I found out this evening that my boyfriend of 3 years fabricated

>>18661624
What was the lie? What did the letter say (and why were you opening his mail)?

Lemme guess, involves his family?

Wtf was the back story?

>>18661631
I'd rather not get into the details, but yes, it was about family.

The letter was from someone that he claimed was dead.

>>18661635
As someone who has had a hrad past (involving family) it can be hard to move past that. You carry it everywhere you go and a part of you will always live there. I lied about my past to my friends/girlfriends till I was 25 or so. Took me hitting near rock bottom and a lot of hard looks at my life to get to there though.

Its hard to give specific advice when your issue is so vague. Your are anon on a relatively obscure board, give the details and leave out the names/places.

>>18661643
He told me his family was killed.
He told me he killed his father in self defense.

He told me the only family he had left was his adoptive family.

The letter I read today, from his "adoptive" mother, started out with: "I've loved you since I found out I was pregnant with you."

And that's when I knew it was all a lie.

>>18661650
A guess: He WISHES he had killed his father. He is carrying around a lot of hate. "Adoptive parents" are probably his mother and stepfather who he probably feels some loyalty to but also a great emotional gulf.

Why were you reading his mail?

>>18661652
I read his mail because his parents kept sending cops to my home to check on him, and I was getting fed up with it.

When I saw mail from the person I knew was sending the police to my house, I read it. I wanted to confirm my suspicions. And I did.

At first he lied to me, and kept going with it. He went into every little detail and even cried his eyes out.

I went back to him later on because I was not satisfied, and that's when I made him admit that he fabricated the entire story. No one died, they were just dead to him in his mind.

But what do I do with all this?
It's not relevant to me at all, and if he had told me the truth from the start, it would not have changed a thing.

I don't know if I can trust him anymore. That is the biggest thing to me. I thought I could. But now I have no idea.

>>18661624
This is supposedly the only issue in the relationship, and you knew it was a lie the whole time. So it sounds like discovering you were right shouldn't change anything.

The power to forgive is strong. If you don't want to leave him, apologize for opening the letter, reassure him that you don't care about his past, but if he wants to talk about it then you're there for him.

I am sure he has his reasons.

>>18661662
Honestly, that is all exactly what I am doing at the moment, I just wanted some anonymous opinions on the subject.

Thank you for that

>>18661660
He needs help. He is obviously still hung-up on it.

Seems like you had pretty poor justifications for opening the mail. Seems like you have difficulty is just confronting him on things.

Maybe if you two want this to work, you should both go see a therapist.

>>18661677
literally *you* care more about the mail opening than he does, he's told me as much.

It's a drop in the ocean compared to the number of lies he's told me just today.

To me, it sounds like the kind of thing someone would make up to sound cool.

I mean, I can see telling people your father died, but that you killed him in self defense? That's deliberately looking for both pity and admiration.

My dad busted up my arm and then tossed me out into a blizzard, didn't see or hear from him in years. I'm trying to be pretty open minded, since advise can take a lot of different forms, but first impressions are that he's a drama queen.

>>18661696
Yeah I don't get his reasons. If he wanted to just make it clear his father wasn't part of his life he could have just said he abandoned him or he's just completely cut contact. Why go for this super dramatic Oedipal story

>>18661709
Well, as a dude who has a flair for the dramatic and father issues, I'm doubling down on "he thinks it makes him sound cool". Same with the adoptive family.

I'd be willing to put money down that whatever abuse he suffered was negligible, and that at some point along the line he decided he would seem cooler as an amine character.

Tell him to visit /tg/ and keep that shit in its place. All these people think that it's some small thing that doesn't change your relationship. Fuck that, I'm curious what else he's lied to you about, because if he's comfortable lying to you about this for so long, he's sure as fuck comfortable lying to you about pretty much anything that falls under that particular line.

>>18661763
No we dont want people like him on tg

>>18661660
Why does he need cops to check on him? his parents obviously know him better than you do, maybe he's actually crazy or some shit and they're wondering if you haven't been baked into a pie or fed to some dogs

>>18661871
You're right, he could've at least come up with a backstory that he didn't find on the back of a cereal box

I was friends with a girl who did this to pretty much all of her friends. No idea why she had to create some crazy backstory about being kidnapped and raped as a child (and act like a cunt to anyone who even almost-mentioned the word "rape") only to find out that it was all pure horseshit. There was no reason for her to lie about pretty much her entire life, but she kept it up for years. Then she became an alcoholic sorority whore and didn't need to lie about a gang of dudes lining up to slam her sloppy cunt.

Stay the fuck away from him because I guarantee that "lies about everything" is only the tip of his crazy iceberg. You have nobody to blame but yourself when he turns on you.

>>18661650
This guy wishes he was the husband from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Only cucking him will help your situation.

Some people do all kinds of juvenile shit and then they grow up. Some people are compulsive liars. Talk to him, and if he decides to grow a pair then that's one thing. If he feeds you some other bullshit story then probably everything he ever told you was a lie.