The past year, I've made a ton of effort to improve myself.

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The past year, I've made a ton of effort to improve myself. I've lost 35lbs of fat, gained 20lbs of muscle, spend about 8-10 hours a week working out. Got a new job after realizing my last one was so toxic it actually started burning me out.

But overall I'm still ashamed of my main interests, which are film / series and video games. I'm afraid of being a bit of a geek / nerd.

I still hate myself, I still think I fuck up a lot.

Most of all: my social life is in a rut. I've never built proper friendships due to a lot of factors (both my own fault and just sheer fate). I really want to date again, but (despite looking pretty sharp for being 25) I can't land a single date. A bit too introverted to just approach people or go out a lot without a circle of friends. Or I get slightly 'obsessive' because I have trouble getting someone off my mind when I'm interested.

I feel incredibly lonely and just rarely see a way out of this, no matter how actively I try to change my situation.

I'm not poor, I'm a bit privileged, I'm fit and get fitter every single day, I eat pretty clean and have all the resources for entertainment I could need. Yet I'm so lonely it's incredibly crippling. And it affects my job since I'm not confident enough for extraverted endeavors.

My loneliness and low self-worth alienates people whenever there's a chance at bonding.

Some days I feel like I'm a snowball rolling off a cliff. I am not gaining momentum in my life and sometimes think killing myself might just be the only way out of this.