I am not a day older than 18. I've been having issues with

>>18657887
you obviously don't meet the mental health standards for the military

>>18657887
>That's my last resort of a better life and I can't risk throwing it away.
what makes you think going to a warzone and getting PTSD is going to give you a better life moron

>>18657887
get help, you need it. see a therapist.

>>18657896
this

>>18657895
Unfortunately they'll never know. But I'm going into a trade any responsibility for anybody's life.

>>18657896
>>18657899
Not doing a trade that has anything to do with combat.

With that out the way, I have nothing else if it wasn't for the military. I'd be better off dead.
So I have to work around my problems.

I'm not deranged. Don't get me wrong. I work like everyone else, I work with people, I do everything a normal person does.

I just bottle it all up, and that's what slowly killing me.

Come on adv...

Lads

>>18657887
From what i'm reading, you sound pretty obsessive. Whatever goal you're trying to reach by joining the military, it's not going to make your life any easier. I strongly urge you to slow down and reconsider your goals. You'll probably just end up snapping and shooting up the barracks

>>18658315
Yeah I have been told I am quite controlling/ obsessive. Granted, only over 4chan.

I think it's a fair comment. However I don't know how to be less controlling or obsessive. I don't recognise it in myself, you know?

I am not deranged. I don't act like how I have expressed myself in this post. I am very normal in person, I am just struggling with a restless mind and seeking what little help I fan get.

It's not easy to convey thoughts and emotions, and i didn't try and structure it either, I said it as it came to me.

Its how my head feels sometimes man

>>18658327
>>18658315 here again. I know exactly how you feel because you sound like me. You sound pretty intelligent desu, but you're compensating your mental disturbance with thoughts of joining the military. You also seem very confused with life and thats okay. At one point i thought i was going to just end up being a deepweb drug lord (stupid i know).

I recommend you learn meditation and use all internet self help possible and just slow down. You need to first focus on a goal thats less stressful. For example massage therapy since the job requires that both you and the customer are calm.

I know you want to be fixed but this is not something youre going to fix in a year. So just relax and accept yourself and your situation

>>18658340
I mean, I understand, I really do. I feel like I need a quick solution because its ever increasingly been eating away from me.

I guess unfortunately so, I am pretty much locked into service now, I already passed all the entrance exams, medicals and tests e.t.c

Part of my long term depression has been from the constant feeling of entrapment. I have felt so incredibly unfulfilled in my short lived life. I do obsess over death abs mortality, to the point where I over value my time. I want to restart my life and give myself memories worth dying for. I look back on my life and just see loose ends, I see missed opportunities and squandered time. I feel like I only have one chance at life and I'm wasting it if I don't make drastic changes.

I had a breakdown during my last few years of school, I became nihilistic, I lose all drive or motivation and left right before even doing my exams.

So really, I have few options. The military is supposed to be one big reset for me. How can I be obsessive and controlling when I am being ordered around and don't have time to think for myself?

The point is really, to get into new habits that will help me find fulfilment and meaning in my life.

The only thing that gets me up in the morning is because I am slowly chasing the goal of finding something that will make me feel happy. I have ideas of what it might be, but they seem so far away.

That's just my thought process, is all.

Its 6am, I haven't slept, so I think I'm gonna go make some coffee and breakfast now.

>>18658369
Honestly I'm laughing at that response because you're the 18 year old version of me (im 24).

There's a saying "no matter where you go, there you are". I hope you take that on your journey.

If you were in better health the military would be a good option. But your body is already suffering from anxiety and depression. Theres a good chance youll just end up getting discharged from adrenal burnout, unfortunately.

Maybe you will prove me wrong. I hope you do. But in the time between now and deployment, think HARD about this buddy. Youre still very young and you havent really lost that much time no matter what youve been through already.

Best regards

>>18658386
I appreciate that you took time out to listen to me, more so that you said something I didn't expect.

I'll ponder around that expression as I go. What I take of it at first glance is that its not where you go that changes you? But I'm left wondering, then what does change me?

That's just what I take it as at this moment, perhaps it will be given a different meaning with time.

>>18658401
Anytime brother. Go ahead and dive into something if you must. Its the experiences that change you. After all, its your experiences that gave you depression and anxiety. Learn what you can from self help and dive in. Even if the military doesnt work out, at least youll be discharged and learn some things.

Godspeed OP