I intentionally get myself friendzoned, I become their best friend,

How do you start a relationship when you're in the friendzone OP? Pls teach me

>>18692531
It sort of just happens desu. I mean it reaches a point where we are doing basically everything together, we know the weirdest shit about each other and are always there for each other. Getting physical is never a problem at this point either, to give a concrete example; she might playfully mock something about me , let's say a dumb shirt I might be wearing, and I will pick her up and refuse to let her down until she apologizes. Then one day it just happens to go a step beyond that.

I guess the only "formula" part of it is to not confuse being a friend with being her emotional trashcan, that isn't being friendzoned, that is simply being a "beta orbiter". The other thing, as I sort of mentioned in OP is to actually want to be and enjoy being friends and not treating it like a very time consuming Trojan horse for sex.

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>>18692502
>I intentionally get myself friendzoned, I become their best friend
>I start a romantic relationship which are far deeper and meaningful than any fling.
>I feel like there is something wrong with me

There *is* something wrong with you. It's that you think this is wrong.

> It was never a case of "I'll pretend to like her so I can sleep with her" far from it in fact. It was always about wanting to get to know her as a person, something so much easier done as a friend than as a BF.

This is literally the best way to do relationships. Friendship is the best basis for a relationship.

Why the hell are you guilty about it? What you're doing is literally the same as anyone would do with a normal relationship, just in a longer scale. In a standard situation, you see a girl you find attractive; you'd like to hopefully bed or date her. You go up to her and start talking to her. Maybe you talk a couple times to see what she's like. You eventually redirect the interactions toward romance. It succeeds to or fails.

What you're doing is just the same, except with this you get to *really* know the girl - after such a long while you will have a really good idea of who the girl is, and she you. You know if you're compatible, and if it'll work. There's a shitton of positive regard and reciprocity already. A relationship passing those tests would be, as you already know, highly fulfilling and deep. And if it doesn't pass those tests, then hell, you still have a good friend. Which is psychologically healthy as fuck.

It's not deceit. It's having ulterior motives, and that is about as 'wrong' as moving your legs and walking. If you introspect a little, you'll find that you have that for damn near everything you do. It's called direction in life. Not having overarching motivations is living life without objectives (ie, dumb).


Why do you feel it's deceit?

>>18692861
I love the way you articulated this.

Not op, but I think the reason why people might think it's wrong is that any sort of unspoken agenda feels dirty to individuals. Almost like you are tricking the person you are hanging
with.

>>18692502
Teach me

I try to do this but I get stuck in the eternal friendzone loop because I refuse to touch a woman who expresses no interest in intimacy. Do you just go for it? Have you ever fucked up?

>>18692861
Well I feel like it is deceit because I already know from the get go that I want the relationship to take a romantic turn at some point. Not in a "I wish she would feel about me like I feel about her" way, stuck in the friendzone where I never wanted to be, no. I want to be in the friendzone so I can build into a romantic relationship from there, however she is never in on this "plan". In a way it feels like I tricked her into the relationship.
The crux of the matter I guess is that it isn't a friendship that developed into romance. It is a friendship I initiated with romance in mind.

>>18692928
I have never been the first to start touching. I simply reciprocate in kind. At the start it might be something as small as leaning into me, or whispering something in my ear she doesn't want others to hear. Then it might be her holding my arm as we walk into town. A hug goodbye. Small things basically. At some point I'll present openings which she can abuse or turn down without either of us losing face. For instance in the past I have been asked to do X, like get a drink at a bar (a shittest I guess is the popular term for some dumb reason), I would just playfully grin at her and ask her what it's worth to her, at which point she can pretty much decide to do whatever the hell she wants. Sigh in exasperation, admit defeat and sit down without drink. Get the drink herself. More likely however she'll choose to perform some affectionate gesture as "payment". A peck on the cheecks for instance. On paper like this it all sounds very structured and analytical, but IRL it is organic and spontaneous. The oppurtunities present themselves, or at least the oppurtunities to create opportunities present themselves.

As for fuck ups, ya I have had em. Have taken things to slow in the past and ended up in the everlasting friendzone as she started a serious relationship with someone else. I have however never had the usually much dreaded "omg what are you doing?! We are friends!" reaction to an advance. If anything it is the opposite, I in the past have been ghosted by a girl, initially I thought I must have fucked up big somehow, later I heard via via that she wanted more out of our relationship but was too apprehensive to make a move on me, i.e. I was taking things far too slow.

My biggest fear has always been losing them completely, after months of friendship, the one thing worse than it not working out romantically, is it wrecking totally altogether and not even being able to be friends anymore. I despise letting people down, which is usually what ends friendships.

>>18693332
>Well I feel like it is deceit because I already know from the get go that I want the relationship to take a romantic turn at some point.

If you're offered a job position that's decent in its own right, but also holds a high chance for promotion down the line -- will you feel guilty for taking the job because you had that promotion in your sights from the beginning?
If you get that promotion, with fat bonuses and full benefits, will you abruptly want to resign because you felt bad for not staying in your original department? For argument, imagine that none of your old managers asked you to stay. That you were never asked about, nor had to lie about your future intentions.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're answer is probably no. In fact, I would go further to say that in this situation, you would perhaps be *congratulating* yourself, patting yourself on the back your foresight, ability to opportunity capitalization, and most importantly - strategic self management.

It's called long-term goal-oriented behavior (incidentally a behavior of highly successful people), ans assuming that your goals are not malevolent, that you were not dishonest in achieving it, and that you did not harm people along the way, there is nothing wrong with it. Nothing.


As I alluded to above, you are nothing more than the guy who goes to the mediocre restaurant, and orders 30 terrible tuna sandwiches over a month just so he can talk to the girl behind the money till at lunchtime. He should not feel bad about giving the restaurant business; he should not feel bad about talking to the girl. And he should not goddamn take it back when the girl accepts his eventual offer for a date.

>>18692502
Autism.

>>18694004
Well that is more or less the problem, I am treating the relationship like I would a job with promotion opportunities, and it doesn't strike me as if most women would appreciate that.

>>18694034
How so?

>>18694046
>How so?
What the fuck is your problem? What do you want to tell them?

>Sorry babe, I just wanted to get to know you really well before getting into a relationship. Can you ever forgive me this treason?

Like wtf? What is your friggin point?

>>18694062
Well when you put it like that.

>>18694069
The approach you've described shows that you're a calm, planning thinker, careful, but determined about what you want and not willing to do foul compromises. Dude, wake up. That's manly and self confident. Some autists on the internet would even call it alpha.

I really don't know why the heck you'd sperg out over this right now, but I guess that just happens to all of us. If it actually bothers you this much just tell them you liked them from the beginning, but you aren't the guy to rush things and you're not in for cheap, meaningless bs which is why you waited - to build something deep and sort out if they are someone you'd like spending a part of your life with. As it turned out, they were and you're happy that you waited because of how wonderful it is now. Then kiss and fuck like rabbits.

Again, I don't see the damn problem.

Oh and you were never in the friendzone. Friendzone is unintentional. You simply sorted the crap out and build a good foundation for a relationship.

>>18694172
Just read the OP again. So you actually sperged so much that you broke up with these girls? Again, I can't comprehend how you can display such self confident and such beta faggot behaviour at the same time, but whatever.

Just don't fucking tell them now. Seriously. You will come off as the biggest autists alive. Keep it to yourself, see it as a lesson and move on. Tell your next gf if it still bothers you - even though goal is to not let it bother you again.

>>18694172
>>18694198
Not really sperging out, more a feeling that I should have been upfront about my intentions from the start, or at least tell them a romantic relationship was my intention all along.
In a way I see it like your job analogy, I like the job, I enjoy spending time on the job and ultimately I would like to take it to the next stage with a promotion. It doesn't mean I was merely using the initial job, or had no regard for it aside from it being a means to an end.

Alas telling them this will hardly ever go down well, more than likely they will see it as me faking a friendship to get them into bed, like some psycho who planned it all out in advance.

So I want to tell them, but at the same time feel like I can't. This will eat away at me and eventually sour the relationship.

You have to remember, this isn't me becoming friends with some girl, then somewhere down the road developping feelings for her and deciding to romance her, like some highschool besties become bride&groom love-story. No it is me developping feelings for a girl, then becoming friends with her and eventually romancing her. Basically the friendship is built first and foremost on my romantic feelings towards the girl and secondly to be friends.

Or in short, I am friends so we can one day date, instead of, we are dating because one day we were friends.

As for it being alpha or whatnot, I dunno, I don't really have a problem talking or flirting with people, or being physical. Mainly my problems are with myself. :^)

>>18694336
You can see it and tell them like this or you can see it and tell them like I described it. Your choice. And this choice will make the difference between you whining about this on a somalian basket weaving forum or fucking like rabbits.

>No it is me developping feelings for a girl, then becoming friends with her and eventually romancing her.
There is literally nothing wrong with this.

>Or in short, I am friends so we can one day date, instead of, we are dating because one day we were friends.
Who the fuck becomes friends so they can one day be friends? We just become friends. Period. And then we become un-friends. Or best-friends. Or fuck-friends. Or we become partners. Or we stay just friends. What does it matter.

Being friends is what you want at that point in time. And it's what they want at that point in time. And that's completely fine. You are not tricking them. You don't want to be in a relationship at that point. You want that later to be the case and they too want it - then, later. So again, both of you want the same. I don't see the problem.

>>18694380
Mfw you made me realize they probably would have seen as much of problem as you are, i.e. nine at all and my break ups were based on figments of my imagination.

Mfw the problem is me thinking there is a problem.

This is like that matrix scene "there is no spoon".

>>18692502
Fake and gay

>>18694704
? Why would I bother with "fake and gay" on the slowest moving board?

I start a thread titled "the 10 reasons why Hillary will save us" on /pol/ and it will hit the bump limit within minutes.

No, this is sadly quite true (albeit maybe overly concise at points)

>>18692502
> mfw im writing this good shit down
Seriously though, this is probably the best relationship strategy I've ever read and I'm gonna try to use this??

>>18694336

I'm >>18694004. >>18694172 is a different anon.

Just saying, so that you know that multiple people are presenting this opinion.

The "deceitful" thing is breaking up with them when nothing is wrong.

Well, OP from my experiences my best (and worst) relationship came from this. We were best friends and then it just kind of went above that. It was honest and beautiful and just great. It fell apart later, but I really can't get myself to like a girl, like really like her, unless I know her well, as a friend. So that's what I try to do - become friends, see if we have chemistry. If you're both single and find each other attractive, it just happens naturally.

This is fine and normal OP, not deceitful, Tell them if you really feel the need to, or not, doesn't really matter, you're overthinking this way too much. You won them over. In fact, I think this is better than getting to know someone under the pretense of looking for something serious, because you naturally gravitate together to form a stronger relationship

>>18692502
>> chases off potential boyfriends
>> girl doesn't mind
>> instead girl makes move
>> OP thinks he lied to them
*sigh*

>>18692502
This is potentially how I want relationships to go for me, but I'm too autistic to pull it off

>>18692502

Of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most.