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>tfw I literally don't have the balls to live life the way I want
>feel like I have to read shitloads of boring old books or else people will call me a pleb
>feel like I have to go through SICP even when I find it boring
>took me over 6 months to grind through Nicholas Nickleby and the Brothers Karamazov- they were boring as fuck
>procrastinating reading great expectations- halfway through and it's boring as fuck
I truly believe that my tastes reflect much more intelligence than some stupid "literary intellectual's" citation circlejerk idea of brothers Karamazov having "profound insights". I feel like I will always be trapped in to reading stuff I am told to read even though I believe that boredom is an incredible bullshit detector.
It's so demoralising to realise that women have everything handed to them with preferential treatment and career success is 99 % networking, fitting in with normies, being judged by normie committees, and bullshitting. How can anyone give a fuck? It's near impossible.
I wish I had the type of autism that let me work on one thing for 10 hours in a row. I resent my lack of will to do this.
Coffee ruins my sleep and therefore gym strength. I will have to give it up soon and what will I have left to do when my main hobby is sitting around in public to feel less alone, drinking coffee, browsing 4chan, feeling sad about life? Barely anything.
>when you randomly make eye contact with a woman and she has that blank expression and you know deep down she is thinking, "Ewww, he's not Chad, get away from me creep!"
I read history books on my phone on train rides. I'm not sure whether this "efficiency" of reading in spare minutes is dehumanising or smart.
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>>18676702
It called craving a path. Find a way to make the mundane fun. You have to be flexible in your approach when takeing on a goal. Find different pathways
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>>18676702
>feel like I have to read shitloads of boring old books or else people will call me a pleb
Who's telling you to do that? If reading is making you miserable then stop, for your own sake. And that doesn't make you weak.
>It's so demoralising to realise that women have everything handed to them
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something productive.
>when you randomly make eye contact with a woman and she has that blank expression
The fact is, it's just eye contact. Stop making assumptions.
I think you need to make some lifestyle changes, because it affects your mood (esp. sleep and exercise). Stop drinking coffee if you know it's ruining you.
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>>18676702
you have a very skewed view of women , i'm sure some chic likes you but you probably don't find her attractive.
You need to re-evaluate what you know and not become the condescending intellectual that supposedly knows everything and annoys everyone in the room. You need to be more open to things. OPEN UP TO NEW SHIT.
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Get a job.
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