I think i'm in an abusive relationship, how do I either

File: 4a8c3f00c3ee96ed4896159f3cc062a73e718569_hq.jpg (45KB, 862x485px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 862x485px

>>18691114
Can't change it, get out.

>>18691122
what if this person has been my friend for a long time?

>>18691130
Tragic

wouldn't know, I've never been in one, all I can say is 'don't be a hero, cut that zero'

>>18691114
What sort of abuse?

>>18691144
mental. i'm at the point where i've given him so much (including friendship even after he's intentionally tried to hurt me). I given him money (a lot, in terms of food, gas, and even cash, probably way above $500 total the past few years). He has never seemed genuinely greatful though, and it never comes into play when he's telling me i'm a bad friend, or i'm trying to fuck him over (the other day i came back after leaving my phone in the car for 8 hours to 20+ missed phone calls, and 20+ voicemails, which I still haven't listened to because if they're anything like i expect, it's about how shitty of a person i am). I tell myself I do it because I want to help him, but sometimes i feel like i'm doing it because i have to. everyone else who knows him says i should stay away from him before he gets me in trouble. and then these thoughts come in my head, because however oblivious he many be sometimes, he's not stupid, and i honestly can't tell if maybe he's just the smartest person i know and everyone else "doesn't understand what i do" and/or are just jealous, but with my low self esteem it prevents me from thinking i could possibly be right about anything, which is why i'm still in the situation.

You don't change it, you get out by cutting contact and never talking to that person again.

Criminal defence paralegal (Queensland, Australia) here. I can't give you legal advice, but I can give you legal information.

Step 0: stop taking drugs. for fuck's sake. you people drive me fucking nutso.
Step 1: gather all the fucking evidence that you can. write down contemporaneous notes of any discussion. keep all emails. photograph any injuries or damage. make memos. you want a written record of every event.
Step 2: when you have a big fat wad of evidence, go talk to a lawyer. legal aid is virtually always available if you actually qualify, and almost all lawyers will give you a free case appraisal anyway.
Step 3: follow legal advice. go to cops if applicable and make a complaint.
Step 4: wait four years for the judge to give him a slappo on the wrist and custody of your kids

Throughout all of this, pretend you are a judge and you and the abuser are standing in front of you in court. See things through the judge's eyes. Who is more credible? What will make you look more credible than your partner?
Protip: the answer is proactively seeking help, keeping records, keeping appointments, staying calm, acting rationally, and genuinely trying to better your situation.

>but i don't want to go to the courts/take any action to fix my situation
Then you deserve what you're getting. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Also >>18691204
THIS.

>>18691245
she never mentioned drugs nor did she say she was married or being physically abused

maybe you should lay off that lawyer crack mr. bumsworth

>>18691245
No drugs, well not me anyway. He takes a lot of medications. There's no damages, nothing physical. Theres nothing illegal happening, this is more of a moral situation.

>>18691259
I appreciate the post, but also i'm not a she, my friend and I are both male.

>>18691259
>she never mentioned drugs
There's always drugs.

Also
>she

>married
Partner is the polite way to refer to these kinds of shack-ups.

>being physically abused
So? Are you implying that you can't take contemporaneous notes about verbal abuse? It'd actually be even more important because there's no way you'd perfectly recall exactly who said what three months later. Take notes. Take a note after every fucking phone call. Photocopy and keep every letter. etc. etc.

>>18691261
>No drugs, well not me anyway
I don't believe this.

>He takes a lot of medications.
I do believe this.

>There's no damages, nothing physical.
Sounds more like mental/verbal abuse to me.

>Theres nothing illegal happening, this is more of a moral situation.
Then it's not abuse.

If your shitty friend won't pay back money you lent him then that's not abuse, he's just a shitty friend. If you think it's serious enough to describe as abusive then I'm inclined to think that it actually is an abusive relationship that you are now making excuses for. Don't do that.

Even better, don't make the decision yourself. Keep a record of events and take it to the cops/a lawyer (take it to the lawyer first) for a free case appraisal.

>>18691289

Is it not abusive to call someone who just loaned you $200 a shitty friend?

i'm just in a friendship where i'm a doormat, he takes advantage, and then acts like he's doing me favors.

>>18691300
No thats just shitty. Youre a fucking idiot who deserves whatever victimization you recieve

>>18691300
>Is it not abusive to call someone who just loaned you $200 a shitty friend?
No.

If they bullied and intimidated you into doing it then sure, but if they made a request that a reasonable bystander would not perceive as particularly outside of ordinary then it's your own fault for giving him the money.

That's not strictly true - you could sue him in small claims court or whatever the equivalent is in your country - but the filing fee here alone is $120 so what would even be the point.