How stupid am I for this line of thinking? Yall here are never

Opposites attract, but similarity lasts. If you stay with her, you're just going to grow to resent her more and more. If you have kids, your differences are going to become even more apparent and more of an issue too.

>>18652013
Hell no. You can be friends with anyone, but your spouse or SO should bring out the best in you.

>>18652033
What does that mean? From my current perspective, I agree whole heartedly.

Weve talked about the things I feel are holding me back, the aspects of my life that I would like to improve and why - shes totally on board. She likes that I have these drives and I have aspirations to be better, but when I start to actually pursue them there is a very VERY intense vibe of "No wait, you're doing something that isn't focused on ME or US, hang on a second". I do, because thats what you do in a relationship right?

Then months go by and I am upset with myself that I haven't broken out of this rut, I'm upset with her for holding me back. I'm upset with the situation because I know she has no malicious intent, but I still feel stifled. Upset that I am somehow hurting her by wanting someone, or something, more.

>>18652013
Your friends suck. They are pressuring you to stay out of pity for her. Your life is yours to live and yours alone. Cut her out of your life and move forward with your goals and ambitions. Surround yourself only with others who will encourage and help you along the way.

>>18652187
How do you make that transition? I have never had people in my life that live a life of ambition, never had friends that are going places or doing things other than vidya / media.

I have cut most of the negative folks from my life, and I'm not left with very much. I know I need to cut her, but then what? There's three ways I see "new" people are going to take this attitude.

A) This guy is a loner. He cut everyone out before they cut him, and why would I be friends with him? Zero social stock.

B) He cut everyone out of his life, and would be a matter of time before he cuts me. Just another loser that wants to act like hes better than everyone in hopes that people will believe it.

C) "Join the fucking club, scrub". You want better, so does everyone. Why should I be your friend, what do you have to offer?

Hey OP, I was in a 4 year relationship, we were living together for 3 and I got dumped about two months back. I'm gonna try and give you advice based on what I've learned from it and how you should go about dumping her.

First of all: If you've stressed to her how important this is to you and she still doesn't get it then it's time to move on. But please, PLEASE, you've been living together so please try and think up a plan for what's gonna come next after dumping her, and when you do break up with her, and I know this part might be hard but try to brainstorm with her how you can both get started on moving on with your lives

When my ex dumped me, she kicked me out the same night and disappeared the next day for a week without telling anyone. She left the dogs at the apartment without telling me so they were alone there for a while and could have starved. I was a wreck the week she went MIA and when she came back she wanted to act like nothing happened. It was a mess. Don't be that guy.

Secondly, dumping her might just open her eyes. The first few weeks after our break up I was feeling pretty ruined BUT within the week she was gone I made a plan on what's gotta change in my life.
I like to believe that I was different from your girlfriend, but I probably wasn't. I had fallen into a routine with our relationship, while my ex was moving onto bigger and better things and changing into a new person.

The way she treated me through the break up was horrendous, and I have no intention to stay friends but hindsight is 20/20 and since the break up I realized things were way worse and way beyond fixing in our relationship.

Since my break-up I've actually felt way more secure and daring. I'm quitting the job I've hated for years, I'm getting out more and I've been all around happier now than I was in the relationship. I think you'll be fine and this is a good decision, and I'm hoping your soon-to-be-ex has a turn around like I did.

>>18652317
Yeah man, I feel the urge to just dip. My father may be a pretty weak ass man, but at least he raised me to not ever think that was a viable option.

Were pretty entangled, gonna be real hard to split, and I know that's part of whats keeping us together, nearly its all at this point. We got pets too.

I've talked to her about how I want a higher QoL, and the has said many times she wants it to and is willing to pursue it, but she only does when I bring it up, or bring up how much time has passed and nothings changed. I'd love a partner that's working for a better life, but I don't know how I feel pseudo-forcing someone into doing it. Feels bad.