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tl;dr how do I connect with people?
>22, still have 2 years minimum of schooling
>work and do school, job is solid, doing well at it and whatnot
>pretty self-confident, don't often go home and feel bad, just chill alone and enjoy that peace
>between coworkers, classmates, and previous friendgroups start realizing I've only ever had like 1 steady friend
>even other new co-workers just rapidly connect with people I've worked with for months and just never hung out with, or even really talked with
>starting to feel pretty bad about it, I feel like people I interact with a lot know I'm a good guy but I can just never express myself or just chill with them
>starting to feel pretty awful about it, been weeks now, just feel like a loser since I can't seem to socialize. trapped into a cycle of inane things (4chan/vidya/porn/etc.)
>can't relax at home lately, it's like the years of exposure to no meaningful relationships is finally crashing down on me
>school year just started, want to try and make a change with all the new people on-campus
I feel that I lack that basic thing most guys have, just being able to strike up a conversation, or give that air of "oh he's personable and fun, would probably chill with if given a chance." A roommate of mine has lots of friends like that and I feel that same awkwardness/borderline inferiority.
Probably asked too much, at the very least this is helpful to vent. But, what are ways or even just things to consider when trying to hang out with people? Places to go, things to consider, conversation openers, that type of thing. I feel lost in that regard.
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>>18694349
I used to be much the same in my late teens and early 20's. Im 26 now and have changed completely. It was a process over 4 or 5 years of me just improving myself. I tried to find things I was passionate about (swimming, reading, learning an instrument) and forced myself to talk to people even if I felt like I was acting like a fool. I have a happier life with good friends now. I think I was kind of damaged by my parents growing up - not physically abused, but mentally and emotionally... it was a mess. It was hard for me to connect with people but I've worked through it and im on the other side now. I can see how some people can carry their childhood scars through their life and hurt their quality of life.
OP I hope I helped in some way. I'll keep this tab open for a while in case you have any questions. You can become a whole happy person, it takes work tho.
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>>18694374
Not OP but your story gives me faith. At 21 I feel so fucking isolated and awkward. I really want to believe I can change and I know I have nothing to lose by trying but it still seems like a pointless endeavour.
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>>18694407
I know the feeling. I guess it's kind of like a depression but I just felt hopeless. If that makes sense. I've done, conquered it. I know it's possible. I'm not gonna lie though it requires hard work on your end.
I had to drudge up a lot of my past which hurts, work through it in my head. Forgive people. After I got a handle on that I just felt a sense of relief and days seemed brighter and better. I started striking up conversations with people and it snowballed from their to having some great friends over the last few years now. This was my path, yours might be a little different.
Don't give up!
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>>18694374
Parental problems were my issues from like 18-20 too, I don't know what it is at this point. There's something unnatural to putting myself out to people, though I've learned to do it to a low degree of success. I often feel that nobody would care if I did, and I don't often care if I don't, so I tend to not, it's weird.
I dabbled in many hobbies since I was 18 (even until now), but mainly found a passion for competitive games and language (translation and in a rather abstract way, programming). They kept me going but my current living situation doesn't really allow for that.
How did you go about taking your first steps toward where you're at now socially? Any sort of questions to yourself, realizations, or things like that.
>>18694407
we're all gonna make it brah
imo it's worth it to at least make small steps forward, like in my situation where I love working but am socially isolated at work due to poor social skills. Though I suck at it, I've noticed that having cool or even kind people around you can lead to a pleasant randomness to life, if that makes sense
feel free to ask along, maybe we can both learn something. where do you feel your awkwardness stems from?
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>>18694461
>Can lead to a pleasant randomness to life, if that makes sense
It makes perfect sense, breaks the monotony of our boring routines and to people like us any kind of connection is rare so even something small feels nice
>Where do you feel your awkwardness stems from?
I had a pretty dysfunctional home situation and didn't have any role models. I'm not naturally good at being social either so I've lagged behind developing my social skills. I've been working on it a lot but I feel like my body language makes me stand out as odd and I still feel awkward and say awkward things sometimes. Depression and anxiety has been a bitch but I've finally gotten meds and am seeing a therapist.
Out of curiosity, did you grow up not caring about social interaction then having it hit you in your 20s? For me it's like I always felt the loneliness but it didn't bother me so much until I got older.
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>>18694439
Also I'm glad you made it out anon
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>>18694484
I actually re-read this, thinking I wrote this and just forgot about it. Can relate to each point (besides meds at least). Having lived alone for about 2 years, I embraced being alone and stuff. I didn't feel bad about being alone, and never felt bad about others socializing and having fun around me. With age, that view is changing pretty rapidly, and yeah I also never really got those social skills and it's a bad mix. Feel like I've missed out on something in life, and that it shows some sort of character flaw(s).
I'm basically at that point where I've identified the problem for long enough but still no solutions (hence this post). If you'd want to rant more feel free to leave a contact, I should be getting to bed soon. Never thought I could relate to someone on such a wildly specific topic
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>>18694549
We seem to be in a really similar spot, do you have Kik?
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>>18694580
Yeah, sonmal.
I can be slow to respond due to work, but I'll get to it as soon as I can.
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