>together 3 years >she leaves >9 months later >no

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You just live regardless.
I'm on my 7th year anon. I want him back every day, even though we haven't even spoken once in those 7 years. My friends get annoyed when he's brought up, or something reminds me of him, same as yours because they think I'm just being a big baby about it/attention seeking.

You just move through the motions and wait for death. Nothing more, nothing less.

>>18656619
Fuck you're depressing. No wonder you can't move on.

>>18656614
>friends say i should be over it by now, their sympathy is wearing thin
I know that feel. Went through a breakup in March and spent the spring and summer feeling depressed about it. My friends and family supported me but it got to a point where they were like, "You should be over this by now..." and it kills the conversation and mood whenever I bring it up.

The bad thing is, I agree with them. I've said everything that needs to be said about it. I've analyzed the breakup (and the entire relationship) from the bottom to the top. I've cried, ranted angrily, and sulked to the point where I get annoyed at myself when I say her name or start to whine about it.

There truly is no time limit on grieving but as it has been 9 months, you may be doing more harm to yourself by still talking about her. She isn't part of your life anymore. She's moved on and only you know whether you're ready to or not, but talking about her doesn't help. I think I'm mostly over my girl but I find whenever the conversation goes toward her or I start thinking about it too much it reopens the wound a bit. I start to feel the anxiety and loss that I felt around the beginning and I've realized that talking about it actually sets me back on my recovery.

I'm ready to move on. I want to be over her. I want my heart to be healed so I can possibly let someone new in to love. Hell, even if she got in contact with me today and told me she wants to be together I would have to decline...

>>18656614
Don't talk about her and don't, under any circumstances, make plans on getting her back. Occupy yourself with something you like doing, it is going to mellow your pain, as it will be a sign that she is not a prerequisite of your happiness. You'll find someone, in time (changing your social circle might help), and it's going to lose its importance. You won't forget her, but you'll get over it, more or less well.

Trust me, mate, I to this day become unnerved and angry when I see my ex of about a year (which has to do both with the state of the relationship and my hatered of her character/the way she acts). But I don't think about her when idle, nor do I hurt. She doesn't really impact my life anymore, aside from the things I learned.

>>18656661
... But it wasn't always that way. There was a period of time where I claimed to be over her, and may have even believed it myself but deep down I still wanted her to come back and I would've picked up where we left off with no hesitation. It was like a secret I had to carry because given the circumstances there is no reason why I should want her back or even believe there is a possibility of us having a pleasant conversation right now, let alone getting back together. That was mental torture... but anyways I'm looking forward now and you should to.

For whatever reason, that relationship didn't work out. Based on your OP I see that you've done the work to move on, but now it's time to lay it to rest. For all intents and purposes, the woman you loved is dead. Yeah, she may still be physically living but she's had new experiences in the last 9 months that have gradually changed her, and so have you, even if you don't feel it. It's time to stop looking back and look forward with HOPE that you will meet someone who is better for you (if she was the best thing for you, she wouldn't be gone) and who can grow with you, not apart.

Be thankful for the times you had with your ex, the good and the bad; you're more mature and better off for them. But, leave it in the past. If you feel like your head is about to explode with thoughts of her (it happens, recovery is full of ups and downs) then get loose leaf paper and write it out until your hand hurts or you're just tired of writing then burn it. That way you can get those thoughts out of your head without annoying your support network too much. Or even talk to a pet, or yourself or GOD about it.

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>>18656614
>>18656619
we all miss those times when we gave ourselves to someone.
it was brave and difficult but you did it and everything fell apart.
but you should be proud to have tried, and hopeful for your next lover.
there's so much to learn from.


>>18656636
too on-the-nose and not enough suggestion.


>>18656661
right on.
>I have faith in you
>you should too

>>18656614
Write your feelings down irl anon and contemplate

>>18656711
I was hopeful another lover would even exist for the first 4 years or so. Then I gave up on life after I realized nobody would ever come along that I liked and liked me back.
I've had crushes since, I've had guys crush on me, but nothing has ever been mutual.

Frankly, I wish I had never even known what it was like to be that happy and in love. I regret every second of it knowing how painful and desperate it is once it's lost. Would much rather live in blissful ignorance.
Couldn't know what true pain and misery is if I didn't know what true happiness was.

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>>18656636

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It hurts because I didn't see it coming. It seemed like things were going to heal, we were going to patch up our differences and accept that what we had was more important than the history.

It wasn't.

I got blindsided. At the moment I had loved her the most, she let me go in a hurtful way. In a way I deserved it, and I know she didn't mean for it to be hurtful. But my expectations were built up and then unceremoniously shattered.

I think what hurts the most is that she was convinced I would be fine. That i'd be over it immediately and plowing some new pussy within a few weeks. It haunts me, to think that she thought my love for her was so disposable that I'd replace her, when I'd given my heart to loving her completely in the year prior, and couldn't have been any more in unconditional love.

So now I just have this niggling thought that she just thinks that I don't care. That she didn't matter to me. That my whole hearted love for her was nothing. That my love was invalid.

I just want her to know, deep down in her heart, that in that time she was my everything, and that I am proud of her. I want her to know how strong that love was, that even absent her 9 months, I'd still sacrifice everything to be back in her life.

But I can't tell her, because this love means sacrificing my contentment, so she can move on without pain.

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I was about to make a thread like this.
Except I'm at six months in. I look fucking great, I've become twice the man I ever was, and I'm building towards a much better future for myself.

But holy shit do I still miss her with all of my being. It's relentlessness. I cannot stop thinking or even dreaming about her.

I still love her just as much.

I think it's usually more complicated than just "I miss her."

You miss what she brought to your life, the memories you made, the feelings you had and the experiences you created. You miss her, certainly, but it's hard to 'find more' if you've really put a lot into someone and made a life with them and then deal with that just being gone.

>>18656768
I miss supporting her. I miss being there for her when she needed me, being her rock. I miss helping her build the life and career we worked so hard to create for her, I miss being behind her achievement. She left a month after she finally made it, and a month before her new life began.

I never got to see what the life we had worked so hard to get was like, so I spend a lot of time wondering if she's content with what she's doing. I've heard through the grapevine that she's struggling with her new life, and that hurts like hell because every instinct in my body tells me to go be there for her, to support her. But I can't even ask how she's going and it breaks my heart.

>>18656791
>she's struggling with her new life

That would make me feel so fucking good. What's wrong with you. I'm jealous.

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>>18656736
"There are two kinds of pain: the sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain–the sort of pain that is only suffering"


I think you can learn from having loved. and I believe you can be happier alone. you don't need someone else to feel that happiness. sure you need some friends or family to help validate yourself, but it just you vs the world.


>find what validates you without compromise
>invest in yourself

>>18656796
No, it makes me feel the opposite.

She's following her dreams, which is something I always admired her for having the courage to do, and has been given the kind of opportunity not many people get - accepted into an incredibly prestigious, incredibly exclusive school, one of the top in her field.

I want this for her almost as much as she does, because she deserves it. She worked so hard to follow her dreams in the face of years of rejection and had the courage and determination to stick with something she had absolutely no guarantee, and very slim odds, of achieving.

I wish I had the courage she does. I'm so proud of her and what she's done, because she bet her soul on this and I don't think I'm that brave.

>>18656619
That's bullshit. It's possible to move on from anything. You just don't want to let go.

>>18656808
I get that a lot too, but there really genuinely isnt a single thing on this earth that validates me like love did. Friends and family fill a different kind of role and need.
I genuinely do need someone else to feel happiness. It was the shitty hand I was dealt when I was born.

>>18656614
It's fine to still be hurting, but at some point you've got to be a man and internalize that shit. Stop being a burden on your surroundings and fake a smile.

>>18656842
How though. You think I want to be like this? I've tried getting back out there and dating, I've tried working out, I've tried therapy and drugs, I've tried just throwing myself into work/hobbies/education, I've tried everything I can think of to get over him.

>>18656987
Are you still in contact with him? Or anyone close to him? How do you even know this man is still alive?

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Pussy ass bitchass Sunday nigga, she's taking it hard right now without a thought of you and your up on chan talking about her bitchass whims probably a 6/10 fuck some more hoes love is a myth. I may sound harsh but I had a girl of 3 years love and shit lost virginities to each other. She broke up with me after she moved far asf. I was in depression for a few months but found myself in those months and looking back I treasure those three months more than those 3 years

>>18657102
Not really. I facebook stalk him from time to time. I think part of the problem was I never really got closure on our break up, but I know it's way too late for that now since it would be insane for a girl you dated when you were 15 to contact you after 7 years of radio silence to bitch at you for dumping her.

>>18657108
What did you do to find yourself?

>>18656987
I'm going to go out on a limb and say stop idolizing this guy, stop pretending he was perfect, or irreplaceable, or that no one else will ever understand you the way he did. He's just a guy.

>>18657108
What did you find when you found yourself?

>>18657120
How though. How does one do that?
Like I said I've even had crushes on people since then, I've genuinely liked people since then, I know I'm capable of liking other people, I'm not sure about love because it's never gotten the chance to grow that far. I'm pretty certain if I could only just finally rebound I'd be fine. But the closest I've ever gotten to rebounding was being with a handful of guys no strings attached just providing sexual favors. It's not the same

>>18657111
How about you stop stalking him on Facebook? That shit sets you back more than anything.

>>18657139
I honestly did for the most part. I havent searched him in over a year. In the past whenever I was drunk, depressed, and contemplating jumping off a bridge curiosity would get the better of me and I'd see if he was single.
But again I havent looked at it in over a year.

>>18656614
>friends say i should be over it by now, their sympathy is wearing thin
Shitty friends.

>>18656619
How was your childhood growing up anon? Some people who are victims of neglect or who had attachment disorders as children can develop obsessive bonds with someone they love. If that describes you, you are not going to get better without psychiatric assistance, if that is also you good job on staying alive most people with traumatic bonding/severe attachment issues off themselves.

>>18657193
Idk, it kind of sounds like me but honestly no more than any other person. It's not like my parents were abusive towards me, it's not like they didn't feed me or provide me nurture, but I have always felt inferior to my older sister, she's my only sibling.
The ONLY complaint I have with my family life is that it feels like nobody cares when I'm talking. I get interrupted and cut off, subject changed abruptly, nobody ever really lets me finish a story. And that's a thing thats happened and continues to happen my whole life. But I love my parents, and I know they love me regardless of it all.
I mean I also have that issue with a lot of different people though. My friends cut me off and interrupt me, my bosses would cut me off, my teachers would cut me off, I think I'm just a genuinely boring person and nobody really cares to listen to what I have to say. But when I was dating someone, they'd listen.

>>18657212
No, that just sounds like you are a passive person.

The issues I am talking about only arise in cases of child abuse, child neglect, trauma, or in children who didn't get properly treated for separation anxiety disorder. Still seeing a therapist would be beneficial to you.

>>18657266
I just got the courage to make an appointment with the school counselor services. I'm not holding my breath since I did therapy before in high school and it did fuck all except drain my parent's wallets though. But at least if I'm back in counseling it gives me more validity to bitch because I can say I've tried/am trying everything.

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>>18656614

Find something you think is engrossing and brings out your passion like a long ass video game or a book with decent amounts of lore,a series,show or anime. You may feel demotivated and not willing to do it but just jump into something new and it's gonna grab you by the balls.

O R

Just contact her nigga. Honestly even though No Contact is objectively the best thing to do,sometimes as a person you just sate your What-If scenario curiosity and see it'll play out exactly how it was called.

>>18657304
Good, with some help you should start to see improvement shortly. That said therapy takes work, it isn't just talking.

The kinds of people I mentioned have an excuse because without intervention they violently self destruct with alcohol/sedative abuse, self harm, and suicide attempts. You don't really have such extreme issues, as you were not so emotionally codependent on your partner that they became a core part of your own self identity. You won't require years of therapy, you just need to make an effort.

>>18657418
Idk I feel like therapy is bullshit but I'll give it another try since it's free.

> you were not so emotionally codependent on your partner that they became a core part of your own self identity
Ah well, I wouldn't say that. To this day I still don't believe I'll ever be happy single, I completely require another person in my life to feel whole.
Love is a huge part of my identity. I think its the only thing in life that truly matters, it's the only defining aspect of success and a life well lived. Without love you are nothing. Without love you have accomplished nothing. If you die alone without anyone to love you, you failed and wasted your life.

>>18657469
>To this day I still don't believe I'll ever be happy single, I completely require another person in my life to feel whole.
Anon this is not the same thing as what I mentioned. The kinds of people I mentioned don't need love. They have a literal addiction to a single person. If that person was murdering them they would love them. Such person considers a single person intergral to their very existance as a person. They are super mentally ill.

>>18657884
Oh I see. Yeah I know I could move past my ex if someone new would just come along, so I suppose my attachment isnt inherently to him but I would take him back in a second if he offered despite treating me kinda poorly just because it would end my suffering.

>>18656614
I'm in a similar situation
>together 2 1/2 + years
>she leaves
>4 months later
>neither of us have said a word to each other since May
>not many days go by I don't think about her
>not angry
>not jealous
>sad isn't even the right word
>just feel empty
It's her birthday tomorrow, I'm fighting with myself to decide whether or not I should text her

can anyone here help?

The thing about this breakup pain meme is that at some point, you decide you don't WANT to be sad anymore. The second you do that, every thought about her that pops up will be met with a firewall that says 'I don't want to spend my time and energy on that'. The sooner you learn that this pain is not something that HAPPENS to you, but something you're COMPLICIT in and CHOOSING to experience, the better off you'll be.

>>18656614
have fun getting over her by fucking a sloot

>>18657910
Don't do it. She's not worth caring for anymore. Find fulfillment elsewhere, be it with someone else, your friends, family, a hobby, or whatever else you enjoy doing.

Let go.

>>18657910
she'll look at that text and feel bad for you or laugh

still want to send it?

>>18657918
>someone else
I can't, I've tried, but I get nothing out of it, it just feels shallow and kind of sickening

>friends
I only really have one good friend and he's usually 6 hours away at college

>family
my relationship with my family has been strained for several years, without boring you my parents are becoming annoyed at my directionlessness/ NEET style life

>hobbies
I don't have many things that interest me, really the only things I can point to and say are fun are vidya, which gets boring to me me after a little bit now. D&D which is a weekly thing that in the last few weeks is being threatened by an autistic child who found his way to us and brings things to an abrasive and annoying halt every 2 minutes. Other than that I really like /k/ related stuff, it's my primary board, but my mother has forbade guns in the house.

but more to the final point, I can't let go, I can't let go of the bliss I was in after she grabbed my lapel and pulled me into our first kiss, I can't let go how I'd tap her nose and go 'boop', I can't forget all the times we made each other smile when we felt like shit, and I can't let the girl who I loved more than anything go because those were the best years I've ever lived

>>18656614
>What do.
Meet interesting girls, instead of sloots. Statistically there are thousands of girls at least equally or more compatible with you than your ex girlfriend.

>>18656734
You know this isn't actually a bad advice

>>18657906
Good anon I am glad you can get help. That said, I admit I am that bad. I lost my SO about three months ago, we were best friends for more than seven years and we dated for over four years. Every day I pop a boatload of benzos and get drunk out of my mind to cope. The days I can't I go batshit with my car or cut myself until I can't stand the pain anymore. I can't forget them no matter how hard I try, but that is what it is like when you had extremely abusive parents and a bad life, fuck I have been on this site more than thirteen years and have been in an out of mental institutions for decades. You still have a chance anon, don't end up like me.

Realistically I will suicide by cop at 40, and that is me being kind to myself. Don't be me, get help and find someone who loves you. Seven years of pain is nothing. I hope you get better, godspeed.

I was with my ex for 6 years.
6 months ago she left me, no explanation. She just told me, she doesn't love me anymore. That was everything.
We moved together to another town, I got job there. She got new job, new friends, ... we started from beginning together. For nearly one year everything was fine.
My job was slavery. I was there from 6 am to 6 pm and I worked at home for three more hours... everyday. After 3 months I left this job and got something else.
I told her, everything will be OK. It was. For week. She left town for one week, she wanted to visit her family. When she came back, she told me about her decision.

I wanted to kill myself. No good job, she left me and I had to find new living. I had to live with her for month. Thoughest part of my life. When I left, my life is probably better. I dated for a few times, still single. I lost 23 kilograms of my weight and I got job I love.

After all these things, I feel empty. I need someone in my life I can love... I met so much new people, visited so many places, ... I'm missing that feeling of someone in my life. Till I find someone, I have to carry on.
Stay strong OP.

People say marriage is bad or that you shouldn't get married early into the relationship, but I think it's preferable to dating someone for years and acting like husband and wife only for them to get bored and leave you. I just feel like this whole society needs reduction in relationships from child age up. They're not all about you or your momentary happiness, and love isn't something you feel it's what you do. My parents have been married for 20 years and came so close to divorce, but my mom refused to give up and just loved my dad even though he wasn't returning it. With much time and prayer, he came to his senses and they're in love again now. Most people just don't have the grit to fight for love like that. As soon as it stops being fun or their mind wanders to other possibilities WOOP they're gone and likely leaving the other devastated for years. It's no wonder incidence of male suicide is up, it's no wonder seemingly every other person is on antidepressants or other mental medications. The way we're conducting ourselves as a society is not working.

>>18658390
I hope this doesn't sound like trite shit, but don't give up on yourself like that. You've had the strength to deal with life for all these years, you have potential that you're just not seeing right now. Do you see a therapist?