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I'm young and inexperienced and emotionally immature and have no friends other than my boyfriend, which results in me more or less relying on him to make me happy. I consciously recognize that I do this (complaining to him about being sad and also being disappointed if he doesn't want to spend time with me), but I also recognize that this is unhealthy in a relationship and in one's own life. I want to change. I love him and want him to be happy, which I know I do other than during the occasional setbacks when he feels overwhelmed by the need to make /me/ happy, which I often am not.
Anyway, I need advice on how to do the emotionally independent thing. I am starting a new university and will be really busy with classes, but I have plans of expanding my horizon beyond just academics. I am auditioning for an orchestra (where I can make friends). I live by a game store where I can go to play Magic (and make new friends). When I went to a therapist at my old college, his Buddhist approach to mental health really helped me, so I want to join a Buddhist club of sorts, which would help me dedicate myself to meditating. I am not much of a comedian, but I want to befriend some people with whom to start a comedy podcast about our university life.
Despite all of my plans, I am worried that they will fall through. I always manage to feel good about myself for a while, but then, if I ever take a break from doing activities, things fall through and I feel sad again. I just want to be happy without my boyfriend's help, and not worry about the fate of our relationship which won't have to be affected by my depressive neediness. I want to be a whole person, but I do not feel whole, and trying to fill the void with another person only leads to bad things.
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>>18644038
Fuck off
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>>18644038
If you feel like taking a break causes you to fuck up then don't take one. But don't spread yourself too thin, looks like you got a lot of things planned.
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>emotionally immature
Why?
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>>18644038
Try these things, then see where you see yourself best. Pick two things and stick to them for a year, then see what you got out of it. That's the plan. Nothing you'll ever do will feel like a constant increase in happiness and quality of life, but still, stick to what you're doing. Getting better is like a sinus curve that's angled up, meaning sometimes you'll feel "this is great, I've achieved so much" and other times "I've achieved and learned nothing", even after a year or two.
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>>18644089
Well I'm 18, I assume it's because I haven't had any serious relationships before this one. Also I felt unappreciated by my parents or something, so I just want someone to accept me and make me feel good about myself.
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>>18644038
My wife was the same. She made some friends and started going out. Shes way happier. It even improved our relationship. If your boyfriend is supportive do that. If he isnt well fuck him then.
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>>18644123
Thanks, I think that means there is hope for me.
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>>18644139
Side note if i can confess.
The sudden change in her was scary, i wasnt supportive at first because i didnt know what she was up to. I got over it pretty quick especially because we talked about it.
Dont be surprised if your bf flips a bit, be patient and hopefully hes man enough to come around.
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>>18644038
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. - John Lennon
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Setbacks are inevitable and will always happen. But that's ok. You can be strong, anon.
I think you'll only become more emotionally independent if you keep overcoming these setbacks over time. It won't happen instantly. Just focus on the idea that you will 'keep going'.
And don't underestimate you're boyfriend. He's still with you, after all your setbacks in the past. A relationship is about sticking together through the tough times. Just keep communicating.
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>>18644211
Thanks. I'll do that. I try as much as possible to not overwhelm him, but when I'm in an emotional rut, it usually lasts a few weeks. He gets pretty frustrated/upset at times. I don't want him to give up on me. Low self-confidence makes me fear that he will, which typically makes me more sad. I will have faith in him though. Thanks for the support.
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