I want the fear to stop. How do I stop being afraid of talking

>>18666199

Why are you afraid?

>>18666202
Afraid of rejection, afraid of being ridiculed

>>18666244

Have you ever been ridiculed for talking to people? What happened?

>>18666244
Rejection and ridicule are realities of life. Even if you do absolutely nothing, people will see you doing nothing and ridicule and reject you for it.

The way to overcome fear is to act in spite of it. I used to be so nervous and afraid of talking to people I'd literally break into a sweat if I tried to force conversation. I got tired of living like this so I kept forcing conversation even if it felt uncomfortable. After a while, my comfort zone shifted to include short chats with strangers so I started pushing for responses. I'd tell a joke or try to get them to talk to me about their life. I'd set little goals like

>I'm going to make someone smile today
>I'm going to make someone laugh today
>I'm going to make someone feel better today

Eventually I got to the point where I can hold full conversations with people, communicate my ideas in an understandable way and reliably get emotional responses from them. I even managed to get laid. There was a lot of rejection along the way; people I could tell who weren't all that interested in talking or just plain ignored me. I don't even remember their faces, but I remember the beautiful smiles I got from girls. I remember the "way too loud" laughs, the preening that they think I didn't see, how their face lights up when I show up. I've even had people tell me, YOU ARE SO COOL. I don't believe I'm a particularly cool person. My life is boring and dull and truthfully I'm a bit neurotic. Also I prefer not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary but just my fearlessness in talking to people and the interest I take in them in the moment makes me seem cool.

If you ever want to overcome your fears, you have to change your attitude about discomfort. It's an inherent part of growth. Instead of running from it, run toward it. Make a game out of it. See how far you can get with people.

>>18666284
Also, spend some time in the quiet with your thoughts. Learn to recognize the ones that come from fear, or the thoughts that drag you down and REJECT them even if you have to say "NO" out loud. Reject them. Fear colors your perception of reality. The damage I've done to my life by giving in to fearful thoughts and doubt far exceeds the damage I've done by saying "fuck it" and going for something. Fear is sooo destructive.. It's like a wildfire for your mind. Don't get me wrong there are healthy fears. You see a rattlesnake in your path or hear it that's a good fear to listen to. You just want to chat with a QT you see while you're out but your mind starts screaming NO, that's not a good fear to listen to. At some point you have to stop dipping your toe in the water and dive in.

I got involved with a girl a few years ago. I really liked her and she liked me. I had a fear of abandonment and at the first sign of her not having as much interest I would sperg out and try to reject her before she rejected me. Ultimately I ended up cutting contact with her. She didn't fight to stay in my life. Was probably relieved to be through with me after the way I acted.
Who knows where that relationship could have gone if I had faith that I was good enough to love and let her come to me at her own pace? It was one of the clear times in my life that fear stole something from me that I really wanted.

>>18666284
>>18666318

not op, but in the same boat as him.

I want to think i have qualities, since some girls already said to me that i was somewhat cute/passable, some said i was funny, etc, nonetheless i have zero self confidence and self esteem, i lost all my friends, talking to people i don't know scares the shit out of me, my life is a pain and every day i feel like i'm wasting my life and my youth (i'm 23) by sheltering myself. So thanks for your advices, i'll read them again to help me start challenging myself to talk to people someday.

>>18666284
>>18666318
This is better than therapy.

>>18666284
>>18666318
Thanks so much for your advice anon, it means a lot. I'm sick and tired of this fear shit, I'll do everything I can to overcome it.

>>18666361
>>18666364
>>18666387
You're welcome. I'm glad my experiences could be of some help.

>>18666199
switching jobs from IT Technician to mailman helped me break my shyness/anxiety massively - i lost all fear of talking to strangers and that even helped me make new friends now - do what >>18666284
said!