My fiance told me he changed his mind about having kids and doesn't

>>18692006
yep if you want kids you do, he won't change his mind.

>>18692008
I don't know how strongly I feel about it, or if I could give up on having kids for him.

I am just 23 tho, so probably I will want it more as I age.

>>18692021
If you want kids now, that want is only going to increase as you get older. As painful as it may be, for both your sakes, you need to break it off now.

>>18692006
What an asshole. You arent supposted to change your mind. Break up. There is no compromise between 0 and 3 kids. Also babies are cool!

And there're no examples of anyone changing their mind *twice* in the history of mankind, ever.

See for yourself, evaluate situation from all perspectives - financial stability, maturity of you and your partner, and so on, and so forth.

Talk to him in depth about the matter and your future, it's not like you two are incomprehensible to one another. Maybe you'll find the reason behind his sudden U-turn.

>>18692086
He's not an asshole.

>>18692095

>Maybe you'll find the reason behind his sudden U-turn.
I do know that.

His sister recently passed away. She had two young kids, and they're obviously devastated.
He keeps thinking about what would happen if he died prematurely. Said that he cannot stomach the idea of having children if there's a chance they'll go through what they're going through.

>>18692118
Explain to him that children are his and your future, the only way how to fight death. By giving new generation a chance.

>also what is "accidental" pregnancy?

>>18692129
I did tell him something similar to that.
He said he thinks about all the things that could possibly go wrong (one or both of us dying, them getting sick or dying, etc) and he cannot do that.

>also what is "accidental" pregnancy?
That's out of question.

>>18692143
>out of question
Really? How hard is it to find husband material? And how long does it take to make sure he is the one? There are few nihilistic anons who claims having children is the most selfish thing there is. To bring soul to this cold hearthless universe.

Dont fall for that and do what you feel is right. Maybe you can both go see psycholog. And remember, it is your body. People are selfish by default.

And what does he say about you leaving him since he lost will to have babies? Maybe you just havent applied enough manipulation yet.

>>18692151
>Really? How hard is it to find husband material? And how long does it take to make sure he is the one?
It is hard, but what kind of person would I be if I was willing to go behind my fiance's back and trap him into something he doesn't want? Surely not the kind of person I'd want to be married with.
I am not signing someone up for a lifelong commitment if they don't want to.

>And what does he say about you leaving him since he lost will to have babies?
He said it would destroy him, but he'd understand me.

>>18692162
Well, you have three options:
Destroy his life (break up).
Destroy your life (give up on babies).
Trap him and hope for best.

Also you can simply tell him you are pregnant (without it being true) to see his reaction beforehand. Or try psycholog. Almost every option is very shitty one. You have only one life, good luck with any choice you pick.

Death is something, that takes time to process and understand. Fear is also something, that will pass.

You, however, are in unique position of a loving and loved SO (waifu), so you'd take your time and patience with your man.
Time and love will make him a better version of himself, and if you are there to be with him in his triumphs and losses, there to encourage him - he will come around having children.

At least, that is what I can offer you, based on limited knowledge I got.

>>18692179
>Trap him and hope for best.
Trapping would be destroying his life, too. Probably more than a break up, as he can move on from me but you can't just forget about your children.
I would betray his trust and sign him up for a lifelong commitment, when he explicitly said he doesn't want that. It's simply unfair.

He's going to a therapist.

>>18692185
I have no problem being here for him, but we're engaged. We'll be married soon.
What's the point of marrying, just to divorce a few years down the line in case he doesn't change his mind?

Maybe I can postpone the wedding?

>>18692217
Seems a shit time for a wedding anyway, with him recovering from a thing like that. Don't make a move until he's come to terms with the death

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>>18692217
>postpone
That goes without saying. You cant marry somebody if you dont find compromise in such basic question as desired number of children. Just make sure you have deadline ready inside your mind for him to decide. Dont wait forever for miracle. They dont happen often.

i had a girlfriend that i was pretty serious with. Talked about marriage, eventually turned to topic of kids. I wanted at least 3. She was baffled, admitted she wanted a big zero. I was about to ask "then what do you intend for us to do as we age, just go to yelp trending restaurants forever?" but i held my tongue. I just confirmed it with her multiple times again, asking why she thought so, and just made a mental sever from her. I let the relationship die naturally.

Yeah its more of a shock than I thought it would be. Somehow I felt like my trust was broken. But thats the coldness of reality. If you want kids, youre gonna want kids. Id rather not have them with an unwilling mother.

Ive kind of lost hope, lot of girls my age just dont care for it, but it makes sense. Bad economy, no house, unsure future, but for some reason, I think theyre treating it the wrong way. It can be seen as a huge motivation boost to GET all those things ready for a family, but a lot of people give a Meh reaction and list why its not logical to have kids in this climate.

Gotta keep searching op!

>>18692250
He wanted to get married anyway, even if he's still suffering.
I'll ask him to postpone the whole thing.

>>18692256
What's a reasonable deadline?

>>18692284
The fact is that we are financially secure. No debt, degrees, a house, two cars, job.
We're in a nicer place than most people, even 20 years older than us, to be fair.

>>18692334
If you got your ass covered, then look into finding a kept man.
Take his nut, make baby, make him raise baby yotsuba style, badda bing badda boom, mommy comes home to hubby in apron and well adjusted kid who always has a parent around. Yer set.

>>18692086
No need to insult him. OP and him are just different, and people should respect that difference. He isn't an asshole for sticking to his principles.

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>>18692334
>reasonable deadline
Between one year and half decade. Cunning woman has multiple backup men for incidents like you just had.

Maybe he will snap out from it. But what if he wont? Some questions cant be answered by /adv, only you yourself can decide.

I would still go for accidental pregnancy. Men are super indecisive creatures but luckily nature made them think through cock, not brain when sexy woman is around.

I changed my mind on having kids from what I thought when I was younger as I watched my peers start to have kids and fake smiles through their stressed, ragged, tired bodies, and insist it was the best thing they've ever done. Thankfully I have a few friends that are more honest and say "never have kids or get married," and I can see why they'd say it.

I don't have a problem with any couple who wants babies, good for them. But barring some significant change in my life, like becoming a millionaire, I have no interest in sacrificing my autonomy and mental wellbeing to pop out a kid that will spend most of its early life in daycares and public schools instead of with me and its mother, since we'd both have to work.

>>18692284
>"then what do you intend for us to do as we age, just go to yelp trending restaurants forever?"
You have a pretty empty life if you want children just to give you things to do.

>>18692384

Plus that poster conveniently ignores that if they don't have a kid, they'll have the time and money to do wonderful shit like see the world, instead of ferrying little Charlie back and forth to soccer practice or having to go to Legoland instead of Paris.

>>18692347
I don't make enough to afford a househusband and the kind of lifestyle I want my family to have. Could probably pay for it, but wouldn't be able to send a kid to a decent school, or travel at all, or do basically anything that isn't sitting at home.

>>18692364
Back up men? I am faithful, dude. Gross.

>>18692384
That's not really something anyone can determine. Do you have a handbook on a full life? Or to go even further back, can you state the part in my post where I told you kids are 'just to give me things to do?"

I don't want to sound rude, but if you intend to throw your weight around on an anonymous imageboard with a projected standard of full lives vs empty lives, then I ask you to match me in post quality as I would rather see that standard met henceforth. Thanks, /satire.

>>18692394
I like kids.

>>18692395

Yeah that's the thing, people just don't make enough money to support a single household anymore. I make $75k a year before my bonus and it's good money, but not enough to to have a nice place, have any savings, enjoy ourselves, etc. So the option is that both people work and baby ends up in daycare.

>>18692402
Some people know what they want out of life, and what they need to do to live a life that's fulfilling for them, others don't, but certainly few have children just out of boredom.
Maybe you were being humorous when you thought it, but when you mentioned:
>"then what do you intend for us to do as we age, just go to yelp trending restaurants forever?"
You made it seem as if not having kids would give you few alternatives as to what to do in your life, as if your life would be too boring without them.

Do what you want with your life, and you can have children for whatever reason you want to, maybe having children is your idea of a full life, I admit I was a bit aggressive in my earlier post, and I'm sorry for that. It's just that your thought made it seem that people who don't have children have few things worthwhile to do in life, and that ticked me off.

>>18692410
Not really, in my case.
I am lucky enough to get extended maternity leave, and have a lot of options to spend time around a child.
If I married my boyfriend, we could also afford being a single income household for a short amount of time. I just wouldn't want that long term because it's not the kind of lifestyle I want to give to my children.

Mind - I already own a house, we have no debt of any sort, and we both have decent jobs. We're not in the average position and I understand that.

>>18692006
End it. This is such a major difference that the relationship wont last if you get married. It might take 1 or 10 years to fail, but it will.