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Two bits here:
First, I'm extremely attuned to my negative traits and my fuck ups in life, so whenever I'm not distracted by work or school or people, I'm constantly being flooded by all of the memories of all the asinine stuff I've done over the years, as well as thoughts that I'm just a real piece of shit who should kill himself because of my negative traits (narcissistic, parasitic, manipulative, etc.). So I'm constantly feeling depressed and guilty. This has lead to me being a workaholic to distract myself, which got me fucking hospitalized for fatigue. What can I do to fight these thoughts so I can actually enjoy my life?
Second, I always do that thing where people bottle up their feelings, which of course leads to them eventually exploding, which has lead to a lot of the things that cause me guilt mentioned before. Obviously fixing this will help my whole situiation tremendously, but how do I actually go about fixing it? Bottling up my emotions is just my natural reaction at this point.
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>>18657932
I'd say we all do the best we can with what we've got, "got" including our mental and emotional flaws. Everyone does fucked up stuff, but all you can really ask from anyone is just to try and learn from it to try and prevent it from happening in the future. Try is the important word, because you'll still make mistakes, and that's okay. Personal growth is hard work!
You've messed up, everyone's messed up, but that doesn't make you or everyone terrible people. We're all just doing the best we can. I can't say you'll ever be fully free from those kinds of thoughts, but as long as you're kind to yourself, you can see the thoughts and be able to laugh at your mistakes while still knowing you're a good person.
As for bottling up your feelings, it's important to recognize when you're doing it. First step of stopping a pattern of behavior is just observing when you're doing it.
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