Only true friend I ever had I had to ditch two months ago because

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Only true friend I ever had I had to ditch two months ago because I was in love with her and she never could've reciprocate my feelings. I'm sociable with a lots of people but it just doesn't click. I wouldn't text them to go out with me because I know that I wouldn't have a good time. It was even since I was in an elementary school. Always had the most fun with a classmate at school but whenever we would hang outside just the two of us, it was most times boring. I didn't mind boring when I feel good with the other person, but I came to understanding that I'm an empathic person and can feel when someone ain't right.

Same was with the only friend I had in high school. Never was a nerd or anything like that, I just didn't want to socialize with people I knew of that wasn't down my alley. Nobody ever had trouble talking with me or I had with the other person. Never was ashamed of talking to girls because I was always above the thing. Shit happens.

But the girl I cut contacts with I always felt happy having her by my side. In every situation and I know that she felt the same about it. I'm 21, don't live at my parents for a while and I go out almost every night. Everybody seems to like me but at the end of it I don't feel nothing. I don't feel that I am connected to anyone. Only thing I feel is the void that is growing bigger and bigger everyday in my heart. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say here, but it's like I'm extroverted enough to be with people but on the otherside too withdrawn to actually be with them.

These lonely nights when just an alcohol is my trusty fellow are slowely killing me. People might say that keeping your mind busy with hobbies and what not keeps you away of these feelings but ultimately you end up in your bed, insomniac, shameful of your life anyway. I really don't see any point of living currently. I've only ever did feel like it was worth living when there was someone with who I could've share my life with.