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What's the difference between an "I don't feel like it" feeling or genuine intuition that I should stop, regarding long term projects that I'm working on?
This has been a major issue in my life. I have a list of long term projects that I have boiled down and that I believe are important to me (At the very least they're the most important things to me even if I don't feel a great passion for them). The issue is I often suffer from depressions and other horrible feelings like never being able to enjoy things. It's a frequent lifelessness and existential crisis's like most people, wondering if what I'm doing ever matters and if I should just stop worrying, kick back, and do what I crave most (Numbing myself by binge watching youtube and video games) instead of aiming for the stars. I know being my best is what I truly deeply desire, but I feel like I have to go through a bunch of hurdles all the time just to convince myself that it's worth it. I feel like I'm being torn in half by an inner hedonist beast and some virtuous angel. Whenever I pick a side, the other tears at my inner self until I submit and return to their war. Whatever side I pick, it stings in a different way. When I try to walk to middle way, I am still hurting.
Basically, I'm unsure how to deal with "Inner signs" whether I should ignore them and keep working on projects, or listen to it if it's intuition. I can't tell them apart. I have a great fear of repressing myself emotionally/mentally and having a backlash since it has happened several times in the past. When I force myself to do stuff I don't want to do frequently (Even if it's only 3 hours max a day on the project), I get incredibly rebellious. It's like an inner beast just wakes up and does whatever it wants. It feels like pure rage.
I want to be a person that is successful at what they choose to do and lives their life to the fullest potential, but my lack of wisdom and awareness is killing my chances.
Pt. 1
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I have chosen to take the success route and not fall prey to the hedonist and just ignore the guilt. How would I go about sticking to projects and keeping the backlash of bad emotion down?
On top of the initial question, should I just accept that I have to pick the pain I feel?
Sorry for the long post, but it's difficult for me to explain.
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In my life, I've seen pain. But how it is dealt with is more important than the pain at hand. Regardless of what you feel (as I tell myself) what you do is what will be remembered. Let you eat at you if yu think you can do your job while it happens.
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>>18639793
So I should just ignore the sensation that are telling me to stop, and just keep going with the projects?
I fear becoming emotionally repressed and pretending to be someone I'm not.
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