>Turn 20 years old >Half way through this shit >Suddenly

>>18680461
find something better.

There are different types of depression and you have one of them.

Go see a psychiatrist and consider the effects of sleep apenea.

Look down, if you're throat is now a chin you might be getting awful sleep.

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>>18680485
The only thing better than this would be having friends IRL, but most of the people I live around are 30+ year old drug addicts or little kids, and I don't know if I want to go to Houston just to talk to somebody.

I work an isolating job in carpentry installing cabinets subcontracting with my dad, but we make 2.5k a week, so I'm not quitting.

>>18680496
>I make 2.5k a week
then you can do anything you want and any bullshit excuse is just harming you. take the advice and improve the situation you don't like, or don't. it's all fine to me.

>>18680507
>we

I get 35%, and it all goes down the shitter if I quit.

Me and my family are doing so well on top of this.

>>18680507
>>18680509
I'm probably going to see about a psychiatrist, but I doubt I've got depression.

I think I might just be lonely.

>>18680509
oh I see. my bad. you probably shouldn't quit, at least not without a good long term plan.

I can sympathize with being in a boring area, but unfortunately your entertainment is up to you. If you're really in some kind of desert where nothing fun ever happens, then there's no reason not to spend every weekend on 4chan. in this case 4chan is not even a bad habit - it's just a solution to the pain of boredom and loneliness.

you should be more concerned with the boredom and loneliness than the fact that you've found 4chan as a kind of medicine for it.

so you don't have 2.5k, you can't live mega large, but you can still do things most people who are pursuing hobbies do. what kinds of things are cool to you in your mind?

Dude, this is like a Ghost of Christmas Past-type of thing. I'm essentially you, but 5 years older, and from the sounds of it less successful (still university; zero income).

All I can tell you. After literally telling a therapist and psychiatrist what I was doing for several years: they all agreed I had depression. Maybe not major clinical depression, but still depression. It comes in gradations, and you--and I both have it.

First part of any steps towards getting treatment: is acceptance. As corny as it sounds. You don't have to a stamp a label on your head that says "depressed". But know that you have it, so you can seek the right treatment.

>>18680523
I'm kind of a shut-in, and I used to like to play video games, but they're suddenly not fun.

I don't really find much in life in cool, and I've got issues with social anxiety that I'm constantly fighting, but it was never detrimental until my sister moved out of the house.

I can't see a real reason to go outside unless I can be alone or interact with other people, but I think social interaction is the "coolest" thing in the world because of the uncertainty I go through, and I feel so much when I allow myself to, and that makes it highly enjoyable.

It's probably the best thing I've ever discovered in my life, and it sucks that I can't find anybody to talk to.

I've been thinking about getting into RC Aviation crafts though, so I might get into that community. It seems like a good deal of fun to build and design.

I could also try D&D/card games to have a life that's more fulfilling.

>>18680525
I think you're probably right.
On some level, I've got depression.

I think it's crazy that a little bit back I was actually contemplating suicide when I let my brain indulge in very toxic thoughts. I probably wouldn't have gotten very far if I did suddenly take action, but it can be very dangerous if I start drinking or doing drugs (I don't do either) and there's a fire-arm in the house. (Dad wants to put one inside)

I was kind of expecting depression to be more of a movie type ordeal where life becomes a complete and total blur of nothing, but I guess this is what it really is.

>>18680560
>D&D/card games
meetup.com
>socializing
go anywhere there's people

can't say how much success you'll have doing this but it's a very good start

also I'm not sure what you were saying about going out and being alone vs being with people, but sometimes being around others without explicitly interacting with them can be beneficial.

>>18680577
Yeah dude, you're definitely depressed. When I was your age, five years ago, I built a thousand dollar gaming PC. Want to know how many games I've played on it since? 2. For <200 hours. When I was a youngling/teen I literally played vidya all day long and into the night--didn't do homework. Then at 20, I suddenly don't enjoy vidya anymore?

I didn't realize it then. It's like you say. It's not like an, 'Omg I am depressed moment'. It's when you do introspection and hear other people's stories, and talk to a therapist--that's when you piece all the pieces of the puzzle together.

Also, tell your dad, not to keep a firearm. Be honest, tell him why it's not a good idea. I don't want to get to emo on you.

But last year, I would have very morbid thoughts where I wondered if I was better off dead. Well, during my commutes to this college (before transfering to uni), almost two years ago, I would be on long winding roads, with only one lane. I couldn't be reasonably sure if there was a car coming at me during several spots. Welp, sometimes I would chance it, and go/pass other cars into the incoming traffic lane. I decided to play Russian Roulette with my car and (and potentially take someone out with me). After, one time where I had a really bad feeling about passing my lane, because the curve was just too long, and I just couldn't hear/feel anything, I decided to just stay in my lane and be a 'snooze' this time. Not 10 seconds a later, some car blazes past me at 60-70mph. Had I tried to pass that instance, I wouldn't be here today, typing this message.

I've never done it since. And I am deeply horrified when I think about this. I haven't told a soul about this. Now that I've started university and did a few fun things last summer, I feel much better. I want to live. I want to find a girlfriend. Graduate. Get a decent job. You know, the American Dream crap.

Even if you have 'mild depression', suicidal ideation can still creep in. Take care of yourself.

>>18680461

>cant stop coming back to 4chan

stop using 4chan?

>>18680461
>Turn 20 years old
>Half way through this shit
What? You mean life?
You're planning on dying at 40?

>>18680698
Not OP but 4chan is unironically the only reason I can keep sanity these days.

>>18680461
Also what you have IS very much depression. From your previous posts I can tell you feel a lack of purpose or social fulfillment, just know and be conscious that depression is engineered by the brain to make you self destruct (which is why you don't feel like doing anything), you should do what you can to get over it and push through, maybe go to college or try to frequent other social circles, you need a change of pace man.

Hell, I need one too, but I just keep on pushing.

>>18680710
Through the year