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My 4 month boyfriend is an alcoholic. He doesn't do anything bad when he drinks except act like a dick sometimes and maybe flirt with girls at the bars, (hasn't gone further than that). I have codependency issues and don't want to get attached to this guy if it turns out he can't quit drinking in spite of trying. This last "slip" I left his place and told him I wouldn't come back until he stopped for a whole month because this is dangerous for my mental health. I already feel myself getting anxiety being away a few days.
I also feel bad. I feel guilty that I'm putting him through this silly test instead of being supportive and he's miserable and having a really hard time not drinking and being alone.
Am I justified in this or am I being a dick to him? Is my reasoning not good enough? Is just taking a break when he's drinking a mature way to handle this and show him I'm serious? It's not like he hits me or anything but the flirting and lying are hurting my trust in him already.
What should I do?
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blackmailing him is pretty shitty
you can say you dont like drunkards and leave or hang around and argue that hes drinking again or something but withholding contact till hes clean (he wont get clean) is stupid
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>>18643043
Not witholding contact. Just saying I'm not going to get deeply involved in the relationship until I know he can stay clean. I still text him and tell him I love him and I'm waiting for him to prove he can quit.
What do you think is a better way of dealing with the situation then?
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Is he going to AA meetings?
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>>18643061
He was. He skipped the last few weeks when he went back to drinking. I imagine he'll start again now that he's back on track.
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>>18643073
He might not change unless he really wants to. I left an alcoholic boyfriend since he showed no sign of wanting to recover. The drinking went on for years, and I stupidly stayed around trying to help him out. He just got worse, I couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him.
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>>18643027
If he has a problem then your plan sounds logical. If he cant stop drinking to ne with you then Id think he is less likely to stop if you are by his side. Plus you are a natural enabler. How bad are the signs he's an alchoholic? I couldnt stop no matter what till I hit bottom hopefylly for the last time. Its been over a year. Does he even want to stop?
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He'll change when he wants to.
And like you said you're a codependent cunt.
Leave him you'll make his life easier by letting him deal with his demons without a nagging girlfriend.
As for you, handle yourself. Learn to be independent.
But you won't.
So at least find someone who doesn't have major life issues to leech off of.
Cunt
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Wait what am I saying.
You shouldn't be weighing anyone down with your codependent bullshit.
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