everything. I said I wouldn't hate him, I'd never forgive him or ever breathe a word to him again. But I wouldn't hate him, because he had his reasons for doing what he did, and that's just the kind of man life made him, and that would be the extent of my anger, my frustrations.

It's not about "Being the better person" because that statement implies your superiority towards them, which I believe is wrong. It's more about realizing what you experienced is life, and your bitterness will do nothing to change what you've lived.

>>18697946
Well articulated. My girl dumped me after 5 years and a few weeks later was already in another relationship. I said some petty shit to her and I acted pretty disgracefully, blaming her, blaming me etc. But what's done is done and nothing is changing it. Often the most trite, clichéd advice you hear constantly as you grow up is actually completely true.

>>18696793

This.

You are better off being dumped by someone who does not love you, than being kept by someone who does not love you.