This spring my mom passed away from pancreatic cancer, she was

I don't know. I'm 19 and I've always felt alone too. My parents are still alive but sometimes I just wish they weren't....
My mom has abused me and and just plain made fun of me since I was 10, calling me weird and having no personality because I was quiet, and my dad was just apathetic about everything, only really caring about money
My brother is a jerk that abuses drugs and alcohol, and also calls me a bitch for being the quiet type.
I break down crying sometimes about it too.

My dog died recently too but I don't really feel like he's gone. I've still got good memories of him, so I guess I think you should just hold on to your good memories of your parents. I don't think I have any good memories of my parents. I'm a loner too.

I'm sorry if I wasn't much help but I pretty much have the same problem of not really having a family.
I know it sucks but maybe try thinking about smaller things that make you a bit more happy

>>18639438
I would give anything to talk to my dad one more time and ask him things, but it's too late. I don't even know my grandparents' names. I never asked either of them. My family is gone forever, I'll never know them now. I want to hold my mom one more time. It was such a shock seeing her with cancer, she was so skinny, so light. She used to carry me around. The week before she died she asked if she could move closer to the window and I picked her up, she was as light as a feather, it scared me. When she died (she died at her house) she was alone and I came home and found her. I called 911 but they just sent a coroner's office person. I carried her out to the car and her body was so light. Wrapped in her floral sheets she had on her bed. It just felt like a husk of a person. I feel like I'm empty too.

You do things that will let you build connections with other people like hobbies, clubs, movements, anything you can think of. Don't be afraid to express yourself, you should have opened up to your boss about your situation IMO. Even if she didn't sympathise it would have at least let you get it off your chest and help her to understabd you a little better.

>>18639453
That's probably the grief that you are overwhelmed by. My parents are asses but I'll probably still be sad when they die too. It's alright to cry and it's alright to grief.

I really do hope you feel better. Life will get better. Or at least that's what I'm told. I know how it feels to be alone. I don't know the names of my grandparents on my dad's side either. I'm sure your mother and father loved you and I'm sure they still do.

I highly doubt my parents ever loved me, but I don't see why they wouldn't love you. You seem smart and you said they put up with you when you were moody

>>18639420
Life is a bitch and so is your sister. But you have every right to grieve for your mother in any way that is natural for you. (There is no such thing as a wrong way to grieve)

So don't be so hard on yourself. Sooner or later you'll be ready to move forward, and then it will be your responsibility to do so.

>>18639420
You may hate your sister but she is all you have. Go to her. You'll both cry and hold each other, it will be sad and change your relationship forever

>>18639420
Never too late to change things up. I've changed a great deal in my life, and I'm being forced to change again in light of recent events. If you want to talk to someone, just open up and talk to your boss about what happened. They'll understand.

You deserve to be loved as much as you love someone else. There's different kinds of love. You're missing your sense of paternal love, it seems. Paternal love changes as you grow, it was once a sense of protection, and now it feels like it's gone, right? It's not gone, it's changed. Cherish that love as a memory, as something to keep you going. Maybe try talking to your sister. You obviously know her more than any of us do, but maybe she's feeling the same way. I hope you find what you're looking for, OP.

>>18639420
Find something that gives your life new meaning.

A dog, gf or perhaps use your money to fund a dream or project you've wanted to do.

Many people are alone in this world. If you truley are alone you have to dedicate your life to being ok with it. Meditate, study philosphy and become a more elivated person than you are now.

You already have the pain and the pain is all that is required for someone to truly change.