>parents born from fucked up families >so-called "white

>>18659973
>room with friend from college, largely because he really needed someone to room with (i could have roomed with someone i would be more compatible with, but thought we were friends that he genuinely needed help)
>roommate does constant weird passive aggressive shit any time i do something he doesn't like, drives me insane, working 80hrs a week and not sleeping enough so i don't have time to deal with it
>can't sleep at night because i'm so stressed out being around someone i think hates me, he has way more free time and energy and free time than me and puts it to use bullying me despite causing massive problems like his dog infecting our apartment with fleas and shit
>gaining weight
>gf losing attraction, starts fights with me constantly
>still have strongly underdeveloped social skills from failed childhood socialization, can't deal with all of this shit at once
>not eating well
>depressed as shit, sit in my room and stare into space on the weekends
>health deteriorating
>realize that i have nothing to lose, decide to start dominating everyone who hurt me
>start lifting weights and intensely meditating out of anger and to make myself better at socially dominating other people
>start doing more and more douchebag shit to girlfriend since i feel hurt
>push back against coworkers who were bullying me since i don't give a fuck if i get fired anymore
>one can't carry his weight when i stop letting him latch onto my output and gets let go
>one realizes i'm more important to our manager than she is and freaks the fuck out, quits for new job despite more or less just getting promoted
>one gets scared and stops messing with me
>girlfriend breaks up with me
>anytime roommate starts with me, bully the shit out of him
>scare his girlfriend, bully him in front of her, and make her uncomfortable like he did to mine
>he starts grinding his teeth from stress and gets a mouth guard

>eventually worry that I'm stressing him out so much because i have a vision of him killing himself
>move back in with parents
>depressed as shit, waste several months doing the bare minimum at work to not get fired and feeling bad for myself and crying
>basically hate people
>don't see the point in developing close friendships anymore
>don't see the point in following ambitious anymore
>start to hate everyone i used to be friends with because (complicated) they complain about white people with easy lives and talk about how much they hate trump voters (vast majority of my family, see white trash part above) but they were born into rich, stable, upper class families and have no idea the difficulties these people face
>realize the only thing that matters in life is having options, because people will turn into jackals and tear you apart if they can sense you don't
>realize that people with easier lives than you will just kick the shit out of you over the most minor of things because they don't see that you're walking on the tightest of fucking tightropes just to function at a normal level
>alternate between feeling like a victim pushed around by careless people born into higher stations in life, a monster willing to push people off the ledge because they tap me in desperation, or feeling that none of my feelings of injustice matter that much because my life is ordained by god and i'm obligated to do good as long as i exist
>start having massive anxiety attacks
>developing weird obsessive thoughts about oral hygiene
>don't know anyone to talk to any of this about
>don't know what to think about any of this
>you probably read half of this
>thanks for taking a look

>>18659973
>me me me me me
sounds like you're ego tripping a bit.

that's a very relatable backstory, though. it always feels good to root for the "underdog" so to speak, because you've chosen to be something better than living like a struggling animal who does drugs and other wastoid shit.

I see you're still posting, so.

>>18659981
probably true, thanks

you need to be mentally successful as well as materially successful, otherwise your nest will keep getting destroyed. don't confuse petty amounts of money with class.

my mom has made several million despite being, due to her mediocre mental health, unable to take a position of leadership. from what I can see, all of that money is gone, and she is at the same class she started as. someone accidentally deposited $2000 in my bank account, and nobody has moved or reclaimed it. in fact, i'm the only one who noticed it - $2000 is not anything to a 'haver'. come to understand this.

trying desperately and angrily to gain material wealth is not going to change the things you don't like about yourself and your life.

any other questions?

>>18659999
>>18659991
>>18659981
another real world example

I met someone in a mental health treatment program (I have upbringing problems maybe similar to yours), I met someone who's dad is the ultimate hard worker we would not dare to be.

he sold his soul to the government via the military, and to a major corporation I'll just avoid naming, and so he will never ever run out of money. he has the real money now.

his daughter is a complete mess, with more mental problems than you would think could fit into one functioning person. the young men in his large (friends of the family) house are accused of rape (this is sadly common, maybe a side effect of not-blood living together). he looks at his cameras all day trying to make sure that nobody is robbing him.

he gave his daughter the material tools for a perfect life and yet she considers him to be stingy.

>>18659981
>>18659999
>>18660013
Thanks for your posts man. I don't really know what to ask but I'm all ears if you want to say anything. I think I have a lot to work on morally that I haven't been admitting to myself

>>18660120
I would say shooting yourself in the foot this way is a problem with functioning first, and then a problem with morality second. feeling bad about it is not going to be what solves it.

>>18660131
any recs on developing healthier behavioral patterns? i'm thinking i should get professional help but haven't done it yet