My boyfriend has no idea I used to be a neet and have had suicidal

>>18654962
Maybe leave out the "suicidal tendencies" part to avoid freaking him out, but be honest about the rest. That "I don't want to talk about it" routine is far worse than just saying you're depressed. If you let him fill in the blanks with his imagination, he's gonna come up with something worse than the truth to explain your change in behavior

>>18654962
>I don't think he even knows what depression is
What?

I would talk to him about it. Although my gf and I have been together for 2 years and were pretty open about everything anyways. It's different if you've only just started dating I suppose. But it's condescending to assume someone hasn't also been through depression, or at the very least can't empathize with it or understand it. Many people experience it. Your SO should be able to help you through the tough spots in life, most people want someone they can rely on. In any case, bottling up will only send you deeper into a depressive spiral which will do both your relationship and your mental state no good. Don't do that, it drags down those around you. Reach, seize the haul and do what's more difficult - open up to him about it.

>>18654970
man that's true, it's just he's so... normal? for lack of better word I'm pretty sure he has no idea what depression is but at the same time summer is ending and I'm pretty sure I'll have those days where I don't want to talk to nobody and just die for no reason.

>>18654962
yeah its best not to discuss it
you're gonna get a lot of 'hes your partnerrrr' replies from people, but the fact is we're each responsible for our own emotions and doing your own thing and working thru it (WORKING thru it, not WALLOWING) is the better option.

>>18654970
what would this accomplish other than terrify him and make him think OP is someone he doesn't even know.

OP, the fact that he's blaming himself is obviously a sign that he's a bit unstable as well, because he's internalized it and taken it so personally. its not so much about scaring him away as it is inappropriate to burden your partner with your feelings. now we have partners for emotional support, thats the point, but when those feelings fall outside the scope of what is healthy, youre better off dealing with it with a therapist. involving your partner will complicate things, possibly make them resent you, and yes, scare them away (as they should be scared).

>>18654972
>>18654974
I didn't mean to sound condescending, it's just I'm pretty sure he's one of those "are you sure depression isn't just a fancy word for bummed out?" type of guys? My boyfriend is a clueless ray of sunshine. He's also uh, from another culture, which I know for a fact that stuff like depression doesn't get discussed

>>18654983
You can't know for sure if you haven't actually given him the chance by telling him

Yes. Try to hide things about yourself from your intimate partner. That'll work.

If you grind your edge down a bit, I see no reason why you couldn't let him know when you're feeling down. Just probably don't start with the whole suicidal tendencies thing.

I mean, if you're doing nothing to remedy it, might as well let him know. It's going to effect him eventually.

>>18655003
Yes. Try to foist your emotions on your intimate partner in hopes that they'll resolve it for you. That'll work.

If you grind your edge down a bit, I see no reason why you couldn't learn to control your emotions like an adult. Your should probably start with the whole suicidal tendencies thing.

I mean, if you're doing nothing to remedy it, might as well just unload on your bf. It's going to effect him eventually.

>>18655022
If you're the OP, it seems like you've got larger issues than merely depression.

Funny how you think it's fine to completely expose your physical body to your partner, and trust them to accept it, but to inform them of a mental issue that's having an impact on your relationship? Oh no, that's taboo. By that standard, I guess I should've broken up with my girlfriend 12 years ago when she told me that she was schizophrenic, and bipolar. God forbid I actually CARE about her or anything, and want to help.

>>18654983
I had this friend when I was growing up - volunteered a lot, was very outgoing, got on great with everyone. Got great grades, eventually married a beautiful woman, had a great job and a house and car, called many people true friends. One day he shot himself in the head without even a note. Don't be too quick to assume what's in someone else's head, you simply have no idea. Just as your boyfriend has no idea what's going on with yours. Of course he blames himself, you're not talking to him about the real reasons and from his perspective it looks like you're simply pushing him away and he doesn't know why. The longer you stifle your emotions, the more you throw away.

>>18654962

A few things,

1. Nothing is ever better when you keep it to yourself, especially when its an issue that obviously affects someone else. Telling him "I don't want to talk about it" is only going to increase his anxiety so don't act surprised when he acts inappropriately to a situation you've purposefully kept him in the dark about.

2. Your focus should be dealing with your issues in a concise and mature manner, not compartmentalizing your issues to make sure he's not bothered by them. If he is unwilling or incapable of understanding your depression and what you need out of him and yourself to address it then you have no business being with him or anyone for that matter.

3. His tendency to make your mental issues about him is not and can not be your problem. You will never make any significant progress in dealing with your depression if your focus is on fixing his guilt.

>>18654962
Ya keep apart of yourself hidden from your significant other. Nothing could go wrong there. He will continually freak out every time this happens because your not COMMUNICATING with him. By saying "I don't want to talk about it" your saying "sorry you can't help me" so he's left to wondering if it's him who caused this. Fucken talk to him. All your doing is fucking with this guys emotions by staying quite. Imagine being on the receiving end of this. Your lover is sad and you can't do shit. On top of that they won't tell you or open up. What is a nigga suppose to do? In this case blame themselves

>>18655032
Why would you think I'm OP, that makes zero sense.
Go back and read before you have a hissy fit.

>>18655119
She already told him it has nothing to do with him. Any more ruminating on his part is his own neuroses.

>>18655124
That's retarded.

>>18654962
Don't tell him a thing. At least you were a neet, I stripped for 6 months after I graduated high school (it wasn't a nice place at all) and would never tell my bf though I'm scared he will find out one day.

>>18655138

Please explain how expecting a dude to manage his own neuroses instead of pushing that responsibility onto his mentally ill girlfriend is retarded.